Marigold Series
by Clio-and-Stokrot
Summary: Is destiny something foreordained, something one can never fight off? Or, perhaps, it is possible to control it with one's own hands and shape along with one's own wishes? A story of Kira Izuru, Ichimaru Gin and their relationship.
1. Smile

**~1~**  
**Smile**

**

* * *

**A child of an uncommon beauty was sitting on the top of the mossy rock. It sat there for the whole days, spending his time in solitude under the distant sun. He differed too much from the others so that they would want to deal with him. From under the silvery hair, the shining eyes were looking as if they could see more than others. The delicate features were marked with the suffering that no-one should experience in the world people called Paradise. Yamamoto-Genryūsai knew that Soul Society had stopped being Paradise long ago and its future was heading into quite opposite direction.

Yamamoto-Genryūsai had lived since very long. His powers had grown so much they allowed him to see the future. At first, from the vague visions, then from much more detailed prophecies and images, Yamamoto-Genryūsai had learned that doom was approaching. Soul Society was to get involved in the final battle - and completely nothing awaited after that. Yamamoto-Genryūsai knew well that nothing would last forever, but he had faith that the final end couldn't be brought by the treason of one of the world's pillars. He didn't accept this - so he decided to fight the future. He explained that, since he had been given to see the upcoming chaos, he had been given the power to stop it, too. The Power guided him here, to the Southern Rukongai, to the village - neither poor, nor rich - and to the child that was sitting on the top of the big rock and regarding the world with far too experienced eyes.

"What is your name, child?" asked Yamamoto-Genryūsai, his words echoing in the eternity.

The boy looked up at him with his shining eyes and answered, his voice ringing with sorrow.

"Ichimaru Gin."

Yamamoto-Genryūsai shuddered, feeling the fingers of the Power on his shoulder.

"Why do you pass your days here?" he went on, with the answer already in his mind before he could hear it spoken loud.

"For I am alone," and there was more behind these words: _I have no-one who wants me._

"If you spend your life here, you will continue to be alone," pointed out Yamamoto-Genryūsai, and he was right.

The boy looked at him attentively, but he didn't seem to be shaken by the old man's comment.

"Even if I leave from here, nothing will change," he said in a clear tone, but there was the first note of the uncertainty in his voice. He was a child, after all.

"You don't know the future," summed up Yamamoto-Genryūsai in a tone experienced by the millennia, past and future. "I do."

This interested the boy; his features livened up. A bit.

"You know my future?" he asked, and his voice rang silverly with a life, too.

Yamamoto-Genryūsai remained silent for a moment, waiting for the Power's suggestions.

"I know what it can be like."

The boy was waiting in silence.

"You may meet the people and you may rejoice. You may lose the people and you may suffer. You may command the people and you may serve them. You may believe in people and you may die for them."

The boy's eyes were wide open as he was absorbing every word.

"You only need to rise from this stone."

Gin shrank. He had built a shelter around this rock that only the grass snakes, the forest butterflies and the quick squirrels could breach. He already knew that everything else left only the emptiness tearing up his heart. Only... he was a lonely child that longed for other people's closeness.

"Yes, there are people in my visions, all around," said simply Yamamoto-Genryūsai. "You won't be alone, though you'll have to be alone. Is it enough?"

Gin was staring at him and considering these words; the sun was rolling over the skies.

"Tell me more, please," he said then.

And so Yamamoto-Genryūsai told him about the calamity that was to be brought down on Soul Society by one of its pillars whose name and face were still hidden in the mist. Yamamoto-Genryūsai rest assured, for he knew the Power would draw the foggy curtain in due course, revealing everything to them, and lead them straight to the goal. He told about his plan of creating the twin pillar out of Gin, a pillar that would prevent the world from collapsing. He told about the path filled with duties, suffering, contempt and betrayal. He told about the innocent life that Gin would take off for a world's sake.

Gin wept then, silently, the tears leaving on his pale face a mark, shining in the light of the rising moon.

"I'll grant you a power so they could be reborn in a better form," Yamamoto-Genryūsai comforted the boy, which, at least, stopped the tears from flowing, though it didn't ease the pain in his heart. Gin's soul was always to cry when his Shinsō would cut the thread of somebody's life.

"If you choose this path, you will meet people for whom you will become important," and it was the greatest truth of all that Yamamoto-Genryūsai told that day.

And then the dawn broke, and there was nothing left to say. Yamamoto-Genryūsai rose up from the grass on which the dew glittered in the light of the rising sun.

"If you decide to make this sacrifice for the world, come to Seireitei. Everything will wait for you there."

Gin nodded thoughtfully, still regarding the pale moon with his shining eyes.

Yamamoto-Genryūsai turned to leave and follow his own path, when the Power seized his robe for the last time, stopping him once more. He looked at the boy, filled with the light of sun and moon now, and spoke:

"Smile. Never stop smiling. Let the smile follow your each step, and let everyone see it. Smile. Let them see only your smile."

And he left.

He knew that the only one sincere smile of Gin Ichimaru would accompany him regardless the future.


	2. Fern Flower

**~2~**  
**Fern Flower**

* * *

**1. **

He stopped in the shadows, trying to sense anything. Listening out was useless — after all, he was dealing with the onmitsukidō corps, who moved as stealthily and quietly as cats. Nevertheless, if they were trying to hide their presence completely, they couldn't deceive Ichimaru Gin. The slightest trace of their reiatsu was enough for him to detect the opponent and eliminate the danger.

Gin concentrated. From what he could tell, there was nobody around. Good… It seemed he had managed to effectively… dispose of pursuit.

He let out a sigh of relief. It would be highly undesirable if the break-in into Seireitei's secret archives transpired too soon. He also couldn't risk being recognized…

He unwrapped the fabric covering his face and hair. The silk was damp with sweat. Gin winced slightly: he had expected this venture would be quite nerve-racking, but what he had gotten to know was too much even for him.

Ichimaru Gin closed his eyes, resting his head against the tree trunk.

Everything had almost gone as planned. Having evaded the guards and protective spells, he had managed to get unnoticed into the Central 46 restricted residential area — and then he had gone underground, to a place he shouldn't have even heard about. In fact, only a few people in Seireitei had officially known about its existence — Gin not being among them — but firstly, his hearing was very excellent, and secondly, he could draw the right conclusion even from the faintest premises.

Seireitei had its secrets and was guarding them with all its might. Yet, since there were secrets, there must have been a place to hide them. And what could possibly be a better location for the secret archives than a place no-one from the outside could reach? That was what Gin had assumed, and a hidden investigation had proved him to be right.

He had tried, then — and he hadn't been disappointed. Of course, there had been a high-level kidō spell protecting the entrance, yet, with some effort, he had managed to break it — and nothing had stood anymore between him and the information he had been seeking for.

He had wanted to know — at least, he had believed so back then — what had both Aizen and Yamamoto-Genryūsai wished to acquire. And who the hell Urahara Kisuke, the former captain of the Twelfth Division, whose name he had seen many times in Aizen Sōsuke's notes, really was.

Gin swallowed. He'd had no time to read through all the documentation, but he had regretted it less and less with every passing minute. To be honest, he was gradually reaching the conclusion it would have been best not to look into Urahara's notes. He would gladly remain ignorant of some matters…

One thing he was sure of: if he had been aware before all those years what mess he had been going to get himself into, he would have never agreed. Especially considering the fact that little had changed in his predicament…

He sighed, involuntarily clenching his fists. The pain in his right arm brought him back to reality. Gin cursed under his breath. No matter how much he had tried, he hadn't been able to avoid fighting the ninja — and his shikai was too distinctive to be used. Taking into consideration that the onmitsukidō corps had consisted of about thirty people, there wasn't anything strange in the fact that he had been a bit scraped and bruised after the battle. His most serious injury was a cut on his forearm — a keepsake from one of the ninja's tanto. Though the attacker had paid rather high price for that, right now it was little consolation to Gin — it seemed as he was going to have some problems with wielding his sword in the nearest future. The wound wasn't deep, but it was painful and bled quite a lot. That could pose a problem: the blood-loss itself to a lesser degree than the risk of leaving a trail. That would be really inconvenient… While it was true that he had been using shunpo during his escape, then still…

Once again he let out a sigh and then, helping himself with his teeth, he tore a strip of fabric off his sleeve and clumsily bandaged his wounded arm. That would have to do for now — it would be great to have the injury miraculously healed, all the more since it would save him looking for a convincing excuse. However, Gin knew that he couldn't count on such miracle; he should rather think about what to do in his current position…

He knitted his eyebrows. According to his original plan, he was supposed to hide in some rarely frequented place — and then to come back, as if nothing had happened, in the morning. Fortunately, his night-time strolls were common knowledge in the Fifth Division, and Gin didn't have to sneak out in secret. All he'd had to do not to raise any suspicions had been to return at the right moment — namely before noon on the next day. He wasn't a fool — he had been carefully masking his reiatsu for the whole evening. What he hadn't predicted, though, was this wound. A cut, on top of that. He would be able to rationally explain any other injury: the kidō burns, bruises and such. But not a cut.

He shook his head, wincing slightly. Although it was hard to admit, he had overestimated himself this time — however, realizing that didn't help him at all. And it definitely wasn't going to help him find a solution to this plight.

The problem was Gin didn't feel like deliberating on it now, however risky it could be. For the time being, he felt only an overpowering need to rest and finally be at ease, specially as the tension left him, giving place to weariness.

He took a look around. He was aware that after, all his flight, he wasn't anywhere near Central 46 anymore; at the moment he was hiding in one of Seireitei's many groves. Yet, only now he noticed the lights flickering in distant windows of some large building and he realized where he had found himself.

Behind the trees he could see the dorms of the Shinigami Academy. Considering the many lights, there was going to be some kind of massive test on the next day. Or there was a drinking bout on a large scale going on. From his own student's life Gin knew that both these options were equally possible.

He smiled to himself — but his smile soon turned into a wince, when Gin realized that being in vicinity of the Academy wasn't to his advantage. On the other hand, it might be better to hide in the wood surrounding it — it was not likely he would meet anyone here, at this time of night — than to meet one of the omnipresent patrols while trying to get into a more secluded place, and to expose himself to unwelcome questions. If he even were to meet one of the Academy students, it would be easy to put him off with some lame excuse — he hoped so, at least. What was more, the students in general weren't known for getting up at first light — and Gin only needed shelter until morning. Before the first classes he would already be safe and sound in the Fifth Division barracks…

Unless he was going to meet someone overzealous… If that was going to be the case, then he could only hope to somehow lie his way out of trouble the injury on his arm could cause.

He pursed his lips. Too many "ifs". Too much depended on luck alone — and Gin knew all too well he could run of luck any moment. He reprimanded himself: he had been too careless, he should have better predicted all the possibilities, he should have…

Enough. Blaming himself now, after everything was over, wouldn't change a thing. He drew a deep breath, making an attempt to think rationally. He had broken-in into the most secret place in Seireitei — and during his escape he had also disposed of a whole, probably secret as well, onmitsukidō corps. Until someone found out about their disappearance the break-in itself would also remain unnoticed — and, once it would be discovered, the Central 46 would undoubtedly try to investigate the case themselves, wanting to avoid a stir about that. Only then they would ask the Gotei 13 for help — so for now Gin had nothing to worry about, unless he would raise unnecessary suspicions. It left him with nothing else than discreetly get out of the forest and take care of his wound — and that shouldn't pose any problem to him. After all, ever since he had arrived in Seireitei, he had been continuously woven his way through lies and deception — there was no way he couldn't find an excuse in such a trivial matter.

Right now he should concentrate on the most important thing: getting some rest. He shouldn't unnecessarily strain himself if he wanted to leave that place safely — especially knowing he had already been weakened because of the blood-loss.

He looked into the sky. The moon in its first quarter was shining through the tree branches, not giving much light — and so favoring the ones who wanted to stay hidden that night.

Gin smiled wryly and headed deeper into the forest.

Till morning, then.

* * *

**2.**

The morning was bathed in gold and amber. Soft, warm light, filtered through the treetops, painted the autumn leaves with its color, shimmered in the dew drops and turned the cobwebs into strings of precious jewels. Kira Izuru breathed the brisk morning air, feeling content. It was early — Abarai-kun would probably say it was still night — and a little cold, yet Kira didn't mind. At dawn the grove looked most beautiful, especially now, at the beginning of fall, when it showed its rich palette of yellows, reds and browns. Kira smiled dreamily. Sometimes he felt that he might be able to enclose some of this beauty in one of his shy attempts of writing poetry; however, as a rule, he quickly shoved that thought away, considering it much too bold. Besides, even if he tried to do so, then, most probably, he wouldn't find enough courage to show the poem to anyone.

He didn't even notice when he reached the bank of a forest stream. The sun was still too low to light the sparkles on the water surface, and the brook babbled softly under the green shade of trees. Light morning mist rose over the stream — and Kira once again felt this blissful, undefined calm, incomparable to anything else.

He sat cautiously on a fallen tree trunk; the grass was still moist with dew. He liked to come here — somehow, this place made him forget about his everyday's dilemmas, and his troubles seemed far away. Here, in the soft light of golden mornings, listening to the sounds of the stream, Kira Izuru felt that he had his place in the world, even if he still hadn't found his goal.

He looked above thoughtfully, at the colorful treetops. Of course, he still wanted to become a Shinigami and he dreamt that one day he'd equal the elites of Gotei13. At first, he had even admitted it openly, yet in time, when the reality slowly, but mercilessly, verified his skills, he had hidden that dream deep in his heart. It didn't mean that he gave up, though; quite the contrary, he was trying harder every day. Last evening, for example, they'd spent long hours studying high-rank spells' incantations together with Abarai-kun as they were to have a kidō test at the end of the week. Truth to tell, Abarai-kun had looked quite stressed up because of that, and the fact there had been a party going on the upper floors of the dorms — the elder years had been celebrating their successfully passed repeat exams — definitely hadn't been helping at all. To Kira such behavior appeared pretty strange — what fun could there be in drinking the whole night?

Actually, it seemed he wasn't the only one to think that way. Kira remembered his bewilderment at seeing Hisagi-senpai at their doorstep in the middle of the night, begging to be allowed to stay and learn with them in relative peace. Of course, it hadn't even occurred to them to refuse, especially that Hisagi Shūhei found himself in rather delicate situation right now. He had spent the most of summer exams in the Fourth Division's hospital, receiving treatment for his injuries, sustained during the unexpected Hollow attack during the practice in the living world — the very same one that Kira and his friends also remembered all too well. Because of that, he had to take his final exams in autumn, together with those who hadn't passed theirs the first time. Probably that was why Hisagi-senpai seemed so nervous — even more than Abarai-kun before their kidō test.

Kira discreetly yawned. As a matter of fact, he was a bit sleepy this morning — but one couldn't let the admired Hisagi Shūhei sleep on the floor. Therefore, Izuru had offered him his own bed, choosing to sleep on the blanket by the window. He'd also gone to sleep much later than others; after revising the incantations once again, he had, almost instinctively, looked through the last lecture notes. At times, Abarai-kun laughed up at his scrupulousness, jokingly calling him a nerd and a bookworm, and deep in his heart Kira agreed with him. Yet, he wanted to be entirely sure that he was going all out, even if from time to time he still had a feeling that he was trying to bite off more than he could chew.

He sighed quietly. Abarai-kun still exceeded him when it came to fighting; Kira, however, had made his own progress, especially in terms of speed. And he still excelled in kidō, though Hinamori-san was gradually gaining on him, slowly closing the gap between them. And yet, even though they were rivals in so many areas, there were no ill feelings between them. They supported each other for better and for worse and they could count on one another, no matter the situation. For Kira, who had never considered himself neither too confident, nor good at showing his feelings — something he envied others, in fact — this feeling of having someone close to him was truly important.

And still… he couldn't fully open his heart to anyone, even to his best friends. There were times when he was haunted by an incomprehensible longing… A longing for a special, hard to define, bond, one that would give meaning to his life and make it complete. In times like this morning he felt, more than ever before, that one day he would get what he was yearning for.

He closed his eyes, listening to the gurgle of water and the gentle rustle of leaves moving in the wind. Kira heard birds' song coming from afar and he smiled. So beautiful… So peaceful… If only it could always be like that…

He was sitting like that for some time, listening to the voices of nature and his own soul, when a sudden noise behind him broke him out of his reverie. Izuru looked back, squinting. The noise wasn't too loud or too alarming, but some stubborn voice in the back of Kira's mind told him to rise and check it out. _It's probably just an animal_, he thought, approaching rather impressive clump of ferns. _A fox or something… _

He carefully parted the feathery leaves and froze because what he saw was beyond his expectations.

Among the ferns, soundly asleep, there lay the Fifth Division's Lieutenant, Ichimaru Gin.

Kira blinked, stunned, but the sleeping form clearly didn't intend to disappear. He gulped nervously. What should he do? And… how had the officer gotten here? Unfortunately, he didn't know the answer to any of these questions, and wondering about that wasn't going to change a thing, including the fact that he didn't know what he should do at all. He would never dare to wake the officer up, but, on the other hand, he felt strangely reluctant to leave this place, even if to let Lieutenant Ichimaru rest peacefully. Besides, the officer might need help and Kira would never forgive himself if he just left someone in need to his fate. What options he had left?

For a moment, he just stood there, unmoving, and trying to find a solution to this awkward situation, yet soon his first surprise wore off, all the doubts considering the reasons behind a Gotei high-rank officer's presence on the Academy grounds were blown away, and Kira Izuru found himself wondering about completely different matters. He realized that he was watching Ichimaru Gin, and suddenly it seemed to him like the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was the dreamlike atmosphere of this morning, but to Kira Lieutenant Ichimaru looked as if he was woven out of moonlight… as if he was a being from another world. It seemed light was seeping from his sleeping form, surrounding him in an eerie glow, and the officer's hair, spilled in disarray and contrasting vividly with dark green of moss, gleamed with purest silver. Kira knelt on the still damp grass. He felt like touching these silvery strands and checking for himself if they were as soft as he thought them to be, yet, in the very last second, he stopped his extended hand, not wanting to destroy the ethereal beauty of this moment. Lieutenant Ichimaru looked so peaceful and so helpless… so innocent at the same time. Warmth, resulting from tenderness, filled up Izuru's heart.

'Who are you? An angel?' he whispered involuntarily, once again reaching with his hand, and at the same moment he realized he had said these words aloud.

The realization made him come back to his senses, and Kira blushed fiercely. He had to be going crazy: he was sitting in the forest and staring at a man! _But not just any man_, the voice in his mind squealed. _He's Ichimaru Gin, the lieutenant of the Fifth Division! So much the worse for you_, his common sense interrupted. _You haven't even felt his reiatsu! And you are to become a Shinigami?_

Kira bit his lip. A Shinigami's life was far from the poetic ideas of peace. It was an unceasing battle and it required vigilance, resolve and keeping all wits about one, no matter the plight. He lacked all of it, and reality kept reminding him about that again and again, uncovering his other flaws and weaknesses as well. He hadn't detected Lieutenant's Ichimaru reiatsu even standing but a few steps from him! Was that something he could be proud of…?

_Mind you, he hasn't felt you either_, the voice pointed out as a consolation, but the common sense only snorted. _So what? He would defeat you before you could do as much as blink…_

Kira dropped his gaze. Right. Before him, in the ferns, there slept one of the best Gotei13 officers, Ichimaru Gin of the Fifth Division. Whoever he could seem to Kira in his stupid, poetic musings, first of all he was a recognized Shinigami, considered by many to be a genius. Izuru was of the same opinion. He remembered that terrifying night of Hollow attack all too well, but his most vivid memories referred to Lieutenant Ichimaru, who, with just one strike of his Shinsō, gleaming in the silver moonlight, had defeated several Hollows. The very same Hollows the four of them hadn't been able slay, even with Hisagi Shūhei with them.

Though, truth to tell, Kira wasn't really sure if he had the right to take the credit for this fight. He had done little to nothing before he had been paralyzed with fear that had turned the Shinigami-to-be into a useless cry-baby, shaking like a jelly.

Izuru's hands clenched his hakama's blue fabric. Shinigami. A Death God. A name so fitting for Ichimaru Gin seemed but a pathetic joke when applied to Kira.

_All I can do is to tremble in fear_, he thought bitterly. _I am hopeless… just hopeless… _

He sighed painfully and almost choked on his breath, suddenly feeling cold steel at his throat. He froze, not daring to move a muscle, and at the same time another part of his mind realized that the ferns hadn't even rustled. _I'd have no chance_, he thought. _He could have killed me if he'd only wished to… and I wouldn't been able to do a thing… _

The blade was withdrawn, and just now Izuru became aware of the fact that he was facing Ichimaru Gin for some time already. Instinctively, Kira brought his hands to his throat, gasping for breath. His heart was racing. Was it even possible to him to react that quickly? Ever? Ridiculous! He was never going to be Lieutenant Ichimaru's equal, even if he was to learn for ages. And he dared to dream about becoming an officer? What did he think? He was barely fitted to be a Shinigami at all… and only if the Fourth Division agreed to employ him out of pity as the sewers' cleaner. How could he ever count on anything more?

_You're shaking once again_, his common sense cut in with caustic satisfaction. _And what's the use of that?_

_Right_, stated Kira, trying to regain his composure. During his first meeting with Lieutenant Ichimaru he had been a trembling bundle of fear, and if he wanted to be treated seriously now, he should at least try to make a better impression. On the other hand, how was he supposed to calm down quickly if he'd had a razor-sharp sword at his throat mere moments before?

'Oh, it's ya, Izuru-kun,' he heard at the same moment. Ichimaru Gin's voice sounded as if he'd just played a magnificent joke. 'Ya gotta forgive me, I tend to react a bit nervously when I get up on the wrong side of the bed… Seems I've scared ya a bit, umm?'

Kira knew he should answer, yet he couldn't even find the courage to look up. What was more, the officer's words sounded disconcertingly like "it's only you." Just the little, harmless, worthless Izuru, not even worth bothering about. _Well, he still recognized you_, the voice in his mind noted consciously, but it didn't really raise Kira's spirits. Actually, how could he expect anything else? He was just nobody… Why should a Gotei 13 Lieutenant care about him at all?

'Ya need to stop shakin', Izuru-kun,' the officer's breath tickled Kira's ear all of a sudden. Izuru drew a sharp breath. 'If ya stay so, ya won't be reliable, ya know. Though…' added Ichimaru Gin in both dreamy and amused tone, 'I actually like jellies a lot. But not as much as persimmons, ya know.'

Kira blinked, somewhat dazed. The very prospect of conversation with the Fifth Division's lieutenant was something beyond his imaginations, and he would never expect to hear such words from him. He looked up shyly.

'L-… Lieutenant Ichimaru…'

Ichimaru Gin gave him a wide smile and raised his hands in an apologetic gesture.

'Just joking,' he admitted, rising to his feet. 'I mean, the part about persimmons was no joke. And the one about jellies either…' he added after a moment's thought. For a while, he was watching the treetops, then he shifted his intent gaze to Kira. 'Everythin' alright, Izuru-kun?' he asked. 'Ya look a bit pale… I bet ya've been sittin' here without breakfast or anythin', haven't ya?'

Kira hesitated, still too embarrassed to utter a single word._ Go on_, the voice in the back of his mind urged him. _Say something before he thinks that you're a half-wit…_

He took a deep breath.

'Yes…' he stuttered. 'I mean, no… I mean, I'm alright, Lieutenant, sir.'

Ichimaru Gin kept looking at him for a moment, his gaze impenetrable, just to turn around seconds later and start examining their surroundings. Kira realized he was staring and quickly looked away. He was the Academy's student, not some Rukongai kid. He shouldn't behave as if he met a Gotei 13 officer for the first time in his life!

''Tis pretty nice in here,' stated Lieutenant Ichimaru, breaking off from his contemplation, 'but it's time for me to go, Izuru-kun.' He stretched himself, smoothing his clothes. Kira furrowed his brows upon seeing that the officer was clearly sparing his right arm. What could be the reason for that? Was he wounded?

_Besides, what's he doing here?_, his common sense suddenly became interested. _A Gotei13 lieutenant is found sleeping in the Academy grove, and he looks injured on top of that. Isn't that a bit… surprising? _

Kira Izuru raised an eyebrow. Indeed, there was some deal of truth in that; still, on the other hand…

'Of course, 'I'd be grateful if this meeting stayed our little secret, Izuru-kun…' Ichimaru Gin, still standing with his back to Kira, cast him a mischievous glance over his shoulder. 'Hope we understand each other well?'

Izuru gulped. He felt trapped. In fact, there could be but one answer to that question, and yet…

_He's hiding!_, Kira's common sense yelled triumphantly. _Aren't you curious what is he up to? How can you know that he means well? _

_Nonsense!_, the rebellious voice protested violently. _If his intentions were ill, he would have killed you at the very beginning. Without leaving a single trace… _

_Why don't you ask him why he's here, then?_

_And would he tell me the truth even if I asked him?_ Kira finally managed to gain control over his thoughts. _Besides… I have no right to meddle in Gotei13's affairs…_

_So you're going to trust him just because he's a Gotei13 officer?_, his common sense asked mockingly, Izuru, however, denied it right away.

_No… I'm going to trust him because I feel I should… _

His common sense snorted in disdain, yet Kira ignored it.

'Of course, Lieutenant, sir,' he replied, straightening up.

Ichimaru Gin's smile became even wider.

'Bye-bye then, Izu-…'

'Please wait, Lieutenant, sir,' escaped Izuru's lips before he could stop himself. He was aware his current actions were quite bold, and the thought of it made him blush, yet something deep inside him objected to Lieutenant Ichimaru's leaving like that. _That's it_, the voice in his mind cried happily. _Show him what you've got! Go on!_

'M-maybe I could be of some help,' he muttered hesitantly. He still couldn't believe that he actually dared to seize the initiative. Ichimaru Gin gave him a look of mixed interest and amusement.

'Umm?'

_Think_, Izuru ordered himself frantically. _Don't make him wait too long. His arm… Concentrate._

He squinted his eyes, analyzing all the symptoms he noticed. The way Lieutenant Ichimaru moved his arm — or rather didn't, definitely trying to take it easy while gesturing… The fact that after his awakening he'd held the sword in his left hand…

Putting all these together, it suggested…

'Your forearm muscles seem to be damaged, Lieutenant, sir,' he stated, much to his own surprise. He was pretty glad he had been paying attention to Lieutenant Kotetsu's lectures last year. 'Your flexors, most probably.'

Lieutenant Ichimaru turned around to face him, a mysterious smile playing upon his lips.

'Yer… familiar with healing stuff, Izuru-kun?'

Kira felt his blush deepen and reprimanded himself for that. After all, he promised himself to keep his actions up to the mark.

'Just the basics, naturally, but…'

'Alright,' Ichimaru Gin interjected, surprising Kira once again. Izuru didn't expect that the officer would agree so easily. 'What shall I do, Izuru-kun?'

Kira quickly thought it over.

"If I may, Lieutenant, sir,' he began a bit shyly. 'If you could…'

He broke off, seeing that Lieutenant Ichimaru brought a hand to his ear as if he didn't hear him. Izuru bit his lip.

'What is it, Izuru-kun?' asked the Fifth Division's lieutenant meanwhile. 'A doctor should have authority,' he paused for a moment as if giving Kira the time to think. 'What shall I do, then?'

Kira took a deep breath._ Authority_, he thought. _Alright…_

'Please sit down, lieutenant,' he instructed, hoping that his voice sounded firm. 'And roll up your sleeve.'

Ichimaru Gin gave him another of his wide smiles.

'Always obey the doctor…'

* * *

**3.**

Ichimaru Gin was impressed, he had to admit that. Who would have expected that a second-year student of the Academy would be so skilled at using medical kidō? The boy had cleaned the wound in no time, then he had stopped the bleeding and right now he was busy with connecting the injured muscles. Those fle-something. Up to this morning Gin hadn't even been aware of their existence.

He looked closely at Kira Izuru, bending over his arm. He had no idea how the boy managed with curing other ailments, but, from what Gin could tell, at least in healing the wounds Kira had already been equal to the lower ranked officers under Captain Unohana's command.

To be honest, though, after taking a better look at Kira Izuru's skill, Gin wished him more than just a place in the Fourth Division. In fact, he found that quite interesting: he had remembered the boy as one of Aizen's "chosen-ones" and back then he couldn't have understood that choice. The first meeting with Kira, at the night of Hollows' attack, hadn't left a deep impression on him. In his memory, there had remained an image of a pale, frightened kid, unable to move a finger in the face of danger. Of course, he had kept in mind that Aizen had been looking for subordinates who would be easy to manipulate, something that Kira Izuru seemed to be made for. Still, Gin had assumed the chosen ones had to have some potential — and Kira had seemed to have none. To Gin, he had been merely a sluggish, wishy-washy scaredy cat — even Hinamori Momo had looked more self-confident.

Here and now, yet, it seemed he met quite different Kira Izuru; the longer Gin watched him, the more he became aware how unfair he had been in his opinion. Kira looked ambitious and hard-working, though a little unstable emotionally. Gin could feel this uncertainty in the boy's reiatsu — so erratic at first that it had given the Fifth Division's Vice-Captain a headache. It had calmed down, however, once Kira had started the treatment. Now it was steady, kind and undeniably strong — something Gin hadn't noticed before. He looked at Kira intently, his eyes nothing more than narrow slits. The future Shinigami was still concentrated on healing, the greenish glow of medical kidō surrounding Gin's wounded forearm. The officer suddenly realized that the pain he'd been feeling up to this moment was gone and once again he reflected on the advantages of knowing at least the basics of anatomy, though it might seem useless to an average Shinigami. It wasn't even about using this knowledge in treatment — the healers definitely weren't the most respected ones in Soul Society. Yet, how much more effective in battle would be a Shinigami who knew precisely where to find his opponent's weakest spots…

_Assuming that the opponent would be a Shinigami as well_, Gin cut himself short. Moreover, Kira Izuru didn't look like someone who could become a cold blooded assassin. However, he could have other talents. Putting medical knowledge into practice required a sharp eye, an instant understanding of the situation and a steady hand even under the most stressful circumstances. These were valuable features, desirable for every Gotei13 officer, not only for the ones of the Fourth Division. The only thing Kira seemed to lack was the ability to quickly make decisions — still, it wasn't something he couldn't learn, especially considering his young age.

Gin sighed inwardly. To think he could have killed Kira just after waking up — that was what instinct had suggested him. Nevertheless, he was happy he hadn't done it, although he couldn't tell why. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kira Izuru was Aizen's chosen ones — even though the boy's death might somehow displease that scum. It was not because Gin would actually feel bad about taking the life of the Academy's student, either — even though he had killed a whole ninja corpse a few hours before. The boy had a future as a Shinigami, and that could be one of the reasons behind Gin's actions, though not the only one. Gin had a vague feeling there was something more, yet what it could be he didn't know. Still, there were no reasons for Kira to face consequences of Ichimaru Gin's stupid mistakes…

He clenched his teeth. He was still angry at himself. How could be so reckless? He could have met his doom that night and his mission would have ended in disaster. He shouldn't have let it happen and yet, though he'd known the weight of responsibility placed on him, he had behaved like… Well, like a kid. Gin couldn't believe that he had made such foolish mistakes after he'd gotten through the more difficult and more dangerous part of his task. Still, first he had let them wound him and then — which had put him in an ever greater danger — he had fallen asleep while hiding, only to be discovered in the end by a mere Academy student. _Alright, maybe not your everyday one_, he corrected himself, though it still wasn't something to be proud about. And what if he had met someone else than Kira?

He thought over that for a moment. With any other student he would have kept his ground without any problems; however, he would most probably have to use a little… different means. But, if he had encountered any of the teachers, the matters might have gotten much more complicated. First of all, they were in most cases outstanding Shinigami with skills on much higher level than their students. Secondly, many of them knew Ichimaru Gin, and his presence in such an unlikely place might have filled them with consternation. The questions would have arisen — ones Gin couldn't answer without taking even greater risk. Now, in the bright daylight all the deficiencies of his plans seemed much graver than last night.

His gaze was once again drawn to the healing kidō, seeping from Kira Izuru's hands. _Precision_, he thought. That boy knew its significance well. Shinigami couldn't afford themselves to make mistakes during missions, and someone like Ichimaru Gin, who kept his actions in secret, should be even more careful. Did he, a Gotei 13 lieutenant and Yamamoto-Genryūsai's spy, really need an encounter with a student to remember that?

Still, he had to admit that Kira's behavior was also somewhat strange. The boy had discovered Gin's presence while he had been sleeping, thus being completely defenseless. Gin had been sensible enough to mask his reiatsu, but they had met by pure chance. Kira, however, hadn't even tried to, for example, inform one of his superiors about the intruder. Instead, he had been simply… sitting beside him, which suddenly seemed quite illogical to Gin. After all, how could the boy know that Gin wasn't going to hurt him once he woke up?

What was even more interesting: even though Kira's actions seemingly lacked logic, Gin couldn't call him mindless. It looked as if he judged the matters on some completely different level, incomprehensible for Ichimaru Gin — like in the moment when he had promised to keep silent about their meeting. Gin had noticed his hesitation back then and he knew that he hadn't gained Kira's trust just because he was a Gotei13 officer. The boy'd had his doubts and yet he'd decided to give Gin a chance. The officer could only wonder what drove him…

He shifted his gaze to Kira Izuru and furrowed his brows slightly. The boy looked paler than before; there were beads of sweat on his forehead, and his breath was coming in gasps. Suddenly Gin realized that Kira could drop from exhaustion any moment. _Right_, he thought. Skillful healer though he was, the boy had been sitting here since dawn, possibly with no breakfast, using up his strength to help him. Gin felt a pang of guilt. He shouldn't exploit Kira any longer.

'That'd be enough, Izuru-kun,' he said in his usual, carefree tone. The boy raised his head abruptly, looking at him with surprised, dark blue eyes. Gin smiled.

'I'm as good as new,' he explained, nodding towards his almost fully healed arm. 'The rest will heal on its own. By the way…' he added, looking at Kira mischievously, 'shouldn't you be going to your classes yet?'

Kira Izuru paled even more as he looked up, clearly frightened, only to discover that the sun was been much higher than before. He jumped to his feet.

_He would be late… Maybe he's already been late_, Gin realized, feeling somewhat guilty. Still, as far as he knew, the boy wasn't going to face any serious consequences…

He smiled, more or less apologetically.

'My bad, Izuru-kun… Seems I've taken too much of yer time…'

'It's nothing, Lieutenant, sir,' replied Kira quickly, bowing his head. 'If… If I had only been more skilled…'

'My thanks, Izuru-kun,' Gin interjected before the boy had the chance to finish. Seemingly, apart from all his qualities, Kira also had the tendency to take the blame on himself — even if he wasn't the one to blame. 'Thanks a lot.'

For a moment Kira just gazed at him, his eyes wide open, but then he dared to smile back at Gin. However, he soon became serious once again.

'If I may, Lieutenant, sir' he began softly. 'Please rest some more… You are still very tired, so… please stay here for a while. I… I'll try to come back between my classes and check on you…'

The boy's voice faltered at the last words, as if he suddenly felt ashamed of his boldness. Gin raised his eyebrows.

'Ya sound like true a professional, Izuru,' he replied, half-jokingly, half with appreciation, which resulted in Kira blushing fiercely. Gin almost chuckled at the thought that it actually gave him more color, but then he realized that the boy still awaited his answer.

'Oh, but of course, Izuru-kun,' he replied. 'After all, I promised to obey the doctor…'

Kira Izuru gave him another shy smile, yet he hesitated once again.

'In that case…'

'Ya better hurry, Izuru-kun. Unless ya want to be even more late.' Gin smiled wider at him. 'No need to care about me… I'll manage somehow before ya return…'

Kira blushed yet again, looking charming indeed, but this time he managed to regain his composure surprisingly quickly.

'Yes, Lieutenant, sir… Please wait for me here,' he added before he broke into a run.

_Have a nice day, Izuru_, thought Gin as he watched him go, and then he shook his head with a sigh. He had deliberately lied to the boy; he couldn't stay here any longer, the risk would be too great, and he'd pushed his luck enough. He could only hope that Kira wouldn't think bad of him because of that — Gin had lied to him, true, but it didn't change the fact that he still was more than grateful to Kira Izuru.

He stood up, looking at his arm, crossed only with a thin red scratch. How many problems would he avoid thanks to that? He wasn't sure himself, but he had a feeling that Kira had helped him more than he could realize.

_Well, there'll surely be a chance to somehow repay him_, Gin thought, at the same time focusing on his surroundings. He didn't see anything that could raise suspicions, yet this time he wanted to be utterly sure that nobody was around and that he, Ichimaru Gin, didn't left any obvious signs of his presence.

The ferns were a little crushed after he had taken a nap in their midst; still, they looked as if trampled by some animal. The grass under the tree — well, there were the signs of someone sitting there, but that could have been one of the students, couldn't it? And, surprisingly enough, not even a spot of blood anywhere… Gin let out a relieved sigh. He was indeed lucky…

He looked around once more. This place seemed really nice — maybe, if he visited it soon, he would again meet Kira sitting by the stream?

_Just wait a minute… Where has that thought come from?_

Gin shook his head. No time for such musings now. He should head back before someone in the Fifth Division would get interested in his continuing absence.

He cast one last glance at the Academy before turning around and disappearing between the trees.

* * *

**4. **

Kira was running through the grove, wishing that the shunpo classes had already started this semester. Unfortunately, he wasn't among those happy few who had known the basics before entering the Academy, though they weren't allowed to use it on their own, without knowing the safety measures at least. It wasn't much of a consolation, though. Considering the situation, he would most probably arrive in the middle of the classes, and it didn't make him feel better at all. Especially that these were the Reiatsu Control classes, and he couldn't allow himself to miss them — not after this morning events had proven his definite lack of skill in that field.

He would sigh if he weren't so busy catching his breath while he ran (_Fitness_, he thought, _I should work on that as well_), but soon his features brightened up a bit. Well, he knew he should practice reiatsu detecting skills; still, it didn't seem as important as what had happened by the stream.

Again he blushed. Lieutenant Ichimaru… Lieutenant Ichimaru was exactly the kind of person Kira had always imagined him to be: resolute, unfathomable and deadly efficient (Izuru shivered at the very memory of Shinsō's blade at his throat), but not all so distant as it could seem.

Kira smiled dreamily. He could barely believe that, but the Lieutenant of the Fifth Division hadn't criticized him even once, even though he definitely could. Well, he had allowed himself some jokes, like the one about persimmons and jellies (Kira blushed even more at the thought), yet there had been no malice in them. Quite the contrary, it seemed as if Lieutenant Ichimaru had tried to raise his spirits. Kira would never expect that a high-ranked Gotei 13 officer could behave that way. To him, the Shinigami elites were proud, serious and dignified beings, maybe even a little haughty; and the Gotei 13 high command seemed like statues — great, distant and adamant. Kira had assumed he should feel small, insignificant and pretty unworthy in their presence, and yet he hadn't felt like that in the least in Lieutenant's Ichimaru company. Actually, the officer contradicted the image Izuru had come up with: he was so approachable, natural… and he treated Kira as an equal, as if they weren't separated by the difference in age, skill, experience and position.

What was more, he had let Kira help him, though, in Izuru's opinion, he should have rather scolded him for his boldness. Kira felt warmth filling up his heart. Up to now he hadn't as much as dreamt about even meeting Lieutenant Ichimaru face-to-face, let alone about helping him. Still, he had been treated like a professional, though he was only a student, and, even if the officer had laughed at him inwardly, he hadn't shown it in any way. Izuru wasn't so bold to believe that Lieutenant Ichimaru had been as grateful to him as it had seemed; it didn't prevent him, however, from enjoying the words of appreciation. He felt happy that a Gotei 13 lieutenant had decided to put his trust in him, even though the thought that a high-ranked officer had to hide in the woods aroused Kira's anxiety. Nevertheless, Lieutenant Ichimaru had asked him to keep the promise, and Izuru wasn't going to break his word. Especially if a voice deep inside his heart kept telling him this was the right decision…

He tripped over a root and decided to pay a bit more attention to his surroundings. The trees grew here more sparsely, a sign he was approaching the edge of the wood. Kira Izuru quickened up his pace and soon he ran out of the grove. Now he just had to sprint past the dorms to the practice grounds. The classes took place outdoors because of strictly practical respects; it was said that in years before the students who couldn't control their reiatsu well had wreaked havoc in the classrooms. According to a school legend, one of these "unruly" students was the current captain of the Eight Division, Kyōraku Shunsui, who had supposedly managed to blow up a whole floor once. Kira found it really hard to imagine; still, today's events had just proved him wrong in his judgment about the Gotei 13 elites.

_Unless…_, Kira thought, blushing fiercely. _Unless Lieutenant Ichimaru was really special… _

Izuru reprimanded himself. He should rather concentrate on his classes instead of thinking about such things. Especially as it felt almost improper…

He crossed the lawn behind the Academy's main building, ran between the two practice halls and moments later he finally reached the spot. The whole class was concentrating on some task given by the teacher, so Izuru quietly made it sideways, not wanting to disrupt the lesson. The thought that he didn't report his being late at once weighed on him a little, but he didn't want to disturb others, so he decided to wait with it for the break. In the meantime, he kept looking for a familiar red head, silently hoping that his friends were practicing aside and that they would tell him what he missed. Luck seemed to be on his side, for suddenly he noticed there outrageously bright hair just several steps ahead. Kira rushed there as fast as he could.

'Kira!' Abarai Renji looked surprised, annoyed and relieved at his sight — all at the same time. 'Where have you been the whole morning? Hinamori's been all freaking out!'

'…, Abarai-kun!' Hinamori-san whispered. Izuru was grateful to her as Renji didn't quite understand what it meant to speak in undertone, and Kira didn't want to draw attention to themselves.

'I…' he began, but broke off after taking a look around. 'What are we practicing, actually?' he asked in incomprehension.

'Keeping our reiatsu stable,' grunted Renji rather ironically. Kira looked at him closely, then he shifted his gaze to other students.

'But…' he whispered, knitting his eyebrows, 'we passed it last year! In the first semester!'

'Try telling him that,' his friend just shrugged, pointing to the right. Kira looked in that direction and blinked, surprised.

'W-who is that?' he stuttered. 'Where's Hikari-sensei?'

'Hell if I know,' muttered Renji in reply. 'Some say he's on an unexpected mission, some that in the Fourth Division… but nobody knows for sure. And that one here didn't tell us anything…'

Kira looked at the teacher, who was standing with his back facing them. Suddenly he realized that he could feel his reiatsu all too well, while in the forest… _Stop_, his freshly awaken common sense scolded him. _No time for that… Concentrate!_

He closed his eyes, focusing his attention on their new professor's reiatsu — and he gulped, because it definitely didn't leave a pleasant impression. It seemed unstable, aggressive and even… cruel. Kira shivered. It didn't promise well for his nearest future…

'A nasty fellow, that one,' Abarai-kun confirmed Izuru's unspoken fears. 'Thinks he knows everything… and doesn't tolerate any objections…'

He broke off all of a sudden, giving Kira an intent look.

'What's with you?' he asked with a lopsided smile. 'All happy and blushing… if it were anybody else, I'd think you've been behind the greenhouse, grop-…'

'Abarai-kun!' Hinamori interrupted him in an indignant whisper, blushing quite surprisingly. Kira just blinked, stunned.

'The greenhouse? Why behind the greenhouse?' he began uncertainly. 'What do you mean, Abarai-kun?'

Renji was about to answer, yet he didn't make it in time. At the very same moment they heard a voice behind their backs, that none of them three expected. Izuru felt a sudden chill.

'I see you are determined to disturb this lesson,' said the teacher coldly. They turned around right away, and Kira started while looking into pale, disdainful eyes in a malcontent face. So his first impression was right, after all — it wasn't someone who'd show understanding…

What should they do now? Kira didn't know. His innate sense of justice urged him to speak and confess his guilt — hadn't he been late, this talk wouldn't take place at all. On the other hand, he had a gut feeling that in this case such behavior would be considered too bold. He bit his lips nervously, casting a quick glance at his friends. Abarai-kun clearly didn't know what to do, either.

Quite surprisingly, it was Hinamori-san who regained her composure first.

'We are deeply sorry, professor,' she said fervently and bowed. 'This will not happen again…'

'Silence!' the man interrupted her, unexpectedly sharply. 'I don't remember letting you speak.'

Hinamori went pale; for a moment it looked like she was going to utter another apology, but the teacher's ominous gaze successfully stopped her. She stepped back, hiding behind Renji, whose face expressed barely concealed irritation.

Kira also felt anger grow in him; in his case, however, it was aimed both at the teacher and himself, and it mingled with his sense of guilt. It wouldn't have come to all this, if…

'Names!' The teacher's shrill voice broke in on Izuru's unpleasant thoughts. Kira realized that all the words were stuck in his throat.

This time it was Renji who saved the day.

'Abarai Renji, professor,' he replied, hardly holding himself in check. He placed a hand on Hinamori-san's shoulder in a comforting gesture. The girl stepped ahead.

'Hinamori Momo,' she said, quietly, yet clearly. The teacher gave them a piercing look and then turned to Kira, staring at him expectantly.

Izuru swallowed hard.

'Kira… Izuru… Professor…' he whispered, praying for his voice to sound confident and yet dropping his gaze. He wasn't prepared for a violent pull by his shoulder.

'Look at me when I talk to you!' the man demanded, clutching Kira's shoulder painfully. 'Indeed… where has the discipline in that school disappeared to?'

Kira instinctively obeyed, but he momentarily came to regret it, meeting the teacher's pale, penetrating gaze. Murmurs arose amidst the students on the practice grounds, while more and more of them were gathering around their unfortunate trio. Izuru realized his legs were shaking.

_Stop it!_, his common sense commanded.

'"_Ya won't be reliable, ya know…"_

He clenched his fists painfully, trying to control himself, and straightened up. The teacher kept looking at him for a while, before he finally spoke.

'I don't remember you,' he stated venomously. 'Why?'

_He hadn't even noticed when you'd come!_, the rebellious voice in Kira's mind broke in. _And he's supposed to be the Reiatsu Control teacher? _

_Right_, he thought. But did it change anything?

Izuru felt his nails bite into his palms. Alright. Sink or swim…

'I was late,' he admitted. 'I'm terribly sor-…'

He was interrupted by a slap across the face that made him stagger. Stunned, he brought a hand to his cheek, stealing a glance at his friends. Hinamori-san looked shocked, while Renji was pale with rage.

Another murmur, this time much louder, passed through the crowd of students.

'How dare you?' the one who called himself a "teacher" hissed menacingly, grabbing a handful of Izuru's kosode. 'You show a total lack of respect and imagine that a mere "I'm sorry" is going to be enough? Insolent brat!'

He pushed Kira off, so hard that Izuru almost lost his balance. Luckily, Renji was quick enough to support him.

'The reason behind being late?' the "professor" demanded.

Suddenly, Izuru hesitated. He was never good at lying; moreover, he doubted if he could come up with a convincing excuse under these circumstances. And as for the truth…

'_I'd be grateful if __this meeting stayed our little secret, Izuru-kun…"_

_I won't fail him. I'll keep my word. I want…_

_I want him to rely on me. _

He took a deep breath and stood unaided. He bowed his head.

'With all due respect, professor,' he replied, trying to keep his voice steady, 'I cannot tell you.'

The whispers among the students grew even more heated; stifled sighs and cries could also be heard. Kira noticed that some of his colleagues were watching him in disbelief; some were shaking their heads and others were openly showing how pitiful he appeared to them.

His friends didn't remain unaffected by what he had just said, either. A short "What?" escaped Renji's lips, Hinamori-san only drew a sharp breath. Yet, the one that his words made the deepest impression on was their teacher, his cheeks unhealthily red, nostrils trembling, face wry. Izuru barely resisted the temptation to step back.

'What?' the professor hissed, leaning over Kira and pulling at his kosode once again. 'Have I just misheard…? You refuse to answer your teacher's question?'

Kira Izuru hardly managed to control himself. Suddenly, he realized he was frightened — more frightened than when he'd felt Shinsō's blade at his throat.

Still, he couldn't tell the truth.

'Please, forgive me, professor,' he whispered. 'If only…'

'Enough!' the man cut off, releasing him. This time Kira didn't need anyone's help with standing upright.

'So that's how it is…' the teacher continued, grimacing with disdain. 'What a pitiable regress, indeed…' he broke off for a moment and looked around in disgust. 'You may not fully comprehend that, but once there were plain rules in this school. Oh yes… the students knew their place and showed proper respect to their elders and betters, and such impertinent behavior was simply unimaginable. We had discipline here back then… and the ones who dared to broke it were suitably punished. A pity indeed that the Headmaster got so soft over the years…'

'But… but Kira-kun didn't do anything wrong,' Hinamori-san broke in shyly, which, under current circumstances, should be seen as an act of exceptional courage. 'There's nothing to punish him for…'

'Again you open your mouth unasked, girl,' the man replied in any icy tone, his gaze crushing. 'Do it once more and you will regret it.'

Hinamori bowed her head, startled, in the meantime stopping Renji who was about to interfere.

'My sincerest apologies, professor…'

'"My apologies",' the teacher repeated ironically. 'That's exactly what I mean. You think, that if you apologize, you will escape the consequences for breaking the rules. You wouldn't have gotten away with that in the past… and that's how it still should be. You should feel that you made a mistake,' he shifted his gaze to Kira,' and that you're… suffering its after effects.'

Izuru didn't answer, unsure what he should say no to worsen their predicament any further. His heart was pounding like crazy. He had some really bad feelings about this…

'Maybe it isn't such a bad idea, after all…' The man smiled wickedly, and his eyes flashed with cruel satisfaction and… expectation? 'Oh yes… You will serve as an example to your friends. Let's show them what's the price for insolence and breaking the rules…'

Kira looked at him tentatively, afraid to even think about the meaning of these words. What was more, the teacher, having said that, stayed silent for a moment as if he wanted Izuru's fears to increase. Finally…

'Back to your practice!' he commanded, his voice not leaving room for objections. Silence fell over the practice grounds, the murmurs cut short abruptly. 'And you…' the professor addressed Kira, 'you will report after the classes to hear what awaits you.'

The rest of the lesson passed in an unpleasant, stifling mood. Nobody said a word and Kira could feel fleeting, frightened glances cast at him from time to time. When the classes were over, the practice grounds quickly emptied of people. Only Renji and Hinamori stayed by Izuru's side — and he was grateful to them.

He gulped, feeling the teacher's impatient gaze on him. He shouldn't tarry any longer.

He turned around and approached the man.

'I'm here, professor,' he said quietly.

The 'professor' gave them a look that clearly said they were as worthy as mud on his sandals.

'Twenty lashes,' he stated coldly, yet his eyes were closely watching Izuru's reaction. 'Ten for being late and the other ten for insubordination. Today after the classes. Enough of this slackness.'

Kira Izuru felt his blood run cold at these words. W-…what?

'What?' yelled Abarai-kun furiously. 'But…'

'But such punishments were banned long ago!' Hinamori protested at the same moment. 'You can't possibly…'

Fortunately, Kira noticed the teacher's sinister gaze in time and realized he had to react before these two would get themselves in trouble as well — and because of him on top of that, something that Izuru would never forgive himself. Besides, his offence could be trivial, yet still remained a fact…

He took a deep breath.

'Understood, professor,' he replied, bowing, his voice almost firm.

He felt his friends' eyes on him; Renji was shocked, Hinamori terrified. He realized he lacked to courage to turn around and face them.

The 'professor' only snorted disdainfully.

'Get out of my sight,' he ordered. 'And don't make me wait for you too long.'

* * *

**5.**

They left the practice grounds in silence. Kira felt the compassionate gaze of his friends on his back, yet he was too afraid to look them in the eye. He knew they would ask him questions that he wouldn't be able to answer; he had promised Lieutenant Ichimaru not to tell anyone about their meeting, without any exception. He was aware they would see it as a lack of trust on his part and that he would hurt them with his silence, and that wasn't a pleasant thought.

He memorized little of the classes that followed, though it might seem to others that he was listening as intently as usual. Yet, he was making notes without giving them much thought, and what the teacher spoke about the geography of Rukongai's surroundings didn't really get to him.

He tried not to think about what had happened and what was to happen soon; still, he didn't find it easy by any means. He couldn't believe that — so far he was a pretty good student who tried to work hard and avoid problems. He had never given the teachers a reason to punish him. Yet now…

He squeezed his eyes shut. How would they look at him now? What would the teachers and other students think when they got to know?

'Kira-kun?'

He opened his eyes, a little confused. Hinamori-san was standing next to his desk, looking at him with concern.

'Everything alright, Kira-kun?' she asked.

'Y-yeah…' Kira took a look around and realized that the classroom was empty. He didn't even notice when the lesson ended. 'Quite alright…' he added quietly, trying to be more honest with her.

Hinamori only nodded. She looked really worried — something that didn't make Kira feel better. He didn't want anyone to worry because of his problems… the problems he had brought upon himself.

'Gonna eat with us, Kira?' asked Renji, who had stayed in the classroom as well. Izuru turned to him, feeling a little lost.

'We have lunch-break now, don't you remember?' Hinamori explained. 'You haven't eaten anything today, have you?'

Kira gave her a tentative look. Indeed, he had spent so much time in the grove that he didn't have the chance to eat breakfast, and, to be honest, he didn't really think about it up to now. And it was not like he had anything to eat with him, either… He looked away.

'I…' he began, but, before he could finish, Hinamori grabbed his hand. When he looked up, he saw her heart-warming smile.

'Don't you worry, Kira-kun,' she said. 'We'll share with you… there's enough for all of us.'

Kira smiled weakly in reply. He was happy to have friends beside him, yet right now he would rather be left alone with his dilemmas. Especially considering the fact that he couldn't tell them everything…

They left the Academy building together. It was around noon, the weather sunny and warm, and the courtyard was crowded with students who decided to eat their meals outside — either alone, or in small groups. Normally, Kira, Renji and Hinamori would join them, finding a place to rest under one of the trees; today, however, they sat on the stairs, keeping some distance from others. Izuru understood they wanted to talk to him about this morning's events and felt a pang of guilt already.

'Eat, Kira-kun,' Hinamori urged him gently, offering him a share of her breakfast. Kira gave her an apologetic smile and took some rice. Strange, at first he had been very hungry, but now he didn't feel like eating at all. As if his stomach tied itself in a tight knot…

'You're afraid?' asked Renji all of a sudden, putting his chopsticks aside and looking at him closely. 'Kira?'

Izuru froze, not knowing what to answer. He couldn't say he expected that question, but, after all, it was Abarai Renji, for whom "diplomacy" was just one of these difficult words which he found hard to remember. Kira fixed his eyes on his hands.

'Y-…yeah,' he admitted softly. 'I think so…'

For a moment they sat in silence, deep in thought, till, at last, Hinamori smacked her hand against the stair.

'It's unfair!' she stated fervently. 'It shouldn't be like that! He had no right to punish you this way… you'd been late to a lesson, that's all!'

'Sure it's unfair,' Renji backed her up without hesitation. 'It's just sick… to punish like that just for being late! Some people would never leave the infirmary…'

'Abarai-kun!' Hinamori-san gave their friend a bit scandalized look. Abarai Renji just shrugged.

'Yeah, I know, the fact that others are late as well doesn't justify anything. But that doesn't change a thing in Kira's case…'

Kira cowered involuntarily. He knew that all too well without them reminding him.

'Maybe…' began Hinamori shyly. 'Maybe if you had explained it to him somehow, he would have treated you more… kindly…'

'Like hell he would have,' Renji interrupted her rather abruptly. 'That fucking bastard had been looking for an excuse to vent his anger on somebody… You think he would've cared for explanations even if Kira had told him?'

Hinamori bit her lip, saddened. Kira, who knew her usual optimism and faith she had in others, guessed that the current situation had to be really hard for her. Still, he didn't know how to console her and, besides, he felt quite embarrassed for another reason. However trivial his offence, he had still committed it, and the teacher had all the right to punish him, even thought Izuru had to admit it himself that the punishment seemed rather disproportionate to his guilt.

'By the way,' Abarai-kun continued, addressing Kira and breaking him out of his reverie, 'you still haven't told us why exactly you came so late. Believe me or not, you looked like a kid that had just gotten a candy…'

Izuru looked at him, alarmed. These were the words he was afraid to hear the most. He knew that, sooner or later, this moment would come, yet it didn't make the only answer he could give them easier.

'Come on, Kira,' Renji poked him lightly in the ribs. 'I understand you didn't want to tell that scoundrel, but we're different matter, aren't we…? Unless you can't speak about it in Hinamori-kun's presence…' he added, smiling in rather meaningful way, though Kira couldn't tell what exactly Abarai-kun meant.

He blinked, confused, which didn't escape Renji's notice.

'Ah, so you can tell us, after all,' said his friend, looking a little disappointed. 'Then quit being so mysterious and tell us where you've been.'

Kira's hands crumpled the fabric of his blue hakama. It was harder than he expected…

'I can't…' he whispered. 'Forgive me, Hinamori-san, Abarai-kun… I really can't tell you…'

Renji was staring at him as if Kira had just said that Hollows liked to be scratched behind the ears.

'What's wrong with you, Kira?' he asked, looking at him intently. 'Aren't we your friends?'

'You are,' asserted Izuru quickly. 'The best I've ever had. But… this time I really can't. I'm sorry… and please, understand…'

Abarai-kun kept looking at him, yet there was a strange glint in his eyes. Kira felt a pang of anxiety.

'Alright…' grunted Renji at last. 'If you wish, then keep it a secret, Kira-dono. And I thought you trusted us a little more…' he added, standing up.

'Abarai-kun!' Kira could hear the reproach in Hinamori-san's voice, but it didn't seem to affect Renji.

'I'll go look for Rukia,' he replied, his tone seemingly careless. 'See you!' He cast a glance over his shoulder before turning around and starting through the courtyard. He didn't look back even once.

Kira dropped his gaze. As he had predicted, it wasn't an easy conversation. Yet, he would have never thought that Abarai-kun will react so violently…

He let out a quiet sigh. He felt Hinamori Momo take his hand.

'He'll get over it,' she whispered as a consolation. 'Don't worry, Kira-kun…'

He looked at her hesitantly, head still down. Hinamori-san just smiled at him in reply, squeezing his fingers lightly.

'It will be alright, you'll see, Kira-kun,' she assured, clearly trying to comfort him. 'You know Abarai-kun can be rash… Though, I don't understand why you can't tell us either…' she stopped for a moment, a little embarrassed. 'I mean… I know you must have important reasons, but I… I think I would tell you two everything, even if… Well, maybe if Captain Aizen asked me…' she blushed all of a sudden and waved her hands abruptly. 'Oh, please don't mind me, Kira-kun, what am I saying, what you're going to think of me… Right! 'she exclaimed, her tone unexpectedly cheerful. 'That's a great idea!'

Izuru gave her a questioning look.

'Hinamori-san?'

'Captain Aizen!' Hinamori seemed really excited. 'He has classes in the Academy today! We could go to him and tell him about everything, Kira-kun! About the punishment, and how unfair it is, and all! He'll definitely help us!'

Hinamori took his hands and watched him expectantly, but Kira was just sitting there, without a word, too confused and scared to even speak. He didn't know why the very mention of the Fifth Division captain threw his into panic. Putting aside the fact that asking a high ranked Gotei 13 officer for help in such a matter would be too bold, this particular officer was Lieutenant's Ichimaru superior. Izuru would rather die than let Lieutenant Ichimaru know about his humiliation…

On top of that, if Lieutenant Ichimaru had been carrying out Captain Aizen's orders last night, then the latter wouldn't be too happy to hear that someone from the outside had gotten to know about it. And he would guess it for sure, even if Kira didn't tell him outright. No, that option was much too risky and it could have unpleasant consequences both for him and, first and foremost, for Lieutenant Ichimaru…

For Lieutenant Ichimaru had to be acting under Captain Aizen's orders… to Kira any other possibility seemed a heresy and a far-fetched insolence on his part.

'I… I can't, Hinamori-san…' he uttered at last, shaking his head. 'We can't bother Captain Aizen with something that trivial…'

'Trivial?' Hinamori's eyes widened. 'Kira-kun, what are you saying? We're talking about the… flogging…' she staggered at the last word. 'It's… it's a serious matter! Captain Aizen will understand for sure!'

Kira bit his lip. He had to somehow dissuade his friend from that idea without making her sad. After all, she only wanted to help…

'I'm sorry, Hinamori-san…' he whispered. 'I'd like… I'd like as few people as possible to know about it…'

'Oh, I'm sure Captain Aizen won't tell anyone!' Hinamori squeezed his hands. 'Please, Kira-kun, he'll help you for sure…'

Kira Izuru looked away. How he was supposed to explain that to her? No matter what he'd say it would still mean breaking the promise he had made this morning. Besides, Izuru wasn't sure if he'd be able to convince Hinamori Momo, even if she heard his arguments. After all, she considered Captain Aizen to be perfection itself…

'You're ashamed, Kira-kun…' His friend looked him in the eye with compassion. 'Aren't you?'

Kira looked at her closely, then nodded slowly. It was only partly true; however, such explanation sounded pretty convincing. Especially that, keeping the promise aside, he felt rather uneasy at the thought of telling anyone t h a t important about his miserable predicament…

'Alright…' agreed Hinamori at last, though she looked somewhat disappointed. 'But… you still need to tell someone! I understand that you don't want to bother Captain Aizen, yet you can tell one of the teachers at least! After all… such punishments were forbidden long ago!'

Izuru hesitated, once again unsure what to answer. To be honest, he would rather not mention it to anyone. He was still afraid of questions that could be asked and he wanted to avoid them, even at a high cost — though how high it would be he still couldn't tell. The flogging he had in prospect seemed like quite an unpleasant and painful experience; nevertheless, it remained something abstract to him so far. Kira wasn't entirely sure what he should expect.

He had other reasons as well. He knew that the Academy's authorities would react and solve the matter, but it would definitely take them some time to pass the judgement. Izuru remembered all too well how the Reiatsu Control teacher had been looking at Renji and Hinamori when they had tried to defend him, and he feared that, if they got involved in that case, they would have to face nasty consequences as well. Especially if they tried to somehow hinder the punishment the "professor" sentenced him to. Kira doubted the two could escape the teacher's wrath before he was dismissed. Izuru wasn't going to accept such course of events — the thought that his friends might sacrifice for him and suffer because of that was simply unbearable. He couldn't let anything bad happen to them. That was why…

'It… It really isn't the best idea…' he replied softly. 'I'd rather…'

'Kira-kun!' Hinamori Momo looked pretty astounded. 'How can you say so? We have to inform someone and stop him! Before anyone else gets hurt!'

Kira looked at her anxiously because Hinamori's raised voice was starting to draw attention; only a moment before a group of older students, heading for their classes, cast them quite inquisitive glances. Fortunately, Hinamori noticed the danger and controlled herself a bit.

'Please, Kira-kun,' she added emphatically, yet more quietly. 'We can't leave it like that… I can go alone if you wish, but…'

'No!' protested Kira rather vehemently. 'Please, don't do that… I don't want you… neither of you… to get involved… At least not yet,' he added, trying to soften his words, but with little success. Hinamori kept looking at him as if he were insane. He sighed.

'Please, Hinamori-san,' he continued, before the girl had the chance to speak. 'Just… wait a bit. At least until…' he gulped, 'I receive the punishment.' He looked her in the eye. 'Remember what Abarai-kun said? This… this villain wants to vent his anger on me, so… if he doesn't do it, things can get even worse… And if he got to know you were the reason behind that…'

He broke off, dropping his gaze. He found it really hard to speak about that. For a moment they just sat there in silence.

'Kira-kun…' Hinamori finally began, her voice a little strangled. 'I… Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that you care for us so much, but… we have to think of others as well.' Her voice once again got steady while she continued. 'If we tarry, someone else may get hurt as well… You understand that, don't you, Kira-kun?'

He clenched his fists helplessly. Of course he understood. And he definitely didn't want to put anyone in danger, not only his closest friends. On the other hand, though, he wanted to prove so much that he was able to keep a promise… that he was one to depend on, even if he didn't have much skill…

He hung his head.

'I understand, Hinamori-san,' he admitted sadly. 'But… just this once… please, don't inform anyone… Maybe… Maybe Hikari-sensei will be back next week, and the problem will solve itself…' he added, though he had to say that was rather weak argument.

Hinamori clearly thought the same, for she just stared at him doubtfully. Finally, she let out a quiet sigh and shook her head.

'I do not recognize you, Kira-kun,' she whispered and Kira could clearly hear disappointment in her voice. 'What happened to you today?'

He felt the blush creeping onto his cheeks, but there was no way he could justify himself. Nevertheless, he dared to look at her pleadingly once more.

'Hinamori-san…'

'Fear not, Kira-kun, I won't go anywhere today,' she replied, clearly resigned. 'But if… If he does harm to anyone else…'

Kira nodded in understanding.

'Thank you, Hinamori-san,' he said softly. His friend didn't answer, looking hurt. Kira rose, feeling it would be best to leave her alone right now.

'I'll be going now… The break is almost over,' he stated apologetically. The only answer he received was an absent nod.

He felt guilt growing up inside him. He failed once again. In a short time he managed to hurt both his best friends… Wasn't there anything he could do right?

Kira sighed, casting one last glance at the sunlit courtyard, and dragged himself to the lecture hall.

* * *

**6.**

He spent the next two hours not even trying to pay attention to the lessons. He had deliberately took a seat near the exit — once the lecture ended, he planned to leave as fast and discreetly as possible. He didn't want anyone to take notice of him, and he definitely wanted to avoid meeting Renji or Hinamori. So far he had managed to remain calm — yet he feared that, confronted with them and with the punishment is prospect, his feeble determination might turn to dust.

On the other hand, he couldn't even be sure if Hinamori-san or Abarai-kun would care about him at all. After the conversation they'd had during the break, Izuru wouldn't be surprised. Right now he had rather low opinion about himself…

He rested his forehead on his hand. Apart from other matters — not to be taken lightly by any means — there was another thing on his mind, one he had kept out of his thoughts so far. It had only been mentioned in his conversation with Hinamori, and now Kira was wondering about it more and more with every passing second.

It was about no less than physical aspect of the punishment. Izuru was aware flogging undoubtedly meant pain — but it was rather enigmatic conclusion. To be honest, he didn't know what to expect. He had never been seriously wounded therefore pain — especially severe pain — was something unfamiliar to him.

How… how much could a lash hurt? What about twenty lashes…? His imagination was failing him in that matter.

Kira closed his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was afraid or not, but he was beginning to feel both uncertainty and anxiety growing up inside him and gnawing at his heart.

Would he bear up against it? Would he endure the punishment with honor? Or would he rather once again bring shame to himself and his close ones and beg for mercy?

The hand he rested his head on clenched into a fist.

_No_, he thought. _I'm going to bear up, no matter what. I will not cry. I will not beg. I will not…_

_I will endure._

All of a sudden he remembered Lieutenant Ichimaru and his wounded arm. The wound hadn't been too grave, but it'd had to be painful — and yet the Fifth Division's Vice-Captain hadn't as much as winced in pain. Actually, he had born with Kira's treatment with a smile on his face…

Izuru sighed quietly. Thinking of it now, this encounter seemed almost unreal; he would consider it a dream if not for the fact…

If not for the fact that he was going to face its consequences. Very real consequences.

_You have agreed to that_, a voice deep in his mind reminded him. _You aren't going to regret it now, are you?_

To regret? No, such a possibility didn't even occurred to him. He simply hadn't expected there would be such a dramatic turn of events. Led by his youthful sense of justice, Kira had thought he had done the right thing… however, the situation had gotten more complicated than he could have predicted. Wanting to protect what he had thought was right, he'd had to break the school rules and hurt his friends with an apparent lack of trust — and he wasn't fine with it. Everything was starting to feel so overwhelming…

Was that what adulthood was about? If it was…

The bell ending his classes rang surprisingly early. Kira raised his head in disbelief. Was it time already?

Yes. It was.

He swallowed hard, feeling a sudden chill and realizing that he didn't wish to leave the classroom at all… that he would gladly stay here, if possible…

_Coward. _

He took a deep breath, mustering his strength. It would do no good to tarry now; he would only delay the inevitable. And hadn't he promised himself to endure the flogging with honor?

Kira rose from his seat and resolutely headed for the door; other students, completely unaware of his fears, were passing by. Actually, he was pleased with that — it would be much harder for him to have inquisitive gazes bored into him. That way he didn't feel like running away, at the very least…

In the crowd of his colleagues, he reached the end of the corridor, and then, unnoticed, he went down the stairs. Fortunately, he knew where his destination — the office of Reiatsu Control teacher — lay; he had asked the elder years about that before the lecture. Izuru didn't want to risk and make the teacher lose the last of his patience; especially as there wasn't much of it to start with. Besides, the sooner he would take his punishment, the faster he would be able to…

Kira bit his lip. He truly hoped that Lieutenant Ichimaru would forgive him his being late… as Izuru didn't even dare to think that he might not be able to get to the grove. May the Vice-Captain of the Fifth Division wait for him just a bit longer…

He stopped for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, taking a look around. It was more quiet than upstairs —there were only examination classrooms and a few teachers' offices here. From what Kira had gotten to know, the one he was looking for was almost at the end of the corridor, to the left from where he was standing at the moment.

He swallowed once again, feeling nervous. What a… fitting place. Even if he cried, it was doubtful that anyone…

_But I won't cry_, he reminded himself firmly and, desperately trying to hold onto this one last piece of determination, he moved forward.

The first, the second, the third… the fourth door. It had to be here. He couldn't mistake that despicable reiatsu for anyone else.

Kira breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself. His heart was racing in his chest. He was trembling.

_One… Two… Three…_

_Courage, Izuru…_

He knocked.

An angry "Umm?" was the only answer he received. Izuru took another deep breath.

'Kira Izuru from the second year,' he replied, hoping his voice remained firm and steady. 'I came… for my punishment.'

There was moment of silence and then…

'Enter!'

Izuru complied and came in quietly, carefully sliding the door behind him. Then he stopped and bowed deeply.

The teacher came closer; Kira could feel his piercing gaze on him. He didn't dare to move a muscle, afraid of provoking some violent reaction.

'Well, well…' he heard, the words spoken in a vicious tone. 'Seems you've gotten more humble since this morning… Having a flogging in your prospect can work miracles, can it not? You're suddenly so willing to cooperate… To the wall!'

A violent pull at his shoulder took Kira by surprise; he staggered and almost fell. The "professor" — or rather the torturer — looked at him in disgust.

'Kosode and shitagi,' he ordered coldly. Izuru looked at him hesitantly, not fully understanding.

'So, you don't even know the flogging is given on bare skin?' asked the man with a sneer. 'That way the punishment… goes deeper,' he added, clearly satisfied.

For a while Kira just stared at him, unable to do anything. It wasn't about what the teacher had said — contrary to what the man might have been thinking, Izuru knew how the flogging looked like, at least in theory. It was the tone of this voice and that hateful reiatsu that sent shivers down his spine.

He realized it was going to be much worse than he expected.

He cowered, untying his clothes. His hands were slightly trembling, even if he tried his best to control himself. Yet, he was afraid, terribly afraid, and he couldn't pretend it wasn't so any longer.

_Maybe… Maybe someone will come…_, he thought sliding the kosode down his shoulders. _Someone will come… and stop him…_

_And see you humiliated?_, asked his common sense rather meanly. _Are you sure you want it?_

He squeezed his eyes shut. He was ashamed to admit it, but right now he would sacrifice anything, even his own honor, just to avoid punishment at the hands of this madman…

_Anything? What about Lieutenant Ichimaru's safety?_

He froze.

'Move, I don't have all day!' the "professor" reprimanded him sharply. Kira quickly removed his shitagi and approached the wall. His teacher looked daggers at him.

'Your hands,' he snapped. Izuru glanced at him uncertainly, then propped his hands on the wall. He bowed his head.

_I will bear up_, he thought, his muscles tightening in wait for the first blow. He held to this resolution as a drowning man clutching at a straw. _I will bear up… I have to bear up… _

The whip swished in the air and fell down.

* * *

**7.**

Ichimaru Gin was bored.

He was sitting in his office in the Fifth Division's quarters, with a pile of paperwork right under his nose, and he just couldn't convince himself to get to work. Filling the documents was so troublesome… so unexciting… so… tiring…

He sighed with resignation, leaning back in his chair. The chair rocked a little, balancing dangerously on its back legs, yet Gin didn't care. Though he was almost sure to hear another lecture about scratching the floor in his nearest future…

Gin smiled, reaching for a random piece of paper and folding it into a neat plane. Actually, it was the only reason why the pile of documents was gradually becoming smaller. He sent the paper plane into the air and was more than pleased to find out that it was exceptionally good. It had crossed almost the whole room before it landed next to the opposite wall.

He stretched in his chair. So very boooooring. Since his very return to the barracks…

Well, to be honest, he should have been rather glad about that. He was quite lucky — when he had finally appeared in the Fifth Division this morning, Aizen Sōsuke had been leaving for the weekly captains' meeting in the First Division quarters. And later he was to give his guest classes in calligraphy. In the Academy.

Gin shuddered at the very thought of it. How could he have forgotten about that? After all, Aizen regularly visited the Academy, trying to win the students' hearts — and he actually succeeded. If he had somehow felt Gin's presence in its surroundings… if Gin had raised his reiatsu blockade even a bit too early, then…

He shook his head. He was really fortunate. Who knew what could have happened if he had stayed in the grove as he had promised Kira Izuru. Having decided against it, he had managed to avoid an immediate confrontation with Aizen as well as the even more dangerous chance of meeting him somewhere near the Shinigami Academy…

Gin sighed, resting his face on his hand and looking outside the window. It was a sunny September afternoon. He wondered if the boy had been very disappointed…

_Again_, he thought, surprised and even a little amused. Once again he was wondering about that…

He furrowed his brows. Ever since his return to the barracks, he just couldn't stop thinking about Kira Izuru. No matter how much he tried to concentrate on something else — the things he had gotten to know last night in the Central46, for example — his mind kept coming back to that morning meeting.

Strange. Still, as Gin suddenly decided, it could have been just a nice escape from the problems he didn't really feel like taking care of even if he should have. The very memory of the information he had read in the archives was enough to still gave him shivers — and the talk that Aizen would inevitably have with him later also wasn't something he would like to give his thought to right now. After all, the afternoon was so nice and idle…

Who knew, maybe he was still sitting by the stream, wondering where Gin had disappeared to…

He felt his usual smile fading a bit. He had no idea why the thought of Kira Izuru, standing alone in that charming little place by the brook and looking around helplessly, made him feel a pang of guilt. Well, Gin could only hope that he was going to be forgiven for that… though he really didn't know why he should care at all.

This time his smile widened. Izuru-kun was a really charming boy, even if he was clearly underestimating himself. Gin once again looked at the thin scratch that crossed his right forearm. _I wonder if he ate his breakfast, at least_, he thought. To tell the truth, he doubted that; it seemed that for Kira Izuru missing the classes for the sake of something as trivial as eating was one of the gravest crimes.

_Let's hope he won't fall asleep with his nose buried in a book…_

He giggled. And speaking of that…

Gin squinted his eyes, tapping his fingers on the desk top.

Yes. Definitely.

He would gladly have a persimmon.

Umm.

Or maybe a jelly?

He looked thoughtfully at the ceiling.

_Persimmon jelly_, he decided, rising from his chair. _There should be some in the storeroom… _

He headed for the door. Before he left, he glanced once again at the piles of documents on his desk. He simply wasn't cut out for this job… If he only were a captain himself and had his own lieutenant, who would take care of all that…

_The jelly_, he reminded himself firmly. There was no time for such nonsense as everyday's duties. The jelly was his priority.

He smiled mischievously and closed the door.

_I wonder if Izuru-kun likes persimmons__…_

_

* * *

_**8.**

Kira wasn't sure how he had managed to leave the teacher's office unaided. However, it seemed all his body was capable of at the moment. He was leaning heavily against the wall in an empty corridor, unsure if he was able to take another step. If anybody saw him right now…

He closed his eyes. No use wondering… there was nothing he could do about it anyway.

He staggered, barely able to stand. His head was spinning and there were black and red spots before his eyes.

_It hurts…_

Izuru bit his lip to stifle a groan. He hadn't cried. He hadn't cried even once, not even when feeling burning pain on his back after the first lash — though he had barely held back. He could still feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth.

Kira shivered at the very memory. He had expected pain — but what he had experienced was much worse than his expectations. He had a vague feeling that he would rather face a Hollow than go through such a nightmare once again.

He couldn't tell when he had stopped counting the lashes — after some point there had been only red mist obscuring everything. He only remembered the relief he had felt after everything had ended —for some time he had just stood still, fighting for every breath, until the teacher had sharply told him to get out. Only then had Kira felt the tears streaming down his face — and he had realized, much to his shame, those had been tears of pain. After all, he had promised himself he would endure…

Izuru sighed, tightening the grip on his kosode, thrown loosely on his shoulders. There was no time to think of it. He had to leave before anyone caught him here. He had to…

He opened his eyes. The corridor seemed blurred and swaying. Not good — but he had no choice.

Kira took a deep breath, mustering the last of his strength and determination to take another step forward. And then another one. And another…

After the next one he fell to his knees, suddenly hit by a vertigo. He instinctively clenched his eyelids.

_Just a bit more_, he thought. _Just a bit more and…_

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of footsteps.

_Oh no. This couldn't be…_

Izuru felt his heart thump in panic. What now?

The footsteps stopped for a moment, only to quicken while heading towards him. There were two people…

_What should I do?_, thought Kira desperately. _What am I going to tell them?_

He flinched when a hand touched his shoulder — but then hearing a familiar voice made him raise his head.

'Carefully, Abarai-kun… Don't hurt him…'

'I know that,' the other voice grunted. Strong hand on Izuru's shoulder moved a bit to squeeze his arm firmly. 'No need to lecture me.'

Kira Izuru couldn't believe that — still he dared to open his eyes. It was no hallucination…

'Hinamori-san… Abarai-kun…' he whispered hoarsely. 'It's… It's really you…'

'Of course it's us,' Renji gruffly cut him short. 'Who else could it be?'

Kira stared at them, dazed. To him it wasn't that obvious. After everything that had happened during the break…

'You couldn't possibly think we were going to leave you?' asked his friend a little suspiciously, as if he had read his mind. 'Did you, Kira?'

Izuru looked away, gratitude welling up inside him at the same time. Hinamori-san and Abarai-kun came for him… even after all those things he had said before…

Suddenly he felt his cheeks burning.

'B-but… you have classes…' he stuttered. 'You needn't to…'

'Fuck the classes,' Renji blurted out, only to blush a second later, as if he remembered Hinamori's presence. 'Who would have cared about them at such a time?'

'But…'

'Listen up,' Abarai-kun, quite out of the blue, looked him in the eye. 'Hinamori ran off from calligraphy. Especially for you. So stop your whining already, would you?'

Kira blinked at these words and moved his gaze onto Hinamori Momo. She was looking at him intently as if trying to take in his injuries.

'Is that true, Hinamori-san?' he asked, just to ascertain himself. 'From… calligraphy? With… Captain Aizen?'

'Oh, it's not a big deal,' Hinamori smiled, seemingly a little embarrassed. 'I'll make up for the lost time and I'm sure Captain Aizen…' she broke off, casting Izuru a clearly worried look. 'But it's not important, Kira-kun… Please, tell us… how are you…?'

Kira Izuru hesitated. The shock caused by his friends' sudden appearance was slowly passing; the weakness once again taking hold of him. With doubled strength.

'Not… well…' he admitted honestly, closing his eyes. Before he had time to notice, his kosode had slipped out of his surprisingly numb fingers, the garment sliding down his shoulder. This time he wasn't able to stop himself from drawing a sharp breath when the fabric grazed his lacerated skin. Kira heard Renji's stifled curse.

'Holy shit… Kira…'

'Abarai-kun?' asked Hinamori, the worry evident in her voice. 'What's… Oh…! Kira-kun…!'

Kira bit his lip. These two were his best friends — and yet he was ashamed to be seen like this. Therefore, he was more than surprised when he heard admiration in Abarai Renji's next words.

'Damn it, Kira… You should be howling in pain…'

Izuru opened his eyes, casting an anguished glance at his friend. It was getting so hard to retain at least some dignity… and he was slowly beginning to understand it wouldn't take long before he finally collapsed…

'Can you walk?' Abarai-kun asked, his gaze wary under knitted brows. 'You need to go to the infirmary, someone should…'

'No…' whispered Kira, half-consciously. Infirmary… no, it wasn't a good idea. They… they would ask… That would be… bad…

'Kira!'

Abarai-kun's voice sounded strangely distant. Izuru blinked and, much to his surprise, he realized that he had somehow ended up on his knees and his friends were watching him with both worry and anxiety. He looked at them, confused.

'The hell, Kira, we really should have somebody take a look at that back of yours, want it or not!' decided Renji in rather nervous tone. 'Enough with it…!'

'Abarai-kun, maybe we should…' Hinamori tried to interrupt him shyly, but to no avail. It looked like Abarai Renji had already made his decision and now he was going to introduce it, whether his friends agreed with him or not. Kira hung his head… It seemed Abarai-kun wasn't going to change his mind, no matter what…

'Come on, Kira,' Renji helped Kira stand up. Izuru didn't protest, he had no strength left for that. 'We'll soon find someone to help you. Can you walk?' Abarai-kun repeated, looking at him questioningly.

'I… don't know…' whispered Kira weakly, knowing deep in his heart the only true answer would be "no". He doubted if he would be able to take more than few steps, even with Renji's help… even if he did want to go where they were headed to…

_No_, he thought. _I can't… The risk… The risk is too great… I… promised…_

He practically forced himself to raise his head and look up straight into his friend's eyes.

'R-renji…' he uttered, his hand gripping Abarai Renji's kosode. Surprise flashed in these familiar brown eyes. 'No… Not there… Please…'

He drew a shaky breath, trying to say more, but suddenly he couldn't find any words… his thoughts were in disarray… monotonous roar of blood filled his ears… his eyelids became too heavy to keep them open…

'Please…' he managed to whisper one more time before falling into darkness.

* * *

**9.**

Kira wasn't really sure what had woken him up: the sunlight shining through his eyelids or the quiet voices speaking somewhere near. He knitted his brows, trying to make his still sleepy mind cooperate. Why was he sleeping? It was still day outside. Right now he should have…

He should have been in the grove by the stream, just as he had promised Lieutenant Ichimaru this very morning.

His consciousness returned to him suddenly, and he sat up in his bed rather abruptly, remembering all the events of that day. The sudden move made him remember one more thing as the searing pain in his back forced him to clench his hands on the sheets. Kira barely stifled a scream.

_Wait a minute_, he thought. A bed. He was lying in bed. On his belly.

Where… Where was he? In the infirmary?

Kira opened his eyes in panic — and froze, taken by surprise. He was in the dorm room he shared with Renji.

How? After all…

'You're finally awake, Kira,' he heard all of a sudden and turned his head in the direction the voice was coming from. He saw Abarai Renji, who was looking at him with both relief and worry; sitting next to him was Hinamori-kun, the feelings written on her face quite similar to those of Renji. Kira realized it must have been their conversation he had heard before.

'How…?' he asked rather weakly, expressing his doubts. Abarai-kun smiled a little wryly.

'Thank Hinamori,' he said. 'No need to dwell on that, anyway. How… Are you better, Kira…?' he added in a more serious tone.

Izuru closed his eyes. The pain didn't seem the only sensation anymore, but it still was the most intensive one. Kira sighed quietly.

'Not much,' he admitted under the expectant gazes of his friends. 'It… it hurts. Terribly.' He whispered, and saying it he was probably more honest with them than any other time this day. Hinamori-kun took his hand.

'I'm sorry, Kira-kun,' she said softly. 'You're much better at that than me…'

Kira blinked, a little confused, but Hinamori remained silent. The one who came up with an explanation was Renji.

'Hinamori healed what she could, but we're both poor at medical kidō… especially me… To tell the truth, there was so damn little we could do to help you, Kira… Sorry…'

Izuru dropped his gaze. They weren't the ones who should be apologizing, he knew that well. Yet he still hadn't even thanked them…

'I wouldn't be able to help myself…' he whispered. 'Thank you… Abarai-kun… Hinamori-san… And…'

'Get some more sleep, Kira,' Abarai-kun interrupted him suddenly. 'We will excuse you somehow at the evening practice. And we'll get some food; you're gonna need a decent supper…'

For a moment Kira just looked at his friend, feeling dazed, before he smiled hesitantly.

'Thank you…'

'You've already thanked us. That's enough,' replied Renji with a grin. 'That's what friends are for, silly. Come, Hinamori,' he continued after a moment, as if he was giving Kira time to think his words over. 'Kira needs to rest. And, after the classes, you're going back to the girls' dorm, we can't risk someone seeing you here…'

'But…'

'No buts. We'll manage somehow, won't we, Kira?'

It took Izuru a moment to realize that his friend was aiming these words at him. He turned his gaze away from the scenery outside the window.

'Sure…' he replied quietly, but his thoughts were already somewhere else. He hadn't kept the promise given to a Gotei 13's lieutenant… He had failed…

'So long, Kira. See you later,' he heard Renji say, and then the door closed.

For some time Kira just looked through the window, his heart clenched in pain. The sky was getting darker because of the gathering clouds. Suddenly he realized he would like someone to stay beside him right now… though he had just let his friends leave.

He shook his head. He didn't deserve anyone staying by him. There was no reason for anyone to care about such a worthless person as him…

Izuru slumped on the bed, hiding his face in the pillow. If there had been even a slightest chance for gaining Lieutenant Ichimaru's respect, he had lost it forever.

_Worthless… Completely worthless… _

_

* * *

_**10.**

It was warm, sunny, autumn afternoon, just perfect for a little stroll, and Ichimaru Gin jumped at the opportunity right away. Quite surprisingly, Aizen hadn't had any objections when Gin had casually mentioned his need to go for a morning walk. True, everyone knew that the Fifth Division's lieutenant liked to stroll around, no matter what time of day or night, still, Gin hadn't expected it would go that smoothly.

Moreover, during Gin's evening report, as well as his morning one, Aizen had behaved as any other day. Gin couldn't be entirely sure, but it seemed that Central46 hadn't passed any disturbing news to the Gotei13 high-command yet.

Fine… The later they found out, the better for him…

He winced a bit. He wasn't really in a mood to dwell on the events of that night. He should rather enjoy the sights or something…

Gin looked around. The Fifth Division's barracks were far behind — that itself was enough to make him feel better — and now he was walking through an autumn forest. He furrowed his brows. He'd never considered himself to be particularly sensitive to nature's beauty; still, he had to admit that the Academy grove made quite a nice impression…

Wait a minute… The Academy grove?

He stopped for a moment, surprised, and smiled widely. Well, well, just look where he was swept off to…

Gin set forward, this time paying more attention to his surroundings. As far as he could tell, everything looked pretty, erm, nice… These, ummm, raindrops on the leaves… ekhm… and the stream, flowing among the trees… and the trees too. Definitely pretty. And colorful. Really, really nice…

He looked up at the sky in the color… erm, in the color of Iz-…

_Stop_, Gin ordered himself, thankful to all the gods that no-one could see him blushing here. Really, how did he come up with such an idea? And was it natural for the Gotei13 officer to muse over an Academy student like that?

_Still, the color was much the same_, he thought, amused, and forbade himself to further contemplate the nature point-blank.

Though, true to tell, it would be nice to find himself in that charming little place by the stream once again. Izuru-kun had found himself a really nice spot…

_Again!_

He smiled from the corner of his mouth, taking a turn into a side path. Chances that he would once again find the place he had accidentally ended up in the night before were next to…

_Wait_, he thought, coming to a sudden stop. _Wasn't that here? _

It was. It most definitely was. He recognized that tree. And these ferns. And this fallen tree-trunk…

Yet the conclusive proof of that was Kira Izuru sitting next to the log by the stream.

What was pretty interesting, the boy's reiatsu was quite distinct… Gin raised his eyebrows. Was it possible that he'd unconsciously felt it on his way and that it'd led him here?

A riddle, indeed. Still…

He cast another glance at Kira Izuru and shivered at the thought that anyone could sit on that wet grass; after all, there'd been a downpour last night! Soon, however, something else drew Gin's attention. He had no reason to hide his own reiatsu today, and yet the boy clearly didn't notice him. There had to be something important on his mind…

Gin smiled slightly. He could just approach Izuru and ask, as there was nothing standing in the way… and it'd be a perfect chance to apologize for his yesterday's disappearance as well…

Shunpo — and here he was on the river bank, standing right behind Kira's back. The boy seemed to be watching something on the other side of the stream…

'Anythin' interestin' there, Izuru-kun?' asked Gin casually. At the sound of his voice, Kira jumped to his feet, visibly scared, and the officer was about to turn it into a joke, when the boy staggered suddenly as if his head was spinning. Gin instinctively supported him, placing his arm round Kira's waist, but, much to his surprise, the boy flinched, wincing in pain.

Gin creased his brows, his perpetual smile disappearing for a moment. _What the hell…?_

'Everythin' alright, Izuru-kun?' he asked in his usual tone. The boy sat down again, dropping his gaze.

'I'm sorry, Lieutenant, sir,' he whispered. 'As you can see, I'm pretty bad at detecting reiatsu…'

Ichimaru Gin raised an eyebrow. Whatever was bothering Kira Izuru, it must have absorbed him completely, otherwise the boy wouldn't simply sit down in an officer's presence. Moreover… Was it only him or did he really hear the bitterness in Kira's voice?

He sighed inwardly. He found it hard to believe that such a trivial matter bothered the boy to such a degree. What was more… it didn't explain his rather violent reaction to Gin's attempt to help him. He looked at Kira closely.

'Bad day at school?'

Kira was still sitting, head hung down, hands plucking at the blades of grass.

'You might say so, Lieutenant, sir,' he replied at last, cautiously.

Gin sat down on the log. Izuru's answer still didn't bring an explanation; it only made Gin sure that something was wrong and that the problem was more complicated than it seemed at first.

He thought about the next question he should ask. As a spy, Gin had to excel at guessing others' moods and the reasons behind them, yet he'd never dealt with an Academy student. And why should he care for the reasons behind Kira's low spirits? Did he want to make up to the boy for his disappearance yesterday? And if so — why did he care at all?

Gin reprimanded himself. Such thoughts led to nothing. If he wanted to get to know something, he should ask, not unproductively wonder about that.

Besides… why the boy looked so… beaten up? His reiatsu… When Gin thought of it know, it felt somewhat… unhealthy. Actually, it was beginning to give him a headache.

'Any problems during yer practice?' he asked, trying to find the right track. Kira just shook his head in reply, still silent.

Wrong way, then. Well, Gin didn't expect Kira to pour out his soul to him right away; however, he counted on an answer that would give him even the slightest starting point.

He tapped his fingers on the wood. Ummm…

_Actually_, he thought suddenly, _shouldn't he…_

'Shouldn't ya be in class now, Izuru-kun?' Kira Izuru gave him a fleeting gaze before looking away.

'Captain Ukitake dispensed me…' he said quietly. 'I-I'm not ditching school, Lieutenant…' he added, sounding a little frightened.

Gin looked at him, surprised. It'd never occurred to him to blame anyone for ditching school, as it was something that even the best students did from time to time.

_Alright_, he corrected himself in his mind. _Maybe Kira Izuru didn't. _Yet, it still didn't change the fact Gin refused to see it as a problem…

Nevertheless, if Kira'd been dispensed from the classes, then something had to be wrong. Really wrong, to be precise — someone who saw ditching school as a serious crime wouldn't be kept in bed by mere cold or some bruises…

'Captain Ukitake must've had a good reason for dispensing ya,' Gin stated in a seemingly light tone, but he was watching Kira intently. The boy was silent for a moment, biting his lips and playing with a small stone he found in the grass. Finally…

'I… I'm worthless…' he whispered, his voice trembling ever so slightly. 'It's… It's all because of that…'

The stone fell in the stream with a soft splash, while Gin was staring at the boy in disbelief. What was that kid thinking?

'I'm afraid I didn't quite hear ya… could ya repeat that, please?' he asked, the mask of amusement firmly on his face. Kira Izuru drew his knees to his chest. _What in Hueco Mundo is wrong with him?_, thought Gin.

'I'm sorry, Lieutenant, sir…' uttered the boy meanwhile. 'I'm sorry I didn't come… yesterday… I know I f-failed you…'

Gin felt stupid at the very least. If that was one of the reasons for Kira's awful mood, then… Dammit, he should explain it somehow… Just how?

On the other hand, Kira Izuru must have had an important reason not to come to the grove the previous day.

And this pain showing on his face and evident in his reiatsu…

Enough of this sneaking.

'What happened, Izuru-kun?' he asked outright, in the commanding tone of a Gotei13 officer. Kira looked up at him, his blue eyes filled with fear.

'I… I deserved that, Lieutenant, sir…' he stuttered. 'I deserved… the punishment…'

'What?' snapped Gin, a little too sharply, a nasty feeling growing inside him. Kira Izuru cowered even more.

'T-twenty lashes,' he whispered sort of ashamed, resting his forehead on his knees.

_What?_

Gin stared at the boy, stunned. He couldn't quite believe what he'd just heard. He felt as if he found himself in Hueco Mundo, all of a sudden. Or as if Kira had told him that he was going to quit the Academy and start growing persimmons. He must have misheard him… Something like that simply wasn't possible…

Was it?

It was. If Izuru Kira had wanted to lie to him, he surely wouldn't have mentioned something as humiliating as the flogging, and Gin was sure about it. He felt his anger rising. He'd never been interested in the Academy's rules, yet he assumed they should protect the students. Besides, even in the Gotei 13, a military organization comprised of adults, no-one practiced such cruel and inane punishments.

How could they let it happen?

Gin clenched his fists. If the one who had sentenced Kira to this fell to his hands right now, he wouldn't escape meeting Shinsō's blade…

_Why do you care so much?_

He hesitated, biting his lip. Why, indeed?

The answer appeared right away and it was pretty obvious. He cared because he was the one to blame here.

Suddenly, he understood why the trees on the other shore seemed so interesting to Izuru. There was no way he could look at the boy now and keep his calm.

He realized that he was silent for some time already. Not good, he should better answer before Kira thought that Gin despised him for what had happened.

'For… being late,' he rather stated than asked. He felt Izuru's tentative gaze on him.

'Y-yes…' he heard after a moment. 'But… I deserved nothing else…'

Gin finally dared to look at the boy. Kira was blankly staring into space and throwing small stones into the stream.

'I deserved that,' Izuru continued after a while, his tone painfully emotionless. 'I was late for the classes and then fairly punished. I shouldn't miss these lessons, especially being so poor at detecting reiatsu…'

Gin blinked in surprise. Was it possible that Kira really thought so? To the officer such an attitude seemed unthinkable… After all, nothing could justify a flogging for just coming late to school… Besides… Why did he cling so much to that accursed reiatsu?

'What's more…' Kira went on, his voice somewhat stifled, 'H-Hinamori-san… and Abarai-kun… They too… Almost… Because of me… And… and then… They would have kept it a secret, I'm sure of it… I trust them and I know that, but… I still couldn't… I failed them… and hurt them… though they didn't deserve it, and yet… I couldn't tell them…' Izuru's hands clenched on his kosode-covered arms, and Gin once again felt a pang of guilt. For all the Hollows of Hueco Mundo, it seemed that the boy worried overmuch about his yesterday's promise to keep silent. 'I couldn't… to no-one… I gave my word…'

Gin felt his self-contempt grow rapidly. He wasn't mistaken, then… Kira Izuru had really suffered because of him and a promise he wouldn't have to make if Ichimaru Gin himself wasn't that careless in his plans. Dammit, if only the boy hadn't met him the previous morning… It might seem unlikely, yet the thought that he had brought harm to someone was hard to bear for Gin. Especially when it was about someone as innocent… someone who'd given his all to help him.

Ichimaru Gin involuntarily glanced at his arm and he cursed inwardly. It was a bitter knowledge… moreover, he still didn't know what he should do in current situation.

'And the worst thing is…' Izuru's voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, and Gin furrowed his brows anxiously. What else did the boy blame himself for? 'The worst thing is I didn't manage… I really, really wished to… I hoped that… But I c-couldn't…'

Izuru trailed off, the shame visible on his face. Gin squinted his eyes; the boy clearly didn't notice that even though he hadn't kept one promise — and not that he was to blame for that! — he'd stayed true to his word in the matter much more important, at least for Gin himself. It seemed, however, that the boy's current embarrassment was a result of something else than his sense of guilt… and Gin cursed his own stupidity when he realized what Kira meant this time. How could he forget about it? After all, the boy was suffering both in his soul and body… Twenty lashes…

_Ichimaru Gin, you dimwit!_

'I didn't manage…' Izuru's whisper drew his attention again. ' I couldn't keep another promise… You see it yourself, Lieutenant… I'm useless…'

He hid his face in his hands. The officer was almost sure that he would hear a sob now and he felt even worse. Yet nothing like that happened. Gin looked at the boy with admiration; Kira Izuru was clearly much braver than he realized himself. Still though, Gin would prefer him not to prove his bravery in such a way…

'Can't I do anything right?' he heard from behind Izuru's fingers. Gin suddenly felt irritation at the world as a whole, at himself and — to the smallest degree — at Kira Izuru. He had to do something about that… he owed the boy at least as much. Kira shouldn't torment himself because of something he was never guilty of…

'Look at me, Kira Izuru,' he ordered fiercely. It took a while before Kira hesitantly raised his head. He still looked a bit frightened.

'Do ya think that Gotei13 officers are monsters?,' Gin asked, watching Izuru intently. The boy's blue eyes widened in surprise, but then he fervently shook his head. Ichimaru Gin's smile instinctively widened. _Ya haven't met Zaraki Kenpachi yet. Or Unohana Retsu. Or… _

His smile faded.

_Aizen __Sōsuke ya've already met. _

'So… do ya think I'm a monster, then?' he investigated further. This time Izuru's denial was ever fiercer — and completely sincere, as Gin came to realize. He felt gratitude. Already there were some in Seireitei who…

He bit his lip. It wasn't the time to go all mushy over himself.

'Perhaps then,' he continued, 'ya think I'm an idiot?'

The boy looked at him in shock.

'Lieutenant Ichimaru…'

'Listen closely, Izuru,' Gin broke in, sitting on the river bank next to Kira. The grass was still damp, but right now it was insignificant. He should say aloud what needed to be spoken. 'From what I've heard so far, ya didn't do anythin' ya should feel guilty about … And I seriously don't think ya failed me,' he added, the boy looking at him hesitantly.

'That's right,' Gin continued resolutely, answering to Kira's unspoken doubts, though he didn't know why he was so determined to prove the boy his own worth. After all, despite Yamamoto-Genryūsai's prophecy, the officer didn't let anyone close to him. 'It wasn't yer fault that ya couldn't come… don't think I can't understand it…'

_Specially, that I hadn't even waited for ya_, he thought, suddenly feeling really bad.

'But…' Izuru dared to cut in, nervously twirling a blade of grass in his fingers. 'I didn't keep my promise…'

'Ya did,' replied Gin firmly. When he was answered with a disbelieving gaze, he felt he should comfort the boy with a gesture; however, he wasn't sure what to do. He never paid attention to such things; Rangiku was much better at that. 'Ya kept your promise, Izuru,' he repeated, gathering his courage and gently placing his hand on Kira's shoulder. The boy visibly started, his eyes again widening in surprise. Gin went on, 'Ya kept it for the price of yer dignity and inviolability, proving that yer worth my trust… There nothin' I can blame ya for, Kira Izuru.'

'Lieutenant…'

'Ya didn't tell anyone, did ya, Izuru? Even when…' Gin coughed while his voice suddenly faltered, and he casually put his kosode together, pretending it was from the cold. 'Even when ya knew what awaited ya?'

'N-no…' Kira Izuru confirmed shyly, looking away. Gin patted his shoulder lightly.

'And that's exactly what I mean,' he said in this happy voice of his that could baffle everyone. 'Then could ya please look at it this way, instead of getting depressed?'

Kira bit his lip; however, he looked a bit more confident now. Gin smiled slightly. It seemed his 'therapy' had effects, at least to some degree…

'By the way,' he added, trying to lighten up the mood for good. 'What's the problem with reiatsu?'

Kira Izuru blushed in an instant.

'I… I don't know what's going on,' he admitted, giving Gin a hesitant look. 'I think I'm just really poor at it, but… It happens that I can't detect others,' he finished, blushing even more fiercely.

Ichimaru Gin raised his eyebrows questioningly.

'Ya have anyone specific in mind?'

'Y-yeah,' replied Kira, somewhat reluctantly. 'You, Lieutenant.'

Gin blinked, taken aback. Impossible…

'Yer stupid or only naïve?' he asked. Kira looked at him, astounded. The officer shook his head, feigning resignation.

'What do they teach ya nowadays? Didn't ya know that the Gotei13 officers can mask their reiatsu if there's such need?'

'So that's why…' escaped Izuru's lips. Gin cast him a truly amused glance.

'Yup,' he admitted. 'So there's nothin' to worry about.'

A pale smile played upon Kira's lips, yet the boy remained silent. For a while they just sat there, and Gin realized that he was admiring the view.

He squinted his eyes. An autumn, colorful forest surrounded them, the sun was shining on the dark blue sky, and the stream they were sitting by glimmered in its light. It really was beautiful… or it would be if Kira Izuru's reiatsu wasn't throbbing with pain.

_Twenty lashes_, thought Gin. That needed to be fixed as well.

He rose resolutely and smiled, meeting the surprised blue of Kira's eyes. He extended his hand.

'Come with me… Izuru.'

* * *

**11.**

Kira Izuru still couldn't believe that he wasn't dreaming. He hadn't started the day in the best of moods… While it was true that Captain Ukitake had shown much generosity — seeing that Kira hadn't been well he had dispensed him from the classes for the whole day — yet to Kira it hadn't been much of a consolation. He was too diligent student to be content with a day off — and he hadn't had other reasons to feel happy about, either. Through the night, which he'd spent half-awake because of the pain, he had managed to convince himself about the immensity of his blame and the rightness of his punishment, and among these self-accusations he had forgotten the most important thing. The promise, he had been willing to sacrifice so much to keep, had blurred in his mind, giving place to remorse caused by the later events. As a result, all he had been unable to think about anything but his mistakes and he'd kept reproaching himself, belittling his services and denying their importance. Therefore when he had finally found himself in his favorite place by the stream — Captain Ukitake had ordered him to rest, but Kira hadn't felt like returning to the dorm — he'd been in lower spirits than any before. He'd had an overwhelming feeling that he was never going to find his way and he would only walk in circles on the path of weakness and inefficiency. His proud dreams of becoming a Shinigami had seemed distant and practically impossible to come true for someone like Kira Izuru.

And then Lieutenant Ichimaru had appeared almost out of nowhere and so it'd happened that Kira, to his own surprise, had opened his heart before him, telling everything about his worries and dilemmas. And Lieutenant Ichimaru had listened to him…

Kira bit his lip, suddenly feeling embarrassed. When he thought of it now, such behavior seemed terribly bold; back then, however, it'd felt only natural to act that way. He'd kept speaking because there had been someone actually listening to him; even though Kira was only an ordinary and scarcely talented Academy student addressing a high ranked Gotei 13 officer. And then, after Kira had told him all about his distress, Lieutenant Ichimaru had spoken, and his simple, accurate words and his clear judgement had brought back the light to Izuru's world and the meaning to his decisions. At that moment he'd felt closer to finding his own goal and path more than ever before…

'Wake up, Izuru,' he heard an amused voice. 'Have fun.'

Kira Izuru momentarily blushed. As he had already seen for himself, Lieutenant Ichimaru was very… direct.

'Sorry…' he began, rather embarrassed, yet the officer didn't let him finish.

'Ya gotta stop apologizin' fer everythin', Izuru,' he reprimanded Kira jokingly. 'It gotta be the seventh time since we came here…'

Izuru blushed even more. 'Here' meant no less than the very heart of Seireitei. They were walking down these spacious streets — that looked completely identical, at least in Kira's opinion — for some time already, passing by the quarters of Gotei 13 Divisions. They were heading for the Fourth Division's barracks, as the Fifth Division's Lieutenant had explained to him.

_Strange_, thought Izuru. He was aware that the Fourth Division consisted of the best healers not only in Seireitei, but in the whole Soul Society, therefore he supposed he knew why Lieutenant Ichimaru was taking him there. Under any other circumstances it would seem much to bold to him; what was more, he would be afraid of feeling even more humiliated — and yet he felt no hesitation while following the officer.

He would follow him anywhere…

Kira closed his eyes, another memory of this morning coming back to him. The memory of a hand, extended in helpful gesture and a slightly disturbing yet all the same warm smile.

"_Come with me, Izuru."_

And so he, Kira Izuru, had stood up to follow Ichimaru Gin. He had taken that hand, letting himself be guided, though he hadn't know yet where the Lieutenant of the Fifth Division had wanted to take him.

Still, he had felt with all his heart that he wanted to trust him. Even if he couldn't tell why…

A quiet 'Ouch!,' escaped his lips when he bumped into something. His common sense chuckled with satisfaction. _You know, walking with one's eyes closed isn't the best of ideas…_ Kira reluctantly agreed with it and quickly opened his eyes.

No sooner he had done so, he felt like closing them again. The 'something' he had bumped into turned out to actually be "someone". To be more precise, a woman. On top of that — Kira gulped — a woman wearing a captain's haori…

Izuru suddenly felt faint and it had nothing to do with yesterday's flogging. It was… It was captain… Captain…

'Captain Unohana! What a pleasant surprise!,' Lieutenant Ichimaru exclaimed, clearly delighted. 'We've arrived, Izuru-kun,' he added, tapping Kira's shoulder lightly.

Izuru, who, having already recovered from the initial shock, had bowed right away, now straightened himself up — a bit too quickly, it seemed, considering the condition of his back. He staggered a little; fortunately, the officer caught his elbow in time.

Captain Unohana turned around to face them, her gaze intent.

'It's my pleasure as well,' she replied but her polite tone sounded inscrutable to Kira's ears. 'And that would be…' she began, shifting her eyes to Izuru.

'Academy's second year, Kira Izuru.' Kira bowed once again, more carefully this time. He felt that the last time one of his wounds must have opened; the pain he had managed to ignore so far, at least to some degree, became much stronger now. 'It's an honor to meet you, Captain Unohana,' he finished, barely holding back a painful wince. He noticed a shade of worry in the Fourth Division's Captain's eyes.

'I believe you have something to ask me, Lieutenant Ichimaru?' she asked. Izuru felt more and more uneasy under her scrutinizing gaze. 'What is it?'

'Could we get inside?' Ichimaru Gin replied with a question, placing his hands on Kira's shoulders in an almost protective gesture. Captain Unohana raised her eyebrows slightly.

'Of course. Everyone is welcome in the Fourth.'

Kira looked around discreetly and only now he realized they had been standing by the healers' quarters for some time already. Now they followed Captain Unohana through a vast courtyard, Lieutenant Ichimaru but a step behind Kira, his hand still on Izuru's shoulder. Kira couldn't quite understand it, however, he didn't dare to ask. Only when they entered the building, and Captain Unohana left them for a moment to discuss about some diagnosis with a younger healer, did the officer decide to explain.

'There's blood on yer kosode, Izuru-kun,' he half-whispered into Kira's ear. Izuru tried to look around, frightened, yet Lieutenant Ichimaru stopped him from doing so. 'Carefully,' he added. 'Try not to draw attention…'

Kira dropped his gaze. The officer's voice sounded as carefree as usual, devoid of any traces of worry or anxiety. And yet, for reasons best known to himself, the officer wanted to save him shame — something Izuru was really grateful for.

_What if he wants to save his own skin that way? And to avoid underhand accusations that it was him who had hurt you?_, his common sense asked maliciously.

Izuru bit his lip. That thought was… ugly. And definitely out of place.

Besides why should Lieutenant Ichimaru bring him here himself if he wanted to avoid the possible blame…?

_Ha! Why indeed…?_

He didn't have a chance to reflect on it any longer, because at the same moment he heard Captain Unohana's voice.

'Follow me, please,' she said and then led them through a bright, spacious corridor. Members of the Fourth Division, busy with their own tasks, passed them by as they walked and Kira cowered a bit, feeling as if everyone was looking at him. He felt Lieutenant Ichimaru's fingers tighten on his shoulder reassuringly.

_Yeah… Just keep calm…_

Suddenly, they stopped and Izuru realized they must have arrived at Captain Unohana's office. To his surprise he didn't see guards anywhere, but maybe the reason for that was the fact they were in hospital.

'Come in, please,' Captain Unohana opened the sliding doors, her words once again sounding more like an order to Kira's ears.

They entered; Lieutenant Ichimaru waited for Captain Unohana to take her place behind a low table, then he sat himself, urging Izuru to do the same. Kira dropped his gaze straight away. He still felt intimidated by this situation and the fact that his bloodied clothes could draw someone's attention didn't raise his spirits either.

'What is it, then?' asked Captain Unohana. Izuru didn't dare to raise his eyes, but he could feel her piercing gaze. 'What is it that you want to talk with me about, Lieutenant Ichimaru?'

The officer didn't answer at once.

'Well…' he began after a while. 'I'm pretty sure that, bein' the professional ya are, ya've already noticed that our Kira Izuru here isn't… well, how to put that…

'In his best shape?' finished the Captain of the Fourth Division. Kira started, a blush creeping into his cheeks. Was his weakness so noticeable?

'Exactly,' Lieutenant Ichimaru admitted. 'That's why I decided it would be best to bring him here, where he can get professional help.'

'That's highly commendable indeed,' replied Captain Unohana in a kind voice, yet Kira got the impression she didn't actually like the Fifth Division's officer. 'Of course, here in Fourth Division we don't refuse anyone help, yet… What I would like to know is why you brought the boy here, Lieutenant Ichimaru, instead of the school infirmary. The healers there are as professional as ours, after all.'

The Lieutenant of the Fifth Division kept silent for a while yet again, before he answered.

'Umm… I dare say yer gonna understand my motives once ya see his… injuries.'

Izuru raised his head abruptly, startled. Was… was Lieutenant Ichimaru suggesting that Kira should be taken care of by Captain Unohana herself? No… this simply couldn't be… Why should anyone of such a high rank waste his time on an Academy student?

For some time the Captain of the Fourth Division only watched them thoughtfully.

'If I'm not mistaken,' she finally resumed,' you wish me to tend to Kira Izuru in person? Is that so, Lieutenant Ichimaru?'

Kira pricked up his ears. No, even Lieutenant Ichimaru couldn't be that bold…

'That's precisely how it is,' the officer replied. Kira Izuru looked at him, stunned, unable to believe in what he'd just heard. It couldn't be real…

Contrary to what he expected, Captain Unohana didn't protest. He gaze was now fixed on Lieutenant Ichimaru.

'Am I right to assume,' she asked, 'that Kira Izuru's injuries are rather… special?'

'Well, ya definitely can't get such while falling down the stairs, for example,' the officer replied. 'As ya probably already know, I suppose.'

Kira gulped nervously. The Fifth Division's Lieutenant was really going too far…

'I already know, indeed,' admitted Captain Unohana with a charming smile that sent shivers down Izuru's back. 'You also seem to know quite a lot,' she added, a bit skeptically. 'Where from, I wonder.'

Kira looked at her in disbelief. Was that supposed to be a suggestion that Lieutenant Ichimaru could have something to do with Izuru's ordeal. He was about to explain the matter — especially as he felt rather uneasy being only the subject of their conversation — however, Lieutenant Ichimaru beat him to it.

'From Izuru himself, of course,' he said, smiling disarmingly. 'I've met him this morning and decided that he needed help. Isn't that so, Izuru?'

Kira, who didn't expect to be asked about his opinion, at first just blinked, confused. Whatever he had wanted to say a moment before was now forgotten, so he could only nod.

'I see,' Captain Unohana stated. 'And may I assume you would like me to… solve that matter?'

'I'd be most obliged.' Lieutenant Ichimaru was still smiling. 'As far as I know, such practices were banned long ago.'

'Indeed, they were. You seem really well informed, Lieutenant Ichimaru,' the Fourth Division's Captain remarked, with rather suggestive look on her face. The officer's smile got even brighter.

'Does that mean that ya'll give me this honor and comply with my little request?'

'I will,' Captain Unohana confirmed. 'And I think it would indeed be well for Kira-san to stay in the Fourth Division… until things get better.'

'That's great!' Lieutenant Ichimaru sounded all too happy to hear that. 'If it's indeed so…' suddenly he stood up, much to Kira's surprise. 'I'm leaving ya in the best of hands, Izuru-kun. Have a nice day, Captain! Bye-bye, Izuru!' he added all too quickly and, before either of them had the chance to answer, he disappeared behind the sliding door.

For a while Kira just looked blankly at the door, too surprised by the officer's departure to react in any way. It was so sudden — one moment Lieutenant Ichimaru was there, sitting right beside him, the next one, he was gone. Izuru felt as if he suffered some great loss… he couldn't let himself be disappointed, after all, the officer had done so much for him already…

'Kira-san.' He started at these words. When he turned his head he saw the Fourth Division's Captain standing next to him, a gentle smile upon her lips. He rose at once, dropping his gaze and muttering apologies, yet Captain Unohana didn't seem to mind.

'Come, Kira-san,' she repeated. 'Let us see what ails you.'

Her voice was calm and kind, and yet it didn't leave room for protest. Kira only nodded and with a quiet sigh he followed the Captain of the Fourth Division.

* * *

**12.**

Rain was rustling outside the Fifth Division quarters, its silvery curtain obscuring the view. Ichimaru Gin took another dried persimmon from the plate on his desk and thoughtfully tapped his fingers on the desk top.

He had been in a quite reflective mood whole day — and, indeed, he had a lot to think about. At work, the memory of the last events had absorbed him so much that he had finished filling the documents from the last few days in almost no time, and the pile of papers had finally disappeared from his desk. As far as he remembered, Aizen had commented on it — yet Gin couldn't remember his words right now. He had matters of much greater importance on his mind.

He winced a little, taking another bite of his persimmon. He had fled from the Fourth Division barracks as if a horde of Hollows had been chasing him — and he wasn't proud of that at all. He had left Izuru without a single word of explanation, though he owed him much more — after everything the boy had to suffer for his sake, a simple "thank you" just couldn't be enough.

Gin's smile faded completely. A flogging. A cruel, anachronistic punishment inflicted for the help that had been given without any hesitation and for staying true to one's word…

No-one had ever made such sacrifice for him.

He shook his head in disbelief. The morning before they had met only for the second time in their life — still, the boy had decided to help him. On top of that, later, when he had to choose between the flogging and breaking his word, he had gone for the first option and the pain brought with it. Gin was deeply moved by the trust he had gained and he still couldn't understand what he had done to deserve that. Or maybe that selfless loyalty lay in Kira Izuru's very nature?

Gin rose from his chair and stood by the window, looking at the pouring rain. He had another bite of the persimmon.

_Twenty lashes_, he thought. Twenty damned lashes. That's why he had practically run away from the Fourth Division — he had half expected that captain Unohana would ask him to witness Kira's treatment. Yet, Gin didn't want to know what had been hidden under the boy's white kosode. That one bloody mark was more than enough…

He kept observing the downpour, but his hand clenched on the windowsill. It was strange: though he felt a pang of conscience every time he spilled someone's blood, right now he was feeling as bad as if he had actually killed somebody. And yet he hadn't even drawn his sword… Still…

Gin bit his lip. To think that Kira Izuru had been enduring the punishment's outcome without as much as a single cry…

He was brave; much braver than Gin could have expected from him — still, at the same time, he was unusually kind. Did someone like him have even a slightest chance to find his place in the hard world of Gotei 13, so full of fighting and treachery hidden in the shadows?

Ichimaru Gin furrowed his eyebrows. Quite unexpectedly, his answer to that question was positive. He could imagine Kira as a Shinigami, and not just your everyday one, but a true officer: brave and loyal, sensible and kind at the same time. The boy had an undeniable potential and he could evolve into a great person — maybe even a future captain — if he only was provided with the right environment…

_Aizen_, he thought suddenly. Aizen had already picked him out. If he was going to lay his dirty hands on the boy…

Gin's knuckles whitened when he clenched his hand even harder. He wasn't going to allow such thing. If he could only protect Kira somehow…

He froze; the hand holding the persimmon stopped midair. Why should he care? Why did he want to prevent Kira Izuru from coming close to Aizen so much?

He hesitated. He wasn't sure what drove him, but right now it wasn't that important. He wanted to protect Izuru… wouldn't it be better then if the boy stayed away from the Fifth Division and, what couldn't be avoided in such case, from Ichimaru Gin himself?

Gin squinted his eyes. That was a strangely unpleasant thought. Suddenly he found himself torn between his wish to protect Kira in person and the need for keeping the boy away from Aizen Sōsuke's plans.

He sighed quietly and returned to his desk. He sat down, resting his forehead on his folded hands. What should he do? And what was so special about Kira Izuru that he, Ichimaru Gin, couldn't stop thinking about him?

Gin definitely hadn't met anyone like that before — and no-one had made such a great impression on him. Izuru could be seen as an obedient and subordinated boy, and he certainly was one — but that wasn't all there was to him. Actually, it seemed to Gin that orders and duties became secondary when it came to matters that were somehow important to Kira.

Meaning that… Gin was someone important to him?

If anyone came into the room this very moment, he would see an unusual sight. There were but a few people who had ever seen the golden glint of Ichimaru Gin's eyes… and there was no-one who had seen them open wide in surprise bordering with shock.

Gin took a deep breath. Was anything like that even possible, especially considering the fact that they had met only three times and in rather particular circumstances? And, if it really was so, was Izuru himself aware of that?

However… it wasn't the respect for a Gotei 13 officer that had driven Kira Izuru when he had promised Gin silence the morning before in the grove. It was the awareness that the officer was no-one else but Ichimaru Gin.

Gin closed his eyes. He didn't want to dwell on that any longer — after all, he had promised himself not to let anyone get close to him. He kept at a distance even Rangiku Matsumoto and yet…

And yet he still wanted to talk to Kira Izuru, to ask him why — and to make sure how accurate his own observations were. However, Gin already suspected that Izuru wouldn't deny them.

What was more… he still hadn't thanked the boy which made him feel more guilty with every passing moment. He should make up for it as soon as possible…

Gin sighed. He was aware he shouldn't only thank Izuru but apologize to him as well — but he also knew he wouldn't find enough courage to do so. He would rather apologize with his deeds, making them look quite casually. Nevertheless, he had a feeling that no matter what he would do for Izuru, it was really important to say "I'm sorry".

He shook his head, leaning back in the chair. _Maybe one day… _

But he definitely should visit Kira in the Fourth Division. Still — he looked at the darkening sky — not today. Captain Unohana would never forgive him if he disturbed the patient's rest.

Gin smiled — a completely different smile from his usual one.

_Sleep well, Izuru. _

_

* * *

_**13.**

Kira Izuru had indeed slept well that night. Actually, he had been sleeping through most of the morning and when he woke up and realized that, his conscience awoke as well. Luckily, he quickly understood that no-one in the Fourth Division was going to blame him for that and he calmed down a bit. And then he forgot about it completely because of Hinamori-san's and Abarai-kun's unexpected visit. They both looked quite tired (_"I would've never thought that kidō test would be so difficult… If anyone is going to pass it, that'll be Hinamori…" "Please stop it, Abarai-kun, I'm pretty sure you will pass as well."_), but they seemed really happy to see Kira doing much better. At the memory of the kidō test, Izuru once again felt a pang of guilt, but then he concentrated on other news his friends had brought with them — the news that turned out to be much more interesting.

It seemed that much had happened in the Academy during Kira's short absence. The previous afternoon a courier from the Fourth Division had delivered the message that Kira Izuru had been staying under their medical care (_"You have no idea what a relief it was, Kira-kun! You have disappeared so suddenly!_) and the same evening Captain Unohana herself had arrived in the school. Admittedly, neither Renji nor Hinamori had seen her, but the news itself was more than reliable — it came from Hisagi Shūhei, who had noticed the Captain of the Fourth Division while returning from his exam (_"He has only one more left, isn't that great, Kira-kun?_). According to Hisagi's version, Captain Unohana had been leaving the headmaster's office — and this very morning it turned out that the teacher who had treated Kira so cruelly had been dismissed irrevocably. Izuru raised his eyebrows at hearing this. Was that what Lieutenant Ichimaru had been talking about when he had mentioned "taking care of things" to Captain Unohana?

_Lieutenant Ichimaru… _

He sighed softly, carefully putting his kosode on. After his friends had left — surprisingly enough, neither of them had asked him how he had actually ended up in the Fourth Division (Kira suspected they were overexcited because of the test and his own recovery) — Lieutenant Kotetsu came to check on him. After the examination Captain Unohana joined her for a short consultation, and both ladies agreed to release Kira from their care — unless there was anything else ailing him. There wasn't — and right now he was slowly preparing himself to leave the room. After all, it was late afternoon already.

He was indeed feeling better. Captain Unohana had spent quite some time healing his back the day before, and it certainly wasn't an experience Izuru wanted to remember. To make the matters worse, it had turned out that Hinamori-san's attempts to help him had only worsened his condition. Kira had understood little from Captain Unohana's quiet remarks — but he had heard something about the necessity of adjusting the spell to the patient's reiatsu. Izuru had taken note to never mention it in Hinamori-san's presence, and then, after the treatment had ended, he had expressed his gratitude to the Fourth Division's Captain and her subordinates for the received help. Captain Unohana just smiled kindly in reply and ordered him — softly but firmly — to rest.

And so Kira had been resting, his mood gradually becoming better as well. He wasn't really sure what had been the cause of that — the atmosphere in the Fourth Division, the fact that he hadn't been in pain anymore, or the memories of the unexpected kindness that had been shown to him — yet he was beginning to feel almost optimistic, and that was a fact. Right now he was also quite happy, even if in his own shy way. He was glad that he was returning to his friends, that Hisagi-san had passed his exams and that no-one else was to be punished the way he had been. Yet, what made him happier than anything else was the fact that Captain Unohana hadn't asked him a single question about the reasons behind his suffering.

However, there was this one dark spot that spoiled the otherwise perfect image.

Lieutenant Ichimaru, after he had disappeared from Captain Unohana's office, didn't come to see him even once.

Kira shook his head, trying to disentangle the ties of his clothing. It would have been much too bold to expect that the Gotei 13 lieutenant would have enough time to spare to visit people in hospitals — especially considering the fact that Izuru spent there just one day. He had no right to have such expectations.

And yet, after all the attempts to convince himself about that, he still felt a little disappointed that Lieutenant Ichimaru hadn't found even a moment for him… Just a few minutes would have been enough… just enough for Kira to thank him…

'Good mornin', Izuru,' said someone behind his back. Hearing that particular voice, Izuru froze at first, just to fervently finish tying his hakama moments later. He turned around shyly — and realized that what he had just heard wasn't an illusion.

On the windowsill sat the Lieutenant of the Fifth Division, Ichimaru Gin. And he was holding a paper bag full of persimmons.

* * *

**14.**

Ichimaru Gin had been sure that Kira Izuru would agree to go for a walk — he had actually suspected the boy would have agreed even if he hadn't fully recovered. Fortunately, he looked like he was feeling much better — the uncertainty and cautiousness from the day before had vanished from his movements, which was a proof that Izuru hadn't been in so much pain anymore. Absently, Gin smiled a little wider — it was a relief to know that.

They were taking a stroll in the Fourth Division gardens — to be more precise, in the part only available to the healers and thus much less frequented. At first, Izuru had seemed rather uneasy because of that, but after Gin's mischievous explanation he had visibly calmed down, though he had blushed at his words. Now he was leisurely walking beside Gin and looking around with dreamy eyes.

I was no wonder — even Gin had to admit that the garden looked really pretty in the afternoon's golden sunlight. It was a fair day, with a few puddles being the only remnants of yesterday's rain. If only the omnipresent smell of herbs wasn't irritating his nose…

Gin reached to his bag for another persimmon. He had come here to talk with the boy, and yet they had exchanged but a few words so far. Still, the silence didn't feel awkward, quite the contrary — Ichimaru Gin didn't feel like disturbing it at all. It was so peaceful… How long had it been since he had last felt such peace?

Nevertheless, he knew that he couldn't delay it too long. The boy had to return to the Academy before dusk. Gin took a deep breath, mustering his courage — he would never have thought he could feel unsure for such reason — and as he was about to open his mouth, Kira Izuru spoke first.

'Lieutenant Ichimaru…'

There was something in the boy's voice that told Gin to stop and look at him more closely. And, as soon as he did so, Ichimaru Gin understood that whatever he wanted to say would have to wait in the face of determination in Kira's eyes.

'What is it, Izuru?'

To his surprise, the boy suddenly bowed so deeply that Gin could see the fair hair on the back of his neck.

'Please, let me express my gratitude, Lieutenant Ichimaru,' Izuru began, a little shyly at first, but his voice sounded more firmly with every moment, 'for your help, support and concern. I do not know what I have done to deserve it, but I am honored that you have found some time for me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Lieutenant, sir.

'Izuru…' sighed Gin, astounded, but he regained his composure after a little while. The boy's words resembled an officer's report to his superior. He smiled mischievously.

'My, my, Izuru… Ya shouldn't be so stiff or they'll take you to the Sixth,' _and I won't be able to help you anymore_, he wanted to add, but he bit his tongue just in time. 'Go on, straighten up… my back hurts just from lookin' at ya. That's an order.'

At these words the boy finally moved, standing upright in an instant — just to finally look up at Gin moments later, his eyes both surprised and a bit frightened. However, both these feelings appeared to subside, and Kira seemed regaining his confidence, when he realized that Gin's words had been but a joke.

'B-but… I'm not in Gotei 13,' he replied softly, still looking embarrassed, though a smile crept onto his lips. Gin noted that humor was seemingly the best way to reach Izuru. 'And I doubt I'll ever…'

'But ya'll be,' Ichimaru Gin interrupted him firmly, realizing that he really believed in what he'd just said. 'Ya'll be for sure.'

'Lieutenant Ichimaru…' whispered Izuru and Gin froze, meeting a gaze so starry and so dreamy that he couldn't have any doubts anymore.

The boy had fallen for him — and it was both frightening and surprising. After all, Gin didn't want to bond with anyone — and yet, unknowingly, he had become… important for Kira Izuru. There was no need to ask, Gin could already see the answer in his eyes — and he couldn't understand. How could anyone had fallen for somebody like him? He was a spy and a murderer — for so called "greater good", true — yet it was kept secret from anyone in Seireitei but Yamamoto-Genryūsai. Still, he was hardly liked — the fact that he distanced himself from others, his mischievousness and most of all his unnerving smile definitely didn't help him to find friends. And for someone as innocent as Izuru it would be best to stay as far away from him as possible.

Nevertheless, knowing that someone had taken such an unconditional liking to him made him feel pleasantly warm inside — not something he'd really felt before. And the fact that he was liked by someone as pure and kind as Kira Izuru made it even more special.

He smiled — a really heartfelt smile this time — and he decided to return their talk to a bit more… neutral ground.

'Whatta pretty moon over the greenhouse, don't ya think, Izuru?' he noted lightly. Izuru followed his gaze in the direction where the pale quarter moon was rising onto the autumn sky — and suddenly he let out a quiet laugh.

Gin looked at him with interest.

'Umm? What's so funny, Izuru-kun?'

Kira Izuru shook his head, once again seeming a little embarrassed.

'It's nothing, Lieutenant, sir… I just… remembered something. Something Abarai-kun have said about the greenhouse… That I've been doing something there and that's why I was late for school… Still, I don't know what he could mean…'

It was one of those rare moments when Ichimaru Gin didn't know what to answer. He could only hope that the reddening sunlight hid the blush that crept onto his cheeks.

_Well, well… Abarai-kun… Who would have thought… _

What was more, Izuru didn't seem to notice any second meaning to these words at all. Gin barely stopped himself from letting out an incredulous sigh. Could one really be so innocent?

Well, the answer was standing right before him, watching him with expectant, blue eyes.

Gin felt his surprise slowly turning into amusement. This situation was indeed pretty absurd. The very idea that Kira Izuru could be meeting someone — anyone! — behind the greenhouse seemed unreal. And Gin, most definitely, hadn't just thought that Izuru might actually meet…

Stop. He hadn't thought that, not by any means. Period.

'Anything happened, Lieutenant, sir?' asked Izuru gently, a trace of worry in his voice.

_Answer, Gin. And change the topic. Just change it. _

'Nooo, everything's fine,' he replied, a disarming smile on his lips. 'Want a persimmon, Izuru?' Gin looked into the bag and his face fell. _Oh dear…_

'Erm…' He scratched his head, quite embarrassed. 'Seems I've eaten them all…'

Kira Izuru let out another laugh — a very nice laugh, as Gin suddenly realized. He felt like spending more time with the boy, but it was getting late. Izuru would soon have to go back to the Academy, and there was still one thing left for Gin to tell him. The sooner, the better.

'Izuru,' he began. 'Wait up, Izuru.'

They stopped amidst the herb-beds. The boy was watching him intently, yet still with a bit of shyness.

_Speak, Ichimaru Gin. Isn't that what you've come here for?_

'Thank ya, Izuru-kun,' he said and for the first time this afternoon he was completely serious. Still, he hesitated before he continued. 'The Gotei 13 is going to be proud of ya one day… believe me.'

He should tell the boy how much he appreciated his help. He should tell him how much he was impressed by his loyalty, trust and selflessness. He should … but the words stuck in his throat.

Instead, he said the most sincere thing he could bring himself to right now — and it still was enough to fill Kira Izuru's eyes with light he'd seen in them a few minutes before.

'Lieutenant, sir…' uttered the boy shyly, blushing fiercely. 'I… really…'

'Ya really should head back now, Izuru,' Gin interrupted him. 'I've taken enough of yer time… ya must be dead bored by now,' he added with a smile, though he wasn't happy about parting with Kira at all.

'Not in the slightest,' protested Izuru quickly. 'I… I'm really grateful you have spent so much time with me…'

'So am I, Izuru,' Gin replied, his smile widening. 'But now ya better run to the dorm, unless ya wanna be late again… because of me.'

Kira looked at him with hesitation to smile radiantly just moments later.

'G-good night, Lieutenant Ichimaru…'

'Bye-bye, Izuru.' The warmth of Izuru's smile really was contagious. 'Go on.'

The boy ran through the autumn garden bathed in evening sunlight. Gin watched him go — and he kept looking even when Izuru had disappeared round the corner. Finally, he shook his head, turning his gaze to the slowly darkening sky. He didn't feel like returning to the Fifth Division's barracks just now — his current mood was to good for that. Gin didn't want to find himself so close to treachery and lies so soon — not when he finally felt that life offered him something good. Something he wanted to deserve.

_Kira Izuru…_

For the first time in years, he saw the light ahead of him.

For the first time in his life, he really wanted do believe in the Head-Commander's Yamamoto prophecy.


	3. Shōgi

**~3~**  
**Shōgi**

* * *

A hand holding one of the pawns stopped mid-air, hovering over the board.

'Him? Are you really sure about that?'

_Smile. Remember to smile. _

'Entirely sure, cap'n Aizen.'

Furrowed eyebrows, an inscrutable look from behind the glasses. The glasses that had always been only a mask.

A move.

'Quite… interesting decision.'

_Smile. Let him see only your smile. _

A move.

'Do ya disapprove of it, cap'n?'

A moment of silence. Rays of the setting sun reflected in these horn-rimmed glasses. Aizen Sōsuke looked like everything he had never been: a noble, kind-hearted leader, worried about Soul Society's fate.

A move.

'Well… It seems to me that you could have thought this over a little better, Gin.'

_Could I? Well, may__be I could… But I want him beside me. I need him. Not as a puppet, not as a pawn in your subtle game of power, more complicated than this shōgi match. But you'll never understand it, Aizen. You don't know what the bond between people is. _

"_You may meet the people and you may rejoice."_

A move. A smile. And a light, careless tone.

'Beggin' yer forgiveness, cap'n Aizen. Hard thinkin' is soooo borin'.'

Another reddish reflection in the glasses. A move.

'That's why I would prefer you to ask me for advice first, Gin. It's… important.'

'I know, cap'n Aizen. And I can assure ya it'll do no harm to… our… plans.'

A move and a smile — even wider than before. He had the advantage.

Aizen looked at the board thoughtfully.

'I see that you like… risky moves?,' he asked, capturing one of Gin's pawns.

"_You may lose the people and you may suffer."_

'Not as risky as it may seem,' he replied. He had just captured one of Aizen's lances. 'I don't think lil' Izuru is such a bad choice after all…'

_I don't want to lose him. I __don't want to. I know it's going to happen, sooner or later, but I don't want to think about it. Not yet. The only thing I want now is to have him beside me as my lieutenant… Him and nobody else. _

'Whence the conclusion, Gin?' The mask of polite interest could have deceived anyone but Ichimaru Gin, who had always realized its existence. 'I assume you have not made your decision on a mere whim…?'

'I wouldn't dare, cap'n Aizen.'_ I know your face, Aizen. The one you hide even from your allies. You won't deceive me. _'Yet I dare say Izuru has the right potential…'

A questioning gaze. Aizen rested his chin on his hand.

'To become your lieutenant, Gin?'

A smile. More deceitful than before.

'To be useful to us, cap'n Aizen.'

'I would say…' a move, accompanied by highly raised brows, 'that our current situation is the most… advantageous to us. Is there anything I have not noticed, Gin?'

_Look out. Be an enigma. Smile. _

'It'd be too bold to claim somethin' like that, cap'n Aizen.'

'If so, then I am afraid you are overestimating him, Gin. I've been observing him closely for quite some time… and I cannot see anything we can gain from using him. The Fourth Division is a perfect place for Kira-kun.'

_Oh yes. A perfect place to humiliate him. To break him__. That's what you're aiming for, isn't it, Aizen? You wanted to get rid of Izuru, as you had gotten rid of Abarai, but it wasn't enough just to send him away… You want to ruin him… why? Is that because he's never been so blinded by you as Hinamori-kun is?_

_Any chance that you're afraid, Aizen?_

_If he stayed there, he could save lives instead of taking them. __Yet he would be no-one — I'm sure you would take care of that. _

_I've seen his eyes, Aizen. The eyes full of __bitter disappointment. I won't let you hurt him. That's why I'm going to say all these vile thing, all these mean, cruel words… I'll strip him off his virtues, belittle his services, laugh at his skills, while pointing out only these features you may find useful. I'll say all this… and I'll hate myself for that, but at least I'll be able to protect him from you. _

_And then… then I__'ll live and hope that one day he'll be able to forgive me. _

_Forgive me, Izuru… _

A move.

'As usual, I'm most impressed with yer insight, cap'n Aizen. However, with yer permission…' a move, another advantage 'I think that Izuru's transfer has been a bit… rash.'

_Look out, Gin. Every word is __of greatest importance. _

Squinted eyes, a red gleam of sun on the board's surface. A sudden chill — perhaps just a gust of the evening wind.

A move.

A smile. More deceptive than any previous smile of Ichimaru Gin, the freshly appointed captain of the Gotei13's Third Division.

'Forgive me if I'm too bold, cap'n Aizen… I don't want to negate yer decisions, not by any means… but there's this possibility that yer view of things may be a lil'… incomplete.

Aizen knitted his brows.

'What do you want to say by that, Gin?'

'Well… Moths… are always drawn to the light.'

_I want to be __the light to you, Izuru. I don't want you to burn in that light._

A move. And questioningly raised eyebrows.

'You imply that he is… emotionally attached to you?'

'I dare say that he is, cap'n Aizen.'

A half-smile. Sunlight reflected in the glasses.

'Why shall we need a single moth dancing around the flame?'

_The smile.__ Let it follow your every step._

'The moth won't fly away, cap'n Aizen… It won't fly away until the fire dies… or the moth itself dies in the fire. Izuru will be loyal to us. He's a very polite boy, in every way. He'll never refuse, especially if I ask him.'

A move.

'You seem to be pretty convinced about that, Gin. How come?'

'Oh, he owes me his precious life, cap'n. I think that's more than enough to win him over.'

A move. Aizen's skeptically wry face.

'I still don't understand what profits can we have from someone so… spineless as him.'

'But it's all to our advantage, cap'n!' _Smile. Make him believe you have fun saying that. _'That excludes all attempts of rebellion or protest on his part. We don't need another Abarai-kun, do we, cap'n Aizen?'

'We definitely don't, Gin. Yet I'd like to point out to you that Abarai-kun has been much more… enthusiastic.'

'Oh, but Izuru can also be very committed. All he needs is an adequate… spur.'

'And that would be?'

'He just needs to feel a lil' important… He needs to feel he means somethin'… to someone… and he will carry out our ev'ry order.'

_Loyalty is your strength, Izuru. Don't let it become your curse__… _

Aizen Sōsuke's doubtful gaze.

'Every order, you say?'

'Ev'ry single one, cap'n. He's like an ivy bush that needs support to grow. Just give him that — and we'll gain a devoted follower.'

A scrutinizing look. Aizen tilted his head a bit.

'And you of all people would be willing to become that support, Gin? That's unexpectedly… generous of you.'

_Listen, Gin. Listen and don't let him __ensnare you.'_

'I only act in our common interest.' A move and a theatrically hurt tone. 'Are ya suggestin' it could be any different?'

A slightly raised eyebrow. A half-smile. A move.

'What if I am, Gin?'

A move.

_Don't try these cheap tricks with me, Aizen. I know you__ through and through — while you're never going to see my true face. Unless I decide to show it to you. _

'Then I'd be really downhearted because of yer lack of trust, cap'n Aizen.'

A quiet laugh, almost sickening. A move.

'No need to worry, Gin… I know you would never do anything that could be bad for my plans. You're too intelligent for that…'

_You trust no-one, Aizen. Even us. __But I won't give you any reason for suspicions. _

_What is truly dreadful is the treachery you cannot see. _

A move. And a flatteringly deceitful smile.

'I'm really glad to hear that, cap'n Aizen.'

'I'm glad to see you showing initiative, Gin. Yet, do you really think he will manage the lieutenant's duties? If he is supposed to have at least an illusion of authority… don't you think he lacks self-confidence a little too much?

_You despise him, Aizen. __You think he's a weak, worthless coward, who deserves that humiliating seat in the Fourth at most. You make a grave mistake._

_Izuru has a potential you don't see. __He has abilities you deny him. He is ambitious and he wants to prove that he can be equal to those standing above him. Not before you. Not even before me — but before himself. The only thing he lacks is self-confidence — and that's what I want to give him. As little as that. As much as that. _

"_You may command the people and you may serve them."_

'All the better for us, cap'n Aizen. The more he is uncertain of his position, the more bound to us he'll become. The more he'll blame himself for his supposed lack of competence, the easier it'll be for us to steer him and persuade him to make even more effort.'

Another meaningful half-smile.

'And you, Gin…' a move, 'you will be his patient, understanding superior…'

_I know what you expect of me, Aizen. __You want me to make him dependent on me… to the point when he'll ask me for advice on every little thing, trusting my judgment completely. To the point when he'll be deprived of his own will and his decisions will become mine — and yours. You want me to be a god and an oracle for him — but I won't do that, Aizen. I would rather have him doubt, have him have his suspicions — then I'll be sure that he remains himself and that he'll be able to manage on his own if there is such need._

_I've seen what you did to Hinamori-kun. __I've seen that and I'd rather die than let you do a similar thing to Izuru. _

A move.

'I have much to learn from ya in that respect, cap'n Aizen.'

A satisfied smile on Aizen Sōuke's face.

'No doubt about that, Gin. But as for your decision…' A move. Aizen let his words hang in the air. For a moment the cicadas' song was the only sound in the room.

_I know what you're thinking, Aizen. __You think you've seen through me… that you know my motives._

_I'll let you believe__ that. _

'Alright, Gin… Considering your services up to now I'm willing to agree… though I still have my doubts about that choice. Yet, if it would give you… pleasure…

Aizen accented the last word, his gaze half meaningful, half amused.

_Congratulations, Gin. __He swallowed the bait. _

A move. Time for the last argument.

'Nothin' escapes ya, cap'n Aizen.' A smile, a mischievously apologetic tone. 'Indeed… Izuru's so adorably innocent that I can't help but…'

'Enough, Gin'. Aizen Sōsuke sharply raised his hand. 'Spare me… the details. And one more thing, Gin. Don't ever try to deceive me. You may be smart — but you aren't smart enough.'

_S__mile. Smile, even if you feel only bitterness and disdain. What a scoundrel you are, Ichimaru Gin… _

'Yer word is my command, cap'n Aizen,'

A quick glance on the board. A draw?

'A draw,' confirmed Aizen Sōsuke, following his gaze. 'Interesting. I heard they do not happen too often. Still…' a closer look from under the furrowed brows, 'you had the chance to win this game, Gin.'

A tone full of polite surprise.

'Did I, cap'n?'

'Oh yes, Gin. If you had only sacrificed one of your pawns a few moves ago instead of the silver general, then I would have been deprived of the victory.'

Gin looked at the board more intently. Fortunately, the placing of his figures — the king, a few pawns and a single gold general — seemed completely accidental.

'Moreover,' Aizen continued, 'I must say I'm fascinated by your strategy. You seem to have a frightening tendency to absolutely illogical moves… and yet, every time, you manage to evade the disaster.

His most disarming smile.

'Pure luck, cap'n Aizen. I'm no tactician, ya know that. I tend to use my… imagination.'

'Most interesting,' Aizen smiled thoughtfully, turning one of the pawns in his fingers. 'If so… let me give you a piece of advice, Gin.'

'I'm all ears, cap'n Aizen.'

'You see, Gin… the pawns are meant to be used — and sacrificed if there is such need. You can't indulge yourself all the time…'

A smile. A deceptively repentant tone.

'Yer right as usual, cap'n. Seems I still have a lot to learn…'

'I will gladly give you another lesson, Gin.' A perfectly friendly look from behind the horn-rimmed glasses. 'If you find enough time among your new duties, that is.'

_A smile. Don't forget to smile. _

'I'll always find the time for ya, cap'n Aizen.' Gin folded the board, collected the pawns to a wooden box and hid both items in his kosode. He stood up. 'But now, with your permission… the Third Division awaits me.'

A nod. And a falsely kind smile.

'Don't let me keep you.'

Gin headed for the exit. He was about to open the sliding door when once again he heard Aizen's voice.

'Would you like me to inform captain Unohana about your… decision?'

Ichimaru Gin stopped mid-step, looking over his shoulder.

'I'd be honored, cap'n Aizen… but, if ya be so kind… I'd like to inform him myself.'

'But of course, Gin.' Another one of those seemingly warm smiles. 'Let him see you as your… savior. And as for now… goodnight, Gin.'

_Even a pawn can __mate the king. An ivy bush may strangle even the strongest tree. One man's decision may turn the tides of a war. _

_It's a mistake, Aizen. You make a mistake underestimating Izuru. _

He stepped on the threshold.

'G'night, cap'n Aizen.'

The door closed with a quiet tap, and Gin came out into the wooden gallery that surrounded the Fifth's Division quarters. The sun had already set, but the west horizon was still burning red. A pale crescent moon was slowly rising onto the darkening sky.

Gin inhaled deeply. The evening air was cool and fragrant. He felt all the tension of the last few hours leave him. He hadn't risked that much for a long time…

_I deceived you__, Aizen. I let you believe that you've deciphered me and my motives… and you, with all that insight of yours, have swallowed the bait… You've been taken in while trying to see through my arguments, trying to find the hidden meaning in my way of playing shōgi…_

He tightened his grip on a small piece of wood he held in his hand.

_You actually believed that Izuru is no more but a pawn to me. _

He looked at the moon and then, using shunpo, he moved onto one of surrounding roofs. He wanted to get as far as possible from Aizen Sōsuke and the Fifth Division. They only awoke his worst feelings right now.

The sky was getting darker. Gin looked around — and he realized that he was standing on the very roof of the Fourth Division's barracks. If he wished to, he could pay Izuru a visit even now…

He opened his hand, looking at the figure resting inside of his palm. He sighed, closing his eyes — and for the first time this evening the smile disappeared from his face.

_I could made him my tool __— just like you and Yamamoto-Genryūsai have made me yours. I could — but I don't want to. I don't want him to become another ignorant pawn in this game and to suffer because of his loyalty. I don't want to — yet I'm afraid I want be able to protect him from that. But, as long as it is possible, I want to show him my gratitude… I want to repay him with just a bit of joy for being the light, the warmth and the consolation._

He looked up at the moon once again. He wanted Kira Izuru beside him, even for a short time — that was the only thing he was sure of. Izuru was his haven. His hope for redemption — if he was still allowed to have one.

He looked one last time at the figure he held.

"_You may believe in people and you may die for them.'_

In his hand there lay a gold general.


	4. Moth

**~4~**  
**Moth**

**

* * *

**World was full of the dark clouds.

At least, such was Izuru Kira's opinion. Grey and black dominated in his mind, while all the other colours had faded, losing their original intensity. Sometimes it was raining in his inner world. Sometimes a violent storm was tearing it to the pieces. Usually there was only the bleak darkness of the cloudy day.

From time to time, the sun broke through - it was in the morning, when Kira entered Captain Ichimaru's office and heard: 'Good mornin', Izuru'. Then, for one moment, world became bright - but the clouds crept right away as Kira turned to fulfill his duties of the vice-captain.

But even those regular morning reports constantly filled him with a distress. Each time he was afraid that exactly that day he would hear he was stripped of his vice-captain post; that he was transferred to another division; or that he wasn't competent for a Shinigami and he was removed from Gotei 13 and Seireitei.

Of course, all those were very possible and realistic. No-one knew it better than Izuru Kira himself.

Even though, he loved his Captain with all his wretched heart and, despite the blinding fear, he stood before him each morning, getting stronger from his one smile - just like a dry lichen draws the rain water and lasts on the rock for the centuries.

Today he was unexpectedly called for, so he minced to the Captain's office and now, with his heart in the throat, he was standing in front of the door. Some time passed before he regained his composure and managed to open the door with the trembling hands - at the same time reproving himself already for such an evident insubordination.

Captain Ichimaru stood by the bookshelf, leafing through a book. At the sight of the Vice-Captain, he raised his head and grinned in a way that terrified Kira more than ever.

"There's Izuru," he said cheerfully.

Despite his panic, Kira noticed that Captain was accompanied by Rangiku Matsumoto, who gave him completely different smile. Kira wondered if he should leave, but then he did get an order to come.

"Kira..." he started, then cleared his throat and tried once again. "Kira reporting."

Nothing worse than removing from Gotei 13, he consoled himself.

Gin Ichimaru cast a very intent look at him and smiled even broader.

Kira shivered. 'Nothing worse...'

"We decided wit' Rangiku to adopt ya," Captain Ichimaru announced happily.

Nothing worse...?

Before his world went all black, Kira regretted his lack of imagination yet one more time in his life.

* * *

"This time you overdid it, Gin!" Rangiku called in a very reproachful tone, gently patting Kira on the face. He was slowly coming around. "It was a very cruel joke."

Gin presented himself properly repentant, at the same time looking at the water jug on the table and visibly resisting the temptation of reviving Kira in stronger measures than hers.

"I couldn' help myself. Ya saw his face yerself." Gin regarded Kira lying on the floor, and added in a softer tone, "I only wan' to colour his world."

Rangiku cast a thoughtful look at him.

"It's good you care about him," she said finally. "But couldn't you do it in a more delicate way?"

Gin gave it a thought.

"Nex' time I'll tell him we were given a mission in Hueco Mundo," he declared. "Or I'll ask him to make a daisy chain fer me. Or instruct him to publish his poems, wit' an inscription, of course, so I could put them on my shelf. Ya think it would make him happy?"

Rangiku sighed. Gin's eyes came back to Kira again.

"I can' imagine him anyone but my vice-captain", he said softly. "I wan' him by my side."

One very low sigh came from the floor. Kira's eye-lids lifted over his sapphire eyes.

"Is it a promise?", he whispered. Then he smiled. "Perhaps we can manage without an adoption, then..." he added with an almost perverse contentment.

* * *

Clouds were running fast, revealing the blue sky. No day lasts for ever; the night always comes. Kira was under impression, though, the days would be full of light from now on.

'I want him by my side.'

At least for a while.


	5. Night

**~5~**  
**Night**

* * *

_Nella tentazione_  
_Cercando lagloria_  
_Il prezzoda pagare_  
_E'la caduta dell'uomo_

(Into temptation / In search of glory / The price we pay / The fall of man).

_Judas Priest,"Pestilence and plague"_

_

* * *

_"How is it going with your vice-captain?"

"Excellently, Cap'n Aizen."

"I've noticed he looks up to you."

"Everythin' accordin' ta yer plan."

"Aren't you afraid, however, that his attachment may be superficial?"

"I'm sure we've nothin' ta worry 'bout."

"Even though, I think you should strengthen his dedication somehow."

"It's completely unnecessary."

"I could take care of this..."

"Oh, it's unacceptable. Please, don' waste yer time."

"I'd do it with pleasure."

"I really think there's no reason ta bother yerself wit' Izuru."

"Our scheme must not have any flaws. I believe I make myself clear."

"... Of course, Cap'n Aizen."

"I will not let anyone thwart my plans. We have to be sure of his loyalty."

"Yes, Cap'n Aizen. I promise ta take care of this."

"That's what I expected of you, Gin."

* * *

Kira was standing inside a room, thinking over something, but then everything just vanished from his thoughts. For a moment, his mind was as blank as an unwritten parchment, and then he turned around to saw Captain Ichimaru in the doorway. Kira didn't know why suddenly he was completely sure Captain must have stood there for a while now. This thought was strangely pleasant and filled him with a happy excitement: that Captain was looking at him. Kira dared to look him into face and was under the impression he saw something more than the usual smile. Captain was standing in the doorway, clothed with the afternoon sun. Kira blinked for he couldn't see clearly in the bright light. Captain entered then, his haori waving, and filled the room with himself. Kira suddenly felt tiny and insignificant, but it soon left before the feeling of calmness Kira had always had in Captain's presence. Captain didn't take the eyes off him, and Kira felt he blushed. The most amazing was the fact he wasn't embarrassed. The air was vibrating with magic, and Kira was oddly sure all his dreams could come true. Even sake didn't have such an effect on him - but at his present state Kira didn't feel like analysing neither his sensations nor the situation at the whole. He didn't even need to ask Captain about what brought him here, for everything seemed totally clear and obvious.

Captain came closer and stopped right by him. Kira, not so short on his own, was forced to raise his head to look his much taller superior into face. He felt the warmth of the man's body heating through the clothes and delighted in the feeling of closeness, much intense than usually. To the surface of his mind came - or perhaps had always been there – a thought, hinted with regret, that actually he wanted much more. Yet, even magic of that moment didn't give him enough courage to ask for that 'more', or even hope for.

Then Captain, like it was the most natural thing in the world, bent downs and kissed him.

The kiss was eternal.

Suddenly, everything turned extremely clear, and Kira thought he experienced the most perfect moment of his life: when desire turned into reality. The hands he was keeping close to himself - out of his indecisiveness or instinctive defence - rested on his Captain's chest, still very timid and shy. Kira felt the lips on his own widen in smile, and some part of his mind understood the mischievousness of that smile. Captain grasped his hand and moved it lower until Kira's fingers touched the hard bulge.

The shock was so intense Kira pulled his mouth away, his eyes getting wide. Captain bent and whispered into his ear, "I don' wan' ta force ya ta anythin', Izuru..."

But Kira had already started to untie his uniform. Captain laughed quietly and turned him around with a swift move, now pressing the chest against his back. "We've time fer tha'," he said in a calm voice.

His fingers slid into Kira's hakama, and Kira ceased thinking and became the feeling only. He felt Captain's slender fingers on the most sensitive part of his body. He felt the hardness pulsating on the small of his back and cursed the countless layers of clothes dividing them. He felt lips smiling on his neck when Captain moved his other hand onto his chest in which Kira's heart pounded frantically.

Legs gave up under Kira, but Captain never let him out of his embrace. They knelt on the floor, Kira leaning against the one who had always supported him. He felt tears under his eyelids, but didn't care a bit.

When Captain's hand sped up, his breath did as well. Kira felt the heart beating against his back, and it was the most complete sensation that even the physical satisfaction they both shared soon enough couldn't equal. Kira squeezed the hand resting on his chest and turned around to receive another kiss, this time more delicate and absolute.

* * *

It was late evening already. Gin sat in his office, looking through the latest reports by a tea. He didn't think of a bed yet - he did well with a short night sleep, staying vigorous both morning and evening. Although, he couldn't deny afternoon naps were pleasant, too... The song of the cicadas and the scent of the lemon tree were getting in through the open windows. A dim light of the lamp mixed with the glow of a moon that had risen a while ago and now was silvering the sills and the floors. Gin did well with little light. He poured a tea from a pot and, sipping slowly, he grasped more papers. A persimmon flavoured tea - people were really inventive these days, weren't day? In fact, he suggested it to them himself and then became their number one customer.

Gin relaxed and leaned his back against an armchair, savouring this simple and truly perfect moment of peace. Moon, tea, evening. For an instant, it seemed nothing could move the world from its road and everything would remain as it was. If only he was able to stay in this illusion...

He frowned, hearing someone open the door. No-one ever paid him a visit so late, so... Of course, Izuru. Gin was so used to his reiatsu he didn't even notice before Izuru was already in the doorstep. Whatever matter he came with, he was welcomed.

"G'evenin', Izuru," he greeted his vice-captain, cheerfully as ever.

Izuru murmured something, or so it seemed. He was staying in the doorway, hardly visible among the shadows and clearly hesitating to enter. Still smiling, Gin waved at him encouragingly. Well, Izuru tended to show more independence than needed, so it was only natural that, facing difficult situation, he was reluctant to seek for help. Gin was sure Izuru didn't simply stopped by to accompany him in watching the moon or drinking a tea. After all, he hated the persimmons.

The Vice-Captain of the Third Division decided to step inside. He slid the door behind him, looking distracted and using more force than needed. Gin waited patiently with a fleeting thought whether Izuru hadn't had a nightmare (very unfair, as the night was so wonderful), for he didn't suspect him to be a sleepwalker. But Izuru was wearing his shihakushō, so he couldn't have gone to sleep, at least on his own will.

"I'd say a night mot' came here, but ya've ta come ta tha' ligh' yet, Izuru," Gin stated rather mischievously, once again reaching the conclusion that the comparison Izuru to a moth was very accurate, regardless the matter of light.

Perhaps Izuru gained some confidence due to these words, for he decided to come closer and finally stepped into the circle of a gold light, although he remained silent. Gin felt a pang of concern as something about the boy wasn't normal. His eyes were glistening, cheeks were flushed, and forehead was beaded with sweat. His usually neatly combed hair was untidy now. Could he possibly be sick? But the pulse of his reiatsu was firm, even if a bit faster than usually. Gin's thoughts went back to the morning, when Izuru had looked completely healthy, as pale and silent as ever. Nothing suspicious about him hadn't drawn Gin's attention as he had already got used to Izuru's furtive glance full of lov... of devotion. Perhaps the boy had caught something in the meantime? Gin didn't intend to ignore his vice-captain's possible illness, especially when Shinigami practically didn't fall ill at all. He rose from his armchair, walked round his desk and came up to Izuru who was wringing his hands nervously and licking his lips over and over. His eyes were wide open, with dark pupils filling almost whole irises. With no doubt, he looked like he had a fever.

"Izuru..." Gin started and then felt silent, not sure what he should do first and ask for.

Something glittered in boy's eyes, though there was still something loony about his stance. He lifted his hands, cupped Gin's face and then - just like that - craned forward, bringing his mouth to Gin's lips.

Only then Gin understood his mistake: Izuru had no fever; the boy was in the state of sexual excitement.

Gin came to his senses in the last moment, cursing himself for what he was about to do. He seized Izuru's hands firmly and gently pushed himself away from him. Izuru opened his eyes and gave him a look that surely described chaos inside him: despair, confusion and, above all, the burning desire he wasn't able to control.

"Captain... I..." he finally spoke, his voice hoarse. "I must... Please..." And Gin knew what Izuru was begging for. Yet he was absolutely sure of one thing: he couldn't fulfill that particular request.

Izuru lowered his head and kissed Gin's fingers, still clutching his own. Gin moaned inwardly, setting his hands free, and took Izuru's face in a firm grasp. Izuru protested softly and got hold of Gin's hands once again, but at the moment he was unable to do anything else.

"Captain," he started again, "please, do not treat me this way any more," he whispered in a voice full of suffering.

Gin felt as if he was hit with something very heavy after he noticed tears in Izuru's eyes. He was shocked at the sight of his vice-captain, usually resolute and even-tempered, who, due to some completely unknown reason, had lost his grip and turned into pure instinct. Izuru moved his lips and kissed the inside of Gin's hand, drawing closer. Gin realized he had to do something before he himself lost control. Not that he believed it would happen, but...

Izuru, Izuru... Why have you come here?

No. It was so selfish thought he abandoned it right away. He looked at his vice-captain, aware that, had he let him, the boy would waste his own life and Gin's as well, without even realizing it. Probably.

He didn't deserve it, and Gin had to help him.

Wanted to help him.

He released Izuru's face and gently yet firmly embraced his shoulders. Izuru clung to him, shaking like a leaf. Gin lead him to the sofa by the window and seated on it, then took the place next to him. Izuru turned his face at Gin, but perhaps something started to get to him, for he didn't try another kiss.

"Captain, these two days..." he began in a low voice, but each word came out with difficulty between the shallow breaths. Somehow, out of his tone or look, Gin understood Izuru was talking about eternity. "Why everything... is like... nothing happened? Like... that didn't happen?"

Gin looked at him, questions coming to his lips, but he kept silent. Izuru bowed his head, obviously explaining Gin's silence in a way he had feared. He clenched his hands tight.

"Perhaps it's a common thing... to come and... seduce his own vice-captain... and forget about everything," he said so quietly Gin was forced to lean down to hear him.

Once he heard, though, he froze and realized he'd rather not hear. Any simple explanation would do at the moment. He didn't pay attention to the hands finding their way between his clothes. Either Izuru had a fever that induced delusions, or... No, it was impossible. It was unacceptable, and he forbade himself to consider any other option.

He had to know more. He gently moved Izuru's hands away and placed them on the boy's lap, forcing them to stay there. He embraced his vice-captain's slender shoulders and pulled him closer, knowing only himself how much it was for him. But... It was Izuru that mattered. He bent his head and whisper only to him, "Tell me."

He wanted it - and he hated himself for it.

And then Izuru told him. He didn't omit any detail and he didn't keep anything to himself.

Gin knew he would never forget that night when he held his vice-captain in his arms and could so easily fulfil his deepest wishes. It was not that he normally desired Izuru - but the boy clutching at him aroused more affection he could have ever expected. It was impossible for Gin not to respond, physically too. Then, he knew he could have Izuru even more, and it would even make them both happy, but the truth was he could always have him that way if he wanted. He was aware of Izuru's dedication towards him and he knew how easy for him it would be to create a situation Izuru was telling him about, in broken words and utterly sincerely.

If Gin could ever consider himself strong, it was that night. If he could ever consider Izuru brave, it was that night.

Perhaps it was a curse that Gin held his vice-captain in high esteem as he didn't want to change the bond between them into anything physical, especially now, when they were so sensitive physically. 'Forgive me, Izuru. Maybe in the next life.'

Amazingly, as he continued with his story, Izuru was calming down, even if his hands kept moving on his own between his and Gin's clothes. The boy's voice became more firm, though never reached over the whisper. It was allright, since his words were only for Gin, and Gin was right next to him. Izuru's chest moved slower, only now and then he was forced to take a deep breath to continue. Eventually, his body relaxed, and his hands took their rest on his lap. Gin didn't know how long they had been sitting like that, but the moon had moved on the sky, and its light came in by another window now. The cicadas were still singing, composed in a silky silence that fell on them both. The night was calm again.

Izuru rested a forehead against Gin's chest and whispered in his normal voice, "It didn't happen, did it?" Gin only hugged him tight. "It didn't..." Izuru repeated. "I was aware... all the time... Even though..."

The boy's hand squeezed the fabric of Gin's kosode. In a moonlight, Gin spotted a single tear making its way down his vice-captain's nose and splattering on the palm of his hand. Gin didn't even dare to interpret these tears and the words preceding them. He bent his head, his cheek brushing against Izuru's fair hair.

"Thank you," he said softly. Izuru hunched. "Thank you for telling me," Gin repeated, trying to make his voice firm. "You don't know what it means for me," he whispered, aware these were the most sincere words he had ever said to Izuru. _Even if it was only an illusion._

Izuru was falling asleep. He was exhausted, physically in a first place, and now his body was giving in. Gin felt he was tired as well. Both of them had fought a fierce battle, it was a fact. A Captain and his Vice-Captain.

As if he could read his mind, Izuru asked barely audibly, "Captain... Did I become a vice-captain at somebody's whim... to be use for somebody... Only for that?"

Gin felt his throat clench. How could Izuru get something like that into his head? He murmured into his hair, "You are the best vice-captain I could ever have", and then he realized it wasn't an answer for the boy's question. "You are a vice-captain Gotei 13 can be proud of."

Izuru's hand clutched Gin's clothes again. He gathered his strength once more and whispered in a voice softer than night, "Please, let me... stay..."

He fell asleep. He must have felt himself secure, Gin thought. He must have believed he was allowed to stay...

When Izuru was already sleeping deeply, Gin pulled himself from under the boy and rose. Then he gently laid Izuru on the sofa and covered with his haori. The night was warm, no need for a blanket. For a moment, Gin was just looking at the silhouette of his vice-captain, whose chest was moving up and down at an even pace.

"It looks good on you," he decided. "One day you'll become a Captain of this Division, Izuru," he thought with a bitter-sweet certainty. "May you be blessed with such a vice-captain I am."

The dawn swept the eastern sky with a first brush when Gin sat behind his desk to watch over his vice-captain's sleep.

* * *

Captain Unohana looked at him as if he had turned into a mantis.

"Captain Ichimaru, it sounds very... grave."

"Tha's why I come ta ya," Gin replied, smiling. "I can' imagine a better person."

"Correct me if I am wrong. You expect me to remove the last three days from Vice-Captain's Kira memory?"

"As I already told, Izuru involuntarily became a subject ta very traumatic experience tha' had an effect on his psyche."

"There are another ways of treating such disorders," Unohana objected. "The therapy..."

"Izuru doesn' wan' ta undergo it once more. I believe this way would be the best fer him," Gin continued in the same tone.

"You may be his superior, but you have no right to decide on his health," Unohana declared with authority.

"Then I'll be frank wit' ya, and I hope it won' leave yer office. I suspect tha' through Izuru someone tried ta strike at me. Of course, I dealt wit' it successfully, but my vice-captain was injured, and, moreover, he can fall victim ta somethin' like this again."

Unohana's glare clearly indicated the Captain of the Fourth Division didn't accept his supposed concern for Kira Izuru as a fact.

Stupid woman.

"I do understand your position, but..."

"The safety of Gotei 13 and Seireitei is at stake," Gin interrupted her. "Izuru won' suffer if he fergets about three days. He'll only work better."

Now Unohana's face was saying, 'I was right, you don't care about him a bit.'

Gin started to consider the possibility of referring to Yamamoto - and endangering the conspiracy. He was determined to help Izuru, but if it threatened the mission... He swallowed. When it came to Izuru, he always cursed his task and himself much more, feeling like between the devil and the deep sea. Fortunately for him, Unohana said then, "I will do it. Safety of Seireitei takes priority."

Gin didn't show how much relieved he was. "I'm in yer debt," he said, bowing a head.

"I do it for Vice-Captain Kira, too," Unohana added with a very meaningful look as if she wanted to reproach him for his heartlessness.

Gin's smile widened. "Fer tha', I'm even more grateful," he replied.

Her eyes said it all: she didn't believe him in a slightest. Well, it was better like this.

Gin thought the worst was already past him, yet he was mistaken once again. The glance Izuru cast at him when following Unohana made him muster all his strength not to turn away. In the boy's eyes, sadness, sorrow, and fear mixed with betrayal - above the absolute devotion. Gin promised himself he would do anything not to see his vice-captain looking like this any more.

"Captain..." Izuru called.

And Gin had to tighten all his muscles to stay in position. "Do it fer me, Izuru," he said calmly, though the calmness seemed farther than moon at the moment.

He ignored Unohana, who regarded him clearly disgusted. Izuru lowered his head and left after his former commander, before Gin committed another indiscretion.

"It will not hurt, Izuru," Gin heard the healer's voice.

_Won't hurt..._

Gin sat on the bench, wondering how many times more he would be forced to betray Izuru and how many times he would make him suffer again. Now, he could at last give vent to his fury as since the previous day he had been blocking all the negative emotions inside him.

Aizen.

Gin's hands clenched on his arms.

How could you? How could you do this to him?

What did you try to accomplish?

You sent a vision to him - a one that brought him to the verge of insanity.

Did you want him to believe that I needed him? That I wanted him in many ways? Did you want him to come to me and beg for more? Did you want me to attach him even more - to bind his will and take him over? Or did you want him, had he proved too weak, to take away his life, for he wouldn't stand the disgrace?

Getting rid of those you can't use, like you got rid of Abarai, right?

You did it, Aizen. After so many years, you've finally given me a reason for wanting to destroy you.

You think, perhaps, I would thank you for pushing him into my arms? You know my heart well - yet not well enough. I'll be persecuted by his eyes, burning with despair. My hands will remember how he shuddered with fear I don't even want to imagine. He didn't deserve it. You hurt him - a person who is important to me. You hurt Izuru, and I will never forgive you. Never, Aizen.

He is innocent. He brings the light and offers comfort. I do intend to protect him - if only for the selfish reason that he helps me endure one day after another when I have to look into your eyes, smile and stay at your command. He, and him only.

Remember it, Aizen.

Otherwise I will remind you one day.

* * *

"How is it going with your vice-captain?"

"Better than ever. Thank ya, Cap'n Aizen."

"I'm glad to hear it. Keep it in mind: the stronger the bonds, the more certain the victory."

"I keep it in mind, Cap'n Aizen. What 'bout a shōgi game? I've missed it fer some time now."

"Fine, although I have to admit the way you play makes me uncomfortable. I am under impression you let me win by courtesy."

"I wouldn' dare, Cap'n Aizen. Beside... I believe I'll beat ya one day."


	6. Wreaths I

**~6~**  
**Wreaths I**

* * *

No-one exactly knew who had introduced to Soul Society the celebration of the summer solstice - enough to say that it caught on for good in tradition of Seireitei. Plaiting the wreaths and floating them on water - that in the Real World was an attempt to gain foresight into future relationship - had become most popular form of play. Gotei 13 didn't lack the romantic girls who - behind the façade of soldier's duties - hid the dreams of a fortune at one handsome Shinigami's side.

With time, plaiting the wreaths had evolved into more casual and less obliging form of expressing one's feelings of fondness. Even though, from time to time, some couples happened to change their official status right after the midsummer. Many didn't even bother with floating the garlands and rather handed them directly to the object. The older custom, however, still had its followers.

That evening Hinamori was really happy. All her friends gathered on the river bank, their voices, coming from everywhere, proved that people were having fun. Unlike many, Hinamori participated in the celebration every year and never got bored with observing others. She was happy. She absorbed the atmosphere of joy like a flower - and bloomed. Last years the situation in Seireitei had been too tense to celebrate – Shinigami, scattered over whole Soul Society, had been repelling the surprisingly frequent attacks of Hollows, and the Real World had faced the same problem. It was only recently that everything calmed down, and Hinamori believed it wasn't a lull before the storm.

The sun was setting slowly, coating the faces and hairs with red and gold glow. A faint ringing reached over the rush of the river, and Hinamori looked that way. The Captain of the Eleventh Division, Kenpachi Zaraki, accompanied by his two best men, Ikkaku Madarame and Yumichika Ayasegawa, sat on the riverbank. Vice-Captain Kusajishi was having more fun than anyone else when she plaited three garlands first and then she picked them up from water right at her favourite people's feet, whose heads she was now decorating with the cheerful chatter.

"Ken-chan! I can't put a garland on you!" she called reproachfully after some attempts foiled by his spiked-hair. She tilted her head and regarded him critically, while he was enduring her manipulations with rather admirable patience. "I'll make you eleven," Yachiru decided after a while and, clearly satisfied, moved her attention to other officers.

Hinamori muffled her laughter, trying to drive away the vision of Captain Zaraki's stiff hair separately decorated with the flowers. His bells were funny enough. When Yachiru finished with him, Madarame looked equally amusing - in contrary to Ayasegawa. The best beauty of Seireitei looked most charming with flowers in his hair. Pink camellias must have matched his purple eyes, Hinamori decided a bit dreamily.

From the opposite direction she was reached by the voice of Rukia Kuchiki of the Thirteen Division. Renji Abarai was keeping her company for the whole evening. Hinamori was aware Abarai-kun and Kuchiki-san knew each other form a child, but never before had she seen Abarai-kun looking at the girl with such a profound admiration and paying so little attention to her words.

"...that Nii-sama hasn't come. He's been so depressed recently. His favourite camellia started to lose its blossom, and Nii-sama takes it hard. It's just like last year and that mess with a koi. I feel sorry for him when he stands under that tree for days on end, like he used to stand by the pond then..."

Renji nodded, only looking at her, whose head was full of worries even during the celebration. This very head was decorated with the garland of white lilies, perfectly contrasting with black of her hair. Hinamori sighed and admitted she sometimes envied Kuchiki-san her beauty. Rukia gently touched the flowers with her hand and smiled to herself.

"I should get my first mission in the Real World soon," she said lost in thought. "I wonder if they have flowers like these there..."

One look at Abarai-kun's face told Hinamori that Kuchiki-san had never seemed so distant before.

"I don't see any garlands," that resentful voice belonged to Vice-Captain Matsumoto, who looked with disappointment at the surface of the stream, forming a shallow bay in that spot. "I must have come too late, for I can't believe no guy would go after a girl like me."

"Matsumoto," was an answer provided by the calm and extremely patient voice of Shiro-chan... oh, she wasn't supposed to call him that name!... the voice of Captain Hitsugaya of the Tenth Division. "You messed everything up, once again. According to the tradition, it is you who should plait a wreath and throw it on water, and the one picking it up would be your husband."

"So troublesome..." Rangiku-san sighed, sitting down by her captain's side and looking around. "Nothing but the nettles here." She regarded his superior, clumsily plaiting the garland of purple peonies, and beamed. "For me?" she called, her voice excessively sweet, clapping her hands. "The colour doesn't match my eyes very well, but it's intention that matters."

Hitsugaya-kun hunched and didn't say anything.

"It would match a girl of the darker looks," Rangiku-san added and turned to look at Hinamori. Then she winked and called, "Hello, Hinamori! It's a beautiful evening, isn't it?"

Hinamori spotted the cheeks of the youngest captain in history of Seireitei turn red and realized she was blushing herself.

"May I join you?" the deep voice rang behind her back, and Hinamori's heart fluttered like a butterfly.

"Captain Aizen!"

Captain's smile was brighter than sun. He sat down next to her and turned his gaze at the last sunbeam dancing on water. "I hope you don't feel cold, Hinamori-kun? It gets chilly."

Hinamori remembered how to breathe. She shook her head, smiling. How could she possibly feel cold, sitting by Captain Aizen's side? She would spent all the winter-nights by him. He looked at the garland on her lap. "Is it for me?" he asked with a warm smile.

She nodded. She recollected when she had gave him the garland for the first time, so long ago. She had been so mortified she had run right away without as much as a word. Now she didn't run any more, but speaking was still a problem.

"Thank you, Hinamori-kun," he said, taking plait of nasturtium from her hands.

She looked away, happy beyond measure, and tried to focus on the scenery. It was so peaceful around... Hinamori wanted to keep this moment for eternity. Some time passed before she realized she hadn't given a single thought to the friend she hadn't seen that evening. Where was Kira-kun?

* * *

Kira was, in fact, quite near. Once used to timidly seek for other's company, now he preferred to shun them. Only some raspberry bushes and splendid ferns separated him from the group celebrating the summer solstice. He wondered why he had come here in the first place. Perhaps it had something to do with Hinamori's concerned remark about how he worked too much and some time with friends would do him good. A bit ashamed, Kira realized that last time he neglected Renji and Hinamori very badly - after all, they had always been together during their years in Academy, and later, when they had ended in different divisions, they had tended to meet regularly and spend time very pleasantly. How long had passed since their last meeting? He didn't remember. But then again... Hinamori didn't think the world of Captain Aizen, while Renji either trained like hell to equal Captain Kuchiki or - like now - had his eyes fixed on Kuchiki's younger sister, Rukia, and nothing else.

Oh, no, he was so unfair to them. He himself was wrapped up in his work - just like Captain, whom Kira hadn't seen for days now.

Hinamori-san had invited him - and what had he done? He found a hidden place and sat there for the whole evening. Once the beauty of that moment would inspire him to write one or two haiku; now he was under impression he had wasted a few hours that he would spare for drawing up the report from last mission. If anyone ever read those reports, that is. Anyone...

A daisy-chain on his lap was almost done; he made it practically unconsciously. He remembered there was some rite involving wreaths that was connected to the celebration of the shortest night of year. Kira raised his head and looked over the horizon; the last part of the red sun was disappearing behind it. There was coming a night that would be followed by the sunrise faster than ever... Milky moon - an inseparable companion of the sun - had just appeared on the sky opposite the sunset. What a perfect scenery for poetry, Kira thought ironically, then he finished the wreath and threw it on water. He followed it with his eyes, when it rolled on the calm surface of the river that was bending here gently, and tried to recall what that whole rite was about.

_Who captures the wreath... _Kira knitted his eyebrows. _Who captures the wreath you make at midsummer night..._ Kira closed his eyes and tried to focus. _Who captures the wreath you make at midsummer night is meant for you for eternity._

"Ya lost somethin', Izuru?"

Kira startled, almost frightened, and jumped to his feet. On the opposite riverbank, there stand the Captain of the Third Division, Gin Ichimaru. Smiling with his eternal smile, he held a daisy-chain that dripped with water.

Kira was unable to say a single word, perfectly aware his face surely expressed a mix of astonishment, perplexity and embarrassment. What he didn't know and what didn't escape his Captain's attention was the blush rising to his cheeks. And that, Gin assumed, suited him nicely. Had it not been his sapphire eyes, Izuru would be completely colourless - and Gin used to remark jokingly that one pale moth in the Third Division was more than enough. Usually, Izuru turned his eyes away and didn't say a word, while Gin congratulated on himself that he managed to make his Vice-Captain flush.

Gin leapt over the stream and in next moment stood beside Kira, who still looked like helplessness personified. "Ya lost yer wreat', Izuru", Captain said calmly. "Be careful not to lose yer head," he added on his typical humourous note.

Kira lowered said head, for he couldn't bring himself to look into his Captain's eyes. It didn't turn out a best idea since Gin grabbed the opportunity and laid the wreath on his hair. "Fits like a glove," he claimed clearly satisfied, and Kira didn't answer as he was occupied enough observing the hem of haori that had soaked up water. He didn't trust his voice at all.

"Nex' time make one fer me, too," Gin suggested, and Kira looked up confused. Then he tried to imagine Captain Ichimaru wearing a wreath... and almost burst out laughing.

Gin looked very pleased of himself. "Let's go, Izuru. It grows cold."

Kira nodded.

"As fer the wreat'... I was serious," Captain added with a smile more mischievous than ever.

Kira laughed.

He didn't regret that evening at all any more.

* * *

It was already dark when they decided to go back. The return journey didn't lack some funny elements, like when they spotted a fire on the grounds of the Twelfth Division. Abarai-kun and Madarame mistook it for a bonfire and were ready to jump over it. Hinamori was sure they must have drunk something back on the riverbank. They were drove away by Captain Kurotsuchi, who told them not to disturb his research. The ominous mutter that followed his words clearly indicated that the research wasn't going according to the plan.

They walked in groups or pairs. The Eleventh Division was striding in advance-guard, tired Yachiru on Kenpachi's back, whose hair were separately decorated with flowers. Hinamori saw Madarame constantly push his garland up as it kept slipping over his eyes, while Ayasegawa was stealthily touching withered camellias. He must have felt very un-beautiful, Hinamori decided and chuckled.

White lilies on Rukia's hair was gleaming in the moonlight. More than ever she resembled a ghost, emanating her own light. Abarai-kun was still regarding her with admiring eyes and didn't say anything.

Rangiku-san had been given the garland of peonies and show no discontent any more, especially when the red flowers were alternated with bluebells. Silent Hitsugaya-kun was going along.

Behind her, there was Captain Ichimaru, accompanied by Kira-kun. Hinamori could barely notice a daisy-chain on his fair hair. She racked her brains, trying to guess who he could get it from. Anyway, she was happy about the smile that Kira-kun almost radiated in the dark of the night. Hinamori was warmed by a thought that Kira-kun had an admirer. After all, such a kind boy should be surrounded by girls, yet he remained all by himself.

Captain Aizen moved along her side, gazing at milky moon.

"Captain Aizen... Your garland..."

He looked at her, his brown eyes glowed reflecting the moonlight. "I'm sorry, Hinamori-kun. I must have lost it."

She lowered her head. "I'll make you another next year," she said quietly, suddenly feeling tired.

"I know, Hinamori-kun," he said in a low voice. "I'm looking forward to it."

Hinamori nodded. 'There're still many summer solstice celebration, so I'll give you many wreaths,' she thought.

But the feeling of cold, perhaps a draught coming from the river, didn't want to subside.


	7. Marigold

**~7~**  
**Marigold**

**

* * *

**_You can have anything you want.  
You can drift, you can dream, even walk on water.  
Anything you want.  
What do you want from me?_

_- Pink Floyd_

_

* * *

_Kira remembered that once he could laugh.

He didn't remember exactly when, though, for it had been too long since then. He didn't even remember when he had smiled for the last time. The only smile he had now was the one reflected in his eyes: an eternal smile of Gin Ichimaru.

Kira knew he had everything Shinigami could ever dream about: he was a vice-captain of one of Gotei 13 Division, which provided him with respect, power and duty he carried with dignity and gratitude. Kira knew in fact he had nothing. He was a puppet, he was submissive and he was insignificant. His subordinates talked more behind his back than straight in his face - but if it ever hurt him, he had already forgotten. One shouldn't argue about the facts.

Sometimes Kira wondered why Gin Ichimaru had made him his Vice-Captain. This position was an honour, and Kira had been absorbing it fully - it had been natural and joyful... until he had understood. It was a bitter knowledge that he was chosen not due to his virtues but due to his flaws. Since then his rank brought him only remorse.

Kira knew about his Captain more than anyone else, even though he knew only about half the truth. Due to his deep intuition, he could tell for sure that Gin not always acted in Soul Society's best interest. If he wished to think more, he would found the bitter truth that Gin Ichimaru posed a threat to Soul Society. Of course, he didn't wish to think more. He knew he could turn to General Yamamoto and say one word - and then the world would change forever.

Kira's world would change the most.

Once Kira had saw a snake whose one glance had completely stripped the prayer of its will. The snake had been slowly twisting his body around the chinchilla that hadn't even stir, though it couldn't take its eyes off the predator. It had known its fate had been forfeit, but it couldn't run away. It was but later that Kira had realized the fear hadn't been the one which had kept it at spot, for it had been the fascination.

Kira never forgot it was Gin Ichimaru who had saved his life when his fate had seemed to be forfeit. His gratitude was a part of his fascination.

Once Kira had had friends, who had perhaps liked him - he couldn't be sure, but then he had believed in this. The years of constant doubts about himself and everything around him had an impact on his personality and way of thinking. Kira knew that now he wouldn't hesitate and cross the swords with his former comrades if it was to protect his reality. He couldn't answer the question for how long he had felt like that, but he got used to this thought, which didn't shock him so much any more.

Once Kira had been in the Fourth Division; he had a knowledge of the wounds of soul as well as the injuries of the body. He knew that also for his own good - that meant but nothing compared to good of Seireitei - he should cut the thread that tied him with Gin Ichimaru, the sooner the better. His eyes were wide open - but the very though that he could lose his Captain, whose side he walked by so long that any other option was an absurd, filled him with the sheer terror. If Gin was a sun, then Kira was a moon reflecting his light. If Gin was a moon, then Kira was a shadow cast by his light. His existence had no meaning without Gin Ichimaru.

It filled him with the despair, so accurately represented by a marigold - a symbol of the Third Division. At times, Kira was sure the despair was the essence of his life. But there was something more...

Kira rose from his bedding and came up to the window. The moon, three-quarters full, silvered the area, long shadows arising in the places the light couldn't reach. On the other side of the courtyard were Captain's private quarters, now dark. Gin left again; last time it happened more often. Sometimes Kira could stay by the window and wait forever until Captain's silhouette, bathed in the silver glow of the pale moon, would appear in the entrance to the Third Division grounds and then, without haste, walk the wooden panels. Sometimes Captain could turn to look in Kira's window and wave his hand for greetings. Sometimes Kira could respond the same way before Captain would disappear behind the door of his apartment.

It was early today; he still had time to inform General Yamamoto, who - if he wanted - could act quickly and ruthlessly...

Tomorrow, as usual, Kira would enter his Captain's office. He would be welcomed with a smile and he would hear, "G'mornin', Izuru". He would receive his orders and he would start a new day with Captain Ichimaru - for whom he was unimportant, but for whom he could be useful.

He turned and went back to his bed with a feeling that this night he would sleep until morning. Maybe tomorrow he would go to the General... Maybe the day after tomorrow...

Today he wasn't capable of breaking with his own hands the substitute of the only happiness he had ever had.


	8. In the Moonlight

**~9~**  
**In the Moonlight**

* * *

'You are going to leave him then.'

Kira Izuru was asleep. In the cold moonlight his face looked strangely peaceful. Ichimaru Gin raised his head.

'I have no choice… you know this well, Shinsō.'

A silvery fox stretched herself and waved her furry tale.

'I don't understand,' she admitted. 'You don't want it, do you?'

'What I want is meaningless right now.' Gin's voice was calm, but it bore a slight note of bitterness underneath.

'You prefer to hurt him, then?' Shinsō tilted her triangular head, sending him a rather malicious look. Gin involuntarily clenched his fists.

'I do not want to hurt him,' he whispered hoarsely. 'You know that I do not…'

Shinsō looked at him sharply.

'Yet still…' a silvery tail brushed against his shoulder while she walked right next to him. 'That's what you do.'

Gin bowed his head.

'Why won't you take him with you?'

'It's impossible,' for a split second Ichimaru's eyes blazed with gold. 'I mustn't. And…' he hesitated. 'I do not want to'.

'You do not want to?' The fox gazed at him curiously. 'Well, that's something new…'

Gin gave no answer. Shinsō was looking at him intently.

'And why… do you not want it?' she asked slowly.

Ichimaru once again looked at sleeping Kira, whose fair hair spilled on the pillow seemed silvery like his very own in the moonlight.

Shinsō snorted disdainfully.

' "Because I want to protect him." "Because it will be better for him this way." "Because I don't want him to get involved." Is that what you were going to say, Ichimaru Gin? Or am I mistaken?'

Gin was silent.

The fox snorted once again, waving her silvery tail.

'It's a little too late to have scruples about it, Ichimaru,' she noticed poignantly. 'You should have thought about it when you made the boy a part of your squad. You knew, back then, what you would have to do. What were you thinking?'

There was another moment of silence before Gin sighed quietly.

'I do not know,' he whispered, sounding almost helpless.

Shinsō looked down on him.

'You shouldn't have got him involved. You should have left him in the Fourth Division. Now you can only choose between lesser and greater evil.'

'I must not take him with me,' repeated Gin in a strangely absent tone, as if his thoughts were wandering somewhere else. 'I must not do it, even if I wished to. I must be alone, even if I'm not alone… even if there is someone for whom…' He broke off, then started anew, 'I'm not the one to decide what I can and what I cannot do…'

'Nonsense!' The fox bristled suddenly; her fangs gleamed in the silvery moonlight. 'What utter nonsense! You're not the one to decide? And who has made this boy the lieutenant of the Third Division? Who, if not you, Ichimaru Gin?'

'Hush, Shinsō,' Gin interrupted her all of a sudden, half warningly, half with care. 'Hush…' he added more softly, turning his eyes towards Kira. Young lieutenant winced uneasily, and a soft moan came from his lips. Gin touched his cheek with utmost tenderness; his hand brushed away a strand of fair hair. Kira sighed quietly, and once again his face became calm.

Shinsō gazed at him mysteriously.

'You could have told him at the very least,' she stated reproachfully. 'Anything…'

'And make it even more difficult, Shinsō?' Gin raised his head abruptly. 'Moreover…'

'I know, I know, you must not,' snorted the fox cynically. 'You and the great matters of the great of this world… What's the meaning of one broken heart…'

'Shinsō…'

'You can't place whole responsibility on Soul Society's high command, Gin,' the fox passed by him once again, her tail touching Gin's arm on the way. 'You got him involved, and now you are seeking someone to place the blame on…'

'Aizen…' Gin tried to protest, but Shinsō didn't let him finish.

'Aizen had got rid of him. He had sent him to the Fourth Division as someone too weak for his plans. It was you who took him away from there, Gin… and now you're going to leave him as an useless toy…'

'Silence, Shinsō!'

'Hush' hissed the fox nastily. Her tail hung dangerously close to Kira Izuru's face. 'You don't want him to wake up, don't you? Or maybe…' she added wickedly. 'Maybe I shall help him with that? How do you think, Gin? What will he say, seeing you here? Hm?'

'Stop it,' said Gin angrily through clenched teeth. 'Izuru is not… and has never been… my toy.'

'Oh really? So you haven't brought him here at your whim?'

'No! You know well I haven't!'

'Oh,' the fox laughed, waving her tail. 'Well, Ichimaru Gin… You knew what kind of life you lead… You should have made your choice when you still had time…'

'Quit your preaching, Shinsō!'

'You should have made your choice,' Shinsō continued, seemingly unaffected by his words, 'before you became all the world to this poor boy, Gin. And now… now you're desperately looking for a way out of this, 'cause you also grew attached to him. Isn't it so?

Gin clenched his fists even harder, and for a moment it seemed that he would give in to his anger, but eventually he just dropped his gaze.

'Stop it, Shinsō,' he whispered, almost pleadingly.

'You admit it then,' the silvery tail waved triumphantly, brushing against Gin's knees. 'You admit that he's close to you…'

Ichimaru Gin just averted his eyes.

'My, my,' the fox snorted again. 'Don't make such a martyr face, it doesn't suit you at all. But it only proves I was right.' Another nonchalant wave of the tail. 'And yet you are going to leave him without even so much as explanation… or am I wrong?'

'I've already told you, Shinsō, I have no…' he began, but Shinsō once again didn't let him finish.

'You have no choice, but of course. Poor, miserable you and your great salutary mission… And what about him? Do you not care how he's going to feel when one day you simply tell him _goodbye_?

Gin once again turned his gaze away. For some time Shinsō just stared down at him before hissing angrily.

'So you plan to refuse him even that,' she said very slowly. 'You're going to run away without even saying goodbye… and perhaps after using him for so-called_ common good_. Well, congratulations then, Ichimaru Gin. You are but a pathetic coward. I'm beginning to regret it was you that I chose…'

'Shinsō…'

'Gin… You are his sun, can't you see that? He would go anywhere with you, if you only let him…'

'And that's exactly why I cannot do it!'

'You cannot,' Shinsō gave him an evil look . 'If so, better kill him right now. At least you will show him some mercy!'

'Silence!' Gin's hand shot forward, reaching for fox's throat — but Shinsō was faster: in a split second she jumped away into a corner, bristling her fur.

'Are you crazy, Gin?' she snarled furiously.

Gin was breathing heavily; his golden eyes glinted ominously.

'Never again,' he panted. 'Don't you dare to even mention that ever again, Shinsō.'

For a moment they just stared at each other in tense silence. Gin was the first one to look away.

'Shinsō…' he started.

'Do you know what you sentence him to?' the fox interrupted him, shifting his gaze to Kira, who was still sleeping soundly. The sadness was evident in her voice. 'Do you realize how much he is going to suffer?'

'I don't want him to suffer,' whispered Gin softly. 'I want him to live.'

'As your remorse?'

Gin shook his head.

'No… I just…' His voice sounded almost gently. 'I just want him to live.'

Shinsō squinted her keen eyes.

'You're going to hurt him terribly… That's a heavy burden you will place upon him… I hope you realize that.'

Gin looked at her. His eyes have never been so serious before.

'I do.'

The silvery fox tilted her head.

'And yet you are ready to…'

'I am not ready,' Gin interrupted her abruptly. 'I am not and I will never be. That's why…'

'…you're going to leave him in such way?'

He nodded. Shinsō waved her tail in disappointment.

'You're simply running away, Gin. As a coward. A selfish coward.'

'You think I do not know it, Shinsō?'

The fox looked at him closely.

'Do you despise yourself?' she asked.

'And how do you think?'

For some time they just sat in silence. Gin was looking at Kira's slender sleeping form, at his calm, kind face, bathed in the pale moonlight.

He sighed painfully.

'I don't deserve him,' he whispered.

'You don't,' admitted Shinsō, moving closer to him and once again sweeping her tail over his knees. She sat beside him. 'You know…' she continued. 'You are a coward, Gin… but an honest one. Maybe you still have a chance to get on in life… so I think I'm going to stay with you a little longer.'

'Shinsō…?'

'Who knows…' the fox spoke on, making herself comfortable and curling the tail around her body. 'Maybe one day… you'll be able to make up for that.'

'Is that possible, Shinsō? Shinsō?'

There was no answer. Gin turned his head and instead of silvery fox fur he saw a short sword, lying by his side. He picked it up and stared at its bright blade for a moment, before getting up and heading towards the door. Before he left, he turned once more to look at the moonlit room and his sleeping lieutenant. He feared it was the last peaceful night.

_Gomen ne, Izuru._

It was time.


	9. Gold General

**~09~**  
**Gold General**

* * *

The corridor was full of light; the dark was lurking behind the door at its end. For a while Ichimaru Gin just looked ahead before he started towards it. Someone who had a poet's soul could tell that Gin was the bringer of light, but the Third Division's Captain knew it wasn't true. The true light waited there, in the darkness ahead, and Ichimaru Gin was ready to free it before the omnipresent shadows devoured it.

He wasn't able to do more, and it made him feel guilty. It was but a little part of his atonement for harms done to the one who never wavered in his loyalty to him.

"_I cannot let any__one point a sword at my Captain."_

Gin clenched his fists at the very memory of this morning's events.

A scream. A drawn sword. His hand reaching for Shinsō's hilt…

Two blades clashing. None of them had been his own.

He let his smile fade. His life hadn't been in danger even for a moment; Hinamori Momo wouldn't have had a slightest chance in a fight with the Gotei 13 Captain. Still, Gin was grateful that Izuru had stepped in. His intervention had most probably stopped the bloodshed that would have been unavoidable had Ichimaru Gin been made to protect his mission and the "greater good". Gin didn't want to hurt Hinamori, so he was glad that she had been saved. He knew – perhaps better than Izuru himself – that the boy would never do harm to his friend.

_Izuru…_

Gin sighed quietly. There'd been no way to react for him this morning. He couldn't draw attention to himself if he hadn't wanted suspicions, questions and doubts to arise; even if he knew they were going to emerge anyway. The look that Tōshirō Hitsugaya from the Tenth Division had sent him back there, on the terrace, had been enough proof. Nevertheless, if Gin had wanted to keep up appearances, he would have to stay aside; he hadn't said a word or even lifted his finger when he had been passed by Hisagi Shūhei, leading captured Izuru. The boy had kept looking down, yet Gin knew that a mere word would have been enough to bring his young lieutenant some comfort… to raise his spirits… to show him, at least in a veiled way, that Ichimaru Gin had been grateful to him.

And still Gin had stayed silent, feeling that the risk had been too great. That was why he was here now, doing what he was doing. He could do little, pitifully little, but he could do at least that much. Kira Izuru didn't deserve to be locked in a darkness of his cell and his own sense of guilt, especially if he'd been led there by his loyalty to Ichimaru Gin…

Gin bit his lip.

Izuru had always been loyal. Izuru had always been devoted. Izuru had been by his side for so long that it seemed forever — that was how the Third Division's Captain felt from time to time.

And Gin… Gin didn't even notice when he grew attached to him more than he could have ever expected. More than it was reasonable. Actually, it was beginning to pose a danger to them both…

What was more, the boy returned this attachment with all his heart. Gin had been supposedly aware of that, yet he'd always tended to push this thought aside. After all, as he had been trying to convince himself, he'd had everything under control… he'd known when to step back…

He cursed inwardly. _What a fool ya've been, Ichimaru Gin…_

He shook his head. He had realized when it had been already too late… when that scum, Aizen, had brought the boy to the verge of spending a night with Gin. The Third Division's Captain had barely stopped himself that time and he'd reached a decision to at least try to push Izuru away, first and foremost for his Lieutenant's own good. Unfortunately, Gin's attempts to distance himself from Izuru hadn't brought the results he wished for so far.

Izuru couldn't understand, and it was no wonder, why his Captain suddenly started to treat him with such aloofness. Still, he didn't ask about anything, taking full responsibility for this situation, and Gin could do nothing to make him realize his mistake. He could only watch, his heart breaking and his remorse growing every day. He had tarried too long, now he could see it clearly. Even as Izuru gradually came to believe that he was nothing more but a disappointment as a lieutenant, he still remained painfully loyal to Gin, and it didn't seem like anything could change it. Actually, it made the boy feel even worse: Ichimaru Gin knew that Izuru had his suspicions about his Captain's actions, and the older officer was happy because of that in some twisted way, yet even these doubts weren't enough to sever their bond once and for all. Gin wasn't really sure if he should rather despise himself for this or admire and be grateful to Izuru; anyway, it didn't change the fact that his Lieutenant's heart was torn apart. He wanted to be loyal to his commander, but on the other hand he also wished to stay true to Soul Society's rules and ideals. Someone else would most probably lose his faith in such a predicament; Izuru, however, couldn't keep on living without believing in something. Therefore, he clung to the only place where he had ever felt confident: the one by his Captain's side…

Gin sighed bitterly. The Captain who was soon going to ruin Izuru's whole world… and in the name of what?

The mission. The sacrifice for the greater good. The twin pillar that would save Soul Society. Back then, Ichimaru Gin hadn't fully understood the meaning behind these words, still, he had been just a lonely child who had wished for someone's presence by his side at the very least. When he'd grown up and realized more fully what it was everyone expected from him, he had decided, quite naively perhaps, that he was going to avoid forming bonds with anyone. Being lonely amidst others had seemed easier than just being alone. And then…

And then, by a strange twist of fate, he had met Kira Izuru on an autumn morning and Gin simply couldn't stand his ground against the boy's kindness and trust.

He shouldn't have let it happen. He shouldn't have let anyone get so close to him, especially someone as pure and innocent as Izuru; now Gin was more aware of it than any before. He should have listened to Shinsō and ended it when he'd still had even a slightest chance. If he hadn't appointed Izuru as his Lieutenant, if he had just let him stay in the Fourth Division, if he had stayed away from the boy since the very beginning…

He couldn't. The temptation to have somebody close to him, somebody who would be his haven in a life so full of betrayal and lies, had turned out to be stronger than anything else. And so Gin had started to delude himself that it'd been all for Izuru's good. That he'd wanted to protect him. To support him. To help him spread his wings. That he'd wanted to be his light, just as Izuru had become a light for him…

He'd almost come to believe that; still, deep in his heart Gin knew that the truth was quite different.

He wanted Kira Izuru beside him, as long as it was possible. He couldn't just give up on him, he couldn't give up on the warmth and gentleness offered him so selflessly. Just for a moment, he wanted to be under the illusion that he could also lead a normal life…

He had no right to do so. Not if he was doing harm to Izuru, while pretending to care for him…

Gin clenched his fists. How could he be so selfish? After all, he knew what awaited him. He knew that one day he would possibly have to leave Soul Society as a traitor to continue on his task. He was aware that it meant severing all the bonds he'd ever had with that place; so the weaker they would be, the better. And yet, he had first gotten involved with Matsumoto Rangiku and then…

"_Gin__… You are his sun, can't you see that? He would go anywhere with you, if you only let him…"_

He bit his lip. Rangiku was strong and already hardened by his continuous comings and goings. Gin was pretty sure that the Tenth Division's Lieutenant — and his childhood friend — would do quite well once he was gone. Izuru, however, was a completely different case. It didn't seem that the boy was going to consent himself to his Captain's sudden disappearance, and that thought hurt Gin more than anything. Still, he couldn't take Izuru with him, this was one of a few things he was still sure of. He didn't want to drag him into darkness, he wanted to save him from it. That was why he had to leave without an explanation and that was why he was here right now, willing to show the boy how important he was to Gin…

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. Was it really true? Did he really come here for Izuru's sake? After all, what could the boy gain from being released? Would he be safer that way than he was in the Third Division's detention cell? Wouldn't it be better to keep him away from all that was going to happen? Far away from suspicions of treason he possibly wouldn't be able to avoid if he loyally followed Gin once again.

Was he really willing to help Izuru? Or did he just come here to spend some time with the boy before disappearing from Soul Society?

_Once again ya think only about yerself, Ichimaru Gin…_

He tried to deny that, but his protests weren't convincing in the slightest. A voice in his mind laughed cynically.

_Yer lacking arguments, Gin?_

He hesitated, unsure if he shouldn't go back, when suddenly he heard another voice, this time a real one. Though it wasn't loud, Gin could hear it clearly: a hoarse, choked whisper bordering on a sob. A voice of someone who didn't have any strength left to scream and cry.

'I… I pointed my sword at Hinamori-san… How can this be… I'm despicable… Despicable…'

Gin froze. A small part of him, the one that always feared to face someone suffering, urged him to escape. Still, the Third Division's captain managed to regain his composure. He had no right to retreat now, not after he'd been a coward in so many other matters.

He listened intently for another moment. What he heard was a wheezy, shaky breath and more accusations spoken in a voice gradually swelling to a cry.

Ichimaru Gin felt his nails biting into his palms and then he made his decision. Putting Gin's own reasons aside, Kira Izuru had done nothing to deserve such fate. Truth to tell, he hadn't even done anything wrong: after all, how could he be blamed for standing in his Captain's defense? And yet, even though the circumstances were favorable to him, the boy had been put in detention like a common criminal, and, judging from what Gin had just heard, he felt like one.

Was that how Soul Society's justice was supposed to look like? Was that the greater good Ichimaru Gin was to fight for?

After his dead soul. Right now he was ready to free Izuru simply out of spite.

With new-found resolution Gin covered the last length of the corridor and pushed the wooden door, separating the detention cells from the rest of Third Division's quarters. It opened with a quiet creak.

'Who… Who's there?'

A desperate, frightened cry. Gin felt a lump in his throat, but even now he couldn't show his true feelings. He kept going forward, a foxy smile glued to his lips and the light from the corridor surrounding him.

How did Izuru see him right now?

_Izuru… _

Gin noticed him, and only the years of deceiving Aizen let him keep an impenetrable look on his face. He could hardly believe that the form huddled in the cell's corner and watching him with wide, blue eyes was indeed Kira Izuru, the same one who had so resolutely defended Gin this morning.

Ichimaru Gin gulped. What happened here? What had to happen to turn a Gotei 13 lieutenant, brave, talented and loyal, into a human wreck?

And that… straitjacket. A patch of white that contrasted vividly with the black shihakushō and the cell's bleak walls, that screamed for attention, making Gin's burden of guilt even heavier.

_What did you try to do, Izuru…?_

Gin wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. A broken chair, lying on the cell's floor, suggested violent and unpleasant things. A shiver ran down Gin's spine.

'My, my… It's horrible,' he said, in a seemingly light tone that deprived his words of their true meaning, even though they were sincere. 'So very horrible indeed…'

Their eyes met and Gin barely fought off the urge to step back, feeling this troubled, desperate and frightened gaze on him.

'C-captain Ichimaru…'

There was too much hope in this voice, even if it was mingled with fear and uncertainty. Gin ordered himself to smile, his heart breaking. He had to act though it was getting more and more difficult. He had to… for how long yet?

Gin came closer, stopping by the cell's door. His figure cast a long shadow on the wall.

'Poor thing… Yer all worn out…'

His words sounded too affectionate to be considered as something said out of concern, and yet they were still true. Gin had never seen Izuru looking so fragile, helpless and lost, and what couldn't be seen he could sense in the boy's reiatsu. Izuru was utterly exhausted and tense as a string. It seemed that help came just in time, if Gin could consider his appearance "help".

He realized that the dark blue eyes widened even more. Izuru was watching him like a small animal cornered by a predator and he clearly didn't know what to expect. Gin didn't mean to torment him any longer… after all, he came here for a purpose.

'Want me to save ya, Izuru?' he asked as if it was the most natural thing in the world. A stranger could see that question as teasing and cruel, especially considering the circumstances. For Gin it was more important than it seemed as it gave Izuru the chance to refuse. And, of course, Gin would respect his decision…

_Who__ are ya trying to deceive, Gin? Ya really think that he would be able to refuse you at such a time…? All ya care is to have a clear conscience…_

A clear conscience… Could he really hope for something like that?

He focused on the boy. On his face fear and disbelief fought with the need to trust someone, to find a safe haven in the sea of chaos.

_Don't look at me like that, Izuru. There's nothing __permanent in me…_

'Come with me, Izuru,' he said aloud, finding a key in his kosode's sleeve. The lock grated a little, and after a moment the cell's door was wide open.

Kira Izuru didn't move a muscle. Somehow Gin expected this; he felt that the boy wouldn't dare to leave the cell without his Captain's encouragement, even if nothing stood in the way anymore. Gin came inside.

'Izuru,' he repeated, stopping before his lieutenant. Upon hearing his words, Izuru at first just stared at him, dazed, and then he stood up clumsily, looking away. Gin's gaze once again rested on the straitjacket that Izuru's arms were bound in, and his usual smile disappeared.

_What did ya do to deserve that, Izuru…?_

Suddenly, he felt anger welling up inside him; the anger towards Head-Commander Yamamoto, Soul Society's laws and, for reasons that Gin couldn't quite explain, towards Hitsugaya Tōshirō from the Tenth Division. Towards everyone, including himself, but except Kira Izuru. To blame the boy for anything that had happened would be hypocrisy in its purest form.

He extended his hand and began to unfasten the buckles. It was because of him that Izuru had ended up here. It was him whom the boy had defended, though it was Gin who had always promised to himself to protect him. Could he do any more than just make empty promises? Was he only able of such seemingly important gestures as this one?

Gin tugged at the straitjacket's straps. He was but a cause of Izuru's suffering as of late, and soon he was to hurt him more deeply and painfully than ever before. Where, in all that, was the place for his old, proud decisions? For all his bold declarations? Was he a mere pawn under the illusion that he could save the gold general? Had he lived in delusion for all these years, even without Aizen Sōsuke's "help"?

The last buckle clinked softly, and Gin firmly pulled the fabric off his lieutenant's shoulders, throwing it to the floor. Izuru's arms dropped limply to his sides, and the boy stood before him hunched, his head hung low, gaze dropped to the cell's floor. Gin almost cursed, sensing his reiatsu, still quivering in panic, still full of self-contempt and self-hate. How could it come to this? Why the one who received the punishment was also the one who deserved it the least, while the real culprits…

Gin suddenly remembered Aizen Sōsuke's body, crucified upon the wall, and for a moment he regretted that Hinamori Momo's accusations hadn't been true. If he only could, Gin would kill him without a moment's hesitation, this one and only time feeling happy about taking somebody's life…

He sighed inwardly. He didn't come here to think of Aizen. He came to…

He looked at Izuru, still standing in front of him without a single word, emanating with the sense of guilt.

_Ya haven't even thanked him, Gin…_

He opened his mouth just to close it again. Izuru's loyalty deserved much more than a simple "thank you", and Gin couldn't find any other words right now. He realized that he would like to hug the boy, to hold him close and to ease his pain at least a little… to calm down his conscience, so worn out and so full of doubt, to comfort him… And then… maybe then he would find the courage to apologize: for everything he'd already done and for what he still was to do. He felt right now he would be able to do it…

…and, ironically, he couldn't. He couldn't open his heart to Izuru and honestly tell the boy what bothered him, if he still cared for the success of his mission.

He painfully clenched his fists. _The mission… He and the great matters of the great of this world… Ya've been right, Shins_ō_… Ya've been damn right…_

Gin looked once again at his Lieutenant, who was still in the same pose, still looking anguished, and once again he cursed himself. Again. He wasn't able to do anything truly important for him yet again…

He bit his lip. Would he ever have a chance to atone for his sins? Was it possible at all? How could he compensate for all he'd already done… and for what was to come? How could something like that be forgiven?

He dismissed that thought, shaking his head. No time for that. If this whole escapade was to retain at least a bit of sense, then they shouldn't stay here all night. They had to go…

Gin turned around, heading for the cell's door.

_Don't follow me, Izuru. __I'm a spy and a murderer. I'm an egoist and a coward. I don't deserve your gratitude. I don't deserve your trust. I don't deserve your…_

'Come with me, Izuru.'

He felt like a perfect scoundrel.


	10. Amber

**~10~**  
**Amber**

* * *

I knew you would eventually leave.

After all, you used to leave without one word.

This time it wasn't one of your joke, right? Even if it was equally cruel.

I knew you would leave already then, when our last night you spoke to me. You thought I couldn't hear you, perhaps? You whispered into my hair, 'Be happy'.

That's ridiculous, you're well aware of this, aren't you?

I can't sleep tonight. It feels good to sit by the window when it's not so hot. The eastern sky is getting brighter. The July nights are so short. Once again, we ended in drinking 'till morning. He still can't compare to me, but he really gets better. If I turn my head, I will see him laying there in his restless sleep. The most saddening is that this very sleep brings him comfort - while the day is his nightmare. As well as the reality.

When he came for the first time, I thought he would just apologize to me - even though there was nothing he should apologize for. It's you who owe the apology to us both. Then he came back, and I simply couldn't send him off when he looked at me like that. I need him, too, you know? Sure you do. He is all that's left of you.

And then he kept coming... and leaving. Just like you.

That night you said, 'Please, take care of him'.

What were you meaning?

He's just moved nervously in the bed and moaned something. I don't even want to know what he's dreaming about. I should rise and try to help him out of the nightmare... No, he's made it himself. He's curled into the ball, pulling his knees up against his chest.

This child is truly lovely. Now I finally understand why you valued him so much. What I can't understand is why you could ever break his heart.

Oh, surely you had your reasons.

Don't worry about me; I will survive. I'm strong. It's him who's worrying me. Day by day, his eyes turn more desperate. Perhaps he thinks he got tougher - and stronger. The despair in his eyes is deeper, too. I can't tell which one frightens me more.

That's why I took him into my arms. Children that were hurt need love.

We talk, sometimes. I learned he had been orphaned when he was still a child. I suppose he saw a father in you, in a way. I am drunk enough to try and imagine myself as his mother. But, well... if we continue like this, it will end in an incest.

Can you even remember when you made fun of him, declaring we wanted to adopt him? I would laugh at the very memory if it wasn't so painful.

And then you promised he could always stay by your side - the most cruel joke you ever told.

_Take care of him._

This is all wrong. We deserve so much more than a poor substitute. Sure I know he comes seeking for that security you always offered to him. And I can feel your scent on his skin - the scent of the lemon tree that overgrows the courtyard of the Third Division.

I am not made of wood! But I can't agree to this.

Both of us seek for the closeness we were deprived of so suddenly. Did you think you would secure it for us that way? So clever of you.

Today he reached as far as a kiss. I let him. Fortunately, sake got the better of him, and he simply went out. Or, perhaps, I suffocated him, it's possible as well...

_Take care of him._

We could be together and keep feeding on the scraps of our love for you. We would be equal - as we've always been in this. When looking into each other's eyes, we would see your reflection, for ever.

No-one deserves such a torment.

Bottle is empty now. This child has drunk more than me, can you imagine? I'll better brew some marigold tea; it prevents a hangover quite well, did you know that? It's he who told me - so you probably knew...

His face got serene when the rising sun touched it. Poor boy. He doesn't know yet that the day awaits his own rise, too.

_Take care of him._

No, Gin.

You have to come back.

You used to come back.

Come back - and do it yourself.

Both of us are waiting for you.


	11. Wreaths II

**~11~**  
**Wreaths II**  
(in Hueco Mundo)

* * *

Grimmjow couldn't remember if he had ever been so furious.

"I'm not going to wear it," he growled, looking with disgust at the cornflower garland in Ulquiorra's hands.

Ulquiorra regarded him ever patient. "It is Aizen-sama's order," he said impassively.

"I don't take orders from that Shinigami," Grimmjow announced in a rebellious manner, looking at Ulquiorra provocatively.

He was a proud warrior, and his self-confidence helped him control the feeling of madness. He examined Cuatro Espada and almost burst in laughter. Ulquiorra stood with a martyr's look on his face, his hair and helmet decorated with a bit skew wreath of forget-me-nots. Save that, Ulquiorra looked as boring as ever.

"Is he fucked in his head to organize a picnic here?" Grimmjow couldn't remain calm for long though. "What next? A festival? Before you realize, Hueco Mundo will resemble the Real World. Or, even worse, that damned Soul Society," he snorted like an angry cat.

Ulquiorra kept quiet and merely looked at him. Grimmjow would love to tear that cornflower plait to pieces, but he was aware it wouldn't escape Ulquiorra's watchful eyes - and that meant Aizen's attention as well. Last time Sexta Espada had made Aizen discontent a bit too often, and, even though Aizen didn't react in any way, Grimmjow had no illusions about it. Had it served his goals, Aizen would dispose of "his dear Espada" in a flash. But Grimmjow would be damned if he intended to go round Las Noches wearing flowers! He wasn't a pussy in heat! He indulged himself in a cautious thought that the cornflowers matched him much better than the forget-me-nots Ulquiorra. But then again, this wimp lacked any aesthetic sense. After all, what can you expect of a bat?

No, it was very evil thought. He didn't plan to put that damned wreath on, either now or later. The problem was Ulquiorra still stood motionless and held a plait in the stretched hand, giving him an order.

That deadlock situation was solved by a sudden appearance of Szayel Aporro. Grimmjow cast a glance at newly-arrived... and groaned. Szayel Aporro practically flew into the room, decorated with the rose garlands of a shade only a bit darker than his hair. The scent emanating from Octava Espada was unbearable, and Grimmjow started to sneeze.

"Aizen-sama brought a lot of good to Hueco Mundo," Szayel Aporro announced in an airy voice and regarded his Espada comrades with a look of a person residing in a totally different realm. Grimmjow had always known that Szayel Aporro was nuts. Then he suddenly realized where all the damned flowers had to come from, and his aversion towards the scientist grew up rapidly. Apparently unaware of that Szayel Aporro continued, "Aizen-sama instructed me to create a garden. It wasn't any problem, of course. After all, my laboratory is unparalleled in whole Hueco Mundo..."

"Imbecile," Grimmjow snarled, but Szayel Aporro didn't react.

"Flowers! Just think of it: flowers!"

"I bet till now you saw them only in books", Grimmjow threw ironically. "No wonder they look artificial and smell like perfume." Unfortunately, an impact of that statement was lessened by another sneeze, so it was ignored again.

"Aizen-sama used to celebrate the shortest night of the year, and plaiting the wreaths belongs to the tradition," Szayel Aporro explained.

"It's always night here," Grimmjow pointed out, not sure whether he wanted to strangle Szayel Aporro more than Aizen or not.

"The shortest night of the year passed already," Ulquiorra informed though no-one asked him. "It's exactly an autumnal equinox in the Real World."

"I don't care!" Grimmjow yelled, once again coming to a conclusion he was surrounded by idiots. "It doesn't matter! Do you really want to play the lap-dogs of that Shinigami? Blast you..!"

"If you don't like the cornflowers, you can choose something else from my garden," Szayel Aporro offered with an angelic smile. "Though I admit I designed them specially for you. The elevated concentration of copper sulphate provides the deeper shade of blue, and, taking into consideration the colour of your eyes, you should only benefit..."

Grimmjow groaned again and fled to the corridor. He heard the words Szayel Aporro directed at Ulquiorra, "And you just had to put on something blue even though it doesn't match you at all, didn't you? Will you ever start to listen to the aesthete?"

Las Noches was a truly pitiful sight, at least such was Grimmjow's opinion. Terribly perfect flowers were everywhere! Szayel Aporro didn't confine himself to the garden - just the opposite: he decorated all the long corridors and spacious rooms. Grimmjow felt like teaching him what he thought of such an eagerness in fulfilling Aizen's orders. Especially that he was sneezing all the time. Granz, being ranked only eighth in Espada, had to fawn on Aizen to win his favour - not like Grimmjow himself.

Grimmjow was passed by Lilynette, followed by sleepy Starrk, who probably didn't even notice the lavender garland on his own had. _Sweet dreams_, Grimmjow thought ironically. Shortly after, he came across Barragan with red poppies in his hair. Grimmjow decided not only Starrk would sleep like a log that night. Barragan's Fracción was decorated with so many sorts of flowers Grimmjow didn't even try to distinguish. The whole group more than ever resembled the happy zoo on wheels. Grimmjow ostentatiously looked away, but unfortunately he didn't fail to notice the coquettish look that Charlotte cast at him. The man tried to turn all the encountered Arrancar's head with his imaginary beauty. Well, that wouldn't affect this time; Grimmjow was pure male and didn't intend to bother himself with the individuals who had hair of seaweed, especially that he didn't like dampness.

Harribel's Fracción was quite a different story. They just appeared in the corridor, all in flowers. These were chicks for him, all-right. He would comment their new looks with a decent whistling, but then Harribel appeared too, and Grimmjow put his ears back. Harribel used to regard him as a pest, which made him totally furious. Grimmjow even less liked the fact that Harribel obeyed Aizen's orders with really disgusting zeal. Grimmjow had to admit, though, that the wreath of petunias matched her dark skin very nicely. Grimmjow would never say it aloud, but he wouldn't refuse a nice affair with Harribel. Just look at her... legs. Grimmjow was frustrated by the fact how easy it would be with any other female - just drag to the lair... to the bed. Unfortunately, he was painfully aware had he tried something like that with Harribel, he would end up as a fertilizer of Szayel Aporro's garden. He sighed inwardly, looking round after Tres Espada and her Fracción, and this time he allowed himself the quiet whistle.

"Tesla, off!" came from behind the door ajar.

"But, Nnoitra-sama..." it was Tesla's begging voice.

"I said, hands off!"

Grimmjow wasn't interested in more than shady relation that Quinto Espada shared with his Fracción, but his mood was so foul nothing could make him out of patience any more. He kicked the door open with his typical delicacy and entered Nnoitra's rooms nonchalantly, hands in pockets. Quinto Espada was sitting by the dresser and adjusted the wreath of some strange gold bindweed on his black hair. One glance at his face in mirror and Grimmjow roared with laughter. Next moment he had to dodge cero of the same colour as the flowers.

"Get lost, Grimmjow," Nnoitra said ominously. "That is, if you don't want to die yet."

"And you imagine yourself as a one who would mow me down?" Grimmjow sneered.

"Don't you even dare speak to Nnoitra-sama that way!" Tesla shouted bravely from the corner. He must have landed there after he tried a bit too insistently to persuade Nnoitra into... Yeah, what exactly?

"By the way, what have you... squabbled about?" he used a word that would suit two girls instead. But then again, he had never considered those two the men.

"Nnoitra-sama prefers gold bindweeds, while I believe pink would match him better," Tesla let out.

"Tesla, shut up!" Nnoitra screamed, but Grimmjow's laughter had already filled the room.

Sexta Espada dodged Cero again and spoke, still shaking with laughter, "It will take Aizen another century to conquer Soul Society with the ones like you." He looked at Nnoitra cross-eyed. "Indeed, pink would be better."

"I'll kill you, Grimmjow," Nnoitra hissed. "Just you wait."

But Grimmjow was already leaving, waving his hand in a gesture that more than anything implied he wasn't interested. Nnoitra's curses flew right by him. He felt a bit comforted.

He thanked whomever Arrancar could thank that he managed to avoid Aaroniero and Zommari. He finished his round in quite a different spirits than when he had started it when he met Yammy. Yammy had just dealt with a servant who had tried to give him a garland of evening stock.

"I wish I had done the same with Ulquiorra," Grimmjow declared, looking at Arrancar remains and sniffing with contempt.

Yammy cast a thoughtful glance at him. "Keep on wishing."

Grimmjow didn't answer.

* * *

Gin stood by the window, regarding an unlimited desert of Hueco Mundo, whose white sands gleamed in the light of the eternal moon. Aizen wondered what actually Gin was looking at. Silence that lingered in the chamber was interrupted from time to time by the sounds that Wonderweiss emitted when playing with Kaname. In garlands of pink magnolias both of them looked more innocent than ever.

"I hope you liked my gift," Aizen spoke. "Something to remember old good times in Soul Society."

Gin was still facing the window. Wonderweiss squeaked and choked with a hoarse laughter before Kaname silenced him.

"Lately, you've been rather depressed. It's not like you," Aizen went on, sitting down in his chair. "If I'm correct, last time you had fun during midsummer celebration."

Gin folded his arms. "Last midsummer..." he said softly. "Flowers bloomed beyond measure in Soul Society, didn't they?"

Aizen observed his former vice-captain.

"There are no streams in Hueco Mundo we would float the wreaths on," Gin added and turned to look at him. "Could you charm them out, too?" he asked, his tone almost mischievous.

"If you wish..." Aizen started, but Gin had already turned his head and returned to contemplation of a blank landscape. Aizen waited patiently. Wonderweiss' gibberish came from the distant part of the room.

"Izuru really made me a wreath," Gin finally spoke in a voice Aizen hardly ever heard of him.

"Do you regret you didn't take him with you?"

The world stood still for a moment, and then Gin shook his head. Aizen was under impression his shoulders fell a bit, but he could be mistaken as well.

Gin turned again and looked him straight in the face. "If I'm lucky, Szayel Aporro have grown some daisies. Good night, Cap'n Aizen," he said with his usual smile and left unhurriedly.

Aizen looked after him for a long time and then he smiled.

Simple wreath was stronger than the chains of titanium steel.

He was invincible.


	12. Lesson

**~12~**  
**Lesson**

* * *

Grimmjow started to seriously doubt whether conquering the world with Aizen was worth it. You would imagine that bad guy had a very easy and pleasant life, consisting of fight and destruction - however, Grimmjow learned the hard way that this naive vision was far from the reality. He himself, during millennia, had evolved into one of the most powerful beings in Hueco Mundo, had become an Arrancar and had obtained a prominent position in elite of Las Noches, Espada. Unfortunately, Aizen's consecutive ideas made him challenge the theory of general sense of the universe.

"Dear class, at the beginnin', let's take a roll."

Grimmjow wrenched away from the very unattractive conclusions on his own future and from the contemplation of the ceiling, and looked in the direction of the owner of the voice. Gin Ichimaru stood in front of the room, inseparable pointer in his hands, and regarded those present, even more inseparable smile on his face. Grimmjow snorted, more of resignation than anything else.

Aizen Sōsuke would be a great boss had he allowed fighting the strong opponents, destroying at will and ravaging like above. Apparently, it belonged to his further plans; first, he decided to take care of theoretical background of his elitist warriors. _"Educated soldier is a good soldier"_, he used to say. That was why, once a week, Grimmjow and the rest of Espada, as well as the chosen Fracción, participated in Gin Ichimaru's lessons that were to make them not only stronger but also clever fighters. Even Aizen was aware that forcing Espada to more intense education would result in an open revolt, but Grimmjow could barely stand even those few hours weekly. However, judging from some certain individuals, there were some who wouldn't mind the daily lectures - here Grimmjow cast a hateful and contemptuous glance at Ulquiorra, sitting in the first row and absorbing every word with a look of a good schoolboy.

After calling a roll, it turned out that there were some truants this week as well. The truth was the line-up almost never changed. Barragan and Szayel Aporro never appeared, explaining themselves with an age and the research. Szayel Aporro got a special permission from Aizen as his database already contained all the info about the Real World and Soul Society as well. Barragan used to send his numerous Fracción, who afterwards passed on the knowledge they had gathered to him. Today, Grimmjow's own Fracción didn't show up, but it was Grimmjow himself who had ordered them to get lost. He had decided long ago to educate them in such a range he himself found appropriate. He didn't suspect he would learn anything useful though.

This time, Nnoitra was there; apparently he had nothing better to do. Starrk participated in the lessons with various frequency; if he managed to wake up on time, that is. Aaroniero and Zommari were usually present, but these mediocrities had to seek favour with Aizen constantly, so there was nothing surprising about it. Harribel usually listened attentively to the lectures. The only one who attended absolutely every lesson was the swot Ulquiorra.

"Today we'll be talkin' 'bout the topography of Seireitei," Gin announced, beaming, and started the presentation. The first slide showed the residence of Shinigami in the sunlight. The room filled up with boos, while mini-cero and mini-bala flew towards the screen.

"Gin-sensei," the melodious voice of Barragan's Fracción Ggio came from the second row. Grimmjow pulled a face at such a toadying, though he did notice the note of mockery that rang in Tiger's smarmy words. "Why should we learn about Seireitei if Aizen-sama's aim is Karakura in the Real World?" he asked a bit provocatively.

Gin turned a smiling face towards him. "Seireitei's absolutely crucial to Cap'n Aizen's plans," he explained. "After all, it's Seireitei we wan' ta conquer; Karakura is merely a mean," he added. "And it's really nice in Seireitei, so I wanted ta show ya some pics."

Cero and bala, accompanied by the boos, went flying again. One of them hit the very centre of the slide, which gained the general applause.

Once more Grimmjow started to consider the desertion - or emigration - to the Real World. It wouldn't possibly be that bad there as they told. He had even heard there were some strong warriors in the Real World, which was interesting in its own right. Strong humans?

"When visitin' Seireitei, the spot one mus' definitely see, is Sōkyoku," Gin explained, pointing at another slide. "It's the highes' place wit' the perfect view on the Court. There was an idea ta build an observation platform and a cafeteria on the top, but it was rejected. The supporters decided tha' the ritual place of execution would ruin the idyllic atmosphere after all, while the opponents claimed that the local would obscure the gallows."

"What about that tall tower in the middle?" Ggio put in again. "It's fitted for a viewpoint better than anything else. You could built a cafeteria with a revolving platform..."

"Such an architect of you?" Avirama cut him short. "You'd rather put your room in order first."

The other Fracción shook with cackle, and Ggio turned red.

"This," Gin pointed at the white spire in the very centre of Seireitei, "is Senzaikyū, the Shrine of Penitence, where those on deat' row are put in. Very unpleasant place," he added. "No garden, no sauna, no library. Only white stone around."

"Shinigami like to amuse themselves in a nasty way, right?" Avirama called.

Gin smiled even wider. "Not as much as some Hollows, Avirama-kun," he riposted. "Personally, I find the idea of cafeteria on the top of the tower appealin', Ggio-kun. I suggest ya introduce it ta Aizen-sama once he takes control over Soul Society. He already used Senzaikyū for his plans..."

Ggio beamed, but the next moment a mini-Cero hit his back, and the word SWOT flashed over his head. It was Apache of Harribel's Fracción who made clear what she thought about such a toadying. Ggio turned around, his mouth forming a word _hater_, and thumbed his nose at her. Had Mila-Rose not held Apache in time, the first fight would start. And the lesson only began, Grimmjow thought.

He himself lacked an enthusiasm to say anything at all. He lolled on the last row and looked at the scenery, bored and deprived of hope. A bit further, there sit Yammy who didn't even pretend to listen to Gin, only kept sending notes to Ulquiorra. He didn't mind the utter lack of reply. Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder, curious, but after he saw "bowling, tonight, in the Fourth Tower", he decided he was surrounded by idiots he didn't want to have anything to do with.

Aaroniero sat one row ahead and was having a schizophrenic conversation with himself.

"Aizen-sama is a great man."

"Aizen-sama will release me from all pain."

"Aizen-sama is a great man."

"Aizen-sama will release..."

"Aaro! Niero! Silence please," Gin called from the blackboard. "Ya never pay attention durin' the lessons; how come ya always score the best results on the tests? Has to be a joint work," he decided in a bit philosophic way, changing a slide.

"When ya leave Sōkyoku and head sout' across the lemon park, ya'll reach the inn "Broken Zanpakutō". The roasted persimmons they serve there are delicious," he added in a dreamy tone.

"No information you've passed on so far can be useful for them," Tōsen Kaname's voice came from the doorway. Perhaps the man had been standing there for a while now. "Teach them the important facts."

"Such cruel words," Gin commented, turning to look at Tōsen. "Ya may be right, though... I just remembered my part-time job as a Seireitei tourist guide," he explained with a disarming frankness, but Tōsen only frowned. "Would ya believe it was Kenpachi who used my service most?"

"Do not evoke the madman's name in this place," Tōsen warned.

"Don' tell me ya still bear him a grudge fer the defeat in yer last fight?" Gin guessed in a very innocent voice.

Grimmjow pricked up his ears. Defeated Tōsen? Not that he found one of Aizen's followers anything remarkable, but it would be worth to combat with someone who gave him a beating.

"Yet, even he met someone he was no match for," Gin continued his conversation with Tōsen, while class engaged in other activities, taking advantage of the teacher's distraction. "Ichigo Kurosaki is truly amazin' since he beat the strongest amon' Gotei 13 captains."

Grimmjow decided right away to make acquaintance of that Ichigo Kurosaki. Perhaps these lessons wouldn't be such a waste of time after all...

"If I'm correct, Captain Aizen himself plans ta tell ya 'bout Kurosaki," Gin announced to his students, and Grimmjow had to be satisfied for now.

"So how you get to that inn?" Poww had never been a quick learner.

The class was starting to get impatient. Nnoitra took out a mirror and began to set his hair. Sitting next, every now and then, Tesla cast the lustful glances at him, never stopping to take the notes though. Grimmjow watched in disgust how Tesla couldn't hold himself any more, reached out and tucked the strand of Nnoitra's hair behind the man's ear. The golden Cero deprived him of the half of the desktop, but Tesla kept noting with verve - and a smile of masochistic pleasure.

Zommari was writing in his notebook with the big letters: AIZEN AIZEN AIZEN-SAMA IS GREAT BANZAI BANZAI BANZAI. Usually, he also assisted Gin - in the meaning of passing a chalk or sponge to him, for which he used his _"fastest sonido in Hueco Mundo"_. Another toady, Grimmjow decided.

Starrk was lying in the first row and sleeping. Lilynette tried to wake him up every now and then, with no result. Grimmjow knew well that only the bell in the end of lesson would wake Primera up - and he was a bit envious. Once Lilynette had tried to make notes, but soon she must have decided it to be pointless, so now she spent her time drawing the generic scenes involving Gin. During every lesson, she showed her work to the people in the rear and gained well deserved applause. Today, the picture showed Gin wearing a straw hat with a red arrow, and the writing on his back: _"Seireitei guide - cheaply and with humour"_.

"In the south-east of Seireitei is situated the Kuchiki Manor. It belongs ta one of the four great noble families in Soul Society. It's probably the bigges' estate of Seireitei. The vast gardens contain the camellia stands, well-known in the whole Court, and many ponds with a significant population of koi. Ya can also run into swimmin'-pools..."

"It would be nice to have a swimming-pool in Las Noches," Apache stated. "Hey, you there, architect!" she called out to Ggio. "When you lick Aizen's boots, don't forget to tell him about a swimming-pool."

"I think it won' be necessary," Gin interjected in a tone 'I won't tell you anything, it's a secret'. "Talkin' 'bout it... Byakuya Kuchiki's spacious mansion is a favourite meetin' place of Shinigami Women's Association."

"Yeah, tell us about chicks of Seireitei!" came from the rear.

"Shinigami Women's Association?" Mila-Rose inquired, ignoring the joker. "I've always known we're far behind others, here in boonies," she claimed firmly. "Ladies, let's have an Arrancar Women's Association."

"For once, I support your idea," Sun Sun declared, covering her mouth with a slave.

"Me! I wanna be a president!" Lilynette began to jump on her chair.

"You?" Apache said with a scorn. "You have to prove you're a woman first."

"I'm more woman than you," Lilynette retorted, looking suggestively on Apache's breast. "Butch", she added with a sting.

"You insolent brat!" Apache yelled and rose, ready to beat a kid to a pulp, but Mila-Rose stopped her again.

"Naturally, Harribel-sama will be a president," she said firmly.

Apache didn't reply; only sat back, sulking a bit.

"Nnoitra, Tesla! Don't forget to enrol," Grimmjow couldn't deny himself a pleasure after he saw Nnoitra painting nails on the desktop.

Due to cosmetic reasons, golden Cero wasn't aimed properly and hit Aaroniero instead. He started to scream like mad and rushed out the classroom, trying to hold his liquid. Grimmjow had a better view on the front rows now, but soon he decided there was nothing worth looking.

Barragan's Fracción were warming up with every passing moment. As far as Grimmjow could see, Ggio was using his talent for architecture and made plans of the reconstruction of Las Noches, while Nirgge enriched his drafts with the decorative details. Poww sat on the floor, for he didn't fit into desk, panting like said koi out of water. Well, for him these lessons had to be a great strain, Grimmjow thought. Avirama tried to talk Findor into a war-cry and, apparently, he succeeded since, out of the blue, the both jumped to their feet and started to shout, "Barragan-sama! Barragan-sama!" It didn't last long, for Avirama got hit by Mila-Rose and dug into the desktop, while Findor took a spill after his ankle encountered Sun Sun's shod leg.

"Oh, Gin," Charlotte's yearning voice rang up. He used to speak that way to every male he run into, regardless of the species affinity. Gin must have been wise enough since he almost made a face. "You haven't told us the most important thing. Where is the best beauty salon in Seireitei?"

"Tesla, write down," Grimmjow cut in. "Nnoitra's nails haven't dried up yet."

"Grimmjow, the day of your death draws near with every little moment," Nnoitra drawled, looking hatefully.

"You don't have to be a genius to find it out," Grimmjow replied, bored. "It's called the flow of time."

"I'll kill you," Quinto Espada hissed, reaching towards him.

"Careful with the polish. Ah, what a rare colour, is it the lichen from the cellar?" Grimmjow replied. "What a waste it would be," he added and dodged the whole series of Cero.

"We'll have ta move again," Gin sighed, regarding new albeit irregular entrances in the back. "I hate the draughts..." he added, changing the slide... and fell silent, his eyes fixed on it.

On the wall, there was a picture of a young man wearing a Shinigami outfit. Cero and Bala, accompanied by boos and jeers, along with one pencil, snapped Gin out of his reverie. It was clear that the slide had appeared unexpectedly.

Or not - after all, it was Gin Ichimaru in question.

Tōsen ostentatiously left.

"It's my charming lieutenant Izuru," Gin explained cheerfully, turning again to the class.

"Emo!"

"Dead moth!"

"What about that beauty salon?"

"Loser!"

"Cute."

"Hottie, isn't he, girls?"

"It's supposed to be a block?"

"Not cut even for scratching behind the ears," Grimmjow burst out, before he realized it.

A Zanpakutō whistled past his head and hit the damaged wall behind. In the corner of his eye, Grimmjow spotted two blue hairs slowly falling down. He blinked - and opened his eyes wide.

"End of the class," announced Gin with a smile, sealing Shinsō back in a dead silence. "Nex' week we'll be talkin' 'bout Gotei 13, and ya've already heard some names today."

The class left the room, more orderly than usual. In the doorway, Grimmjow turned to look once more. Gin was still standing by the blackboard, regarding the picture of his lieutenant with a look one could hardly ever see of him.

Grimmjow shrugged his shoulder. He still didn't understand, but...

Perhaps everyone had their inner ears, he decided finally.


	13. Coward

**~13~**  
**Coward**

* * *

Kira Izuru hated to be afraid. He hated to kneel in dust, unable even to move a muscle, with overwhelming fear clutching at his throat. And yet, here, in the ruins of false Karakura, where the battle took place, he was afraid more than any before in his life. He was afraid and he despised himself for it.

His friends needed help, their lives hanging by a thread, as well as the fate of Karakura and Soul Society that were brought to the brink of destruction. It might be the end of the whole world as they knew it. Saving the world had never been among Kira's aspirations; this was the task of the stronger ones, while he was but a weak, insignificant pawn. Still, he was the Third Division's Lieutenant. He should fight; he should protect what was most important to him. It was inappropriate that an officer of Seireitei elites should feel fear. Izuru knew that – and he hated himself even more.

He clenched his fists, trying to stop their trembling. Strange, he would never think he could be more afraid than when the smoke over Karakura had been blown away and Kira had most likely faced his doom. He'd been mistaken. Though the sudden appearance of the Vizards had delayed the death-sentence for a while, his plight hadn't changed for the better.

Quite the contrary, actually.

He knew who was standing before him; he didn't even have to look up to know that. He simply couldn't mistake this reiatsu for any other, especially considering the fact that Kira knew its every tremor.

That was why he was so afraid to raise his head and look in that face – the face of a man who was his greatest dream and the worst nightmare at the same time.

'Mornin', Izuru,' said Ichimaru Gin in an almost carefree tone. 'Actually, I hoped ya were doin' better.'

Kira closed his eyes. Ichimaru Gin. Once his Captain, now – the traitor and Aizen's ally. To Kira he was both the support and the curse, representing what he most longed for and what he was desperately trying to escape.

The feelings, so far pushed to the bottom of his heart, welled up inside him, seeking a vent. Izuru firmly pushed them aside, squeezing his eyelids even tighter. It was no time for such thoughts, not here and now. Here and now there was no room for sentiments; he had to keep his mind clear, he had to…

'Not too talkative, nah, Izuru?' Ichimaru's voice broke him out of his reverie. It sounded both amused and reproachful. 'And here I really wanted to see ya, ya know. Yer not afraid, are ya, Izuru?'

Kira bit his lip. Even if he knew what to answer, he didn't trust his voice right now.

'No need to worry, though,' his former Captain continued in his slightly amused, seemingly worried tone. 'After all, only fools feel no fear. And what's more…' Izuru felt the other man move, and froze when Gin's breath tickled his ear, 'I'm here.'

Kira started. He had heard these words so many times, and each time he let them envelop him in their safety. They had been a sign that Captain Ichimaru had taken matters into his hands and that he, Kira Izuru, needn't have to worry anymore. Now he understood that it had all been but an illusion. He would rather not think how many times he had unconsciously been a mere puppet in Gin's hand. One he was sure of, though: he was not going to be ensnared once again, even if his heart was to break.

He flinched when long, slender fingers touched his cheek and opened his eyes. He saw no less than the mischievous smile of his nemesis.

For a moment he felt disappointed, as if he was expecting to see something else, but he quickly shoved that thought to the back of his mind. He jumped to his feet, pushing Gin's hand away from his face almost violently.

'Stay away… Stay away from me, traitor…!'

Ichimaru Gin was watching him with interest.

'What a cruel words indeed, Izuru,' he sighed theatrically, feigning offence. 'That's the Third Division's Lieutenant fer ya. Still, it's nice to look ya in the eye at last… I-zu-ru .'

Though he tried to fight it off, Kira felt his cheeks burning. Why, the demons, did he feel like that? Did Ichimaru Gin still have such power over him?

_Pull__ yourself together_¸ he reprimanded himself. _Pull yourself together, Izuru. He knows you thoroughly… He will say what you're willing to hear… Don't listen to him… Don't let him deceive you…_

He gripped the hilt of his sword. His fingers were slightly trembling; however, he felt a bit more confident now.

'Always so serious, Izuru,' Ichimaru almost laughed. 'It doesn't suit ya… ya should smile more often, ya know.'

_Don't listen to him… Don't listen, don't listen, don't listen… _

'I'll kill you…' whispered Kira, swallowing the lump in his throat. His grip on Wabisuke's hilt tightened. 'I'll kill you… even if it's going to be the last thing in my life…'

The former captain of Gotei 13 Third Division shook his head with a sigh, as if he was dealing with an unreasonable child.

'I don't wanna fight ya, Izuru, not to mention killin' ya.'

Kira looked away. He didn't believe it; he wasn't allowed to believe even a single word. Ichimaru Gin was a liar. A deceiver. A traitor. Kira had believed his words long enough.

Why then he found it so hard to convince himself about it?

_Don't think__ about it. Fight him. Kill him._

He drew his sword.

'Fight.'

Ichimaru sighed once again.

'My, my, Izuru, how stubborn ya are…' he said, pretending to scold Kira. 'But if ya want it that much…' the white robe whirred when Gin used Shunpo, '…first ya have to get me.'

Kira Izuru for a moment just stood there, unmoving, surprised by the sudden turn of events, before he struck. His sword cut through the air, and Kira realized in dismay that Ichimaru Gin was now behind him.

'Too slow, Izuru,' he heard. 'Ya need to try more.'

Before he had time to turn around, not to mention delivering a blow, Gin was already several paces away, smiling expectantly.

'What're ya waitin' fer, Izuru?'

One more time. A blow. A feint, a dodge, Shunpo. And the perpetual, unchanging smile of Ichimaru Gin, that was gradually getting on Kira's nerves.

He tried again. And again. And again. Every time with the same result.

_Stop playing with me__! Stop deceiving me… I'm not your toy!'_

'Very nice, Izuru,' Ichimaru Gin praised him when Kira's next blow skimmed the rim of his robe. 'Yer getting better. But ya won't catch me this way.'

Izuru turned his gaze away. He felt ashamed to be so easily led by the nose, but he wasn't going to give up just yet. He couldn't retreat now. His hesitation before had at least partly led to Gin's treachery. If Kira hadn't been closing his eyes to his Captain's actions, if he had informed the high command when there'd still been time, maybe the matters would have taken a completely different turn. To a degree, he was Ichimaru's accomplice, and now he had a chance to redeem himself.

_I'll __atone for my sins… and for yours._

He was preparing himself for another attack when he heard Gin's voice once again.

'Why don't ya use kidō, Izuru? Ya used to be pretty good at that…'

Kira hesitated, torn between his decision not to let himself be manipulated and the fact that Gin definitely had a point.

Still, if he were to make him fight…

'Bakudō No. 9, Geki!'

Gin evaded the spell. Easily.

'What's that, Izuru?' he asked. 'A binding spell? Thought ya were goin' to kill me…'

Kira lowered his eyes. He knew that he could — he should, actually! — use some typically offensive kidō, and yet…

'First draw your sword,' he muttered, still trying not to look at Gin.

'First catch me!'

Kira cursed helplessly. This strange, cruel tag was becoming more unnerving with every passing moment.

_What do you want… What do you want from me?_

He took a deep breath, looking around. They left the main battlefield behind and now they found themselves near one of the four pillars, the same one when Kira had won his fight with the Second Espada's Fracción not so very long – or maybe the whole ages – ago.

"_So you served under Ichimaru Gin? Makes sense. I heard that he abandoned you in Soul Society. I can see why. Having such a coward for a lieutenant…"_

"_Don't you dare to say that __name in front of me so lightly."_

He looked up. Ichimaru was standing at some distance from him, taking in the pillar's surroundings with somewhat bored gaze. He was waiting. When he noticed that Kira was looking at him, his smile widened.

'Ya fought bravely, Izuru,' he stated all of a sudden. 'I can still feel it…'

Kira Izuru once again felt the treacherous blush creeping onto his cheeks. He quickly turned his head away. He'd gotten out of the habit of believing in praise. Especially Ichimaru Gin's praise.

He heard a quiet laugh.

'My, my, what's with that look, Izuru…? I only wanted to tell ya somethin' nice…'

Kira dropped his gaze. Lies. All lies. And yet… Why did he want to believe them so much?

'You've had your battle…' his former captain continued meanwhile, in an unusual, almost gentle tone. 'There's no need for us to fight each other…'

Izuru squeezed his eyelids shut. Ichimaru Gin's words were like the sweetest poison, and Kira was never more tempted to drink it than now, but…

_H-__Hinamori. Rangiku-san. Hisagi-san. _

No. He shouldn't forget about them. He couldn't yield to his own weakness. Ichimaru Gin was a traitor, a traitor who deserved death, and Kira had promised himself that he was never going to be deceived by him again.

'Draw your sword,' he whispered hoarsely. 'I'm waiting… Ichimaru.'

Gin looked at him closely for a while, before he sighed softly.

'So ya were serious after all, Izuru,' he said quietly, his smile suddenly disappearing. 'In that case… I'm all yers.'

Kira blinked. As far as he remembered, he'd never heard his Captain speaking in such a tone. Was it another of his tricks? He looked at him warily.

'Draw your sword,' he repeated, almost sharply.

'No.'

Kira looked up abruptly, feeling astounded. What?

'Why?' he asked, hoping that his voice sounded firm and tough. It didn't.

'I won't draw my sword against ya, Izuru. Ever.'

Izuru felt his head spinning with too many thoughts. Ichimaru Gin couldn't be speaking honestly, after all, he was the king of lie and the master of intrigue. What was he up to? And why did this small part of Kira's heart trust him entirely?

'Why?' he repeated.

A fleeting smile played at Ichimaru's lips – a strangely sad smile.

'I've already told ya, Izuru. I don't want to fight ya. And I don't want to kill ya.'

Kira shook his head. It couldn't be true, not when Ichimaru Gin was the one these words came from.

'You lie…' he whispered and then added a little louder. 'You lie… Don't you try to deceive me again… What do you want from me?'

He wasn't sure when and how, but suddenly he found himself standing next to Gin. One moment there were several paces that separated them, another one Kira was pressing his former Captain against the wall, clutching at his throat with his free hand.

'Why…?' he whispered fervently, feeling something inside him breaking with every word. 'What do you want? Why… why do you want to deceive me again? Why…? What… What happened to you? You were a Captain… You had people… at your command… You… you could do almost everything and yet… You… You… Why…? Why someone so strong… Someone like you… Why…? Lies… only lies… all this time… And we… I… What have we done to you that… that you have betrayed us…?'

Gin's fingers wrapped around Kira's wrist, his lips forming another fake smile.

'If ya hate me that much, Izuru,' he replied, 'what are ya waitin' fer?'

Kira looked away. Why was he still hesitating? One blow would be enough. Just one, single blow to make that accursed smile fade forever. As simple as that…

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Izuru raised his sword arm. The hilt seemed to burn his palm. He tightened his grip till his knuckles whitened.

_Just one blow__… That's why you have started this fight… isn't it, Izuru…?_

"_I-zu-ru__."_

_Kira looked up. He saw an extended hand and __his Captain's smile: mischievous, yet strangely warm at the same time. _

"_Come with me, Izuru.'_

He let his arm drop; the sword slipped from his suddenly numb fingers. He couldn't. All his determination turned into dust in the face of this simple memory. All his apparent resolve was shattered when he was looking closely at Ichimaru Gin's face. At his Captain's face.

His fingers loosened their grip at Gin's throat, and his hand slipped a little lower, grasping the robe on the other man's shoulder. Kira Izuru hung his head. He was a coward. Just a weak, useless coward, a worthless puppet left forgotten in the corner when he was no longer needed.

He didn't matter, and yet he couldn't forget the false warmth of that smile.

_I would have __come with you… Anywhere… If only… Why did you become a traitor? Why did you leave me? Why…?_

He sobbed desperately. The last barriers burst, and Kira's feelings welled up, spilling outside in a stream of incoherent words, together with tears, streaming down his face.

'Why… why did you leave…' he managed to utter between his sobs, clutching Gin's white cloak. 'Why… Without a single word… I only… I… I looked up to you… You were… Why…? I only… I only… wanted… wanted to be… at your side… Captain…'

The last word was almost lost among the sobs; Kira's legs gave way beneath him and he would fall to his knees before Ichimaru Gin if not for his grip on the other man's cloak and…

A strong, slender arm, supporting him firmly from behind?

He blinked, surprised, tears blurring his vision… and then he froze when he realized that his former Captain was embracing him.

What was he to do? His common sense told him to step back and escape from this treacherous embrace as soon as possible… to push away the one who was, after all, his enemy. Yet his heart, fluttering in his chest, wished only to stay like this forever, in the only place where he'd ever felt safe.

'Captain…'

Izuru felt slender fingers, gently stroking his hair. He sighed quietly, giving in to the touch. Unconsciously, he returned the embrace and rested his head on Gin's shoulder. Ichimaru's heart was beating in a calm, steady rhythm that brought both comfort and pain.

'Why…' whispered Kira almost involuntarily, his cheek nestled against the white robe, so similar to the ones worn by the Arrancar. 'Why haven't you killed me back then…?

The hand caressing his hair stopped suddenly, and Izuru felt Gin's heartbeat quicken.

'Izuru…' Ichimaru Gin replied softly, in a tone that Kira had never heard him speak in before. 'My poor, brave Izuru…'

Kira froze, and then, very slowly, raised his head. He met Gin's golden eyes, wide open, reflecting the sunlight. They expressed an unusual mixture of feelings, of which Kira could recognize only the unspoken sadness and immeasurable longing.

And loneliness. A deep, painful loneliness.

He shivered. He didn't know why, but he was entirely, undeniably sure, that he, Kira Izuru, had the honor to see Ichimaru Gin's real colors; and he felt it would be enough to look into those golden eyes, just for a bit, just for a minute longer, to understand everything that could not be expressed by words.

Therefore, he kept looking; and the world was slowly disappearing, getting lost in the gleam of sun in his Captain's gaze… and soon there was almost nothing except these eyes, filled with light, when suddenly…

'Keep your hands off him, Ichimaru!'

A voice that Kira knew, possibly from another life, cut through their common silence like a knife. Gin reacted right away; in a split second he found himself in front of Kira, Shinsō in hand.

'Hello, Hitsugaya-kun!' he said in rather disregarding tone. Kira was pretty sure that he knew how Gin's face looked like at the moment: an impassive mask with a mischievous smile glued to it. 'How're ya?'

The anger on the Tenth Division's Captain Hitsugaya Tōshirō's face was enough for an answer.

'For you it's CAPTAIN Hitsugaya,' he snapped, accenting the last word. 'Don't think you're going to run away from me today… You will pay for what you've done, Ichimaru!'

'Ya haven't changed a bit, Hitsugaya-kun.' This time Gin sounded amused. 'I do wonder how Rangiku bears with ya…'

Tōshirō squinted his eyes dangerously.

'For your information, Ichimaru, Lieutenant Matsumoto…'

'Rangiku-san's alive,' Gin interrupted him and let out a quiet laugh, most probably upon seeing Hitsugaya's surprised face. 'Ya think I'd be speakin' of her so calmly if she was dead?' he added, and Kira started, hearing an ominous note in his voice.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō collected himself admirably quick.

'If not for you… and Aizen… she would be perfectly alright. The same goes… the same goes for Hinamori.'

Kira bit his lip, feeling a pang of guilt. Hinamori… Hinamori-san was his friend. And to Captain Hitsugaya she was someone… special.

To Gin she had become one of his tools that he had used while escaping from Soul Society.

Izuru lowered his eyes. All three of them had to remember that night. And that fight. Nevertheless… something deep in his heart told him that he wasn't the one to judge what had happened back then. He wasn't sure anymore if he could call Ichimaru Gin a traitor.

He had seen too much in his eyes. In his eyes that weren't evil.

Kira didn't notice when Hitsugaya attacked. Hyōrinmaru and Shinsō met, the metal clinked.

'Don't you dare play with me, Ichimaru,' said the young Captain, his teeth clenched. 'I am not your toy…'

Kira involuntarily looked away. He knew all too well who Hitsugaya Tōshirō was referring to; therefore, he was more than surprised to hear Ichimaru Gin's next words.

'I never used to play with the ones devoted to me, Hitsugaya-kun.'

'You lie!' Tōshirō parried and moved back a few steps in a swift Shunpo. 'I don't believe a single word of yours, traitor!'

Ichimaru Gin shook his head, looking slightly resigned.

'I suppose we have to fight then,' he sighed, as if he was speaking of something really troublesome. 'Alright… CAPTAIN Hitsugaya.'

He looked over his shoulder.

'Stay back, Izuru,' he ordered quietly. 'I don't want ya to get hurt.'

Izuru hesitated. Gin's advice was reasonable, especially considering the fact they were still standing on different sides of the barricade. Yet, Kira wasn't going to just stand aside, letting others fight for him.

'C-cap-… Gin…'

'I'm not worth dying fer, Izuru.'

Kira's voice stuck in his throat. He couldn't refuse to such words. He nodded.

'Y-yes… Captain.'

On Hitsugaya Tōshirō's face surprise mingled with disgust. Kira gave him the proudest look he could afford.

The Tenth Division's Captain shook his head.

'Better think whose side are you on… Lieutenant Kira.'

Ichimaru Gin laughed.

'Thought ya wanted to fight m e, Hitsugaya-kun… so would ya please leave Izuru alone fer now.'

An ice cold gleam lightened Hitsugaya's eyes.

'Don't think you'll get out of it alive, Ichimaru… Sōten Ni Zase, Hyōrinmaru!

'Ikorose, Shinsō.'

Two silhouettes simultaneously shot up, over false Karakura's roofs, the swords glinting in the sun. Hitsugaya Tōshirō managed to evade Shinsō's first attack, and now the ice dragon cut through the air, straight towards Ichimaru Gin.

Kira kept watching, clenching his fists. An attack. A dodge, a counterattack. A feint, Shunpo, another attack. Ice and steel, equally lethal, equally shining in the sun, as golden as Ichimaru Gin's eyes.

_What have you wanted to tell me, Captain…?_

He felt cold as the anxiety clutched at his heart. Would he ever get to know?

A feint. An attack. The two blades, crossed. A dodge?

Blood?

'Gin!'

'I'm sorry, Lieutenant Kira.' Strong hands suddenly seized him from both sides. 'I'm afraid we can't let you do it.'

He turned around and dropped his gaze right away upon seeing Ayasegawa Yumichika from the Eleventh Division. There was still a greenish trace of Shinten on the Fifth Officer's cheek. Kira felt another painful pang of guilt.

_I'm sorry, Ayasegawa-san. Seems __now you have a chance to get even with me…_

The one who held his other arm was Madarame Ikkaku; fortunately, he was alive and it seemed that Kira's healing skills had been enough to help him. He could do at least that much to tone down the bitterness of the decision he had taken for Yumichika.

Now he knew all too well how Ayasegawa must have felt.

'Captain…' he whispered, once again looking up at the sky. Both fighters were now a little lower, and Izuru could see clearly that neither came out of the clash unscathed. Gin's white sleeve was stained red, and there was a bloody gash on Captain Hitsugaya's forearm. The battle was still undecided; however, Kira could notice that with every passing moment the balance was slowly swinging in one side's favor.

In Captain Hitsugaya's favor.

Kira Izuru gazed helplessly at Hitsugaya Tōshirō, parrying and blocking Gin's attacks with growing ease, and he felt pain welling up inside his heart. He cast a glance at Yumichika, but the Eleventh Division's officer held him tight, though with compassion written on his face.

Another attack. A dodge, minimally too late. Blood, staining the front of Gin's white robe.

'No!'

He felt tears, filling his eyes. He let them flow; after all, everyone thought him to be but a weak coward. He didn't need to be ashamed of his own tears…

'Kira…' he heard Yumichika's soft voice. 'Why…?'

Izuru bit his lip. What could he answer?

'Let me go to him…' he whispered pleadingly. 'Ayasegawa-san, I beg you, please, let me go… '

For a moment Ayasegawa Yumichika looked at him intently with his impenetrable wisteria eyes. And then he let go of his arm.

'Go,' he whispered. 'Let him go, Ikkaku.'

At first, Kira just stood there, stunned. He wasn't sure how he should answer, but he knew he would never be able to fully repay his debt to Yumichika. Not after what he had done himself…

'Thank you…' he began.

'Go.'

He nodded, taking his sword from Ikkaku's hands, and leapt up where the fight took place.

Ichimaru Gin was bleeding, but it didn't look like he was going to give up any time soon. However, Captain Hitsugaya wasn't going easy on him either, showering him with blows ceaselessly. Gin was still parrying, but his weariness was starting to show; Izuru could see it even from the distance he stood at, ready to join the battle any moment. He didn't want them to notice him too soon.

'Haven't you had enough already, Ichimaru?'

'Enough? It's still but a warm up, Hitsugaya-kun.' Ichimaru Gin's smile was still there. 'But ya seem like ya need some ice to cool down.'

A clash of blades. The gleam of steel. Sparks.

'You want ice, Ichimaru?' the very sound of Hitsugaya Tōshirō's voice could make one's blood run cold. 'Alright… but don't regret it later!'

Gin's smile widened.

'I can hardly wait to, Hitsugaya-kun!'

An attack, a feint, a counterattack. A feint, Shunpo. Another attack, faster than sight…

Ichimaru Gin on his knees, clutching his wounded thigh.

'Maybe…,' Hitsugaya Tōshirō rasped, 'maybe that will teach you to be serious, Ichimaru. And now… get yourself ready.'

An attack. A feint, an attack, parried with difficulty. Blood on Hitsugaya's face. Blood seeping through Gin's fingers.

Hyōrinmaru, ready to strike…

'No!'

Hitsugaya Tōshirō's shocked face, Ichimaru Gin sighing in disbelief.

Hyōrinmaru blocked by Wabisuke.

Kira was trembling. He wasn't sure himself how it came to this. Releasing his sword, shunpo, Wabisuke, parrying Hyourinmaru's blow – he did it all in a split second, almost instinctively. Yet, he knew he would do exactly the same even if he had more time to think it over.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō squinted his eyes.

'Kira…'

'Izuru…' he heard at the same time from behind him. He turned around and almost sighed upon seeing Gin's golden eyes open wide once again.

For a while Ichimaru Gin looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable, then hung his head.

'Izuru…' he repeated, almost painfully.

Kira closed his eyes, tightening the grip on his sword's hilt. He felt that he'd made the right decision, even if he couldn't fully explain it.

'Stay out of it, Kira,' he heard. There was steel ringing in Hitsugaya Tōshirō. 'Do not worsen your situation.'

He wasn't going to listen. He wasn't going to leave.

_I won't be left __behind again…_

'No.'

He took a step forward, his sword ready in hand. He heard Ichimaru Gin rise behind him.

'Izur-…'

He shook his head.

'I don't want to stand and merely look anymore,' he said softly. 'Please…'

Gin's quiet sigh was the only reply, and then Captain Ichimaru moved to stand by his side with Shinsō in his hand.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō, the Captain of the Tenth Division, surprisingly looked away.

'You leave me no choice then' he whispered, a sudden sadness evident in his voice. 'Ban-…'

'Enough!'

Nobody was expecting this particular voice. If Captain Hitsugaya had been surprised before, now he was clearly stunned. Kira stopped mid-step, equally shocked. Ichimaru Gin's face expressed nothing.

'Enough,' Yamamoto-Genryūsai, the Head-Commander of Gotei 13, repeated firmly. His sword, Ryūjinjakka was successfully blocking Hyōrinmaru, pointed at Kira. 'Enough, Captain Hitsugaya. I understand your how you must be feeling, however…' he shifted his gaze to Gin, 'Ichimaru Gin is not an opponent for you.'

Hitsugaya Tōshirō gave the First Division's Captain both disbelieving and offended look, but he said nothing; Yamamoto-Genryūsai's voice left no room for objections.

'Yes, General,' he replied, lowering his sword.

Head-Commander Yamamoto nodded, then cast a fleeting glance at Kira and finally rested his eyes on Ichimaru Gin.

'Ichimaru,' he said, in a voice that couldn't be easily interpreted. 'Shouldn't you be fighting somebody else, either?'

For a moment nothing disturbed the silence, and Kira had a feeling as if time had stopped. Finally, Ichimaru Gin smiled.

'As ya wish… General Yamamoto,' he replied, and the next moment he jumped several paces away, as nimbly and lightly as if he hadn't just fought a battle.

Kira could hardly believe what had just happened. For a single moment Ichimaru Gin had been returned to him; was he to lose him again now?

He hung his head.

'Lower your weapon, Kira,' Hitsugaya Tōshirō's voice was deprived of any warmth. Kira wasn't surprised. He knew all too well what he had just done.

He complied, lowering his arm and sealing the sword. He was a traitor. He had drawn his sword against the Gotei 13 Captain, driven by his selfish weakness. He should despise himself and, yet, he couldn't.

It was the first and only time in his life when he didn't regret a thing.

'General Yamamoto,' he heard and started. He turned his head in the direction the voice was coming from.

Ichimaru Gin stopped mid-step, casting one last glance at the place of his recent clash with the Tenth Division's Captain, his eyes narrowed into slits. He wasn't smiling.

'General Yamamoto…' he repeated, letting his words hang in the air. Yamamoto-Genryūsai furrowed his grey brows.

Kira chose not to interpret the looks that were changed next.

'Alright, then,' the Gotei 13 Head-Commander finally spoke at last. 'If so… Captain Hitsugaya?'

'General?'

'Lieutenant Kira is not to be blamed for his actions. In this battle every single sword is important.'

Kira raised his head, rather abruptly. He was innocent? How… How could it be… After all…

He looked around tentatively. Hitsugaya Tōshirō looked as surprised as him, yet, after a moment, he nodded slowly.

'Understood, General Yamamoto.'

Kira shifted his gaze to the General, but there was nothing he could read from his face. Was it possible then that…

His heart skipped a beat when he rested his eyes on Ichimaru Gin, who was still standing at some distance from them. How? How could something like that be possible at all? Was he really…

He didn't dare to finish this thought as it brought too much of illusory hope. Still, he wasn't able to take his eyes off this slender, painfully familiar figure, dressed in white.

_Captain…_

'Lieutenant Kira.' He didn't even notice when Yamamoto-Genryūsai approached him. 'Return to your post. The battle is not over yet.'

'Y-yes, General' muttered Kira quickly, feeling embarrassed. 'At once.'

General Yamamoto gave him another piercing look, before beckoning to Captain Hitsugaya.

'Captain?'

The Tenth Division's commander nodded in reply, and they both disappeared from Kira's sight, using Shunpo. He heard a quiet rustle of fabric behind him and realized that Yumichika and Ikkaku also headed towards their own battles.

Kira Izuru stood there for a moment, unmoving, before he dared to finally turn around. Gin wasn't there anymore; still, for a while, Kira kept his gaze fixed on the place where he'd seen him last.

_Please_, he thought, looking at the sunlight's golden gleam in false Karakura's windows. _Please, let me stand by his side once again… before it is all over. _

_

* * *

_The battle was over. Kira Izuru remembered little of it, only single, blurred images, full of fighting, blood, suffering and death.

And triumph. They were victorious. They were victorious thanks to Ichimaru Gin, who had been stealing Aizen's deepest secrets for years.

And now Ichimaru Gin was dying, yet it wasn't for Soul Society.

He was dying in Izuru's arms, from a blow that had been meant for Kira.

They'd had their chance. Before everything was over, they'd had the chance to fight side by side once again: the Captain and the Lieutenant of the Third Division.

Kira closed his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. There was nothing he should be ashamed of. Ichimaru Gin was a hero now, and grieving for him wasn't a shame anymore.

Yet, Kira wasn't grieving for a hero. He was grieving for the one who had sacrificed his life for him without hesitation.

'Izuru…' He heard a weak whisper. He opened his eyes.

Gin was looking at him almost desperately, as if trying to remember every detail before…

Kira barely managed to stifle a sob. He felt his Captain take his hand.

'Thank ya, Izuru… Thank ya for being here with me… for always being with me…'

Kira Izuru froze, tightening his grip on Gin's fingers.

_No… Not yet… Please… _

'Don't leave me… Don't leave me again…!'

Slender fingers touched his cheek lightly. Tears blurred Kira's vision.

'I'm sorry, Izuru…' whispered Ichimaru Gin silently, and then Kira's fingers closed around nothingness, surrounded by the cloud of golden light, scattering in the air.

Only fools felt no fear. Only cowards were afraid to cry.

Kira curled up into a ball and sobbed more desperately than ever before; and he kept on crying, spilling his pain and grief, till finally he was out of tears, and the sunset sky gleamed with gold.

Someone touched his shoulder. Kira Izuru raised his head and saw the Head-Commander Yamamoto.

'Come,' the General said. 'There is still much you can do.'

The words sounded almost unnatural. As if nothing had happened. As if the world hadn't stopped…

'Come.'

Izuru obediently rose to his feet and followed the Head-Commander. Cold, evening wind dried up his tears. Kira didn't feel it.

He didn't feel anything at all.

The golden sun was setting behind his back.


	14. Hero

**~14~**  
**Hero**

* * *

He was dying. He would have never expected that he was going to die a hero's death — but it seemed that fate had finally smiled at him. Even if it was a smile as misleading as his own.

There was a battle still going on — yet he felt safe. How else could he feel in that warm embrace, enveloped in reiatsu he knew so well?

Soul Society would be saved, the world would be saved — and he had his more than fair share in that. Gotei 13, though with some resistance, had been willing to listen to him and to believe him — they must have been quite desperate by now. And so, at the appointed time they had come to put an end to this madness. Aizen Sōsuke was finished — it was only a matter of time now.

And he had joined them — his Shinsō aimed at his former 'superior'.

'_Ya know, I've always thought of myself as of the Third's captain.'_

A stupid, theatrical gesture — yet he needed those words. He needed that little demonstration to prove — to himself and to others — which side of barricade he had been standing on for all these years.

He made a mistake, but he hadn't realized that until he noticed that Aizen wasn't looking at him.

He was looking at…

A flash of pale gold in the midst of Shinigami's black uniforms. Not to be mistaken for anyone else.

_Izuru! _

The slightest hint of blue light between Aizen Sōsuke's fingers.

He had to react. He had to make it in time, before it would be too late. Before Aizen, from his plain desire for revenge, destroyed everything most precious to Gin.

And in that very moment he understood.

The prophecy had been fulfilled. The pillar had finished his task. He was no longer bound by destiny.

At last his life belonged only to him.

At last he could do what he most wished to.

At last he could protect Izuru as much as he had ever wanted.

It was so simple…

For a moment he felt lighter than the air surrounding him — though never before had he been more focused.

So simple — as two Shunpo steps and one smile.

He knew he was going to make it.

Pain, for a moment — for the whole eternity — obscured everything. His own smile reflected in the blue of Izuru's eyes.

Darkness — and then warmth of these familiar arms. And the soothing presence of reiatsu of someone dearest to him.

He was paying with his life — but right now it had absolutely no meaning. Izuru was alive. Only that mattered. Only that was truly important. He smiled. There was no price too high for that.

Izuru. His lieutenant. The only one he had ever wanted by his side. So brave yet so fragile, so talented and sensitive. Always so loyal, always so selflessly devoted — even with doubts filling his heart, even betrayed and left behind. Izuru…

He had promised himself to protect him — and yet he had caused him more suffering than anyone else. He had promised to always stay by his side — and yet he had left, he had deserted him without as much as a word of explanation. Only today he had finally got the chance to make up for the wrong done.

He was happy. He could never have dreamt of a better death.

A hand touched his forehead gently, brushing aside his hair. It was trembling — and then he felt a change in Izuru Kira's reiatsu. It became more… determined?

Gin opened his eyes. He noticed, forcing his vision to cooperate, the pale green glimmer in his lieutenant's blue gaze.

He understood — and he felt a pang of regret. Izuru was a good healer, but right now his efforts were all in vain. Gin Ichimaru knew that death was close, he didn't even feel the pain anymore. There was no need for the boy to overexert himself like that…

'Izuru…,' he barely managed to whisper. The melodic accent he always spoke that name with was gone now. 'Enough… Izuru.'

There was no answer. Izuru was still trying to fight the inevitable, even if there were tears already filling his eyes. And yet, even now, he refused to give up.

'Izuru,' repeated Gin patiently, his smile comforting. 'Please…'

The healing kidō glowed for another moment before it finally faded. He saw Kira closing his eyes, the tears streaming down the boy's cheeks.

It hurt — it hurt even more in the face of all the joy filling his heart right now. He didn't want Izuru to cry. He didn't want him to suffer again. He only wanted him to live — and he was ready to die a hundred times, if only to ensure it to him.

He tried to lift his hand and dry those tears; to show Izuru that here and now there was no place for sorrow. He failed, his body not willing to obey him any longer. Yet his mind was clearer than ever. He was not going to leave without a single word.

Not this time.

'Izuru,' he whispered once again and was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. Even more surprisingly, it turned out to be enough for Kira to open his eyes and look at him. The tears were still glazing his gaze — yet the only thing Gin was able to feel now was immense gratitude.

He had been able to save him. To protect him. Just like he always wished for…

But it was not only fate he should be thanking to…

Izuru. His haven. His consolation. His hope in the world filled with betrayal, intrigue and lies.

Izuru.

He was looking at the boy's face intently, trying to remember every little detail of it — as if he wanted to take the image of his lieutenant wherever he was going.

He saw sensibility, where other could only see diffidence. He saw gentleness and reason, which others called cowardice.

He saw…

Others would have called that infatuation — but they only noticed Kira. Never Izuru.

Never before, up to this moment, had he done anything to deserve him — and yet he was repaid with kindness and trust. Izuru had always been right next to him — and for him.

How couldn't he be grateful to him?

A muffled sob broke him out of his reverie. Summoning all his will, Gin managed to move his hand, taking a weak hold of the boy's fingers. There was anticipation in Izuru's eyes — but there was also growing fear, lurking in their depths.

So much to say — and so little time. Too little to look for the right words…

'Thank ya, Izuru. Thank ya for being here with me… for always being with me…'

So little — and yet so much. Not enough to express how much he meant for him. Just enough to say goodbye — and to be honest with himself at least during these final moments.

He felt the boy's fingers tightening their grip on his hand. The sun was shining on Izuru's face, painting his hair with gold, shimmering in his teary eyes, making him look like if he was woven of pure light.

He was pure light. Innocence. Redemption.

He deserved to live more than anyone else — and more than anyone else he was worth dying for.

That was the greatest and the simplest of truths.

If he could only somehow stop his tears… If he could only share his own happiness with him…

Izuru looked at him with pleading eyes — the only plea Gin wasn't able to fulfill. Despair filled the boy's reiatsu.

'Don't leave me…' A soft, trembling whisper changing into a hoarse, painful cry. 'Don't leave me again…!'

Gin felt his heart once again clenching in pain. He had to leave. He had to abandon him once more. He didn't want it. He didn't want Izuru to cry because of him.

He wanted him to live.

He wasn't sure how he managed to lift his other hand and to touch the boy's cheek, wet with tears.

'I'm sorry…,' he whispered with his last breath, smiling gently. The first and the last honest apologies of Gin Ichimaru.

_I'm sorry, Izuru. Don't cry. Live._

You…

…must…

…live.


	15. Weeds

**~15~**  
**Weeds

* * *

**

It hurt. In spite of what these bullies from the Eleventh Division might say, pain was not beautiful. Yet, right now, Yumichika was almost happy he felt it — it meant that he had survived.

He strained his ears. It was quiet… very quiet, except for the far sounds of a hustle. He furrowed his eyebrows. Where was he?

He raised his heavy eyelids. A white ceiling and white walls. Little furniture: just a chair and something that look like chest of drawers against the opposite wall. He couldn't tell for sure; for some unknown reason his vision was still blurred. On the left he could see a door, left ajar, and on the right — a half-curtained window. It was sleeting outside; not a beautiful sight at all.

He sighed quietly and once again closed his eyes. The simple interior suggested the Fourth Division's barracks, and, considering the pain he was in, this was the logical conclusion. The next question was: how did he get here?

He squeezed his eyelids shut, trying to gather his thoughts. His mind was filled with chaotic, incoherent images, and he couldn't find any anchor point among them. He vaguely remembered… a fight? Yes… Ikkaku had been fighting for sure, Yumichika definitely remembered his Bankai. That meant that his opponent — a terribly ugly Arrancar (Yumichika would feel happy if he didn't remember his looks that well) must have been strong. Actually, as far as Yumichika could recollect, Ikkaku had seemed to be enjoying his fight; his crazy smile Yumichika had noticed at one moment had been proof enough.

And then…

Yumichika bit his lip. He wasn't sure what had happened next, and found it really hard to put together the little snippets of events he could recall. Still, he had a compelling feeling that he had done something he should have better not done. But what could it…

Oh.

Oh, crap. Was… was it really possible that he had interfered in Madarame's fight?

He gulped hard. As far as he could tell from his blurry memories, that was exactly what he had done. And it explained a lot, on top of that. His own wounds, for example.

He breathed out slowly, and smiled wryly to himself. So he'd done it. Now Ikkaku would surely want to kill him or at least give him a sound beating. Well… not so great a price for saving his best friend's life.

If Ikkaku was alive.

A cold shiver ran down Yumichika's back. He took it for granted that Madarame had to be safe and sound. Alright, maybe not exactly sound, considering the circumstances Yumichika had last seen him in; nevertheless, the he was pretty convinced that his friend was going to get well in no time.

What if it was different? What if…

His hands clenched on the covers. He didn't even want to consider such an option. Ikkaku was alive, and it couldn't be any different; after all, so far he had managed to get off worst plights safely. Still, Yumichika couldn't fully exclude the possibility of Madarame's condition being graver than he thought.

He opened his eyes, suddenly determined. He had to know it, here and now. All he had to do was rise from his bed and find somebody well-informed — which seemed a pretty easy task, considering that he found himself in the Fourth Division's hospital. He shouldn't have any problems to do it…

He tried to get up and almost cried, feeling a sharp pain in his leg. He sank to his bed, breathing heavily. That would be all for his attempts to go anywhere…

Yumichika frowned. He didn't feel like waiting; he had never liked it, especially not in the situations like that. It seemed, however, that this time he didn't have a choice…

He sighed quietly, shifting into a more comfortable position, and realized, much to his surprise, how much effort it took to move. Was he more weakened than he could assume…?

He let his eyelids fall down. Not beautiful… Not beautiful at all… Ikkaku would surely scold him for that…

Ikkaku… Hopefully, he was safe… After all, he had to get his revenge on Yumichika for having him interfering into his fight… He wouldn't be able to give him a beating, having one feet in the grave…

Yumichika smiled weakly. No… Ikkaku wasn't going to give up that easily. There was no need to worry…

_Besides_, he thought suddenly, _where was the other world for the Shinigami?_ He had never wondered about that, and there certainly had to be one…

He knitted his brows. Surely, after a moment's thinking he would…

He fell asleep.

* * *

He was awakened by the touch of someone's cool hand on his forehead. Yumichika didn't open his eyes; it felt good and comforting to know that somebody was watching over his sleep and wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. Yet, as his mind was getting clearer, the feeling of safety had to give way to other, more important matters. Such as…

Ikkaku. He had to know if his friend was fine. The sooner, the better.

He tried to speak and realized that his throat was bone dry. He winced slightly. What an embarrassingly unattractive situation…

He felt the hand leave his forehead; moments later a slender arm slid under his head, lifting it gently. Yumichika felt a rim of a cup against his lips and tasted the water. It was like an epiphany; he drank up ravenously, yet trying not to choke as it wouldn't be too beautiful.

'Thank you,' he whispered once he finished drinking, only a little hoarsely. The cup was taken away, and the arm slid out from under his head, letting in fall back on the pillow.

'I'm glad you have finally returned to us, Ayasegawa-san,' came a soft, solemn reply. Yumichika furrowed his brows. The voice sounded familiar, yet he couldn't place it. What he could tell for sure was that it didn't belong in the Fourth Division…

He forced his eyes open, though it turned out to be quite a task, and the next moment they widened in surprise. On the chair next to his bed sat…

'Kira…? What are you…'

'Whatever I can,' Kira Izuru from the Third Division broke in calmly. All of a sudden Yumichika felt ashamed. How could he ask such a brusque question at all? Besides… Kira was a skilled healer. It had been him who had tended Ikkaku's wounds after his defeat during the battle in false Karakura. No wonder that he was helping the Fourth Division's healers now. Yumichika suspected that an extra pair of hands was more than welcome…

_Weren't you going to ask him something?_, his inner voice scolded him. Yumichika came to his senses. Right…

'Kira,' he began. 'Please, tell me… Ikkaku… How… How is he…?'

It didn't sound too eloquent, and suddenly he came to realize that the left side of his face hurt. It definitely didn't make talking any easier. Well, in this situation he would have to swallow his pride and silence his exuberant aesthetic sense. He wanted… He had to know.

Kira furrowed his ever-knitted brows a little more.

'Madarame-san is quite well,' he replied in the same polite, calm tone as before. 'He's gradually regaining his strength. Truth to tell, you have made us worry a lot more, Ayasegawa-san…'

Yumichika blinked in surprise. He… made them worry?

'What do you mean, Kira?' he managed to ask. His left cheek really hurt, and it felt rather unpleasant. And a bit disturbing as well, if he was to be honest with himself.

The Third Division's Lieutenant eyed him for a while, before he spoke.

'You were very weak, Ayasegawa-san. I dare say… dying.'

'D-dying?' repeated Yumichika, stunned, but not frightened. Death wasn't anything new to the Eleventh Division's members and it didn't arouse fear in them.

And, though he could barely believe what he had been just told, Kira wasn't a kind of person who would make jokes about so serious matters. Yumichika gulped.

'How…?' he asked, his voice unexpectedly weak. Once again Kira stayed silent for a moment.

'I can only tell you what I know myself, Ayasegawa-san,' he finally replied. 'I heard that when you had been found, your Reiatsu had been almost spent… and nobody had been able to tell why. Just as if you lost your will to live for some reason,' Kira's voice quivered a little at these words, 'and then suddenly regained it. Though this wound,' he nodded towards the covers, and Yumichika realized that he meant his leg, 'is not something to be taken lightly. If the cut was any deeper…'

Yumichika closed his eyes for a bit, trying to comprehend all he had heard, and then opened them rapidly when a thought struck him.

'Ikkaku didn't… I mean, he didn't try to… He didn't cause any trouble?'

'Madarame-san was unconscious,' explained Kira calmly, 'which was advantageous to you both. They say the first thing he demanded after he regained consciousness was for Captain Unohana to personally take care of your fa-…' Kira trailed off suddenly, and it was a reaction so different from his current behavior that it drew Yumichika's attention at once — and increased his anxiety.

'My… face?' he asked slowly. 'What happened to my face, Kira?'

Kira Izuru didn't answer. Yumichika's hand shot up in a split second, grabbing a handful of the Lieutenant's kosode.

'What's wrong with my face?' he demanded, but Kira remained silent. Yumichika, feeling cold fear rising in his gut, raised his other hand to touch the strangely tender left cheek. His fingers touched the coarse surface of a bandage.

He went pale. That was much more devastating than hearing that he was close to death. Wounded in the face… Marred?

What was more others had also seen him in this miserable condition. What could be more humiliating?

He looked away to avoid Kira's gaze, but it didn't help. He could feel the Lieutenant's eyes on him all the time. Once again he gulped, hard.

'You've seen…'

'No,' Kira cut in, quietly, but firmly. 'I haven't, Ayasegawa-san. However, if it is any consolation to you, Captain Unohana accepted Madarame-san's request… so it would be better if you held back jour judgment till we take the bandages off.

Yumichika bit his lip. He felt a mixture of relief (Kira hadn't seen his wound, and it had really been Captain Unohana who had tended it, then maybe he shouldn't lose hope just yet), despair (after all, it was his priceless beauty at stake — maybe already lost forever) and fear (how serious and, what was more important, how big was the wound? And would the scar — the scar! — be noticeable?).

At the same time he realized that in Kira's voice he hadn't heard something he feared the most. There hadn't been even one single note of false consolation or contempt in it. The Third Division's Lieutenant's words were calm and rational; the words of someone who knew he was right. Indeed, Yumichika had to admit that Kira's judgment was really reasonable, and, in spite of his fears, he managed to calm down a little. He sighed quietly. Actually… how could he have been so reckless to let something like that happen? He had never let anyone wound his face, so why…

_Because you were so busy__ saving Madarame that you didn't even notice. And remember, you managed to save him just because of my help._

Yumichika furrowed his eyebrows. Ruri'iro Kujaku?

Ruri'iro Kujaku…!

Weren't it for Kira's presence in his room, Yumichika would have jumped to his feet. Still, according to his private hierarchy, showing agitation was definitely not beautiful. Instead, he drew a deep, wheezy breath.

He remembered. At the memory of his peacock Zanpakutō the images, up to now chaotically floating in his mind, suddenly found their places, showing him the complete, coherent and detailed version of events that had accompanied Ikkaku's battle. The events Yumichika's true Shikai had played a key role in.

No way. It was absolutely, one hundred percent impossible and unacceptable. And yet… real.

Might all guardian deities have him in his care!

He was finished. The door of the Eleventh Division was forever closed to him; there were no Kidō using weaklings in the ranks of the strongest fighting division of the Gotei 13.

Moreover, he had used that accursed thing to save Ikkaku. Madarame would definitely kill him. Unless Yumichika himself chose the honorable way and…

He drew his lips into a tight line. He didn't want anyone to see him right now; yet Kira was still gazing at him and, to tell the truth, he had all the right to do so as a healer. Yumichika sighed inwardly. What he was about to do might seem ungracious, still…

'Leave me be, Kira. Please, live me alone.'

Maybe… Maybe Kira would think that he was still worried about his face. After all, it was quite likely under current circumstances; everyone in Seireitei knew how much Yumichika cared for his looks, so he had all the right to react violently, didn't he? And Kira… Kira couldn't suspect anything; he had no reason to. Unless he'd gotten to know something during Yumichika's treatment…

Yumichika felt his heart in his mouth and his insides twisting. _I get paranoid_, he thought bitterly. _This is the price of hiding the truth for all these years… _What was more, he'd always despised liars…!

'Of course, Ayasegawa-san,' the ever-calm voice of Kira broke him out of his reverie. 'Please, rest. I will check on you later if you need something.'

Yumichika silently nodded, his face still half-buried in the pillow. He heard soft steps and a quiet sound of closing the door.

He let out a painful sigh. He was left alone with his suffering and sense of worthlessness — and there was nothing beautiful in it.

* * *

He wasn't sure for how long after Kira's leave had left he had just lain there, unmoving; his left cheek snuggled into the pillow, and his unseeing gaze fixed on the view outside the window. At first, he had been slowly giving up to the despair; after all, the whole world he knew had fallen to ruin in a split second, and it wasn't something that happened every day. What was more, his vivid imagination kept putting more and more scenarios of the possible future events into his head, and any new worse than the previous one. However, to a greater or lesser degree, all of them concentrated on the moment when the black sheep, that Yumichika would surely become in his companions' eyes, would be expelled from the Eleventh Division, and on the circumstances surrounding it. True, Captain Zaraki wasn't an eminent orator, therefore there wouldn't be any crushing speech, but, for example, a beating from Madarame seemed more than possible. If only Ikkaku still considered him a worthy opponent. It was a common belief in the Eleventh Division that Kidō users were cowards without honor (though, strangely enough, no-one ever mentioned that fact in Captain Kuchiki's presence); therefore, it was a disgrace for a true warrior to fight against someone like that.

Yumichika's fingers tightened on the covers again. His prospects didn't look attractive by any means…

And… what then? What was there for him to do once the Eleventh Division would purge its ranks of a disgrace he'd become to them? He hadn't given it a thought yet; still, it was dubious that he would remain in the Gotei 13. He couldn't imagine himself in another Division: though his looks and Shikai might contradict it, he'd always seen himself as a one hundred percent member of the Eleventh Division, a warrior to the core. Moreover, there was also the matter of… the public opinion, or rather the not quite public one. As in any bigger group of people, there were some in the Gotei 13 who liked to gossip. Yumichika wasn't that optimistic to assume than nobody except Ikkaku had noticed or felt him interfering into Madarame's fight. One of Ruri'iro Kujaku's major flaws — putting aside its true nature, unacceptable for a brave and manly warrior under Captain Zaraki's command — was its flashiness, both in visual and Reiatsu aspects. The chances that no-one had noticed such a large scale attack were more or less the same as the possibility of Ikkaku growing his hair and wearing them braided. Plainly speaking: none. It was only a matter of time before unconfirmed information concerning Yumichika's Zanpakutō went about Seireitei. And he definitely didn't wish to be the conversation topic for bored Shinigami at every corner. He didn't need such additional attractions — the fact he had lost his face, both figuratively and literally, was enough…

He dwelled on that last thought for a while, at the same time remembering Kira's words. _"The first thing he demanded after he regained consciousness was for Captain Unohana to personally take care of your face…"_

Yumichika pondered them carefully. If it was about anybody else but Ikkaku, he would consider this request the last expression of gratitude before definitely breaking all contact. Such behavior, however, wasn't at all like Madarame. If, for any reason, he was to, gently speaking, become prejudiced towards Yumichika, he surely wouldn't make any stupidly noble exceptions like that. Ikkaku didn't approve half measures, feeling every emotion with his whole being; and such terms as "tact" or "propriety" to him were… well, maybe not unfamiliar, but useless. To put it briefly, if Madarame Ikkaku felt furious and resentful, then so it was. That was why the information Kira had passed to Yumichika felt strangely out of place.

Unless there was something he couldn't remember…

He bit his lip. Another unclear shreds of memories loomed in his mind. Yumichika seized them, trying to concentrate: suddenly, he became sure that what he couldn't remember was something really important.

Once again he tried to put the events of that day in order. Ikkaku. The fight. Ruri'iro Kujaku. Despair…

A conversation?

_Yes_, he realized, somewhat to his surprise, after a moment of thought. They had undoubtedly talked. And, as far as he could remember, it seemed that he had told Ikkaku the whole truth. And then…

"_If anyone here is a weak and cowardly fool__, it isn't you…"_

Yumichika's heart suddenly beat faster, almost painfully. Ikkaku didn't blame him. Ikkaku understood and was ready to forgive him… No, he had already forgiven him. And he clearly wasn't going to break off their friendship…

He closed his eyes, feeling a little dazed by this sudden turn of events. He wasn't sure what he really felt: the newly found joy still mingled with pain, and hope with resignation. It was wonderful to know that he count on his friend; still, it didn't change the fact that he would have to suffer consequences of having the wrong type of Zanpakutō. Could he hope that Madarame would side with him in that case as well?

No… He had no right to expect so much. Ikkaku's support was definitely important to him; however, Madarame's fate was inseparably linked to the Eleventh Division, and Yumichika couldn't simply take it away from him… Could he?

He let out a quiet sigh. His mind was becoming hazy, the tiredness and weakness finally taking their toll on him. Kira's advice to rest suddenly seemed like a great idea. Perhaps after a few hours of sleep he would be able to take a better look at things as they were and the possible outcomes…

Sleep. Yes. Maybe it wasn't an extraordinary solution, but at the moment is seemed the most rational one. Especially considering that he would have a lot of time for thinking in the nearest future: from Kira's words he concluded that he wasn't going to leave the hospital any time soon.

He pulled the covers up to his chin. Well, if Ikkaku had personally asked Captain Unohana to tend to Yumichika's wounds, maybe there was still even a slightest chance that everything would remain as it had been before…?

He smiled wryly on the verge of sleep. Hope was truly a strange thing: once awakened, it couldn't be easily quenched.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, a lamp's golden light filled the room, and Kira Izuru once again was sitting on the chair next to his bed. If Yumichika was surprised by this, then only for a moment: after all, the Third Division's Lieutenant had mentioned that he would check on him later, so his presence was something almost natural. Not to mention the fact that Kira looked like someone who treated his promises seriously and would never even think about not keeping them.

And so, Kira Izuru had come that day, and the day after that, and then again, and again — and Yumichika not only got used to his visits, but even started to await them rather impatiently. So far he had never realized that he didn't have any close friends in the Gotei 13, except in the Eleventh Division. He was so used to having Ikkaku by his side that he hadn't noticed that fact ever before. Currently, however, everything seemed quite different. Even though his friend was, paradoxically, in his nearest surroundings — in the same building, in fact — he couldn't just come to see him, probably bedridden by his own wounds. Captain Zaraki and Lieutenant Kusajishi, on the other hand, together with the others, were undoubtedly busy with leading Soul Society out of the state of chaos that the war with Aizen had caused. Even though Yumichika had his doubts about their willingness to do it (after all, restoration wasn't the Eleventh Division's domain; they definitely preferred destruction), he was happy that he could avoid confronting these two for some time. He didn't expect anybody else would pay him a visit therefore he appreciated Kira's company all the more. The young lieutenant — actually, Kira Izuru was younger than Yumichika himself — could be secretive and taciturn, yet even his silent presence was better than utter solitude.

At first, Yumichika had not given much thought to these visits; first and foremost, they brought the diversity he needed during these boring, gray and extremely unattractive days, and they let him forget about the bleak thoughts, even if just for a while. Kira came, changed the bandages, brought the meals (Yumichika insisted on eating by himself — he wished to keep at least little honor), arranged the linens, helped with the everyday's toilet — and did it all with so much tact and gentleness that Yumichika didn't even once feel uncomfortable or humiliated by his current weakness. As a kind of side effect of this status quo, the Fifth Officer had slowly begun to observe Kira more closely.

To tell the truth, he practically didn't know him, though he had heard more than once that Kira Izuru had been designated to his post not because of his qualities, but rather because of his flaws. The calmest, the most quiet, the least noticeable of all the Gotei 13 lieutenants, by some was even considered to be a weakling and a failure, while those a little less strict in their judgments saw him as rather unsuitable for such a responsible function. He knew that much, and he would lie if he said he had thought any different. He had changed his opinion on Kira only after the events in false Karakura. First, tending to Ikkaku's wounds, Kira had proven himself to be a skillful healer — and for that alone Yumichika owed him a debt of gratitude. And then…

Well, what had happened later was even more important from Yumichika's point of view. If Kira had acted any different back then, maybe the current situation would be quite different. Most probably Yumichika wouldn't have to care for his seat in the Eleventh Division; still, he doubted if he would give it any thought, had he been to despair after Madarame's death. That day, upon seeing the resolve in Kira's blue eyes, he had come to his own decision. It was the right way: to sacrifice everything for someone dearest to him, no matter the price he would have to pay.

Yumichika felt he should at least mention that in a conversation with Kira and he had wanted to refer to those events several times already, but every time something had stopped him. Maybe it was because Kira, though kind, was rather impassive towards Yumichika and still kept his distance from him. On second thoughts, the Fifth Officer didn't remember Kira Izuru showing any emotions since their first conversation here, in the Fourth Division. He found it strange — he might not know Kira, he might be thought to be self-centered, yet he was a keen observer. Kira, who had usually looked agitated or even worried, now seemed almost unnaturally calm, which was the best evidence that something had changed. Something must have happened in the final stage of the battle with Aizen that Yumichika couldn't witness, something important enough to affect Kira's behavior…

As well as his looks — for the longer Yumichika observed him, the more he noticed in this field, too. Kira might claim that he didn't feel tired and that he didn't do more than others — and actually such had been his answer when Yumichika had dared to mention it — yet the Lieutenant's unhealthily pale face, dark rings under his eyes, deepening every day, and the slender shoulders, stooped more than usual, spoke otherwise. On top of that, he seemed to have more than enough duties: asked about who was now in command of the Third Division, Kira had answered "me", as if it was the most natural thing in the world; and yet it looked like he was spending whole days helping the healers. One could get rather alarming impression that the Lieutenant, for reasons that only he knew, was trying to work himself to death — but why should he? Was there any connection between that and the previous events in Karakura that Ichimaru Gin had played such an important part in? And was the former Captain of the Third Division really so close to Kira Izuru as it had seemed to Yumichika back then?

Well, he couldn't hope that Kira would just tell him what was ailing him — at least his current behavior did not indicate that — yet he could ask him about what had happened in the battle's final stages and come up with his own conclusions. Especially, that he still didn't know the details of the victory over Aizen; in fact, the only thing he knew was that they had won. Moreover, he was beginning to long for a "real" conversation: of course, they spoke to each other; however, Yumichika couldn't call it a dialogue. It was definitely worth the risk…

The afternoon was rather gloomy; the day before yesterday had brought another weather breakdown, and outside it was sleeting heavily. There was nothing beautiful in it — actually, Yumichika considered it to be the ugliest weather phenomenon he had ever seen. What was more, because of the leaden clouds obscuring the sky, the rooms were dim, even though it was still early. In the Fifth Officer's room the dusk was dispersed by a lamp, which Kira'd lit just after his arrival. Its warm light somehow raised Yumichika's spirits, letting him forget about the weather's whims and making the room seem more cozy; yet, even in this soft golden glow he managed to notice that Kira looked even more haggard than his usual self. His dark blue eyes were not only circled with shadows, but also reddened, the slender hands were trembling – slightly, yet visibly – when the Lieutenant was changing bandages on Yumichika's leg. Something had happened — and Kira Izuru clearly tried to hide it. As usual.

Yumichika hesitated for a moment. He wasn't sure if mentioning the final battle would be a good idea under such circumstances. On the other hand, though, Kira might need this conversation, even if he didn't fully realized it or even claimed something to the contrary. Maybe he would be able to help the Lieutenant, depending on what had really happened…

He smiled, a little wryly. It was so much easier to concentrate on the problems of others than on his own…

The bandage slipped out of Kira's nervous hands, falling on the sheets. It was the opportune moment.

'Something's wrong, Kira?'

A reassuring smile — or rather a perfect imitation of it — came on the Lieutenant's face.

'There is nothing to worry about, Ayasegawa-san. The wound is healing we-…'

'I didn't mean myself, Kira,' Yumichika cut in firmly. 'I mean no offence, but you don't look very beautiful today.'

There was no sign of embarrassment, anger or a blush on Kira's pale face upon hearing these words; nothing but this calm, empty smile.

'There's nothing to worry about, Ayasegawa-san,' repeated Kira Izuru in a gentle tone, as if he was speaking to a child. 'I will be alright…'

Yumichika raised his eyebrows slightly. Kira sounded pretty convinced and perhaps he actually believed what he said; still, it was far from reality…

_But it's not __what you wanted to speak to him about_, the voice in his mind reminded consciously. _And you won't get anywhere that way…_

He sighed inwardly. There was no way he couldn't agree with that. It would be too optimistic to expect that Kira would get in the mood for making confessions all of a sudden, no matter what bothered him today. He cleared his throat, realizing that his confidence suddenly vanished.

'Kira…-san,' he began and this time noticed a glint of surprise in Kira's eyes. 'If… If you have no duties right not, could you please… tell me about the battle?'

Kira, who, in the meantime, finished changing the bandages, gave him an inscrutable look, but kept all possible questions to himself. Yumichika was grateful for that; to his own ears this request sounded so pathetic that he barely managed not to wince. Was that supposed to be the attitude of the Eleventh Division's officer?

'I'm afraid I can tell you little more,' the Lieutenant replied in an apologetic tone, 'than that we had won, Ayasegawa-san…'

'Yumichika,' the Fifth Officer broke in almost involuntarily. This was also something he had wanted to make clear for some time already: practically nobody in Seireitei was calling him "Ayasegawa-san", and he felt uneasy when someone addressed him like that. In the Eleventh Division they used their first names and didn't care much for such things as honorifics, the only exception being the officer ranks. Yumichika suspected that the one responsible for such status quo was Yachiru-ch… or should he call her Lieutenant Kusajishi?

The Third Division's Lieutenant nodded in reply.

'Forgive me if I can't return the favor, Ayas-… Yumichika-san,' he whispered, but Yumichika interrupted him with a shake of his head. He didn't demand such familiarity from Kira; to tell the truth, he couldn't remember if anyone in the Gotei 13 called the Lieutenant by his first name. Still, it wasn't the most important thing at the moment. He wanted to know more about the end of the battle and understand what had caused the change in Kira's behavior. He repeated his question. Kira Izuru was silent for a while, his gaze fixed on some undefined spot, before he answered.

'All Captains and Lieutenants have survived,' he said softly, and it took Yumichika a moment to fully understand the sense of these words. He had assumed — too hastily, just like in Ikkaku's case — that Captain Zaraki and Lieutenant Kusajishi were both sound and safe, while their fate could be equally uncertain as the fates of other captains and their second-in-command. Strange that he hadn't asked Kira about them earlier; then again, the answer had seemed obvious to him. Only now he could say for certain that everything was alright and only now he realized how much he could have lost.

And how much he was still going to lose, yet for completely different reasons…

He pushed the thought aside, feeling a stab of pain in his heart. He shouldn't be thinking only of himself right now.

'And… the wounded?' he asked. 'Was anyone… badly hurt?'

The hell, what a strange conversation! Yumichika had the impression that for every word that was said, ten were left unspoken. Why was it so hard to ask Kira directly?

It was even more surprising that this strange and broken dialogue actually worked. Upon hearing the latest question the Lieutenant finally looked at him.

'Matsumoto-san and Hinamori-san still had to heal the wounds from the battle in Karakura,' he explained, this time sounding like a professional. 'Apart from them we have had a few graver cases, but it won't be an overstatement to say that you, Yumichika-san, have been among those in the most serious condition.'

"_Just as if you lost your will to live…" _No wonder he had given up if he hadn't been able to find a reason to survive anymore.

He realized he should better ask another question before he would once again be lost in the dismal thoughts about his fate.

'And…' he hesitated suddenly, unsure how he should put another important matter into words. 'What about… the other side?'

Again Kira didn't reply at once, his eyes distant. Yumichika waited. Patiently.

'Kurosaki-san had won against Aizen Sōsuke,' he said at last. 'And Hisagi-san had…' his voice slightly trembled, 'had killed T_ō_sen Kaname…'

He broke off. Yumichika became aware that he was holding his breath, awaiting young Lieutenant's next words. Yet, as the silence lengthened, he realized that it was his responsibility to keep up the conversation, and that it was him who would have to say what he had already guessed.

He gulped. It wasn't going to be easy…

'He… He is also… dead, isn't he? Your…' the Fifth Officer cleared his throat, 'Your Captain?'

Yumichika wasn't sure what he expected — a shock, tears, despair? — but definitely not a simple, almost trivial nod. A cold shiver ran down his back.

What was hidden behind Kira Izuru's dispassionate mask? What was lurking beyond the borders of suffering?

Ayasegawa Yumichika knew the pain of losing someone close to him; he'd had a brush with it in Karakura where — oh, the irony! — it had been Kira who had behaved rationally, stopping him from carelessly throwing his life away.

And yet, when the roles had been reversed, Yumichika hadn't been able to do the same thing…

They both had done what they thought had been right: getting in his way, Kira Izuru had saved him from perdition; Yumichika had felt that it would to more good to let Kira act in defense of the one who — now the officer was sure about it — was so special to him. There had been no infatuation in the Lieutenant's eyes, but something deeper and nobler at the same time, as if Kira had known and understood more than others had. Yumichika had realized that he'd had no right to interfere, that in this it had not been for him to decide. He had stepped aside, letting Kira act according to what his heart and conscience had told him, as if he himself had suspected that…

'G-… Captain Ichimaru wasn't traitor, Yumichika-san…'

The officer started upon hearing these words, but he was less surprised by the essence of them than by the fact that Kira had actually managed to say it out loud. Somehow, Yumichika had expected it; on that fateful day in Karakura he had come to a conclusion that Kira would have never become attached to someone evil to the core. And he would never be willing to sacrifice his life for someone like that.

Still, no matter which side had Ichimaru Gin actually been on and whoever had killed him, it didn't change the fact that Kira was suffering. Yumichika recalled once again what he himself had felt upon seeing the collapsing pillar in Karakura, and a wave of compassion washed over him. After all, Ikkaku was still alive! How much worse Kira had to feel? And to think that he was trying to hold it all inside… Why did he want so much to pretend that everything was alright…?

He looked at the Lieutenant sadly. Kira was still sitting on the bed, a vacant expression on his face. Just what was he thinking about? Was he recalling what'd happened during the battle again?

Yumichika creased his brows. He might understand Kira better than anyone else; still he felt that no matter what he would say to console the younger man would sound shallow and trivial. Nevertheless…

'I'm so sorry, Kira…' he whispered. 'Truly sorry… Maybe… If you would like to t-…' he began when a sudden thought hit him. The Third Division's Lieutenant didn't let him finish.

'I'll be alright, Yumichika-san,' again the same words, repeated as a mantra. 'Don't worry about me… You have enough troubles already…'

Upon hearing these his words the Fifth Officer looked up abruptly, feeling as if someone stabbed him with a sword. Could Kira know more than he was showing him? But no… one look at the Lieutenant was enough to understand that there was no malice in his words. Yumichika dropped his gaze.

'Still…'

'I'll be fine, Yumichika-san,' Kira assured him, but there wasn't even a single trace of comfort in his dull voice. He rose, preparing to leave. 'I promise.'

Yumichika's eyes narrowed. He could hardly believe this promise; still, it seemed he couldn't count on more yet. He sighed inwardly.

'Take care, Kira,' he added when the Lieutenant opened the door. Kira cast him another impenetrable glance, looking for a moment as if he wanted to say something — but finally left without a word.

Ayasegawa Yumichika was once again left alone with his thoughts.

* * *

During the next few days the Fifth Officer came to the conclusion that, to tell the truth, their conversation had changed very little. Of course, now he understood more, yet it had no actual consequences. He was still thinking over Kira's plight, in which the young Lieutenant clearly couldn't find himself, but he didn't come up with any ideas how to help him.

What was more, as Kira Izuru has so reasonably pointed out, Yumichika had his own troubles. They had escalated with every passing day to reach their culmination the morning Kira had come to take the bandages off his face.

Yumichika had expected it to be a rather unpleasant event; still, he had hoped that he would be able to prepare himself for it, even if just a little. Having to face the facts, however, he had suddenly felt that he would gladly delay this moment for as long as possible.

Nevertheless, there had been no turning back; so the bandages had been removed, and Yumichika had firmly demanded a mirror (his voice almost hadn't trembled). Kira had fulfilled his request without a single comment — yet another reason to be grateful to him — and the Fifth Officer had finally had the chance to see the devastation of his beauty caused by that accursed Arrancar.

He had given his reflection a long and scrutinizing look. It didn't look too well — actually, it didn't look good at all — still, in Kira's presence he had tried to keep the, nomen omen, appearances. Only after the Lieutenant had left, Yumichika had let out a painful sigh. He remembered what he had promised to Ikkaku: that he would not try to hide the scar, but now he could clearly see that it wasn't going to be easy. What he had seen in the mirror was… well, definitely not beautiful. Yumichika truly doubted if others would be able to look at him any different than with a mixture of pity and disgust.

_There aren't that many people wanting to see you lately_, Ruri-iro Kujaku cut in insolently. Yumichika immediately told him to shut up; he had to admit, however, that for once his accursed Zanpakutō was right. Except for Kira and some unseated members of the Fourth Division, nobody visited him, and he still had no news from Ikkaku.

It only induced more unpleasant thoughts. What if Madarame changed his mind after all…? Just like Yumichika, he had enough time for thinking and might have reached a conclusion that he didn't want to be a friend of some weak Kidō user…

And even if he didn't change his mind, maybe he wanted to distance himself from Yumichika to make their future parting easier? Yumichika was becoming more and more certain that he would have to leave the Eleventh Division because of what he had done; no matter what his reasons had been. Of course, he didn't regret his decision; still, that didn't make the consequences any easier to bear. He knew that together with his seat in Captain Zaraki's division he would lost his place in the Gotei 13… that he would most probably have to leave Seireitei… What awaited him? Was loneliness in Rukongai's dirty streets all that he had in prospect…?

He closed his eyes for a moment. In his case loneliness was usually related to abandonment and the sense of injustice. Yet this time… well, it was him who could be called a traitor…

Yumichika turned his face towards the window. He had to admit that the weather reflected his mood quite accurately: low, gray clouds covered the sky and the outside world was veiled by the thick curtain of rain. Withered weeds growing by the window swayed back and forth in the gusts of wind, hitting the rain-covered panes again and again.

Of course, there was also so-called 'honorable way'. Yumichika smiled bitterly at the thought. So far, he had never considered it, but maybe it was also an option he should take into account. It would at least let him solve the matters once and for all…

He sighed, looking at the windblown and rain beaten stalks outside his window. _Just like a weed_, he thought suddenly. Useless, noxious even, and spoiling the perfect harmony of a garden. A weed that had to be removed… pulled up by the roots.

It hurt; more than wounds, more than his maimed vanity. Maybe if the roots didn't reach so deep into his heart…

Yumichika squeezed his eyelids shut, trying to fight back the tears. The pain was unbearable; yet, he wasn't a child. He still was the Fifth Officer of the Eleventh Division. He should keep at least the remnants of his pride, even if there was nobody who could see him. Even if all he wanted was to curl into a ball and cry his heart out, no matter how unmanly and unbeautiful it was.

He was to lose everything and he wanted to accept his fate with honor. And, if possible, with a smile on his face.

Unexpectedly his thoughts wandered back to Kira Izuru, who'd also had what was most precious to him pulled out of his heart. Since their conversation Yumichika could not overlook the pain the young Lieutenant was in; not when he felt likewise himself.

Was Kira torn by similar emotions? Did he feel equally lonely, helpless and deprived of his own place in the world? Did he also see himself only as a worthless, unwanted weed…?

Yumichika bit his lip. Kira Izuru could at least act and he didn't waste his chance — perhaps he was too responsible to just give up. Still, one way or another, Yumichika was impressed by his attitude. Himself, he couldn't do anything , and right now this feeling of helplessness was even worse than loneliness.

He let out another sigh. If only… If only he was strong enough to move from here, he would use such opportunity at once. He would, for example, go and talk to Madarame; regardless of the result of their conversation, he would at least know that he managed to do something.

_Actually_, he thought, furrowing his eyebrows, _why shouldn't he try? _After all, according to what Kira had told him many times, his wound was healing well, so he shouldn't have much trouble standing. Moreover, he still was a warrior — an officer! — of the Eleventh Division, not some crybaby from the F-… not a crybaby, anyway. And warriors weren't supposed to lie in bed and whine in such an unbeautiful manner. Warriors were supposed to act…

Yumichika tried to sit up on the bed. Pain shot through his wounded leg, but, much to the Fifth Officer's content, it wasn't strong enough to interfere with his plans. He threw aside the covers, and then rose shakily, propping his hand against the bed. Keeping balance wasn't as difficult as he expected. Good…

He smiled to himself. Deep in his heart he felt that he was about to do one of the most foolish things in his life — still, wasn't it what the Eleventh Division was famous for? Captain Zaraki's subordinates were known for their crazy courage, great combat skills and an almost ridiculous attachment to warrior's honor, but definitely not for the tendency to well-considered actions. So far, Yumichika had been an exception to that rule, yet it seemed that his time had also come.

He straightened up and headed towards the door. He would soon know what Ikkaku thought of him…

* * *

He was lying. On a bed. For some reason it seemed… well, unexpected. He had an irresistible feeling that he should be somewhere else at the moment…

Yumichika furrowed his eyebrows. He recalled walking down the corridor; at first it hadn't caused him any problems, but after a while taking another step forward had become more and more difficult. What was more, his wound had begun to hurt really badly, and he had soon realized that he had apparently overestimated his strength. In spite of that, he stubbornly pressed on, driven by his goal and the need to once again prove himself his own worth. And then…

He had no idea what had happened later, which led him to a conclusion — a very unbeautiful one! — that he must have fainted. Why then was he lying on the bed instead of on the hard floor?

He opened his eyes and realized that the room was almost dark. The only light came from a lantern, left on the floor and…

And from the healing Kidō, glowing over his leg. Yumichika blinked a few times and finally caught sight of Kira Izuru's slender form. The Fifth Officer felt ashamed and guilty. He had acted like a complete fool!

'You're awake, Yumichika-san,' Kira looked up from the wound, which had probably opened again — not very surprising after how Yumichika had overexerted himself. 'How are you…?'

How was he? Yumichika tried to concentrate. His leg hurt like hell and, apparently, he was suffering from a vertigo, but his physical condition was nothing compared to how he felt inside.

He was angry. Angry at himself, at his stupidity and lack of responsibility. During the last few days he realized how much effort it took the already weary Kira to heal his wounds, and yet, he might have undone his work, driven by a stupid desire to prove himself and to raise his own spirits.

Indeed, he fitted the Eleventh Division just perfectly. They were the only ones to engage such dimwits…

'Yumichika-san?'

Kira's voice brought him back to reality. He realized that he still didn't reply.

'Fine… I guess…' he whispered, though it definitely wasn't a very witty answer. 'Kira-san…' he added, almost humbly. 'I'm sorry… I've caused you unnecessary trouble…'

The Lieutenant gave him a hard to interpret look.

'Fortunately, nothing really bad has happened,' he said, the poorly hidden weariness evident in his voice. 'You are lucky, Yumichika-san, that your wound has almost healed…'

'I was lucky you appeared in the right place at the right time, Kira,' Yumichika cut in bitterly and almost sharply. There was anger still burning inside him. Otherwise, I might have lain there all night…!'

'I'm sure someone would…'

'Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't,' the Fifth Officer broke him off flatly. 'Stop denying yourself all worth, Kira! Where is your pride?'

No sooner had he uttered these words than he regretted them. Indeed, what right did he have to speak about pride? After all, he was but a…

Weed.

Once again pain shot through his heart. Ashamed, he looked at Kira, expecting him to be offended by his words — everyone would be! The calm and gentle expression he met instead upset him even more. Yumichika understood that the Lieutenant was trying to hide his suffering and maybe even to push it away from himself — but why did he deny himself any other emotions? He had to feel something more, damn it!

Meanwhile, Kira rose from his seat beside the bed.

'If you're fine, Ayasegawa-san,' he said softly, 'then I'll be going…'

'Wait, Kira,' Yumichika's hand grabbed the Lieutenant's wrist before the Fifth Officer had the time to think of it. What now?

Yumichika hesitated. From what he had noticed during Kira's visits up to now, the younger man seemed like someone who would dismiss others' fears and worries about him with a smile and comforting words, even if he was on the brink of exhaustion…

Right now, from the two of them, it was rather Kira who looked as if he needed a healer's care. He seemed as if he was about to pass out, and it was caused only by Yumichika's own foolishness. It was time to fix it.

The Fifth Officer made his decision.

'Kira,' he whispered, seeing how the Lieutenant glances at the door. 'Could you please… stay beside me tonight? I don't want to be… alone…'

What was interesting, he managed not to lie; he was still painfully aware that he hadn't been able to see Ikkaku, although he had tried, and it made him feel even more abandoned. Of course, it wasn't why he had asked in the first place; still, he had already decided not to tell Kira about his true reasons.

Kira Izuru looked at him closely, before slowly nodding.

'If… that will make you feel better…'

'Thank you,' replied Yumichika in a whisper. He was indeed grateful — that Kira was so dutiful and willing to help. Without it the officer's little trick wouldn't work, and this way the young Lieutenant could gain at least a few hours of sleep, which he undoubtedly needed.

'Yumichika-san.' The words were spoken in a serious manner, and the Fifth Officer realized that Kira once again was addressing him as a healer. 'I may also be at fault here… I'm afraid that you might have been mistaken about your condition from what I've told you lately. That is… your wound is indeed healing well, still… you shouldn't overexert yourself so much yet.'

Quite unexpectedly, Yumichika felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks. It seemed that Kira Izuru was ready to blame himself for Ayasegawa's half-baked decisions. He couldn't allow it.

'I know,' he said. 'It's just…'

He trailed off, not sure if he should say more. He didn't want to burden Kira with his problems as well, but…

'I hoped to see Ikkaku,' he admitted frankly. 'I'm stuck here and… still know next to nothing about what happened…'

He didn't know why he was telling Kira all these, and he cast a quick glance at the Lieutenant to see his reaction. The younger man, however, only looked at him from under his ever creased eyebrows.

Yumichika sighed inwardly. He didn't expect an actual answer, so he shouldn't feel disappointed, and yet…

He looked away.

Weeds. Left on their own, each of them too immersed in his own suffering to understand the other's anguish any better…

'It was Captain Unohana's decision,' said Kira all of a sudden, and Yumichika looked at him, surprised. 'I mean, to give you a separate room. She must have come to a conclusion that you would need rest.'

Yumichika furrowed his brows. He hadn't taken such an option under consideration. He nodded.

'I see…'

They didn't talk more; after all, it wasn't what Yumichika wanted. Nevertheless, they sat in silence for a long while, before Kira started to look sleepy; finally, the weariness got the better of him, and he fell asleep in rather uncomfortable, half-sitting, half-lying position on the edge of the bed. Yumichika himself didn't feel very sleepy, but he wasn't in the mood to brood over things any longer. Instead, he closed his eyes, listening to the rustle of rain outside. The downpour had to be dying down, as its sound became weaker…

…and weaker…

…with every passing moment…

…until it faded away completely.

* * *

He realized that he must have fallen asleep when he was woken up by a strange sound. Yumichika opened his eyes. The room was filled with gray light of dawn. What had awakened him?

This very moment Yumichika heard it again. It sounded like… sobbing. He turned his head towards its source and saw the sleeping Kira Izuru.

At first, he was surprised by the sight of the Lieutenant, but soon he remembered the previous events and his request to Kira. Besides, something else drew his attention: the young officer was indeed asleep, but he definitely didn't sleep peacefully. His slender hand gripped the sheets tightly, shoulders were trembling and his erratic breath changing into a stifled sob from time to time.

That explained Kira's red eyes and shaky hands. Was that why the Lieutenant tried to avoid sleeping? What were his nightmares about?

Yumichika feared that he knew.

He focused his full attention on Kira when he realized that he could actually hear words amidst the sobs. A heartbreaking "why?" and "don't leave me again" caught his ear, and so the Fifth Officer's suspicions about what the Lieutenant was dreaming of were confirmed.

He bit his lip, not sure what to do. Kira Izuru undoubtedly needed his rest; still, could a sleep full of nightmares be considered such?

Without a second thought Yumichika sat up on the bed and reached to touch the younger man's shoulder.

'Kira?'

This time Kira's reaction was far beyond his expectations. The Third Division's Lieutenant leapt up abruptly, his breath shallow and wild look in his eyes, until finally his gaze rested on Yumichika. Yumichika himself subconsciously expected that upon seeing him Kira's face would once again become an insufferable, emotionless mask, yet nothing like that happened. Kira Izuru kept looking at him, blue eyes wide open and full of both terror and despair.

'He… He is dead…' he whispered in a faltering voice. 'It's all… It's all my fault… Only mine…'

He cowered, hands clutching his arms. Yumichika gave him a painful look, though he couldn't understand why Kira should blame himself for this death. He decided to stay silent; however; he felt that if he interfered he wouldn't get to know anything more.

'It's my fault…' repeated Kira, sounding even more desperate. 'I should have protected him… I should have saved him… Not the other way round… Not the other way…'

His last words were lost in another barely stifled sob. Yumichika closed his eyes. He had already guessed what he might hear next, and that was what he feared the most.

'He…' Kira Izuru whispered in a heart wrenching tone. ' He saved my life…'

Yumichika squeezed his eyelids tightly shut. So he had been right… And, at the same time, though he wasn't sure why, he once again thought back to the events in false Karakura, as if what had happened there was the key to the current situation…

And it indeed was like that. Just like in the case when he was recalling Madarame's fight, one simple detail made everything clear and decided on his interpretation of the happenings.

Ayasegawa Yumichika remembered not only Ichimaru Gin's golden eyes, but first and foremost the look on his face when Kira's Wabisuke had blocked Hy_ō_rinmaru's blow.

He understood. Kira Izuru wasn't the only one who had been ready to risk everything for his former Captain. Ichimaru Gin had had at least equally important reason to save his Lieutenant, as Yumichika'd had when saving Ikkaku. Who knew, maybe even a more important one…

He looked up, embracing gently Kira Izuru's shoulder, something his heart told him to be a right thing to do. The young Lieutenant was shaking like a leaf, and Yumichika subconsciously expected that the wall around Kira's heart would finally break from overflowing emotions. Yet, nothing like this happened; quite to contrary, Kira slowly calmed down in his embrace and finally had to come to a conclusion that he was doing something improper. He dropped his gaze and instantly moved away at an arm's length. Yumichika sighed inwardly, feeling defeated. Just a moment ago it had seemed to him that Kira's shell had begun to crack, but now it was once again whole and impenetrable…

'Forgive me, Yumichika-san…' the young Lieutenant whispered, his voice still thick, rising from the bed and heading for the door, 'but I think I should leave now…'

Yumichika nodded. He knew that whatever he would say he wouldn't be able to stop Kira Izuru, and it wasn't a beautiful thought at all.

'Sleep well,' he replied in a whisper. The door closed almost without a sound.

He didn't expect Kira to come here again.

* * *

He was all the more surprised when the following morning the door opened and Kira Izuru entered his room, as usual.

This time they didn't need a lamp. The weather was surprisingly nice; for the first time in a few days it neither snowed, nor rained, and the late winter sun shyly pierced the clouds. Everything was misleadingly peaceful.

Kira seemed equally calm, but, as Yumichika already knew, "seemed" was the key word here. Last night he'd had the chance to see for himself how torn inside the young Lieutenant was, and, compared to it, his present unwavering calmness was indeed out of place.

To tell the truth it slowly started to annoy Yumichika.

'Kira,' he began when the Lieutenant checked the bandages on his leg and occupied himself with other things as if nothing had happened. 'He did not die because of you. He died for you.'

Upon hearing these words Kira froze for a moment, yet he emotionlessly finished arranging something on the night table before rising and turning to Yumichika — the usual polite and expressionless look on his face.

Yumichika felt anger welling up in him. The Hollow, how long did Kira plan to hide how he really felt? Maybe in his own opinion he was no-one… maybe he only saw himself as a weed… yet to Ichimaru Gin he had been…

Everything.

Could anyone understand it better than Yumichika?

'_I would never use this technique, even if it meant dying by you__r hand…"_

_Still, if it was about Ikkaku… _

'Kira,' he continued, determined to tell the Lieutenant everything he himself knew about this matter. 'Captain Ichimaru must have decided that your life had been more precious to him than anything else. You must not throw away the choice he had made for you!'

Yumichika broke off when he realized something else; something that didn't concerned Kira but the Fifth Officer himself. Interfering in Madarame's fight he had deprived him of any choice; and now, pondering leaving the Gotei 13 all by himself, he was about to do almost the same. In this moment he understood that he was not allowed to do it; he was not allowed to deny Ikkaku the right to decide independently. He owed him that.

Once again he looked at Kira, who was still gazing at him without a single word, his eyes impenetrable. Yumichika felt he had to say more… something deep inside his heart didn't let him leave this topic, it urged him to dwell on it, to wipe off this mask of calm from Kira Izuru's face, to make his suppressed emotions find a vent…

He took a deep breath.

'Do you really think that he… that Captain Ichimaru would want you to suffer? To blame yourself for his death? He didn't save your life for you to throw it away, drowning yourself in despair! Don't you understand, Kira? All he wanted was for you to live, no matter the price he would have to pay. Even if it cost him his life…!'

_And it ha__s been you, back there in Karakura, who has made me realize that I also have someone like that… But it's not the right moment to mention it… You can't blame himself for that reason as well… _

_I will __pay off this debt, Kira. You have my word. The word of the Eleventh Division's Officer… _

He dropped his gaze.

'I… I know what it means to sacrifice everything, Kira,' he whispered, unwittingly reaching to touch his own scarred cheek. 'I know because… I have done it too.'

He had said it. He had said it and, hell, he didn't feel ashamed at all. He felt no humiliation, nor any other emotion he considered unbeautiful. And this time he received an answer either out of politeness, or curiosity — Yumichika hoped the second option was true — Kira finally spoke.

'What… have you done, Yumichika-san?' he asked cautiously. Yumichika smiled a little wryly, almost against himself.

'I've interfered in Madarame's fight, used my accursed Shikai that is in no way a tool for unattractive chopping the limbs off, let my face be cut and saved his life,' he replied, looking at Kira closely. 'I can say goodbye to my seat in the Eleventh Division,' he added, somewhat bitterly.

Kira looked at him from under furrowed eyebrows, apparently not knowing what to say. Yumichika shook his head with a quiet sigh.

'Kira… Everyone must make their decision.'

For a moment there was a glint in the Lieutenant's eyes, the slightest suggestion of a need to set free the emotions that filled his heart. Yumichika held his breath – but the moment was already gone, and the expression of indifferent politeness returned to Kira's face. This time, however, the Fifth Officer didn't feel resigned — this moment of hesitation on Kira Izuru's part gave him the hope that there was a chance to actually reach to the Lieutenant. That the wall he had surrounded his heart with could be breached. Not instantly, of course, and not without effort — it looked like it was going to be a hard and wearisome road — still, Yumichika was ready to try. After all, he had undertaken even harder challenges in the Eleventh Division and had gotten off them lightly. And towards Kira he was doubly indebted…

'I have to go, Yumichika-san,' the Lieutenant's soft voice broke him out of his reverie. Yumichika blinked and noticed that Kira, though he hadn't moved an inch, was already looking towards the door.

'But of course, Kira… Don't let me keep you… You surely have more than enough duties…'

He wanted to say more, yet he couldn't. Kira only nodded in reply. Yumichika wondered if his joy from a moment before hadn't been too early, but then…

'Yumichika-san.' Kira stopped on the doorstep, looking as if he was thinking something over. He was silent for a while before he continued. 'Yumichika-san… Madarame-san asked me to pass you a message…'

Yumichika gasped, barely believing his ears. Had Kira really…

He felt his heart thumping and hardly regained his composure. It wouldn't be beautiful to react too… violently.

'What… did he say?'

Kira creased his fair eyebrows slightly.

'He said: "Stop your fretting." And: "Either together, or not at all." I thought… you would like to know about it.'

Yumichika closed his eyes, still finding what had just happened hard to believe. Kira Izuru had talked to Ikkaku… It didn't matter if it had been a mere coincidence or if the Lieutenant had visited Madarame on purpose (Yumichika quickly pushed this thought away); what really mattered were the facts. And the fact was that Ikkaku… He…

The Fifth Officers felt tears on his eyelashes and blinked rapidly, trying to hide his emotions. He was an officer. Of the Eleventh Division. He couldn't simply go to pieces in the presence of another member of the Gotei 13. Especially, if the said member was higher-ranked.

Right.

'Thank you, Kira,' he whispered. He was unable to say anything more right now.

Another nod from Kira was the only reply, and the next moment the young Lieutenant left Yumichika's room. The Fifth Officer let out a deep sigh, giving the view outside the window a closer look. He had to admit it was rather dull, but now even the weed, swaying in the wind, seemed beautiful to Yumichika. He knew that Ikkaku hadn't changed his decision in the slightest… that no matter what the future would bring they would remain friends — and, knowing that, he wanted all the more to help Kira, whose predicament was so much harder. The young Lieutenant was alone, and Yumichika wanted to show him, even to a slightest degree, that there was someone who understood him… that he didn't have to feel abandoned and useless… that there was nothing he should blame himself for. Yumichika was determined to put especially this last issue into Kira's head, even if he would have to appeal to force.

He smiled at himself. He would start tomorrow…

* * *

The next day Kira didn't come, but it didn't change a thing in Yumichika's resolutions. He had promised Kira Izuru and himself that he was going to help him, and warriors of the Eleventh Division, who valued their honor, always kept their word. In this respect they were ineradicable. Just like…

Yumichika smiled slightly.

Just like the weeds.


	16. The Wrong Done

**~16~**  
**The Wrong Done**

* * *

Hitsugaya Tōshirō was restless. He had been aimlessly wandering around his office in the Tenth Division's quarters for several hours already, thinking what he should do in current situation. And he still didn't know.

He sighed quietly, leaning against the desk. The paperwork — his own and Matsumoto's — still lay there in heaps. He hadn't look into them for a few days.

Since his fateful conversation with Hinamori.

He let out another sigh. He liked order and had always been doing his best to keep everything in place and to give everyone what they deserved. No wonder it was so hard for him to put up with the thought that he had been unfair towards another person.

He clenched his fists. That afternoon he had been sure that he had acted righteously; after all, they had been dealing with a traitor, and whoever had sided with him had also been an enemy of Soul Society. When they had crossed swords, they had been standing on the opposite sides of the barricade, and no-one could blame Hitsugaya Tōshirō that he had confronted Kira Izuru. Especially considering the fact that it had been Kira who had drawn the sword first.

No, Tōshirō didn't regret his decision, though it had been painful to fight against a former brother in arms. Still, he was one of the Gotei 13 Captains and he couldn't behave any different — at least that was what he had thought back then.

Back then… before his whole world had been turned upside down, and Tōshirō had to revise most of his opinions.

Ichimaru Gin was not a traitor.

Ichimaru Gin had greatly contributed to Aizen's defeat.

Ichimaru Gin had died a hero's death.

And Kira Izuru… Kira Izuru was the one whom Tōshirō still couldn't look in the eye.

He bit his lip. He avoided Kira Izuru and he knew that. Why? Well, that was a good question. If only he could find an answer…

Since the battle in the false Karakura they hadn't exchanged a word. Tōshirō couldn't overcome his feelings and just start the conversation, and Kira… Kira, according to all signs, had thought himself to be too unimportant a person to make a claim for apologies.

What didn't mean that he didn't deserved them.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō closed his eyes, massaging the bridge of his nose. A headache drew near inevitably. And, on top of that all, there was this conversation with Hinamori…

"_You really didn't know, Hitsugaya-kun?"_

He didn't. And now he felt even more ungrateful…

He sighed again, shaking his head. Just the awareness that he had behaved callously, unfairly condemning Kira, couldn't change anything. He should finally find some kind of solution; there was no doubt about it. If only it wasn't so hard…

It wasn't easy to renounce at least some part of his beliefs that had always seemed right. It wasn't easy to admit his mistake even before himself, let alone before someone who he had thought to be infatuated and who had turned out to be the closest to the truth in the end.

On the other hand, no-one had ever said that a Captain's life was supposed to be easy; and sitting in his quarters doing nothing certainly wasn't the right way to settle the matters. Hitsugaya Tōshirō felt an irresistible need to act. The office suddenly appeared cramped, stuffy and overwhelming to him. He needed air, space, and he had a feeling that if he only left this room, everything would become simpler and clearer.

To go outside. Right. Definitely.

He pushed himself away from the desk and headed for the door.

Perhaps, he would even find the courage to talk to Kira…

* * *

It was the beginning of spring in Seireitei, but the day was surprisingly warm for this season; even too warm for Hitsugaya Tōshirō, who, with every step he took, became more convinced that his previous enthusiasm had been misleading. He felt as if this sudden warming — too sudden after weeks of winter chill — was sucking out his very life force. Firstly, Hitsugaya didn't like it when it was too warm; secondly, it felt almost improper that the nature flourished while Soul Society was just slowly rising from ruins.

Though he tried to avoid it, once again he got lost in mirthless thoughts, and there was but a step from them to the memories of the final battle, and, consequently, to the topic he couldn't think about without feeling guilty anymore.

He drew his lips into a tight line. Hinamori's words yet again resounded in his mind.

"_Hitsugaya-kun?__"_

They had met three days ago, just outside the Fourth Division's hospital. Tōshirō had been coming back from his visit to Matsumoto, who had been still healing after the final battle, but the healers' prognosis were better with every passing day. Hinamori herself had left the hospital little earlier, and Hitsugaya had been still worried about her health. That was why he hadn't been sure if he'd felt happy or anxious when he had met her that afternoon.

"_You__'ve been visiting Rangiku-san, Hitsugaya-kun?"_

He had nodded. He remembered Hinamori's shy smile when he had asked about her reasons for coming to the Fourth Division.

"_I wanted to see Kira-kun__… I haven't had the chance to thank him yet…"_

He'd been surprised back then — Kira hadn't suffered any serious wounds in the battle, why then should he be in hospital? Hinamori had noticed his confusion, and had hurried with an explanation.

"_Kira-kun is helping in the Fourth Division now, you really didn't know, Hitsugaya-kun? He was its member once, and Captain Unohana's said that they every pair of hands would be welcome, so…"_

Hinamori had let out a quiet sigh after these words.

"_Poor Kira-kun__… He takes on so many duties… After all that happened… I… I would also like to be of some help…"_

He must have winced slightly, even though he had tried not to show any negative emotions, for Hinamori had taken Kira's side right away.

"_You shouldn't be so __harsh for him, Shiro-chan. Kira-kun is doing all in his might to save others… just like back then in Karakura…"_

In Karakura? He had been so surprised with her words that he hadn't even pointed calling him "Shiro-chan" out to her. What had happened in Karakura? He hadn't known and, before realizing it, he had admitted it out loud.

Hinamori Momo had blinked in surprise.

"_I was sure__ someone had told you about it, Hitsugaya-kun. Kira-kun saved us back in Karakura. Me and Rangiku-san…That's what I want to thank him for…"_

He shook his head. He had barely been able to believe her words back then. Kira Izuru… The same Kira Izuru, who had been just a pitiful fool in Tōshirō's eyes, had saved from death Hinamori and Matsumoto, the two women Hitsugaya held dearest to him. Then, though he must have been weakened after the use of healing Kidō, he'd gathered enough courage to cross blades with Tōshirō. Hitsugaya knew that if Kira had only confronted one of their enemies back then, he would have won the Tenth Division's Captain respect and admiration. Yet, when Tōshirō had seen Kira stand in defense of Ichimaru Gin, he had felt bad, to say the least. Perhaps "disgust" was too harsh word, but he had definitely been… gravely disappointed. And, at the same time, he hadn't been too surprised, which had been even worse. Just as if he'd foreseen that Kira would act this way. Just as if he had wanted to condemn him…

It was easy to condemn Kira Izuru, especially considering the fact that the Lieutenant himself was prone to that. Unlike Hisagi, who was respected by everyone, and Hinamori, whom everyone felt for, Kira could be blamed quite easily, even if all three of them had been betrayed in the same way. Few remembered about his merits; at worst he was treated with disdain, at best with pity. Yet, Kira hadn't become an officer of the Gotei 13 by accident. From what Hinamori said from time to time, he had been one of the best students in the Academy and he used Kidō at least as well as Momo, who was admired for her skills in that field. No matter how one looked at it, Kira lacked neither skill nor courage. Why then was it so easy to make him a scapegoat, to place all the blame on him? And why did he, Hitsugaya Tōshirō, who considered himself to be just and never misled by appearances, was so eager to do it?

"_You really didn't know__, Hitsugaya-kun?"_

He squeezed his eyelids shut. Hinamori and Matsumoto owed their lives to Kira. How would he have felt if he had known about it earlier, before he had confronted the Lieutenant? Would he have been more understanding towards Kira, or, to the contrary, his disappointment would have been even greater and more painful?

The young Captain let out a resigned sigh. He didn't know, and it had no actual meaning right now. The more important thing was how he felt with this knowledge in the light of later events, and the way he had treated Kira after the victorious battle.

And he felt — to call a spade a spade — awful at the very least. The longer he thought about it, and the more elements pieced together, the more he was sure that Kira hadn't deserved such treatment even for a moment.

If so, why was it so hard for him, the Captain of the Gotei 13, to admit it openly? And why did he find it so hard to tell Kira?

Hitsugaya stopped for a moment. He had a feeling that this stroll had had an opposite effect than he had expected: Tōshirō was now more confused than before leaving his office.

He was about to turn around and head back when he noticed where exactly he was. Without the young Captain realizing it, he was brought near the Fourth Division's quarters.

He hesitated, casting a glance at the building. Was it a mere coincidence, or did some unknown strength lead his footsteps here, he wouldn't dare to tell. Still, if he was here, he could as well pay Matsumoto a visit and talk to her a little. Though Hitsugaya would never say it out loud, he valued his Lieutenant's opinion greatly. And Matsumoto knew Kira much better than him; after all, since Ichimaru Gin's disappearance from Soul Society the two of them had spent a lot of time together. The fact that they had mainly drunk enormous amounts of sake during those meetings didn't change a thing. Matsumoto Rangiku could undoubtedly advise Tōshirō on the matters; he only had to ask her in an adequately veiled way.

Yes, this seemed to be a good idea. Hitsugaya Tōshirō looked at the Fourth Division's symbol above the entrance for another moment and passed through the gate.

* * *

The corridors in the Fourth Division were light and spacious, yet they seemed dark after the bright sunlight outside. Hitsugaya didn't like this place; he still remembered the days when he had been spending here long hours, keeping watch over the unconscious Hinamori. Many had doubted that the young Lieutenant of the Fifth Division would ever awake, but Tōshirō hadn't allowed himself such thoughts, and in the end it was him who had been right. Still, he felt rather uneasy every time he came here; now, however, he should focus on his goal — which was to reach Matsumoto's room.

Which way was that?

He furrowed his brows, trying to remember. Ah, yes. Straight ahead from here, then a turning to the left, upstairs, and…

'Ouch!'

'Oh…'

All of a sudden, Tōshirō bumped into someone while turning into a side corridor. He staggered and moved back a few steps, but managed to keep his balance. He could only blame himself; lost in thought, he wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings.

He looked up, ready to apologize whomever he bumped into — and stopped dead in his tracks.

'Kira…'

He didn't expect that. He didn't suspect that he would have to face Kira Izuru so soon and so unexpectedly.

Too unexpectedly.

He bit his lip nervously, unsure what he should do now. Meanwhile, Kira, who had reeled against the wall after the collision, cast a quick glance on Tōshirō upon hearing his voice, before quickly looking away.

'Captain Hitsugaya…' he whispered in a tired tone, and Hitsugaya suddenly realized that Kira looked really bad. There was something desperate in the way he leant against the wall, as if he was barely able to stand. 'I'm sorry, Captain, I didn't n-…'

He didn't manage to finish. The weakness that Tōshirō had noticed turned out to be all too real and finally took the better of the Third Division's Lieutenant. Before Hitsugaya had a chance to react, Kira Izuru slowly sank to his knees and, moments later, fell to the floor, unconscious.

'Kira!'

* * *

'He's exhausted,' Yamada Hanatarō, the Seventh Seat of the Fourth Division, said quietly, expertly checking Kira Izuru's life functions. Hitsugaya, who had a vague image of Yamada being a klutz and a coward, found his competence truly impressive.

'Fortunately, his life isn't in danger right now,' continued Hanatarō meanwhile, looking at Kira with worry, 'but if he kept going like that any longer…' He sighed quietly.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō shifted uneasily in his chair.

'He should have been taken care of earlier…' he muttered, more to himself than to the young healer. Yamada Hanatarō wasn't the one to be blamed for; actually, since he had appeared in the corridor after Hitsugaya's cry for help, he showed impressive composure and reasonable medical judgement. Tōshirō could only be angry with himself, as all he had been able to help Hanatarō with was taking Kira to the room they were in right now. Except for that, he had been completely useless and now he could also only look, which didn't make his mood any better. Hitsugaya didn't like to be just a bystander; he always wanted to act and, when he didn't have such possibility, he felt uneasy at the very least. As a result, he often covered his embarrassment with irritation, which, in turn, had its impact on his surroundings. Just as it had now — for Yamada blushed fiercely upon hearing Tōshirō's words.

'I'm afraid… we didn't fully realize how bad his condition was,' he whispered, somewhat ashamed, placing his hand on Kira's forehead. The unconscious Lieutenant moaned quietly and winced, as if in pain. 'I mean… I heard once that Captain Unohana told him to rest… but we were all so busy here…' he broke off, the blush on his cheeks deepening even more.

"_He takes on so many duties…__ He's doing all in his might…"_

_Did you realize it, Hinamori? Did you realize how true your words were?__ Or did you — even you — see what was on the surface only?_

Hitsugaya realized he was clenching his fists. He raised his head, looking at Hanatarō.

'How long will it take him to recover?' he asked, trying to sound neutral. The young healer looked at Kira appraisingly.

'At least a week,' he stated after a while. 'He hasn't slept for several days… and it's hard to say when he has last eaten. On top of that, he's been using Kidō all the time, so it's no wonder he's so worn out…' Hanatarō shook his head sadly. 'He needs to rest and regain his strength…' with these words the officer looked at Hitsugaya, smiling shyly, and the Tenth Division's Captain got a feeling that he had a different person in front of him. 'D-don't you worry, Captain… Now that I know he needs help, I promise to take care of him!'

Hitsugaya Tōshirō made himself smile back. He was impressed with Yamada Hanatarō's commitment. Were all members of the Fourth Division like him?

'Thank you,' he said quietly and hesitantly shifted his gaze to Kira. It seemed the young Lieutenant was having a nightmare: slender hands clenched on the covers tightly, and pain flashed through his face. Tōshirō furrowed his brows. What had Kira done to deserve such fate? Was that how the Soul Society's justice, that Hitsugaya always strived to protect, supposed to look like?

He dropped his gaze. He couldn't deny it: Soul Society had hurt Kira in the worst possible way, and Hitsugaya Tōshirō was finally willing to honestly admit that he himself had had quite a share in the wrong done. He might have even been at bigger fault than others, as he had let his prejudices take the better of him just when Kira had needed help the most. The Lieutenant had been deprived of everything most precious to him, he'd had to make choices no-one should ever face — and in return he had been treated almost like a traitor and driven in the sense of guilt. It had been appalling ingratitude, and yet Kira was still working his guts out to help those who had caused his tragedy.

'He… He's suffering a great deal, isn't he, Captain?' Yamada Hanatarō's soft voice broke Tōshirō out of his reverie. 'I mean Lieutenant Kira…'

Hitsugaya looked at the healer closely. Hanatarō blushed again.

'I… I've heard a little…' he admitted timidly. 'About Captain Ichimaru and…' he broke off.

For a while they just sat in silence, before Hitsugaya let out a quiet sigh.

'Ichimaru Gin was not a traitor,' he whispered, for the first time saying these words out loud. 'Who knows… without his help… maybe we would have never defeated Aizen…'

He looked up, watching Hanatarō out of the corner of his eye. The healer was looking at him expectantly.

'Ichimaru… Captain Ichimaru…' Tōshirō corrected himself, though only he knew how much it cost him, ' Captain Ichimaru has been in Soul Society's service all this time. On the orders of General Yamamoto he was to buy Aizen's favors and inform us about his every move. And, to not raise any suspicions, he had to act as if he indeed became a traitor… managing to deceive all of us, except Lieutenant Kira. He… He always noticed more…'

Hitsugaya was silent for a moment, before looking Hanatarō in the eye and continuing.

'Only Lieutenant Kira… had enough courage to oppose those… who were blindly convinced of Captain Ichimaru's guilt. He was ready to do it… even at a price of being seen as a traitor. And he was right.'

He sighed once again, fixing his gaze on his hands. He felt strangely at ease, telling Hanatarō the truth… it would be so much harder if he had to tell Kira the same thing…

'So… it's true…' the healer whispered. 'I-I…' he faltered. 'I've heard Captain Unohana say that Lieutenant Kira… supposedly… drew a sword against one of our captains…' he finished, almost inaudibly.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō felt his heart in his throat. His cheeks burned.

'It's true,' he admitted softly. 'That's how it was.'

'C-captain… Have… Have you seen it?'

It was a completely innocent question, and yet Hitsugaya was glad that Hanatarō Yamada wasn't looking at him at the moment.

'Yes.' He gulped. 'I've seen it. Actually… I was very close.'

_Very close__. _One fat understatement. He remembered all too well the resolve in Kira's blue eyes when they had crossed swords. He couldn't have been any closer.

'I hope…' said Hanatarō cautiously after a moment's silence. 'I hope they've somehow explained it to each other. After all… Lieutenant Kira didn't mean any harm… I'm sure he didn't…'

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth. The young officer's optimism was almost painful. If only everything could be that easy…

A soft moan cut his musings short. Tōshirō turned his head to look at Kira with concern. Hanatarō leaned forward as well, watching the Lieutenant closely. The Tenth Division's Captain rose from his chair and came closer to the bed.

'What's going on?' he asked, his brows creased.

Hanatarō looked at him out of the corner of his eye. To Hitsugaya's surprise he looked relieved.

'He's waking up,' he replied with a timid smile. 'Please see for yourself, Captain.'

Tōshirō blinked. Indeed, Kira's eyebrows furrowed slightly, his eyelids first twitched and then fluttered, to finally reveal half conscious blue eyes.

'Yamada-san…' whispered Kira Izuru, clearly dazed. 'What… What happened?'

Hanatarō's smile became almost apologetic.

'You fainted, Lieutenant,' the healer explained gently. 'From exhaustion. Captain Hitsugaya found you…'

Upon hearing Hitsugaya's name, a strange glint appeared in Kira's eyes: a mixture of pain and panic. Tōshirō noticed that, his lips drawing into a tight line.

'I… I have to go, Yamada-san,' said Kira meanwhile, trying to sit on the bed, but failing miserably. 'The wounded… need help…'

'With all due respect, Lieutenant, sir,' Yamada Hanatarō replied, stopping Kira's further attempts to rise with a surprisingly firm gesture, 'but you also need help. You won't be able to do much if you pass out again.'

Having said that, Hanatarō blushed fiercely, most probably disconcerted by his own boldness. Kira looked away and, from what Hitsugaya could tell, seemed ashamed of showing weakness. Tōshirō decided to join the conversation.

'Yamada-san is a healer, Kira,' he put in firmly. 'He certainly knows what he's saying. If he claims you need rest, then you have no other choice but to comply with it.'

It sounded harsher than he planned, which had its effect on Kira, who seemed to shrink. Still, Hanatarō looked at the Tenth Division's Captain with gratitude.

'You shouldn't push yourself so hard, Lieutenant, sir,' the young officer added, softening Hitsugaya's previous words with his calm tone. 'You have to rest until you recover your strength… Please…'

For a moment Kira and Hanatarō only looked at each other; finally, the Lieutenant let out a quiet sigh.

'Alright, Yamada-san,' he whispered, sounding resigned. Deep in his heart Hitsugaya Tōshirō sighed with relief.

'If you'd only need something, sir…' Hanatarō began; Kira, however, interrupted him with a weak gesture.

'No need for that, Yamada-san,' he said. 'I don't want to be a problem…'

A problem? Hitsugaya raised his eyebrows. Only Kira could think about himself like that in such situation! Hanatarō must have come to the same conclusion, for he expressed what was on Tōshirō's mind before the latter even managed to open his mouth.

'A problem? Don't ever think like that, Lieutenant, sir! You deserve help as much as any other Shinigami!'

Tōshirō started, seeing a shadow pass through Kira's face at the sound of these words. He squinted, but the odd grimace had already disappeared. Kira Izuru dropped his gaze.

'Alright, Yamada-san,' he repeated in a strangely emotionless tone. Hitsugaya felt a pang of anxiety. Kira's behavior worried him more with every passing minute. The Third Division's Lieutenant had always been secretive, yet now it looked as if he had completely withdrawn into himself. Tōshirō cast a quick glance at Hanatarō, but even if the young healer had similar doubts, he didn't show them.

'We'll be leaving, then,' said the Fourth Division's officer, giving Kira a comforting, yet rather tentative, smile. 'Please… Please rest, Lieutenant, sir. Sleep will make you feel better.'

Having said that, the healer got up, heading for the door. All of a sudden, Tōshirō hesitated.

'Yamada-san,' he began cautiously, 'would you mind if I stayed here for a bit?'

Hanatarō gave him a perplexed look.

'Alright, Captain, sir,' he replied at last, after eyeing Kira closely. 'But… Please do not weary him too much…' he added with a blush. He must have felt uneasy, giving orders to a Gotei 13 Captain.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō nodded.

'Of course.'

* * *

When the door closed after Hanatarō, Tōshirō stayed silent for a while, wondering what he should do now. He had mustered up the courage to finally face Kira, yet where should he start? What was he supposed to say? Should he apologize first? Or rather express his gratitude?

He bit his lip. However, before he had a chance to decide what to do, he heard Kira Izuru's soft whisper.

'Captain Hitsugaya…'

He shifted his gaze from the door to the Lieutenant. Kira was watching him closely; still, Hitsugaya couldn't really decipher the expression on his face. Actually, he preferred not to think about it for the time being. He sat on the edge of the bed.

'What do you think you're doing, Kira?' he began in his usual, rather harsh tone, trying to delay, even if just for a while, the difficult conversation that awaited him. 'To push yourself so hard… As an officer you should know better!'

Kira gave no reply and just kept looking at him with this unchanging, impossible to interpret expression in his eyes. Hitsugaya found it more and more unnerving with every passing moment, yet he went on.

'Have you thought of yourself at all? You might have killed yourself!'

Kira looked away. Tōshirō rose from the bed and walked up to the curtained window. He was starting to wonder if he was really prepared for it. To tell the truth, he most wished to leave, even though he knew it would be cowardly of him. That way he would at least let Kira have some most needed rest…

'Captain Hitsugaya… You despise me, don't you…?' he heard all of a sudden.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō froze, clearly shocked. He didn't expect such a beginning of their conversation. However, before he had time to think of some answer, Kira continued in a quiet, oddly dull voice.

'I know that… I don't deserve anything else, still… I wish to apologize for my lack of subordination… I had no right to interfere… much less to draw my sword… and against a higher-ranked officer on top of it… I defied Soul Society and I realize it's unforgivable… I apologize…'

Hitsugaya swallowed the lump in his throat.

'Do you… regret what has happened?' he asked hoarsely.

There was a long — too long — moment of silence before Kira finally replied.

'Is there any meaning to it now?' he whispered, his voice empty and emotionless.

Hitsugaya involuntarily clenched his fists. He couldn't believe it. How could one deny himself any worth and meaning to such lengths as Kira did?

He turned around slowly. Kira Izuru wasn't looking at him, his eyes staring somewhere into space.

'Kira…' began Tōshirō cautiously, his voice quivering a little, much to the young Captain's surprise. 'Do you… Do you really believe all you say? You really… you really think so?'

Kira only bit his lip in a reply. He stayed silent.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō felt his usual composure crumble.

'Answer, Kira,' he demanded, quietly, yet authoritatively. 'Answer me. Do you… Do you really think all you deserve is to be condemned? After all the things you have done… you have both done for our sake… you still see yourself as worthless? As the one to blame?'

He broke off. He couldn't understand it. Though he didn't knew Kira all that well, he was aware that the Lieutenant never boasted about his merits. Yet to completely deny oneself any credit… to see oneself only as a potential source of disaster… that was something Tōshirō could not comprehend.

Yet, on the other hand — hadn't Hitsugaya himself denied Kira all credit either?

Hitsugaya Tōshirō felt the blush creeping onto his cheeks. It had been so easy back then to deem Kira infatuated and unable to rationally estimate the situation. It had been so easy to see him as a fool, blinded by poorly placed feelings, which had affected his decisions as well… and yet hadn't Tōshirō himself behaved in a similar way? Hadn't he also been blinded with his hatred to Ichimaru Gin, that had influenced all his actions?

He came closer, resting his hand on the chair's backrest. Kira still didn't reply.

Hitsugaya gave him a closer look. He had already noticed, back in the corridor, that the young Lieutenant didn't look well, but only now he could finally see the details: his gaunt, unnaturally pale face, sunken cheeks, dark rings under blue eyes.

He dropped his gaze. If only he'd had enough courage to treat Kira fairly… to tell him that he hadn't condemned his decision… that they had won partly thanks to him… If only he had been able to admit that it had been him, Hitsugaya, who had made the mistake and jumped to conclusions… that Kira hadn't been the one to blame…

Tōshirō bit his lip, ashamed. He had chosen to hide himself behind a mask of cool haughtiness; he had let his prejudices take the better of him, instead of honestly admitting that he might have been wrong. Thus, he had taken away all meaning from Kira's deeds… he had denied him even one bit of gratitude… and so the Lieutenant, deprived of support, had quietly withdrawn to the background, lost in suffering and convinced about his own worthlessness.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō closed his eyes for a moment, painfully gripping the backrest. He shouldn't have let it happen. That was his greatest sin.

'You are not the one who should apologize, Kira,' he said softly. 'It's… It's us who should beg your forgiveness. We owe you… both… Whole Soul Society owes you both so much… and yet we have treated you like…'

He trailed off, the words stuck in his throat. Kira slowly turned his head towards him.

'Captain…' he began, somewhat warily, as if he couldn't fully comprehend Hitsugaya's words. Tōshirō took a deep breath.

'I'm sorry, Kira,' he whispered fervently, once again closing his eyes. He knew that if he didn't manage to tell everything now, he would never again find the courage to do it. 'I'm sorry. I'm a fool… We all are, but I'm the greatest one… I had no right to treat you like that, nor to despise you… You… You needed our help, and we… we rejected you… Please, forgive me, Kira… and let us help you…'

The silence that followed his words seemed to ring in his ears. Hitsugaya Tōshirō hung his head, awaiting Kira's answer — whatever it was going to be. Yet, when the silence prolonged and the Lieutenant still said nothing, Tōshirō dared to open his eyes and look at the other man.

Kira was looking at him, yet there was something strange in his gaze: alertness and wariness seeking for signs of betrayal in even the most innocent word, questioning the sincerity of even the noblest intentions.

Tōshirō squinted, unable to understand it at first — and then the truth hit him, and he found himself blushing in shame.

Kira Izuru did not trust him.

Hitsugaya sighed. Now he understood whence Kira's former secretiveness came from. The invisible wall young Lieutenant had surrounded himself with was his defense against those who might want to hurt him. Or those who had already hurt him, as it was in Tōshirō's case.

The Captain looked away. Kira had all the reasons not to trust him. And Hitsugaya himself was the only one to blame for that.

Pretty certain that he would get no other answer than the Lieutenant's distrustful gaze, Tōshirō slowly headed for the door. Therefore he was quite surprised to hear Kira Izuru's soft voice.

'Everyone… must make their decision…'

Tōshirō nodded with a sigh. It seemed that was all he could count on at the moment. Maybe he had managed to take the first step, but he knew there was still a long way before he regained at least some of Kira's trust.

'Rest, Kira,' he whispered, about to open the door — and then he remembered one more thing. He turned back, coming closer to the bed.

'Kira…' he said, almost shyly. Now he wasn't speaking as the Tenth Division's Captain but merely as Hitsugaya Tōshirō. 'I… I'd like to thank you… for helping Matsumoto… and Hinamori… Thank you for saving their lives…'

For a while Kira Izuru just watched him in silence, before he smiled — and Hitsugaya started, for it was the saddest smile he had ever seen.

'I managed to save them at least…' whispered Kira in a completely different tone than before; and then he looked up, meeting Tōshirō's gaze for the first time since the start of their conversation.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō, the Captain of the Tenth Division, had faced many opponents in his life, and there was little that could shake him. Yet nothing had prepared him for this look in Kira's eyes. He barely fought off the urge to step back.

Kira Izuru's eyes seemed empty, but there was despair hidden in their depths, as well as immense, inconsolable sadness. A cold shiver ran down Tōshirō's back, yet at the same time the young Captain finally made his decision.

He couldn't just let it be. The wall Kira had built around himself might be his means of defence; still, on the other hand, it didn't let others see the Lieutenant's suffering — even those who truly wanted to help him. And so they didn't notice anything, while Kira Izuru was withdrawing more and more into himself, pushing all the emotions to the bottom of his heart in a desperate attempt to escape despair. He should be turned back from this road before it was too late. And Hitsugaya Tōshirō planned to help him with it.

'Don't think so bad of yourself, Kira,' he said quietly. 'You had no reason to… even if the fools claim otherwise.'

He felt a pang of disappointment when Kira dropped down his gaze, but moments later Hitsugaya became aware of the true reason behind such reaction. This time the Lieutenant didn't reject his words; it was the exhaustion that once again took its toll. Tōshirō realized he should withdraw for now.

'See you, Kira,' he whispered before closing the door. Kira didn't reply, already asleep. Hitsugaya quietly left the room, took a deep breath.

He was going to deserve Kira Izuru's trust — and he would do anything to gain it.

He took a few steps forward and suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, clenching his fists.

Even if… Even if he had to clear Ichimaru Gin's name himself.


	17. Sun

**~17~**  
**Sun**

* * *

_the sun is setting  
on the bed of marigolds  
the snake closed his eyes

* * *

_

_

* * *

_Gin Ichimaru was dead.

He died in Kira's arms in the end of the great battle against Aizen. It turned out that he had never been a traitor, but from the very beginning he had acted on Yamamoto-Genryūsai's orders.

Kira didn't remember that moment.

* * *

He kept telling himself he couldn't remember even if the tried. He didn't try. Soul Society was getting out of the chaos that Aizen Sōsuke had thrown upon it. Kira was occupied enough - spending all his time once more in the unofficial command of the Third Division or supervising his people on location, or simply participating in their work. There were no differences any more - Eleventh Division or Fourth Division... Everyone was working in the same way to restore Soul Society from ruins. Everyone was happy that those ruins were the only loss they suffered.

When Kira reached his lodgings, he was so tired sometimes he didn't manage to undress, but he was already sleeping. Every morning the work started again. He was very pleased with this.

Last night he had slept rather poorly. The previous day Captain Unohana had paid him a visit and mentioned about appointing a new captain for the Third Division as it was clear the old wouldn't come back any more. The more shocking than that had been her idea to recommend his person for this post.

Kira had welcomed her revelations with his typical reserve and commented only with polite astonishment. Unohana had left, promising to think this matter over, while Kira had continued his work. It had been only in the evening that he had recalled that conversation. Lying in his bed, he had wondered if he would be up to the duties of the captain, and then he had realized he would. After all, he had been in the command of his division for a long time now, so he hadn't lacked the experience. His Bankai, really imperfect though, had supported his candidacy, too. The only problem could be his complete impassivity - but then the captain's post was the greatest honour for a Shinigami in Seireitei, so no-one would pay attention to his lack of enthusiasm. Especially when Kira never showed enthusiasm towards anything. No-one would spot the difference.

The though that he could became the captain of the Third Division evoked no reaction. Since the last battle against Aizen he hadn't felt anything at all.

It was well in the afternoon when Kira came back to the Third Division headquarters. He had no duties, and he was glad for it. For the whole day he couldn't focus, which he explained himself with poorly slept night. Now he stood in the entrance to the division grounds, wondering what to do next. The hot bath didn't seem a bad idea, at least it would help his muscles relax. He decided to go straight away, before he would change his mind - or simply would fall asleep in his own chair.

He stopped dead when a grey cat jumped out of the window just before him and ran across the yard towards the trees. Kira's attention, so easily disturbed today, made him look at the direction the visitor came from. And then Kira realized he was standing in front of the captain's apartment.

He had never been inside. For a moment, he just stood there, then he opened the door and entered, thinking about nothing special at all. The floor creaked under his feet, but the place didn't seem particularly abandoned anyway. Kira took a deep breath, trying to sense an atmosphere of this place, but there were only the scent of a warm wood and the ever-present fragrance of the lemon tree. He realized that captain's lodgings were being taken care of even if captain himself was absent.

Kira walked ahead, passing some doors to other rooms. The apartment wasn't as big as you could imagine for a Gotei 13 captain. But, Kira reflected, Shinigami shouldn't seek for a wealth or a luxury. He looked around - there were as few pieces of furniture and decorations as in his own flat. The last room didn't stand out. Only after a moment Kira realized it was captain's bedroom.

Indifferent and impassive impression it gave. Everyone could live in here - or no-one. There were two paintings with some vague content on the walls. There were a simple desk and an ordinary bed in the corner, and one shelf filled with books and scrolls. The life came only with the sunbeam falling on the window frame. Soft light of the afternoon was filling the room and smoothing its outlines. The warm air was getting inside by an open window and surrounded Kira, too. So it was how captain lived, he thought - and turned to leave.

Something caught his eye, so he stopped to look closer. For a moment, he sought for it; he wasn't sure had it been a reflection, a move or an object - and then he approached the bookshelf and frowned.

Before he knew it, he was holding a small book with a black cover, still wondering why it caught his attention. He opened it - and saw a hand-drawn symbol of the Third Division: a sun-like flower of marigold. He was under the impression it was smiling at him. Then he looked over the sketch - and his world shook.

He was holding the book of his own haiku.

Kira could feel like everything around him vanished. The room disappeared because Kira shut his eyes tight and grasped the bookshelf, otherwise he would fall down. He sank to his knees. The bird-singing disappeared, drowned out by the monotonous buzzing in his ears, interrupted by the thumping pulse. The emptiness disappeared, too - the emptiness that had been filling him for so long he started to get used to it. It felt like his heart was pierced with a sword, yet it still struggled and pounded desperately. He couldn't believe this pain would go away. He held his hands close to his chest and curled up on the floor, trying not to fall apart.

He knew one thing: he lost the only person that had ever been important to him.

Gin Ichimaru had been by his side for so long he had filled Kira's whole life. He had been a sun that lit a darkness up and warmed up. After he had left, something had broken in Kira, who had felt more incomplete than before. He had been walking the same paths he once had walk along with his Captain. He had been looking at the same sky that once had stretched over heads of them both. He had been listening to the same birds singing on the yard of the Third Division. Everything had faded and darkened. Kira's world had narrowed to the self-accusations and depression... and, deep in his soul, to an absurd hope that everything would be all right again - for which he had despised himself even more. He had been unable to feel hatred - even though he had been used, even though he had been betrayed, even though he had been left behind. He hadn't considered himself important enough to have a right to hate. He hadn't considered himself a person anyone should care about.

In Gin Ichimaru's bedroom, on the bookshelf, there was - since how long? - a collection of his poems.

Shock was far too great for him to understand that fully. His tormented heart couldn't hold all the emotions and feelings, and start to analyse them. The one feeling that prevailed, though, was grief - and sorrow that everything had happened and couldn't be undone. Gin Ichimaru died in his arms, and now Kira remembered. He remembered his Captain's smile, the look of his bright eyes and his last words. "Thank you, Izuru," he had said absolutely calmly, while Kira had been too shocked to understand a thing.

Until now. That Gin Ichimaru's warmth had been genuine and sincere. That Kira's presence had been significant. That, had it been not for cruel fate, they would have lived normally, talked normally and smiled at themselves normally. There were so many words never spoken - the words that would never be spoken any more. What left, was "thank you"... and, added in a softer voice, _sorry_.

Kira raised his head. The skin of his cheeks was tense, and he understood he had been crying. The pain in his chest subsided; his head was still spinning, though. It was a bit darker in the room; sun hid behind the wall surrounding the headquarters; air was still warm after the day. The book, dropped by his numb hands, lay by, spine up. He reached for it and gently straightened folded leaves.

Then he looked inside and began reading the verses - well known, yet so distant now...

So many things had changed in his life since those poems had came into being that he felt like a totally different person now. Gin Ichimaru must have seen him always the same, the real Kira Izuru, that had been speaking through his haiku. Kira had never got to know him fully. Only... perhaps it didn't matter since Gin Ichimaru he had known had managed to fill all his world.

Kira leaved through the book, blinking with swollen eyes, until he reached the last poem.

_those two white eagles.  
separated by the storm.  
they will meet again._

Below, with a slanting hand, there was a comment: "So I believe".

Kira closed his eyes and rested his head against the shelf. He sat in an absolute silence filled only with sweet singing of the evening birds. He felt the calmness filling him - not empty and lifeless any more, but full of acceptance and hope. Hope was the only cure for grief - he knew that from a life-long experience. Time didn't really matter. It was almost dark when Kira decided he was strong enough to head into the sun again.

He stood up and left, closing the door behind.

Shinigami's souls were immortal.

_They will meet again._

And this time everything would be as it should.


	18. Morning

**~18~**  
**Morning**

* * *

_I don't know even half of your pain  
The weakened words stay in the air  
But one morning, I know that  
You will wake up to notice  
You've survived and you will do._

_-_ Juha Tapio, "Kelpaat kelle vaan"

* * *

The birds were chirping outside the window, and Kira felt like he heard them for the first time since very long.

He woke up aware that the day had dawned long ago. His past self would have fallen in the depths of remorse right away. His recent self would have never let that happen.

He smiled and pulled the cover up. He was smiling with his eyes shut. Two tears flew out from behind his eyelids and rolled down through his temples towards the pillow.

It felt so good to cry again. It felt so good to feel again.

To live.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the air that smelled of the lemon tree. Regardless of the season, it was the smell that prevailed in the Third Division. Now it was mixing with a faint fragrance of the flowers. Dandelion, yarrow, buttercup - he knew them all. Or perhaps he just believed he could smell them? Perhaps he had seen them on the yard and now he imagined smelling them? Whichever it was, the spring was in its height. The days were warm, and the evenings were long. The nature started another life-cycle.

For the first time since very long, Izuru Kira, the Vice-Captain of the Third Division, felt that he was strong enough to live.

He didn't know for how long his world had been occupied by the night. Last days, weeks and months had merged into one another, and time had lost its meaning. Perhaps it had even stopped - like everything around him had. Somewhere, sometime, winter passed, and then early spring too - he hadn't noticed. Now he was listening to the singing of the spring birds, full of simple and such a perfect joy, and he felt that he could finally call things by their proper name.

The tears flowing down his face were the proof.

Some thing he could remember better than others. He remembered Captain Hitsugaya's words who, after their talk, ordered the Fourth Division to watch him. He hadn't understood then. He hadn't even thought of it. Now he knew what Captain Hitsugaya had meant.

Suffering can have so many layers.

It can be a pain you want to escape from - even at the cost of annihilation.

It can be a despair you don't feel - because you are unable to feel any more.

It can be a strength that, along with hope, pushes you forward.

Izuru Kira went through all the tree stages and now, for the first time in his life, he felt strong.

He still shivered because of the memories. He still couldn't recall the incidents of the last battle without a tremble. He still kept regretting that fate had mocked of him and his dreams. And he still had to wipe away the tears that filled his eyes on any occasion.

He didn't mind.

He was alive.

He had needed months to realize he wanted to live. Tōshirō Hitsugaya's words made him understand the others must have seen more than he himself. He hadn't known anything any more. In one moment, perhaps as soon as in Karakura, he had violated his own mind and filled it with the total emptiness. He must have believed the void would be better than the pain. Only now he understood there is no life in the void. Perhaps that was what he had longed for, then...

When in the Fourth Division he had just... been. They had kept coming and going - his friends, companions, comrades. And medics. He hadn't seen them. They had become one. He couldn't distinguish their faces and voices. He had been talking with them completely distracted. He hadn't been interested in them in the slightest.

They had put him into bed and forbidden him any work - he hadn't really protested. It had been all the same to him. They had left him alone, so he had been alone. Had they brought him food, he had eaten. Had they forgotten, he hadn't eaten. It had made no difference.

He had spent his days looking into the white ceiling or the opposite wall, or the bright sky outside the window, behind the flowers that had been changed everyday. During the nights he had tried to sleep, but, had he managed to fall asleep, he had soon waked up from the nightmares he couldn't remember. He had waked up with his face wet from crying and he had been almost surprised.

One day he had dropped the mug and, when trying to clear the pieces up, he had cut his hand. He hadn't felt any pain, he had been only staring at red blood in astonishment and wondering where something so vital could possibly come from.

He had been to spend a week in the Fourth Division, yet he hadn't left his room for a month and he would have stayed in it if...

He rolled over to his side and pulled his knees up. The gentle smile was still stretching his lips.

_"Apple tree sent out first leaves, Vice-Captain Kira."_

_"Eleventh Division rebelled against the porridge today, Vice-Captain Kira."_

_"Abarai-san was appointed a Captain of the Fifth Division, Vice-Captain Kira."_

In his head, he tried to differentiate the people who had come to see him in the Fourth Division. Hinamori visited him most often. Vice-Captain Matsumoto and Captain Hitsugaya had been regular guests. Abarai paid him some visits. Ayasegawa-san hadn't forgotten him either and, due to his skills in Kidō, he had taken over Kira's work with patients.

He didn't remember what they had talked about - he assumed that about the past and the future of Soul Society and Seireitei.

_"Pair of the squi__rrels got settled on the cherry tree, just behind your window, Vice-Captain Kira."_

He could remember Hanatarō Yamada's voice like he heard it only yesterday.

Hanatarō Yamada, Seventh Seat in the Fourth Division, had spent with him the most time. He had come every day and asked his health. He had been bringing the food and changing the bedclothes and the flowers in the vase. He had been helping him with everyday toilet and combing his hair. Then, in the right time, he had been taking him - gently and resolutely - for a walk among fruit trees covered with buds and intensely green nettles.

And he had been talking.

He had filled dead silence and void with life.

He had told about the azure of the sky and the whiteness of the clouds, even though Kira could see them himself had he raised his head. About the lightest shade of pink of the plum flowers and the rainbow-hue wings of the butterflies. About the scent of the spring grass and the herbal garden. About the rush of the stream that crossed the grounds of the Fourth Division in the southern part. About the warm wind, the herald of the summer.

He had talked about the funny events in the Fourth Division.

One day he had found a kitty in the bushes and insisted on taking it in the safe place, regardless of his own allergy, that straight away had caused him runny nose and watery eyes. He had told about his allergy too.

He hadn't asked about anything.

Kira knew he hadn't been able to say anything then.

Sometimes Hanatarō had regarded him with a look clearly indicating he had wanted to ask - not of curiosity, but of concern. He had known - he was a medic, after all - how to cure the wounds of the soul. Kira wondered whether Hanatarō could suffer from the remorse for not acting as ethically as he should - but regardless of the answer, Kira was truly grateful to him for that.

That one matter... He had had to copy with it alone - even though the support of the close people was undoubtedly invaluable. He hadn't understood it then.

Two equally important memories came to Kira now, as he was lying in his bed, waiting in peace for a good moment to start the day. One of them was a memory of another nightmare he had waken up from, drenched with sweat. The darkness of the room and the distant moon outside the window hadn't calmed his fear, reason for which he hadn't known. Then he had felt a gentle hand brushing aside his sweaty hair and stroking his head in a soothing way. For a moment, he had thought it had been someone else's hand... and he might have even called someone else's name... he didn't remember... Then he had realized it had been impossible - and his mind had started to run away from this very thought. He had been in panic, his heart had beaten fast again, and he had been out of breath. Before he had started to scream, he had been firmly embraced and he had been secure in those arms, while the voice had said softly, "It's all-right, I'm here". He had fallen asleep again because the thought that someone had been watching over his sleep had worked wonders.

The other memory referred to the time when he had finally left the Fourth Division. He had been strong enough to take up his duties as the Vice-Captain of the Third Division. He had felt tough enough to survive alone. Unusually brave Hanatarō Yamada had embraced him at parting and... "Please, take care of yourself, Vice-Captain Kira," he had said and then disappeared quickly in the main building, while Kira had been standing on the courtyard, completely lost and wondering which allergy made Seventh Seat Yamada's eyes water this time.

Now, when he recalled that moment, he felt like he had his past self before him. At the same moment, he knew he would never meet someone so selfless, bright and radiating his own light. Once he would have found it inconsistent. Now he felt only respect. And affection.

Now he could believe he had been once seen the same way himself.

On this spring morning, lying on his bed, he felt he missed Hanatarō Yamada. Once he would have just followed his instincts, perhaps. Now he could observe his feelings and analyse them. He knew for sure he didn't need Hanatarō as a substitute. He knew he didn't seek for someone to be near. It wasn't that after he lost an important person he had to find another.

It wouldn't be right, in case of such a wonderful individuality as Hanatarō Yamada.

And no-one could replace Gin Ichimaru.

Kira curled up and shut his eyes tight. Another floods of tears made little of it and easily forced their way between the eyelashes, and then rolled down towards the pillow. He was the last to curse this weakness. It was natural; it was needed. And... it felt so good to cry again.

He still felt pain, grief and sorrow. He didn't expect one day he would stop feeling. If he didn't feel, he would be worthless - or he wouldn't be at all, like he hadn't been for the last months. But he knew that pain tended to ease with time, sorrow tended to be dispelled, and grief tended to vanish.

He reached behind the head and grasped the tiny book - last gift of Gin Ichimaru who had always pushed him towards the light and life. Gin Ichimaru died so that he - Izuru Kira - could live.

He wasn't allowed to disregard that gift. He hadn't been strong enough, though, to look into future that lacked the hope, and to face it alone.

Gin Ichimaru had strengthened him one more time.

And Kira decided it wouldn't be end of their story yet.

He opened his eyes and got up, wiping away the last tears. Light of the morning, full of life, was getting inside through the window; the warm spot was moving towards his bed to brush its edge any moment. The sky outside was blue; bees and bumblebees were bustling about against it.

_Today is a good day to begin a life,_ Kira thought, placing his hands on the window frame.

He was to meet his own subordinates, then he had to visit Captain Unohana in the Fourth Division.

But the breakfast came first. Yamada-san ordered him to take care of himself.

He smiled.

From now on, in the matters of health, he was going to obey his prospective Vice-Captain's opinion.


	19. Wreaths III

**~19~**  
**Wreaths III: After War**

* * *

'The Captain will surely say that mine is prettier!'

'Tell me another! It's mine that's prettier, and the Captain will say so for sure!'

'Yours? How dare you suggest the Captain could have such an awful taste?'

'M-… Our Captain has a very good taste, and that's why…'

'And that's why he's going to choose my wreath, not some random bunch of weeds!'

'A bunch of weeds? It's called composition! You have no sense of style at all…'

'And you've been expelled from Captain Unohana's ikebana course as a hopeless case!'

'A hopeless case? How dare you… You… You… stupid bamboo stick!'

'Who are you calling a bamboo stick? You… you sour persimmon! And I lo-… respect the Captain more, anyway!'

'I definitely respect him more! And stop pushing!'

'I'm not pushing, you move!'

'No, you move!'

The quarrel next door lasted for some time already and was getting fiercer with every passing moment. Kyōraku Shunsui shook his head and sighed with amused resignation.

'You really can stand it, Juu?'

Ukitake Jūshirō, the Captain of Gotei 13 Thirteenth Division, just smiled, as he usually did upon hearing this question. And, as usual, he gave the same answer.

'They are good officers, Shunsui. It's good to see them so enthusiastic.'

'Oh really?' Kyōraku looked terrified. 'All the more reason to admire you, Juu. I would never stand it. Especially,' he lowered his voice, 'in the morning.'

Ukitake let out a quiet laugh.

'Oh, they can be a little… noisy,' he admitted. 'But it's nothing you can't get used to. And by the way… it's almost evening already.'

The expression on Kyōraku's face was clearly saying that there were moments when the evening wasn't at all different from morning. Jūshirō laughed once again and nodded towards the nearest cupboard. Kyōraku Shunsui grinned.

'You're the most wonderful of friends, I always say so, Juu,' he declared. 'But,' his smile faded, 'today I have to refuse. I promised Nanao-chan that I'll be sober as a new-born soul tonight.'

Ukitake blinked, surprised; since when did Kyōraku obeyed his Lieutenant when it came to booze? He didn't comment on it, though, and for a while they just sat there in silence, disturbed only by the voices of the Thirteenth Division's Third Officers. The two of them were still trying to prove each other the superiority of their feelings towards Captain Ukitake. Finally, Shunsui sighed once again.

'Juu,' he began. 'I know it's your division and I wouldn't like to interfere, but maybe it'd be better to… check out what's the problem this time?'

Ukitake took his eyes off the koi carp swimming in the pond and listened for a bit. As far as he could tell – and who could know his officers better than their Captain himself? – it was but a harmless squabble. Still, he decided to step in, if only because of Kyōraku's headache.

He rose to his feet, crossed the room in a few steps and opened the door. What he saw was peculiar at the very least: his two most trusted officers were lying on the floor, arms and legs tangled, and they were apparently fighting. Ukitake smiled, seeing the possible reason behind their argument: each of them was holding a wreath, trying to keep it out of the other side's reach.

Upon seeing their Captain, the duo first froze, let out an inarticulate yelp, and then both sides jumped away from each other, fervently smoothing their hair and straightening the clothes.

'We're deeply sorry, Captain…'

'But we just…'

'Have been discussing…'

'A very important matter…'

'And he…'

'She…'

'Simply doesn't want to agree with me!'

Ukitake listened to them closely before he shifted his gaze to the wreaths, already a little crumpled, held by his officers.

'May I?' he asked courteously.

Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentarō bowed simultaneously, passing him their works. Jūshirō thanked them with one of his smile and took a closer look at both gifts.

Kotsubaki's wreath was simple and a bit lopsided, yet very solidly plaited of camomile. Kiyone showed more imagination and used the willowherb, which made the wreath look quite impressive, even though it came apart at places.

Ukitake smiled once again. These two certainly had their quirks, and their continuous quarrels could unnerve any other person, yet he would never exchange them for anyone else.

It was in such moments when he was happy he had survived.

'It's nice of you to have kept me in mind,' he said and then, casting a glance at Kyōraku, who was observing the whole scene clearly amused, put both wreaths on his head. 'How do I look?'

He heard a strange noise, coming from Shunsui: something between a stifled laugh and a snort. Kiyone and Kotsubaki, however, were looking at Ukitake with shining eyes, apparently having forgotten of their previous argument in the face of their Captain's contentment.

'Splendid, Captain!' they assured in harmony and with so much enthusiasm that it would let them defeat a considerable pack of Hollows. 'We're really glad, Captain!'

Ukitake Jūshirō nodded with a smile.

'I'm glad you dedicated some of your precious time to do these for me, Kotetsu-san, Kotsubaki-san,' he replied. 'But now don't waste it anymore and set off for the river. It's a holiday, after all.'

His officers eyed each other for a moment, before crying, "Yes, sir," and heading for the door. Ukitake could hear them arguing about at whom the Captain smiled more.

'They simply adore you,' sighed Shunsui in feigned jealousy. 'How do you do that? Nanao-chan looks offended every time I try to compliment her,' he added pitifully.

Ukitake tapped him on the shoulder.

'Don't worry that much,' he said comfortingly. 'Besides, Nanao-chan only acts for your own good…'

'And that's why she keeps yelling at me all the time?'

Ukitake smiled slightly. He remembered, as it had been yesterday, how, after the victorious battle, the Eight Division's Lieutenant got to wounded Kyōraku, and, after scolding him, she had burst into tears. Oh yes, Ise Nanao definitely cared for her Captain, perhaps even more than Ukitake's Third Officer's cared for Jūshirō.

'Maybe you should try another way, Shunsui,' he answered mysteriously.

'Maybe…' muttered Kyōraku and mused for a while. It didn't last long, however, before he looked up once again and eyed Jūshirō closely. 'You didn't tell them you're going too,' he noted, changing the topic.

'You think they'd let me?' Jūshirō shook his head with a quiet laugh. 'Since the war has ended, they keep worrying about me even more than before. Believe me, I fear to even sneeze in their presence…'

'Well, I can't tell I'm surprised by their attitude,' Kyōraku replied. He tried to remain serious, but his eyes glinted with humor. 'You were stabbed by an Arrancar, and that's not something you can easily wave aside.

Ukitake raised his eyebrows.

'Look who's talking: someone who let himself be singed by a mere Cero.'

'A mere Cero? I'd like to remind you, Juu, that was the First Espada's Cero,' Shunsui tried his best to look offended, but to no avail. 'Besides, I was saving your life, you ungrateful consumptive!'

'I know,' replied Ukitake quietly, suddenly becoming serious. 'Thank you, Shunsui…'

'Oi, oi, no need to be emotional now, Juu!' Kyōraku patted him on his back rather enthusiastically, which made Ukitake Jūshirō double over. 'Oops, sorry, seems like I overdid it…'

'A bit,' agreed Ukitake with a smile when he managed to stand upright. 'Keep treating me this way, and I will really have to stay at home. And I haven't been to wreaths festival for such a long time…'

'There's a lot to celebrate,' admitted Kyōraku, looking at the sky that was slowly turning golden and red. 'We haven't had such an occasion for quite some time…'

Ukitake only nodded silently. For a while they stayed silent with their gazes fixed on the garden, yet seeing something completely different, but finally Kyōraku stretched himself and said light-heartedly:

'It's time for me to go, Juu. Keep your fingers crossed, and maybe I'll be able to bring Nanao-chan with me.'

Jūshirō smiled; that was Kyōraku he knew.

'But of course, Shunsui. See you at the river.'

'See you, Juu.'

* * *

The evening was very warm and still sunny, with a pleasant cool breeze coming off the river. The air smelled of grass, summer flowers and river mud. Ukitake sat on the meadow, enjoying every breath he drew. He couldn't remember when he had felt so well lately.

Just beside him the Eleventh Division took their places on the bank. Yachiru-san, wearing a crown of dandelions, was busy with decorating Captain Zaraki's unique hairstyle with the same flowers. Zaraki-san — or Ken-chan, as Yachiru preferred to name him — bore with that surprisingly well; possibly with more patience than Jūshirō had for Kiyone and Sentarō. Next to their captain sat two highest ranked officers of the Eleventh: Madarame Ikkaku had a wreath of bluebells on his bal-… ekhm, shaven head, and on Ayasegawa Yumichika's black her rested a crown of golden and violet pansies. Ukitake blinked after taking a closer look at both wreaths. The one worn by Ikkaku was too even and too precisely plaited to be made by Yachiru; Yumichika's one on the other hand was woven so ineptly that Jūshirō was quite surprised that Ayasegawa, known for being narcissistic, actually agreed to wear something like that.

Unless…

Jūshirō smiled in sudden comprehension. Well, that explained a lot. Stories about the true nature of Yumichika's Shikai and about him saving Ikkaku's life, floating around Seireitei, had reached Ukitake's ears as well. He had no reason not to believe them and he was far from blaming anyone. After all, there was no shame in trying to help a friend; Jūshirō himself knew that all too well. And a mere wreath, as he could now see, was as good a mark of friendship as anything else.

He shifted his eyes to the last person in the group who was Abarai Renji, the freshly designated Captain of the Fifth Division. Still, he didn't show much joy; quite the contrary, in fact: at first he seemed quite gloomy and not in the mood for celebrating. Actually, Ukitake Jūshirō wasn't surprised with that; he also missed Kuchiki Rukia, who had volunteered for another mission in the living world soon after the war had ended, and was now staying in Karakura town. The Thirteenth Division's Captain was pretty much sure about the reasons behind her willingness to go there. As far as he could tell, the reason had orange hair and his name was Kurosaki Ichigo. No wonder Renji-kun was feeling so down: he was still infatuated with Rukia, but he considered Kurosaki his friend at the same time. Ukitake felt for him greatly.

Now it looked, however, that even Renji was slowly succumbing himself to the joyful atmosphere of this evening. Jūshirō heard a piece of conversation Abarai-kun was holding with Ikkaku.

'…such a hairstyle doesn't fit a captain, I tell you.'

Abarai raised his hand to touch the red hair, tied on top of his head, as usual. They were decorated with a wreath made of thickly woven white clover.

'What's wrong with my hairstyle?' he asked, glaring at Ikkaku suspiciously.

The Third Officer of the Eleventh Division hesitated for a moment.

'Well, if you ask me…' he resumed, 'I think you would look best with your head shaven… Or you could braid your hair or something,' he added quickly after meeting a gaze worthy of the Fifth Division's Captain.

'No…' Yumichika, who stayed silent so far, finally spoke, and Ukitake suddenly realized that the Fifth Officer wasn't hiding his left profile anymore. The thin scar crossing his cheek was barely visible in the red rays of the setting sun. 'No, one can clearly see you have no taste at all. Braids do not suit a Captain… You should rather keep your hair loose, like Captain Byakuya, or Captain Ukitake, or…'

'What about Captain Unohana?' asked Ikkaku stubbornly. 'She's got braids.'

'Captain Unohana is a woman, Ikkaku, and here we are speaking of…'

'Hey, you there,' the hoarse voice of Kenpachi Zaraki suddenly filled the air. 'What's exactly wrong with Abarai's hairstyle, hm?'

Upon hearing this both Ikkaku and Yumichika fell silent all of a sudden, looking at their Captain's own hairstyle, which now seemed even more extraordinary with yellow dandelions braided into it.

'Of course,' Yumichika continued after a while, 'the most important thing is if you like it, Renji. Isn't it Ikkaku?'

Ikkaku nodded fervently, which caused his wreath slip onto his forehead. Ukitake let out a quiet laugh and looked in the opposite direction. He saw perhaps an even more cheerful group, with Matsumoto Rangiku from the Tenth Division as its leader. She was wearing an impressive crown made of lupine and looked like a true queen of summer. No wonder that Hisagi Shūhei, the new Captain of the Ninth Division, and especially the young Rikichi, just appointed to the position of the Fifth Division's Lieutenant, couldn't take their eyes off her. The three of them were plaiting something that looked like a long flower garland, but so far they made little progress, which wasn't too surprising considering the fact they were drinking lots of sake at the same time. Iba Tetsuzaemon, who was sitting next to them, didn't seem to be interested in making wreaths at all and he made up for that drinking for three. Captain Komamura from the Seventh Division looked to be the calmest one in the group. He silently gazed at the river and the gathered Shinigami, and seemed to be enjoying himself.

Yet, if Rangiku was busy in her merry company, where was Tōshirō?

Ukitake took a closer look around but he didn't spot the young Captain of the Tenth Division anywhere near. He did catch sight of somebody else, however, and that particular presence made him raise his eyebrows in surprise. He couldn't remember if he had ever seen Kuchiki Byakuya attending the wreaths celebration. And here he was tonight, standing on a nearby hill and, what was more, he had a wreath of pink camellias on his head.

Jūshirō squinted his eyes, trying to guess who could give Byakuya-san a wreath. He was close to credit Yachiru with it, but then a thin, red ribbon, woven into the flowers, drew his attention. Interesting…

He returned to looking for Hitsugaya Tōshirō and noticed him at last, walking close to the river. He was accompanied by Hinamori Momo, crowned with briar rose, and Ukitake smiled upon seeing her. Tōshirō himself was wearing a wreath as well: it was made of this pretty, big, yellow flowers, which name Jūshirō didn't remember. They looked very nice together, and Ukitake wished them all the best; even if now they both seemed quite embarrassed.

'All lovey-dovey,' heard Jūshirō right behind his back. Shunsui stopped beside him, seemingly enjoying himself, but after a closer look Ukitake could clearly see that his good mood was feigned. And another look was enough to understand why.

'Nanao-chan didn't come?'

'She didn't,' Kyōraku sat on the grass, looking unhappy. 'I asked, begged, even made a wreath for her and what did I accomplish? Nothing! That stubborn little lady just kept refusing, heh…'

Ukitake gave him a compassionate look, while Shunsui continued to whine.

'Maybe you'll tell me, Juu… where are all the girls that are supposed to be here? After all, it's them who should weave the wreaths… and float the wreaths… and all that stuff. And how many of them do you see on the bank? Just how many, Juu?'

Jūshirō counted quickly.

'Three,' he said.

'Two!.' Shunsui corrected him loudly. 'Only two! And on top of that, both are taken!'

Ukitake cast a glance at cheerful Matsumoto, then at Hinamori, still cuddled up to Hitsugaya, and smiled wryly.

'What about Yachiru?' he asked innocently.

'Ukitake!' roared the usually calm Kyōraku. 'I meant… you know, ekhm… a bit older… girls,' he finished, stuttering. Ukitake Jūshirō let out a loud laugh.

'Nanao-chan isn't the only one that didn't come,' he added, once again becoming serious.

'Right,' Shunsui agreed. 'I met that wasp Soifon on my way here… She had such a look on her face that the milk would go sour, but I asked her politely if she was coming — and she only yelled at me in reply that she didn't care for some stupid wreaths and that I shouldn't stick my nose into her business. Tell me, Juu, what's going on with the pretty ladies of the Gotei 13? Soon we will have a bachelor party here!'

A slight smile played upon Ukitake's lips. Kyōraku was exaggerating in his complaints, as usual.

'To paraphrase an old saying, Shunsui,' he replied, 'don't write the day off before the sunset. Who knows what can still happen?'

'Captain Unohana didn't come either,' continued Shunsui meanwhile, pretending not to notice his words. 'Nor Isane-san…'

'They still have much work in hospital,' Ukitake cut in. 'And I don't think Old Man Yama is going to join us. Nor anyone from the Twelfth.'

'Yeah…' muttered Kyōraku. 'Kurotsuchi has more interesting things to do, as always… and, well, I, for one, am not going to miss him… As for Nemu-san, however… But wait a minute…' Shunsui took a closer look around. 'I don't see anyone from the Third, either…'

Ukitake Jūshirō knitted his brows. Indeed, out of the three newly designated Captains only Kira Izuru was not present at the river. He sighed quietly.

'I hope everything is alright. He shouldn't be alone tonight.'

Kyōraku nodded.

'I talked to him yesterday,' he said. 'He looked perfectly fine, and, when I asked him about the festival, he said he would try to come… But we're speaking about Kira here,' he finished with a sigh.

'Eh…' Ukitake dropped his gaze, feeling his good mood fading. This was the dark side of their victory. Most wounds they had received in the war with Aizen, both to their bodies and souls, were healing, slower or faster, and finally scarring up. Still, there were some wounds even time could not fully heal, and Ukitake Jūshirō suspected that was the nature of the wound in Kira Izuru's heart. Most would think that the one who had inflicted it had been Ichimaru Gin, but Ukitake knew all too well that it wasn't true.

It was Soul Society that was responsible for Kira's bleeding heart. Ukitake Jūshirō knew it well and he was sure that Kyōraku was aware of that, too. This was why they both tried to support the young Captain the best they could, trying to make up, even if just a little, for all the wrong done to him and his former commander, Ichimaru Gin.

'Though I must say,' Kyōraku began after a moment's silence, 'that he really looked like he was feeling better recently. He seemed almost… enthusiastic, in his own way, of course. As if he had awoken from a lethargy…'

'I don't know, Shunsui,' Jūshirō shook his head with a quiet sigh. Kira Izuru knew how to had his true emotions under the mask of every day's politeness better than anyone else. 'After everything he had suffered…'

Kyōraku Shunsui patted his back, this time more gently than before.

'You said it yourself: don't write the day off before the sunset,' he said in a comforting tone. 'Who knows what can still happen…'

_Who knows_, thought Ukitake, looking at the river, blazing with gold and red in the setting sun. Perhaps Kyōraku was right. But Jūshirō's conscience, once awoken, couldn't be quieted.

* * *

'Captain Kira! Captain Kira!' he heard from behind his back. Kira Izuru, the Captain of the Gotei 13 Third Division, turned his head. His Lieutenant, Yamada Hanatarō, was standing at the end of the alley. He looked breathless and rather restless. Kira squinted his eyes.

'Is anything wrong, Yamada-san?'

Upon seeing that his Captain had taken notice of him, Hanatarō came a little closer.

'Nothing serious, Captain Kira,' he assured quickly. Kira noticed that his Vice-Captain's eyes and nose were strangely red. 'I just thought that… if we don't want to be late… to the celebration and all… maybe we should… Achoo!' a loud sneeze interrupted Hanatarō's flow of words, and Kira Izuru understood whence the red nose came from.

'Did you catch a cold, Yamada-san?' he asked, furrowing his brows lightly. 'Maybe you should first visit the Fourth Division…'

'Noo,' Hanatarō shook his head, trying to hide the embarrassment caused by his Captain's concern behind a smile. 'It's nothing, Captain, really. I'm simply… allergic,' he finished, blushing fiercely and straightening a wreath of white violets that decorated his head.

Kira almost smiled. He found it easy to smile in his Lieutenant's presence, but not because Yamada Hanatarō was laughable. He remembered all too well how painful the mocking looks and whispered taunts could be, and he would never dare to treat another person this way. Especially if that person, like Yamada Hanatarō, didn't deserve such treatment at all. In strangers' eyes his Lieutenant could be just a weak coward, but not to Kira. The former Vice-Captain, and now the Captain of the Third Division, had learned one thing in his life for sure — no-one should be judged by just looks. Hanatarō might give the impression of a worthless weakling, but there were times during the battle when he showed more bravery and confidence than those that had mocked him earlier.

And sometimes even a weak coward could turn the tides of a battle. Kira Izuru knew it better than anyone else.

He lowered his gaze. On his face he could feel the warmth of the late afternoon's sun. Just like back then, in the ruins of false Karakura, when Ichimaru Gin had suddenly reappeared in his life, turning it upside down. Just like when his Captain, cleared of the charges of treason, had drawn his last breath in Kira's arms. Just like on the day when Kira Izuru had found a book of his own poems in Ichimaru Gin's bedroom and had wept bitterly, remembering what it meant to feel… and then had started walking the new found road, feeling stronger than any time before.

Once again this afternoon, he moved his fingers over the still warm stone and raised his head. His eyes rested on the wreath on Hanatarō's head. Yamada noticed that.

'It's from Captain Unohana,' he explained quickly, the blush once again creeping onto his cheeks. 'She was sure that I shouldn't be allergic to violets, but it seems I'm allergic to everyth-…'

'Do you believe in that, Hanatarō? That, if you catch a wreath somebody's floated on the river on the midsummer night, then he is meant for you for eternity?'

Kira didn't realize he had spoken it out loud until he saw Yamada Hanatarō's surprised face. The young Captain looked away, blushing.

'Forgive me, Yamada-san,' he whispered. 'I didn't mean to ask about it…'

'It's alright, Captain,' assured Hanatarō fervently. 'And I… I…' he stuttered a bit. 'I wish it could be like that…'

Kira Izuru blinked, surprised, and turned to look at his Lieutenant. Yamada Hanatarō smiled at him shyly.

'I… I mean…' the younger man continued, feeling his Captain's gaze on him. 'It… It's very beautiful, isn't it? Just like in a fairy tale…'

_Like in a fairy tale…_

Kira looked up. He didn't even notice when the sky had turned gold and red. The warm light of the setting sun enveloped everything, softening the edges, turning this place into a seemingly hospitable and even cozy one. Time had no meaning here; only eternity mattered.

Eternity… Meant for eternity…

Like in a fairy tale.

_You have never liked sad endings, Captain…_

'_Next time made one fer me, too.'_

Kira started at the memory of these words, feeling his fingers tighten their grip on what he held in his hand.

A wreath. A simple wreath made of daisies.

Just the same as the one that memorable evening.

'Oh my, Captain,' he heard suddenly, and looked in the direction the voice was coming from. Hanatarō was eyeing him with both curiosity and shyness. 'Who… who is that from?'

'Not 'from' but 'for',' corrected Kira quietly. 'Please, give me a moment, Yamada-san…'

Yamada Hanatarō looked somewhat surprised, but he nodded.

'Yes, Captain,' he replied and stepped back a little to rest on one of the big stones bordering the path. Kira watched him for a while, before turning once again towards the stone obelisk and the marks carved on it; the marks he knew so well.

He brushed his fingers over them.

_Ichimaru. Gin. _And below them the mark of the Third Division and the stylized, sun-like flower of marigold.

They were in Seireitei's cemetery. And Kira Izuru was standing in front of his Captain's grave.

He knelt. In his hands he was still holding the wreath, just like he had a year before, just like he would hold one every year to come, on midsummer's night, in this very place.

'_Next time made one fer me, too.'_

He squeezed his eyelids shut, feeling the tears coming to his eyes. He didn't feel despair anymore, only that bittersweet sorrow, born of immense longing.

Meant for eternity.

And Shinigami's souls are immortal.

_We will meet again, Captain…_

Kira Izuru, the Third Division's Captain, smiled through his tears and for the first time in many, many days it was a heartfelt smile.

They would meet again. These few generations he would have to wait were nothing, compared to the eternity…

Kira raised his head and once again looked at the writing, carved on the stone. And then he placed the wreath at the grave's foot.

'As you wished… Captain.'

He stood up, out of the corner of his eye seeing Hanatarō also rising from his seat. His Lieutenant was waiting for him, looking around curiously, if still a little warily, at the same time. Kira approached him.

'We can go, Yamada-san,' he said with an apologetic smile. 'I'm sorry I made you wait.'

Yamada Hanatarō almost jumped upon hearing his voice.

'It's n-nothing, Captain… And I… I'm sorry, Captain, I just got a little lost in thought, and… achoo!'

Kira let out a quiet laugh, yet his next words were serious.

'Do not apologize for everything you do, Yamada-san.'

Hanatarō blushed fiercely. For a moment they both were silent.

'Strange…' Kira's Lieutenant said finally, his voice quiet. 'I've always thought it was a gloomy place… and I didn't want to come here… And yet this place is so… so…'

He trailed off. Kira Izuru, the Third Division's Captain, looked at him, taken aback.

'Captain Unohana was right,' said Yamada Hanatarō after a while. 'She has always told me that the ones afraid of his place are only those who… who…' he stuttered.

'Who bear despair in their hearts…' finished Kira half-consciously, casting a glance over his shoulder. Ichimaru Gin's grave was bathed in warm glow of the setting sun.

'T-that's it!' exclaimed Hanatarō eagerly, and then blinked in surprise. 'But… how…'

'I also used to be a member of the Fourth Division,' Kira Izuru explained. 'And Captain Unohana is… a very clever person.'

'No doubt she is!' his Lieutenant and former Seventh Officer of the Fourth Division nodded fervently, only to follow Kira's gaze moments later. 'Ehm…' he began hesitantly. 'Captain…?'

'What is it, Yamada-san?'

'Ehm… Forgive me if I am too bold, but… ummm…' Hanatarō once again hesitated for a moment. 'Y-you… You miss him very much, don't you, Captain?'

Kira turned to look at him, astounded. That question he did not expect.

He bit his lip.

'Very much,' he admitted finally, though he knew that these words could never fully describe how he felt.

Much to his surprise, Yamada Hanatarō gave him one of his most heartwarming smiles.

'But… You're not alone anymore, Captain.'

Kira blinked, and smiled once again. Hanatarō's optimism was really contagious.

'I know,' he replied and for the first time in months he truly meant it. He cast another look at Ichimaru Gin's grave and suddenly felt warmth filling up his heart. He had a feeling that the evening had just gotten surprisingly warm and the smell of flowers and grass had become more intensive than before.

He took a deep breath. He had never expected that he would live to see this moment.

There was no more despair. And he was not alone.

He looked at the slowly darkening sky.

'Let's go, Yamada-san.'

Yamada Hanatarō's smile became even wider.

'Yes, Captain!'

* * *

The sun almost set, and first bonfires were lit on the river bank when Kyōraku Shunsui tugged at Jūshirō's sleeve. Ukitake looked up from the wreath he had started to make just to kill time, and followed his friend's gaze.

In the dusk, still lined with red at some places, he saw a silhouette wearing a white Captain's haori. With a black symbol of the Third Division on its back.

Ukitake froze, his hand hovering in midair. Kyōraku gave him a wide smile.

'What did I tell you?' he uttered.

Jūshirō tried to smile as well, but inside he still feared that his friend's joy was too early. Undoubtedly, the fact that Kira appeared at the river at all was worthy of note; but it would mean little if he was to spend the whole evening completely unnoticed.

Ukitake put the wreath away, ready to rise and welcome the young Captain, but Shunsui grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

'Take a closer look at him, Juu,' he said.

Jūshirō did as he was told, and blinked in surprise. Something had changed in the very bearing of Kira Izuru: he didn't hunch his shoulders anymore, held his head high and looked…

Proud?

'A Captain,' sighed Kyōraku Shunsui in admiration. 'A real Captain…'

Ukitake Jūshirō nodded slowly, his gaze still fixed on Kira's slender form. What caused this sudden change?, he wondered.

Kyōraku nudged him under the ribs, pointing to the left. Ukitake glanced in that direction and saw a quite surprising scene: upon seeing Kira, Hitsugaya Tōshirō, after a moment's hesitation, left Hinamori's side and headed towards the Third Division's Captain. Kira Izuru looked somewhat surprised by the attention given to him — well, he wouldn't be himself if it was any different — but he answered the greeting with a smile and apparently agreed to join the company. After a short talk the whole group, together with Hinamori and Yamada Hanatarō, who stayed close to Kira all the time, started along the riverbank, looking for a place to sit.

Ukitake smiled at this sight. The friendship between Tōshirō and Kira Izuru made him happier than anything else. He knew well that during the battle in false Karakura these two had crossed their swords, and Hitsugaya Tōshirō had been close to considering Kira a traitor of Soul Society. And even though one day after the victory Kyōraku had brought him the news that Tōshirō and Kira had made up with each other, still, there was a huge difference between just hearing about it, even from his best friend, and seeing the proof with his own eyes.

'Caaaaaaptain! Kiiiiiraaaa!' cried Matsumoto, already quite tipsy, waving at her four friends enthusiastically, when they were passing her merry, little group. 'Wanna join us? There's enough place, but sake is running out…'

Kira Izuru hesitated, but the Tenth Division's Captain resolutely tugged at his haori's sleeve.

'We will talk about it tomorrow, Matsumoto,' he said, glaring at his Vice-Captain. 'In the morning.'

'Oi, Captain,' Matsumoto Rangiku batted her lashes charmingly. 'Always so stiff. It's a celebration tonight!'

Hitsugaya Tōshirō's eyes darkened.

'Matsumoto…!'

'Rangiku-san is right, Shiro-chan,' Hinamori Momo dared to say, taking Tōshirō's hand. 'It's a festival… We should celebrate…'

She smiled shyly to back up her words; a smile that would melt Hitsugaya's heart even if it was made of ice.

'A-alright,' the Captain of the Tenth Division agreed tentatively, and Ukitake Jūshirō shifted his gaze back to Kira. The Third Division's Captain was looking at the evening sky, where the first stars were alight. He was smiling softly, and there was a deep calm in his features.

Ukitake sighed quietly, closing his eyes. He felt the weight being lifted off his chest.

Kira Izuru left the despair behind him and came back to the light.

Behind Jūshirō's back Kyōraku Shunsui let out a quiet laugh and tapped him on the shoulder.

'That's a relief, isn't it, you old consumptive?,' he asked warmly.

'You bet,' Ukitake grinned and looked at his friend mischievously. 'Heeey, Kira-kun, Hitsugaya-kun? Maybe you'd like to join us? I can assure you that Shunsui didn't drink a single cup today!'

'Juu!' grunted Kyōraku in feigned reproach. Jūshirō laughed.

'You're welcome,' he repeated. 'The bigger the company the better the fun, isn't it, Shunsui?'

'Oh, but of course,' admitted Kyōraku Shunsui in an expert tone. 'Especially,' here he smiled brightly at Hinamori, 'when in said company there are such charming and beautiful ladies.'

Hinamori Momo, the current Commander of the Kidō Corps, blushed fiercely, and Hitsugaya stopped mid-step, eyeing them warily.

Kira, however, came closer.

'We'll gladly join you,' he said, bowing his head slightly. 'Right, Hinamori-san? Hitsugaya-san?'

Tōshirō looked as if he was fighting an inner battle — Ukitake couldn't understand why the young Captain became so tense in his and Kyōraku's company — but finally nodded. Jūshirō suspected that a pleading gaze of Hinamori's dark eyes played the key role here.

They sat on the grass. Yamada Hanatarō instantly fixed his gaze on the stars; Hitsugaya tried to keep decent distance from Hinamori, and Kira looked as if he was in another dimension.

'Thinking about a new poem, Captain Kira?' asked Ukitake friendly to start the conversation.

A light blush crept onto Kira's cheeks.

'Perhaps,' he admitted somewhat hesitantly. 'Maybe I'll return to writing. Especially that…' he trailed off with a sweep of his arm.

Ukitake Jūshirō smiled in understanding.

'I'm glad to hear that,' he said, without any false flattery.

Kira smiled shyly in reply and took a look around.

'And where are Kotetsu-san and Kotsubaki-san?' he asked. 'They haven't come?'

Ukitake let out an embarrassed laugh.

'But they have,' he assured quickly. 'It's only that…'

'…they have no idea that you're here,' finished Shunsui for him. 'If they knew, they would make you stay in bed.'

'They sure would,' admitted Ukitake with a wide smile, looking at Kira knowingly. 'You'll have to forgive Captain Kyōraku his foul mood tonight, Captain Kira,' he added in an unduly solemn tone. 'He's been given a cold shoulder…'

'Cold?' asked Hitsugaya in a dreamy tone. 'I like cold…'

'My dear friend meant that I've been turned down, Hitsugaya-kun,' muttered Shunsui. 'It's not my fault that Nanao-chan is…'

'…an intelligent, young lady?' finished Ukitake innocently.

'Juu!'

Everyone let out a quiet laugh, even Kira, which Jūshirō noted with satisfaction. Kyōraku pulled his hat over his eyes.

'And so I'm the only one left without a wreath,' he sighed, trying to sound pitiful. 'The poor, lonely, abandoned me. Not to mention that Ukitake has two of them and won't even share…'

'Kira-kun doesn't have a wreath, either,' noticed Hinamori quietly. Kyōraku Shunsui lifted the rim of his hat.

'Indeed!' he cried, in a suspiciously cheerful voice. 'Hey, Captain Kira, where is your wreath? It's hard to believe you haven't caught any pretty girl's eye…'

Ukitake let out a soft hiss, trying to silence his friend: Shunsui was treading on dangerous ground now. Yet Kira only smiled softly.

'I've already found my destiny,' he replied.

Ukitake Jūshirō started at the sound of these words, but, before he could answer, they all heard another voice that nobody expected.

'I'm glad to see you in such a good shape, Captain Kira,' said Ise Nanao, the Eighth Division's Lieutenant. None of them noticed her coming to the river. 'Captain Ukitake, Captain Hitsugaya,' she nodded politely. She had a cute little wreath of sweet peas on her dark hair, still put up in a bun. 'Hinamori-san… Lieutenant Yamada…'

'Nanao-ch-… -san,' Ukitake corrected himself quickly, bowing his head in reply. 'You're welcome in our company.'

'I've finished the paperwork earlier than I expected, so I decided to come for a bit,' Nanao smiled sheepishly. 'The evening is so warm…'

'Nanao-chan!' Kyōraku Shunsui couldn't contain himself any longer. 'Nanao-chan, please, stop behaving as if I wasn't here! Nanao-chaaaaaaan!'

Ise Nanao let out a quiet sigh.

'Excuse me for a moment,' she said to Ukitake courteously, and approached Kyōraku. She looked very… firm.

'Nanao-chan!' Shunsui looked delighted. 'I knew you were going to come, Nanao-ch-…'

'Hands off, Captain' Nanao cut in sternly. 'Or I'll change my mind,' she added, and then, very resolutely, put a wreath made of irises on top of Kyōraku's hat.

'Nanao-chan…!'

'Forget it,' Nanao turned on her heel and sat on the grass between Kira and Hinamori. Kyōraku sighed pitifully, but Ukitake knew all too well that, in fact, his friend was more than happy.

He smiled. It seemed that — even though such things should only be possible in fairy tales — everyone of them got their happy ending.

Jūshirō once again looked at Kira, who was gazing at the starry sky with a dreamy look on his face, and his smile widened.

The wounds were healing and scarring up. And sometimes… sometimes even the scars bore the hope.

Ukitake looked at the stars. There truly was a lot to celebrate.


	20. Dawn

**~20~**  
**Dawn**

**

* * *

**This love - make me believe that you're the one  
Never give up - our day has come

I never felt that this could happen to me  
So many lonely days and nights  
I never knew that you were waiting for me  
Hope was out of sight

This love - I'll never throw it all away  
Now that you're in my life to stay

- Judas Priest,"New beginnings"

* * *

_Light…_

_Light fills the room, __colouring the covers with gold, surrounding the dark figure beside his bed with a glimmering halo. It's summer afternoon outside, filled with the smell of lemon trees. _

_He's not afraid though every breath draws him closer to the __inevitable. It's just another boundary he has to cross… _

_Warm sunlight on his cheek. A warm hand__ holding his own. The pain is fading… all is fading. What's left is but the golden gleam on the inner side of his eyelids, revoking memory of these eyes, so very dear to him. _

"_I am one step closer."_

_He dies. _

_

* * *

_He opened his eyes and saw the fluorescent numbers of his alarm clock in front of him. 6:48 AM. Twelve minutes too early. Again.

He sighed quietly, turning over onto his back and recalling his dream — the last one in the whole series of strange dreams he'd been having for some time already. In some of them he was fighting monsters of various shapes, a sword with a hooked blade in his hand, and he was victorious. In others he was walking down the streets of an ancient town that surrounded a precipitous hill – sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by comrades he knew and who were close to him even if he couldn't remember their names after he woke up. Sometimes he was dressed in black, wearing a sun-like symbol on his sleeve, but it also happened — and he seemed older to himself in those dreams — that he wore a white cloak with a black sign for "three" on his back.

And in the last one… Well, in the last dream he met his end, and yet it couldn't be seen as a nightmare, not even when he'd seen it so clearly as last night.

Still, no matter what the dream was about, he woke up from each of them with a feeling of immerse longing towards something indefinable, yet of great importance… but not today. This time, as he suddenly realized, he rather felt some kind of… anticipation?

He had no chance to muse upon it any longer: the sharp ringing of his alarm clock broke him out of his reverie. _Dreams will have to wait_, he decided with a wry smile. Now he should take care of reality…

He rose from the bed. The shade in his window was pulled down, so the room was still dark even if the sun had already risen some time ago. _Unless it is raining_, he thought sourly. After all, it had been raining for hours last evening…

He took a step forward and almost fell, tripping on something that turned out to be a pencil, left forgotten on the floor. He cursed quietly and scolded himself for leaving such mess, before picking the item up and furrowing his brows.

Oh yes. Once again he had been drawing late into the night. Ummm…

He took a look around and found his sketchbook, left on the floor as well (_On the floor!_, wailed his orderliness.) He shook his head with a sigh, picking up the sketchbook as well. He had missed another lesson. If it went like that any further…

He turned some pages, filled with more or less satisfying drawings, mostly of people and flowers. The sketches weren't that bad, he had to admit; and yet he couldn't escape the feeling that he wasn't committed to the classes enough.

And, actually, it didn't apply just to the drawing classes…

He was about to put the sketchbook down, when some loose sheets of paper slipped from between the pages. He caught them instinctively before they fell down on the bed, and blushed fiercely when he looked at the first one.

A slender face smiled at him mischievously from the sketch, loose strands of hair half-obscuring the squinted eyes. The hair was silver; something the drawing didn't show.

He fought off the urge to crumple the paper and throw it into the corner. It would be childish, after all — and he was twenty-two. He was an adult…

He flung back the sketchbook and the drawings onto the bed, and headed for the bathroom. Yet, though he tried to focus on here and now, that playful, foxy smile was really hard to forget.

And it kept distracting him.

_Here and now_, he ordered himself firmly, getting into the shower. Still…

_A week_, he thought, turning the water on. It had been a week since…

* * *

_He was late. __Actually, he couldn't be more late: when he finally reached his destination — breathless, soaked and somewhat muddy (what had gotten into him to go by bicycle in such weather?), the classes had already ended, and his group was leaving the building. For some unknown reason, especially the girls seemed quite excited; they were whispering to each other more fervently than usual, and most of them were blushing. _

_Usually, h__e wasn't one to muse over his friends' elations, as he didn't want to be nosy, but this time he creased his eyebrows, running down the corridor. What were they supposed to do on today's lesson, actually…? _

_Lost in thought, he didn't notice another person coming from __the opposite direction, until it was too late. He almost stumbled, with his nose buried in a jacket's soft fabric, but a pair of strong hands caught him in time. He smelled a faint fragrance of cologne and instantly realized the awkwardness of whole situation. He stepped back abruptly. _

'_I'm deeply sorry,' he uttered quickly__ with a deep bow. 'The classes… I mean… I was in a hurry, and…' he began, trying to excuse himself, yet broke off almost right away, feeling that he was acting like a fool. Or like some kid from an elementary school… _

'_Well, well, what d'ya know__… I've hunted a drowned rat,' he heard suddenly and straightened up. The stranger was looking at him with a wide smile, squinting. He couldn't be more than thirty years old, and yet his hair was unusual shade of silver — definitely not one you see every day. _

'_Must be that fringe of yers__,' the man continued in rather amused tone. 'It gets into these pretty eyes, and lo! the disaster's ready.'_

_He felt the blush creeping onto his cheeks__, while the stranger casually brushed said part of his hairstyle away from his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. His smile widened even more. _

'_It's bad __to rush around headlong,' he said with conviction. 'Somethin' may be lurkin' for ya round the corner, and what then?'_

_How was he supposed to answer to that? __He had no idea. It was the first time someone treated him so familiarly, and so unusually favourably at the same time; not to mention the fact this someone was a perfect stranger. He dropped down his gaze. _

'_I… Umm…' The heck__, what was he to say? Should he apologize once again? Or perhaps… thank for the advice, even though it sounded rather… offbeat? Damn it… _

'_Take care, then__,' said the man carelessly, taking advantage of his momentary hesitation, before starting off. 'Bye-bye!' the stranger added in a clearly happy tone and disappeared round the corner, leaving him confused and dripping on the floor in the middle of the corridor. _

_A female voice broke him out of his reverie.__ Upon hearing his name, he turned around and saw their teacher, standing in the half-open door of the nearest classroom. He smiled weakly. She was a true art enthusiast, and a nice and understanding woman — quite different than their literature teacher, who had a habit of throwing various items at latecomers…_

_He was about to speak__ to excuse himself for another absence, but the teacher beat him to it. _

'_What a pity you came late today,' she said, regret evident in her voice. 'We have a new model… A truly fascinating man. He has just left, you must have passed him by on your way here…'_

_He was in the middle of a polite nod__ — he was still thinking out a proper apology — when the meaning of her last words struck him._

"_A new model…"_

"_You must have passed him by…"_

"_Has just left…"_

_Oh no. No. Impossible… _

_Damn it__… What a pickle. _

_

* * *

Well, after all, __I had the right to be surprised_, he thought, turning the water off, and reaching for a towel to dry his hair. Actually, he wasn't sure if he had been more shocked by the information or relieved because of his coming late. Nevertheless, he felt uneasy at the thought of the silver-haired man posing for them — even fully dressed…

He realized that, once again, he was blushing, and scolded himself inwardly. _Come on, it's not like you fell for him, is it? _

Well, of course it wasn't. However, it didn't hold him back from drawing another and another sketches of their group's new, ehm, model. He'd even dared to depict him in clothes from his dreams, and, much to his surprise, the result had turned out to be surprisingly good.

But then, to tell the truth, the stranger had been giving him lots of chances to take a good look at his appearance. Since their unfortunate cra-… encounter in the corridor, he had been meeting the man almost at all possible occasions: at the subway, at the library, at the art shop… even at the swimming pool (when he had come to the conclusion that, against all appearances, he himself wasn't at the border of anorexia yet).

It might seem natural then that the man had become the topic of his works — yet it wasn't like that. Even taking the circumstances into consideration, this man wasn't the only person he'd been seeing lately — and yet he didn't draw others…

A shiver run down his back, and he realized that he had been standing naked on the cold tiles for some time already. If he wanted to catch a cold, then he was well on the way to it.

_You're a grown up man_, he reminded himself firmly. _Stop acting like an infatuated middle-school girl!_

Wait a minute. Had he really just thought that…?

He bit his lip, starting to dry himself vigorously (and trying not to pay any attention to the fact that his cheeks seemed to be burning). No use beating about the bush: he had either found his lifetime muse, or he was slowly going crazy. And, actually, that second option seemed much more possible…

He hung the towel up, put on his jeans and looked sceptically into the mirror over the washbasin. Or rather: he tried to look, for his fringe chose this very moment to drop onto his left eye, half-obscuring the view. He instinctively tried to brush it aside, yet to no avail: the strand of hair clearly wasn't going to stay in place behind the ear, stubbornly reverting to a position where it limited his field of vision to the maximum.

He gave his reflection somewhat exasperated smile. Sometimes he really had the impression that his hair had a life of its own: all attempts of subduing it failed, and his fringe was the hardest to cooperate with. It was really surprising that he hadn't fallen over because of it yet, as the stranger had suggested…

Again…!

Damn it… Where did these thoughts come from? And what was with that strange mood of his this morning?

He took a deep breath, resting his hands on the washbasin, and closed his eyes. Here and now — the words repeated like some kind of mantra every day. Did they still have any effect? There were moments — like now — when he truly doubted it…

His squeezed his eyelids shut. However it was, he didn't have time for such musings right now. A long and, as it seemed, busy day awaited him. If he didn't want to be late once again, he should better hurry.

He brushed his teeth and, putting his shirt on, he headed for the kitchen to eat breakfast.

* * *

On the table top by the window lay a persimmon. A very orange, very ripe persimmon — the only patch of colour in the whole kitchen. Upon seeing it, at first he stopped dead in his tracks, just to intentionally head in the opposite direction moments later, seemingly giving his full attention to the kettle. Still, the attempts to ignore the fruit were… well, fruitless. It was there, with its shiny, orange rind, the peduncle and all the rest. And, for some inexplicable reason, it was slowly getting unnerving. When he almost cut his finger while trying to slice the tomato — why did it have to look so similar to that nasty stuff? — he couldn't bear it any longer. He put down the knife and confidently walked up to the window.

The persimmon lay in its place — and, if it wasn't just a piece of fruit, he might have thought it was trying to draw his attention. He nudged it distrustfully with a slender finger. He disliked persimmons — actually, he hated them — yet he wasn't able to tell why. _Who knows, maybe it's some trauma from a previous life…_, he thought, a corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.

Why then had he bought that thing if the chances he'd eat it were second to none?

He creased his brows. The previous evening he had gone to the convenient store to buy rice, and…

* * *

'_They don't have it, ya see? __Neither dried, nor roasted. And what's poor me gonna do now?'_

_He knew that voice; he felt he would recognize it anywhere, even though he had heard it just once before. That was why he didn't raise head, stubbornly picking over the carrots. _

'_These carrots, for example__.' This time the voice came from a much closer distance, making him gulp. 'The carrots are okay… They have lots of those healthy little… things. And they really, really great for one's colour — but nothing can equal a dried persimmon, I tell ya… And yet they tell me "we don't have it, sorry, sir", and so I can kiss my dessert goodbye. At least there's plenty of fresh ones…'_

_He dared to cast a quick glance__ to his left (one of a few situations when he blessed his fringe). He was not mistaken: the silver-haired man was deftly choosing the prettier pieces of dark orange fruit and he was clearly ready to share his point of view with him. It was rather perplexing: firstly, he didn't share the man's enthusiasm for persimmons; secondly, he still vividly remembered their first encounter, and… well, he didn't know what he was supposed to say, if he should say anything at all. To tell the truth, he felt like discreetly withdrawing; yet, unfortunately, it was not possible. _

_He blinked rapidly__, seeing an impressive persimmon right in front of him. Quite stunned, he looked at the pale, smiling face behind the fruit. He still felt light-headed after the man's "persimmon speech", and now this… _

'_A delicious __species,' said the stranger in an expert tone. 'Ya should try it…'_

_

* * *

_He sighed. He had accepted the fruit; perhaps because he had been too dazed to refuse, or maybe because it would have been rude not to take it. As a result, the persimmon lay in his kitchen now, looking more real than everything in its surroundings. He tapped his fingers on the table top. That was puzzling as well. Recently, the reality more and more often seemed but a pale dream he should wake up from, the sooner, the better. The days went by, gray and dull, though seemingly full of various activities, while at night his dreams took him to the world filled with colour and life. Just as if his place was somewhere else… somewhere on the other side.

He stared out of the window, not really seeing anything and letting his thoughts wander. He couldn't recall a time when he had felt like in his dreams… except the moments when he met…

Him.

He felt the blush once again creeping onto his cheeks, yet he couldn't argue with the facts. And the fact was that the silver-haired stranger and his mischievous, disquieting smile seemed more alive than most people who surrounded him… as if the man was the only real person amidst the sea of ghosts.

He closed his eyes for a while and then, acting on a sudden impulse, he grabbed the persimmon and brought it to his lips. Perhaps… perhaps if he ate it, he would understand more; as if the persimmon could work the other way round than the mythical pomegranate, letting him remember something he had forgotten about and he wasn't even aware of…

He was about to bite into the shiny rind, when his eyes rested on the calendar, hung by the window. His attention was drawn by the small square with today's date, where he had scribbled "books!". For a moment he kept looking at it, not sure what it meant, but finally…

Damn it! The library! Was he really so absent-minded that he had forgotten about it?

He absently put the persimmon back on the table top, the existential musings from before a moment leaving his mind almost immediately. He glanced at the clock. 7:32. His classes started at nine o'clock; still, the library was, without exaggeration, at the other end of the town. He would never make it on time by bike; he had to go by bus. He didn't like it too much, yet it seemed the most suitable option…

In ten minutes he was ready to leave: with the persimmon, taken for heaven only knew what reason, in his bag.

* * *

It was a clear morning — a nice change after a few days of rain. The only remnants of yesterday's downpour were the puddles, glimmering in sunlight. He squinted. The light was that particular shade of gold, typical rather for a late summer afternoon than an April morning. In some unusual way it fitted his joyfully excited mood he was in since he had woken up.

To tell the truth, he couldn't recall when and if he had ever felt like that. In his life there wasn't much place for sublime emotions. His waking hours were mostly filled with studies (he planned to start another specialization this year), part time work and various additional classes. His so-called 'social life' was practically non-existent; after all, to had any, first he would have to have friends. As for his family… well, it wasn't the right time for such musings. Still, he didn't miss them, and, after all, it wasn't the core of a problem.

His life lacked something important, and the more he tried to somehow fill this emptiness, the more he became aware of it. Though he tried to spend every minute of his existence actively and creatively, he had no goal at the end of the road… no dream that would make his life meaningful. He lived from day to day, here and now, like some kind of a chrysalis that still had to transform into a butterfly (_Though in my case_, he thought ironically, _it would probably be a moth.)._

Today's morning, however, was different. Though he tried to ignore it, he still had the feeling that a change was coming… something was going to happen, and the unusual golden light, that gave the town an otherworldly feel, made him all the more convinced about it.

All of a sudden he recalled the dream he'd had the previous night, also bathed in similar light. _One step closer… _One step closer to what…?

He heard the screech of tires, and quickly jumped back to the side-walk. He saw the driver tap his forehead meaningfully and nod towards the nearest traffic lights. The red one was on. He gave the man an apologetic smile, scolding himself inwardly. An accidental suicide wasn't in his plans, after all…

What was interesting, he realized that he hadn't even been afraid. Not because he wasn't afraid to die — he just felt it wasn't his time yet…

He rolled his eyes. Really, he was walking down the street, wondering about the time of his death. Was that normal?

He shook his head, coming back to reality. He was almost there, at the bus-stop, situated by one of the main arteries of the city. Fortunately, he could jump out of the bus next to the library and that was why he had decided to take it; the train would make him walk a considerable distance. Today, he was in hurry, although - he suddenly realized - it didn't matter as much as it should. Tending to be a diligent person, he often scolded himself inwardly for the airiness that marked some of his doings, yet today the possible being late for the classes didn't bother him in the slightest. He had rushed out from home, indeed, but now, that he walked the street, he was under the impression his legs were leading him not only to the scientific library.

He stood at the bus shelter, squinting at the light reflected by the droplets of yesterday rain. He looked into the timetable and was happy to see he shouldn't wait long. Again, his mind flew to the places he kept seeing only in dreams. His heart pounded, and in the same time an inexplicable calmness settled upon him. For a moment, he felt that he could touch the truth behind it. That any moment now he would tell the dream from the reality. He reached into the bag, and his fingers tipped the smooth peel of the persimmon. This time he didn't wince in the disgust - quite the contrary, he felt he was filled with the warm he hadn't known before. Persimmon... meant... remembered...

A slight yet distinct fragrance of the cologne drew him out of his reverie so abruptly he felt dizzy. He turned his head, this time looking directly. Of course. The well-known stranger. Smile on his lips, he was standing in the other corner of the shelter, holding a bag under his arm. iThe persimmons, no doubt/i, he thought distracted, focused on the rapt elation that suddenly filled him. The inward feeling of warmth grew stronger. What was happening to him? More than anything in his life he was sure that never before had he been so shaken. And it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, he decided right away, although he was under the impression two forces were fighting in him: the logic anxiety and the completely incomprehensible joy. His hands were trembling, and he had to clenched his fists. He knew that, if nothing changed, something terrible would happen to him...

The atmosphere of the subdued etherealness, accompanying him since he had waken up, was violated by the sound that tore the reality almost physically. Guided by his instincts, he got his eyes from the man, although - he suddenly realized - he could spend the eternity just contemplating his face, and looked in the direction of the noise. His eyes grew wider, absorbing every one detail. A truck, carried by the inertial force, was approaching the bus-stop. Much too fast and uncontrolled. The previous sound must have been a hopeless attempt to stop the vehicle, made by the driver, whose pale face was visible behind the windscreen. The truck tipped up and moved inevitably...

The world stopped, and the time lost its matter. The seconds - now he knew these were the last seconds of his life - stretched into one infinite finiteness. He really wasn't scared. Could the death be so peaceful? Almost like someone watched over it.

He saw the truck, approaching inch by inch, and its big wheels that froze in another futile attempt of stopping the machine. It didn't matter.

This life... was only borrowed.

In his final moment he realized his real life had always been somewhere else.

Some other time.

... and with someone else.

Moving as slowly as the time itself he turned his head to the man... he turned his head towards...

Gin.

And he knew Gin was looking at HIM.

At Izuru.

After what seemed like thousands of years, their eyes - eyes of Kira Izuru and Ichimaru Gin - met again.

He reached out and he knew he wouldn't make it in time, because the time was already done.

However, the last thought he had, giving in to the time, was firm as steel: Together.

* * *

Warm light brushed his eye-lids. He frowned, trying to escape it. Birds have been chirping for some time now, singing out their joy: so simple, yet meaningful. When had he last heard it...? He couldn't remember. He was under the impression it had been an eternity ago. Something had changed. Incoherent sensations, feelings and thoughts, and shreds of information kept invading his mind, and the threat of chaos became real. He clenched his fists and ordered himself to concentrate on what seemed most physical: the blades of grass, tickling his cheek and neck. He lifted himself slowly, levering on his arms, and cautiously opened his eyes. The long hair obscured his view, and he brushed them aside. He sat up, breathing deeply, his sight focused on the ground. The air was filled with the scent of flowers and the more distinct smell of resin. He took a couple of deep breaths, his eyes on the green leaves that felt cool under his fingers. His heart was slowly regaining its normal pace. He turned his head.

Surrounded by the clover, so close, there was sitting Ichimaru Gin, never taking his gaze off him.

Izuru closed his eyes again, while his heart started to beat so fast that the breath could barely keep up. He pressed his hands to the chest and lifted his eye-lids once more - fearing he wouldn't see him.

But he was there. Sitting still with arms around his knees. The silver hair over his forehead. An intent look in his shiny eyes. His figure radiated its own light. To Izuru, he had never seemed more perfect before.

The light was dazzling, and Izuru blinked to see clearly. It was like a dream. He could do absolutely anything in this dream. He could do what he wanted. He shivered; his arms had been trembling some time now.

Slowly, he rose - only to fall down to his knees next to the man. He was looking only in these wide open eyes that glistened with gold. He felt the warmth coming through his white clothes. He clenched his fists again, paying no attention to the fingertips digging into his skin. His lips parted. He wanted... A moment yet... Only one moment. He swallowed, looking into Gin's face, so close his own.

Gin didn't even stir. The whole life was gathered in his eyes.

Izuru took a deep breath, breaking this magic moment with regret. He did have the whole eternity at his disposal, but... But some things couldn't wait longer that they already had. And, at the same time, he was under the impression they had parted only yesterday. He hadn't forgotten the feeling come forth by Ichimaru Gin's presence: the feeling that was his only reality. Thousands of years could have passed, but this one had been lasting: the most natural realization that here was his place.

"I'm not your second-in-command any more," he spoke, "I won't call you a Captain. So, listen... Gin." Did he remember his voice from so long ago? Would he had enough courage to speak like this that time?

Gin was listening.

"People change. The souls change. And Shinigami change as well." Stray gust of wind blew through his hair. "The passage of time strengthens even the weakest branches and turns the frail resolutions into the hardest steel." His chest ached with a single memory of hope. "I waited for you thousands of years and I remember what I wanted for that eternity. I know what I want know," he said with calm, despite the lump in his throat. "Never again I'll let you leave. I'll stay with you till the end of the world, and longer. You are a part of me, and I want to be a part of you, but only if you let me to."

He would have to get used to Gin's serious expression, the one Gin looked at him now.

"I have never deserved you..."

Izuru put the finger onto his lips, although he could listen to his voice for ever.

"I doesn't matter any more. I don't regret anything, even the most torrid times," he said softly, lowering his eyes. "Had everything been different, we might have never met. Had everything been normal, we might have never grown so close. Had I not... lost you that time... I might have never realized..." For a moment he couldn't speak. "No-one has ever been so important to me. I have never... loved anyone else like I love you." He raised his head again. These were the words he had wanted to speak loud for so many years. "I love you, Gin," he repeated with the surety of millennia. "I am whole yours, just like I was then, only million times more." He tried to smile and failed miserably. "Don't be scared. Don't reject me any more, Gin."

Gin kept silent, but, for some reasons, his silence didn't worry - it was filled with the bird-singing, the hum of the stream and even the warmth of the sunlight. He seemed to get blurred in the forest scenery, yet never before had he been so real. He blinked, as if dazzled by the light stronger than the one coming from his gold eyes. He lowered his head and then he lifted it again. Izuru followed his every move, absorbed his every reaction and trembled in the joy that filled him and that he still couldn't grasp. He looked at Gin's silverly hair falling down on his forehead, the face of the skin paler than his own, the well-known features - Gin Ichimaru was sitting right before him, the same as he had been times ago. Only the smile vanished from his lips, replaced by something so fragile and gentle: the most sincere look. Gin's face had never been so open before.

Izuru clenched his fists again. He desired... oh, how he wanted to cup this face and slide his fingers into this hair. To come closer that he had ever been. Yet he remained unmoving and calm. It was not his decision. He could only wait. And he was able to wait, as long as it took. Somehow.

Finally, Gin moved, becoming the part of the scenery that pulsate with life. He rose, still looking Izuru straight in the eye. Something flickered in his gaze, and then his face got smooth with the certainty. Slowly, he lifted his arms and embraced Izuru, pulling him closer. The thin lips touched Izuru's mouth so light, as if it was the moonlight that brushed it, and then rested on his hair with the greatest tenderness. Izuru hid his face on Gin's chest, his fingers clutching at the fabric, and didn't hold back his tears any more.

"I've finally found you," he spoke, his voice strangled. "I had to believe, all that time. There was nothing left but belief. Yet now, once you're here, it feels like a miracle."

All his determination was gone. He felt just like long ago: the withdrawn boy who looked in the sun and savoured at its secure warmth. Gin's arms hugged him tighter. He sighed as the tension left him. He didn't want to be anywhere else. Never.

"I hoped..." he whispered. "I hoped you would want me. That I mean something... After all, you died for me." Izuru raised his head and looked serious, although he couldn't see clearly. "I am in debt I will never pay off."

Gin shook his head. His silver hair glinted in the sun. His embrace grew even tighter. "It was my debt to you," he said softly. "You have always been by my side. Had it not been you, I would have never gone this far. If not for you... I would have never learned... what it means to be happy," he whispered.

Izuru rested the head on his chest, again. His heart was beating like mad, but, he realized, it should be like this. He was breathing fast. He trembled. His eyes were still stinging. Yet, at the same time, he was sure he had never experienced such a perfect peace. It was happiness.

They continued like this - Izuru clutching at Gin, safe in his arms - making the promise then would never again...

Izuru lifted his eyes and looked Gin straight into face, once more marvelling at its beauty. He cupped it, stroking the delicate cheekbones with his fingertips, and then craned his neck. He pressed his mouth against Gin's, for the first time in any life, and decided - somewhat incoherently, for he started to feel dizzy - that every life brought something new. For a moment, he was under the impression Gin tasted with persimmons... and then he ceased thinking because Gin kissed back. Izuru slid the fingers in his hair, whose softness made him shiver again. He moaned. Gin pulled him ever closer, and his lips grew wider in a smile. He pressed his forehead against Izuru's, and his eye-lashes brushed against his former vice-captain's brow.

"It's me who is all yours," he spoke in a tone of fulfilment and unwavering certainty. "Finally," he added in a lower voice and smiled. "Only yours," he whispered, his lips on Izuru's temple and moving towards his ear. "Izuru."

Izuru shivered, feeling the hair stood all over his body. Gin pushed him onto the grass and leaned over him, obscuring the sun. His face was all smile now, and Izuru smiled back. Gin drew closer, his silver hair almost touching the clover. Izuru sighed as in his eyes he saw something he could never expected to see.

"I believe it's obvious," Gin started in the mischievous tone, but there was an unusual seriousness under his words, "but I want to say it anyway." His eyes were beaming. He had never seemed so happy before. "I love you, Izuru."

Izuru only looked at him. A part of his mind flashed with a thought that Ichimaru Gin - master of irony, jokes and remarks - was able to say something like this... just like this. And the world hadn't ended. The buzz of the bees filled the moment. Gin kept smiling.

"Who could not love you?" he added as if he wanted to explain it, then he shook his head and laughed.

Izuru swallowed. The time of tears was gone. The time of joy was starting. He reached out and pulled Gin down in a firm move. They had the whole eternity for themselves, but he didn't intend to wait any more.

Their day had come.


	21. Epilogue

**~21~**  
**Epilogue**

**

* * *

**

"Are you sure we should do it?"

"Ya drive me to despair. It's ya who brought this up three times this week already. Besides... we can' do anythin' else."

"Well, I don't think we're that hopeless in everything."

"I wasn' talkin' about THIS."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"But I admit I like yer frankness. Now, now, ya don't have to blush. Though... ya look even cuter wit' a blush, I believe I told ya this."

"Coming back to the topic. We can continue our idyllic life in this paradise..."

"Only yer sense of duty wouldn' let ya be. And, by the way, don't ya think ya could make quite nice haiku out of this idyllic paradise? But I don't know, I've never know that much about art."

"We could try..."

"We've tried fer two weeks already, and ya've exactly seven times decided to go there... I'll agree wit' ya, fer the sake of peace. We're gonna leave tomorrow."

"..."

"Why, we'll have it out of our hair and we'll be able to focus on somethin' else. Yes, now I meant THIS."

.

.

.

.

.

"Do you think Captain Hitsugaya has grown at least a bit?"

"Yeah, sure, and Cap'n Kuchiki has found his koi..."

* * *

"Achoo!"

"You've caught a cold, Captain?"

Hitsugaya Tōshirō cast an icy glance at his second-in-command. "I don't catch a cold, Matsumoto," he announced with an extreme patience, but appreciating the concern in her voice.

"I'll open the window then," she decided and drew the curtain aside.

The warm air, filled with the scent of flowers, came in. Distracted, Tōshirō pondered if it should smell so nice in the military base. Regardless of the season, Seireitei was overflowing with the fragrance of various plants. Well, it probably made sense if you took into consideration the flower symbolism of Gotei 13. It was only logical that there should be more than enough of flowers in the Shinigami headquarters. Once, having their day of goodness, the Shinigami Research and Development Institute had taken care of it and improved all species, so that they were available all the time, not only during their natural period of flowering. Tōshirō sighed, looking at the daffodils in the vase.

He sat down behind his desk and started his normal workday. Long ago, when he had been but callow youngest Gotei 13 captain in history of Seireitei, he had used to approach his work in much more formal way. Morning report, detailed discussion about the day's plans with his vice-captain, meeting with the officers, round... As time had passed, he had learned to trust his people and leave them with their tasks. And he had started to value Matsumoto - although, in fact, their cooperation had been more than fine since the very start, despite the enormous differences in their personalities and... well, everything. Once again, Tōshirō admitted he wouldn't trade his vice-captain for anyone else.

He focused his gaze on the desk, wondering where these sudden thoughts came from. He reached for today's post and began to read, sipping at his tea. He couldn't stand the heat, but hardly anything could match the freshly brewed tea. He put the letters he had already read aside and opened the next envelope.

It was Matsumoto's voice that roused him from the bewilderment, "Captain?"

He realised she had been calling at him for a while now. He lifted his eyes at her and then looked at the parchment again.

"Matsumoto, could you please spare a glance at this?" he spoke finally and was surprised to hear how hoarse his voice was.

She approached and took the papers, looking in astonishment. "Recruit applications?"

He nodded and observed how his vice-captain start to read, knitting her exquisite brows. She couldn't possibly be more surprised than him.

Two sheets of paper, two applications. To the Tenth Division. They had come this morning, together. The first form was filled with a handwrite that didn't reveal anything of the writer's personality. The author, however, had been bold enough to add an amazing postscript, _Do the persimmon trees in the southern part of the Tenth Division grounds still bear so delicious fruits?_ The author of the other application had restrained himself from such extravagance, but his form also drew attention as it had been filled in an extremely precise and detailed way, pointing at the personality exemplary and diligent beyond measure.

Solo - well, it would pass unnoticed - but together? There could be no mistake, but...

It was impossible. It was just impossible.

Or perhaps not?

He broke out from his dwelling and noticed Matsumoto was regarding him with quite particular expression on her face. Her eyes were... glistening? Impossible.

_Quite a lot of these impossible things have suddenly appeared in my life,_ he thought ironically.

Matsumoto lowered her eyes onto the papers in her hands. "So they did it... They did it, both," she spoke softly, and it was difficult to tell her feelings.

Tōshirō turned his head and looked outside the window. The branches of an apple tree were swaying in the wind.

For a moment, he experienced the most perfect peace, hinted with that weird joy like when you witnessed the miracle.

"Matsumoto..." he started, almost unsure. She cast a distracted look at him. It seemed she suddenly didn't feel like talking - very untypical of her, but it was convenient for him. "What would you say to a day off?" he suggested with his authority of a captain.

She didn't say anything. She only nodded and left the office. He supposed he knew how she was going to spent the sudden free day. Sudden...

Tōshirō rose from the desk and approached the window, where his vice-captain had been previously standing. He considered himself a dutiful person, but in this particular situation he felt it impossible to properly focus on the work. Besides... the work could wait a bit in a face of what had happened and what was still to happen.

He had no proof... yet those two sheets of paper convinced him more than anything else.

Kira Izuru and Ichimaru Gin - he still couldn't believe it - were in Soul Society. T h e y - w e r e - i n - S o u l - S o c i e t y - a g a i n. Both.

That they applied for ranks in the Tenth Division was merely an insignificant detail.

Tōshirō stared at the garden, never actually seeing it. His heart was beating violently, and he felt dizzy from the elation that was filling him. He opened the door and went out to the wooden panel. He sat down in the shadow, for a moment wishing he had taken the tea with him. Hollow, the tea wasn't that important...

He closed his eyes, returning to the events from some hundreds years ago, surprised how easy was to remember them. He had thought he had put them into place they belonged to; a place for the memories of the issues that had happened long ago and would never be undone. He hadn't planned to come back to them - and he hadn't come back. For some hundreds of years. And now... with verve and energy they kept invading his mind - thoughts, opinions, events, and feelings.

He was under the impression it all had happened only yesterday. As if they had vanished from this life only a moment ago - two people whose existence had been connected with his existence and who had left their mark on his life.

Ichimaru Gin and Kira Izuru of the Third Division.

Tōshirō kept going back in time - to the moment those two had begun to influence his life. Under his eyelids he saw a tall figure clothed in captain's haori and a slender face framed with silver hair, making one think of a fox, inseparable smile decorating it. Equally inseparable was the smaller figure of a vice-captain, his eyes always anxious under the fair fringe...

Tōshirō Hitsugaya had always considered Kira Izuru a person frail as mimosa and in need of a constant support. Such support, how conveniently, had been offered to him very early by Ichimaru Gin, whom Kira had seemed to become dependent on. Many could consider Ichimaru's leaving with Aizen a blessing, believing that now Kira would get his freedom and possibility to spread his wings and realize his real potential, given he had had it.

After Ichimaru's leaving Kira had broken down.

Oh, not visibly; the doleful boozing he had participated in, along with Matsumoto and Hisagi, had been as understandable as Momo's outbursts of tears that had continued for many months, and hadn't been worth of any attention. Kira hadn't neglected his duties of a vice-captain either; quite the contrary, he had been as conscientious in them as before. He could even seem stronger. His eyes, however - apart from his usual (and obvious in such circumstances) feeling of guilt, as well as betrayal - had looked with emptiness and despair, grief and sorrow. Kira just hadn't been happy for any moment of his life.

Not that Tōshirō had attached any importance to Kira Izuru's sorrows and worries. First of all, he hadn't been able to understand them because, to him, such a dependence on another person had been something completely unfamiliar and utterly contrary to his very nature, regardless of the reasons. His view of Ichimaru Gin might have had something to do with this: he had seen Ichimaru a person who had dominated Kira entirely and tied his wings. Tōshirō hadn't used to interfere in others' affairs, but he had always regarded those two critically, if not with disgust.

Only after many years he had understood people were different - and equally worthy. Life had taught him not to look at others through his own values and ideals and not to get their measures like he would get his own.

Because one had been undoubted: Kira Izuru had accepted his relation with Ichimaru Gin such as it had been, and had been h a p p y. There had never been anything wrong with their relation, as long as it had suited them both.

If Tōshirō had wanted to be frank with himself and regard the matter objectively, much more harm had been done to Momo, who after Aizen't betrayal had been completely broken and hadn't qualified to anything, even less the demanding tasks of a Shinigami in Gotei 13 vice-captain position. Yet, in contrast to Kira's and Ichimaru's case, no-one had ever criticized Momo for her, even greater, adoration for Aizen - although it had been she who had eventually come off worse, almost having died by the man's hands. For his part, Ichimaru - though Tōshirō had admitted it with great difficulty - not only hadn't hurt his vice-captain, but also... had given his life for him. Not to mention his services for Seireitei. It had been even harder to admit that Kira all that time had had any right and reason to look at his captain like at the sun since he had been equally important to him.

After Ichimaru's death, Kira had remained the same vice-captain he had been before - brave, calm and smart - which had been a proof that his actions and opinions had never depended on his captain, but had been proceeding from Kira's personality. He might have gained a bit more decisiveness and self-confidence, but this could as well result from Kira's growth as a person and his natural maturation. Ichimaru's disappearance hadn't made him any better or any worse person, but definitely changed only one thing: it had deprived him of the chance for a normal human happiness resulting from other person's presence. Of course, Tōshirō had always respected doctrine of Seireitei and believed in importance of duties - but even he had never claimed that Shinigami shouldn't have any personal life and enjoy it. He himself was married, and his wife's closeness had been most important to him.

Later, Kira had become a captain - one of the most peculiar captains in history of Gotei 13. Kind as Ukitake, but even more admired, which Tōshirō could well understand. Ukitake was a walking ideal of Shinigami: gentle, honourable and powerful. He could be an unequalled inspiration for young recruits, but he could frighten as well. Those terrified by Ukitake could come to Captain Kira, for Kira had known how to speak with them to be understood, and how to understand them, owing to his own past. And yet the Third Division had never become a squad of the weaklings, like some would expect. Perhaps it had been Kira Izuru, Captain of the Third Division - whom Tōshirō had watched from the side and sometimes at close range - who had taught him the proper attitude towards others and that drawing the conclusions and forming the opinions on the basis of general and superficial premises wasn't the best method. Kira, unconsciously, had taught Tōshirō that weakness could hold strength and that everyone had their own place in the world and own task to perform - large or very modest. Equally important.

Kira Izuru had been a captain of great sensibility, too. He had returned to the poetry, and you could often spot him in the hills by the river, where he had looked for inspiration, alone or accompanied by his vice-captain. Results of these walks had come out on the pages of the _Seireitei Communication Monthly_, claiming many supporters. Kira had also resumed his lectures in the academy and there too he had never lacked devoted admirers, sensitive Shinigami-to-be, blessed with the gift to see the beauty that could ease the hardships of a soldier's life.

Despite the dreaminess Kira had been characterized by, he had remained the skilled organizer and commanded his division without any problems. In use of Kidō he had equalled such masters as Kuchiki Byakuya, Ukitake or even the Kidō Corps Commander - but he had possessed an intuitive talent to use the basic spells whenever they would do, and had never tended to show off his mastery in the highest level when there had been no need. He had improved his healing abilities and had been second only to Unohana Retsu. All that put together, Kira had had many gifts, which wasn't of no importance in case of the captain. He had been very valuable to Seireitei, and that time Tōshirō had been proud of himself and his eagerness when after the war with Aizen he had tried - and succeeded - to convince everybody that Kira would manage the duties of the captain of the Third Division. That time he had still believed it would prove the cure for Kira's melancholy and mourning for Ichimaru Gin.

Tōshirō sighed.

Kira could seem a person who had had everything as he had been a Gotei 13 captain. Indeed, he had carried out his tasks proudly and with some peaceful satisfaction. The truth was that, after he had taken office of the Third Division commander, he had become one entirely. There had been nothing private and personal about him any more; he had been just Captain Kira and had been to remain one till the end. Tōshirō had realized Kira had lost any hope - as if no-one but Ichimaru Gin could make him happy - and sometimes it had filled him with some sadness, in place of the prior irritation. Paradoxically, despite his openness, Kira had remained the most reserved of the Gotei 13 captains, the only person who could get closer to him - the only person he had accepted near him - his vice-captain, Yamada Hanatarō. Some kind of common understanding had been between Kira and Ayasegawa Yumichika of the Eleventh Division, too - and those two Kira had treated specially. Yet, it too had concerned only the work. Kira had had no people to spend his free time with, no trusted friends, no life-companion. He had never sought for them. The despair that had been dwelling in his eyes had been replaced by the eternal longing he couldn't even hope to ever be fulfilled.

Or, perhaps, he could?

Tōshirō remembered Kira's death, that had happened all too soon and all too sudden. Kira had been wounded during a trivial fight with the Hollows. No-one had expected that the injury would prove fatal to the Captain of the Third Division. Vice-Captain Yamada had done his best, and the whole Fourth Division had done their damnedest - but it had been not enough. No-one could help Captain Kira when the deadly illness had taken hold of him. Kira had simply faded away, and Tōshirō supposed he hadn't put up any resistance. It hadn't been a conscious suicide - Kira had been too responsible and honest - he'd just had no strength to continue his existence, in which he couldn't find a real purpose and meaning. Once Tōshirō would have given it to him straight - about duties to the Gotei 13, Seireitei and whole Soul Society - that time, however, he had understood much more, so he only had stood by Kira's deathbed, clenching his fists and saying nothing, no matter how hard it had been. He could congratulate himself on the bravery, although, at the same time, he had felt so powerless, knowing he could do absolutely nothing to keep... a friend. That moment Tōshirō had realized he had long ago accepted Kira Izuru entirely, held him in respect and learned from him many things that could never be overestimated. Kira had become one of the most important people in his life, and... Tōshirō surely could call a friend someone whose passing had been so painful?

When the end had grown closer, only Yamada had stayed by Kira's side. Kira had died that evening, in the light of setting sun. Later, Yamada had told - his eyes filled with tears, but also some exaltation - that in the final moment his captain had smiled and whispered, "I am one step closer." Then, only then, Hitsugaya Tōshirō had realized that there had always been something else next to the longing in Kira's eyes: a goal he might have seen in the distance. Kira Izuru had believed he would meet Ichimaru Gin again, the only sun of his life.

Tōshirō had never believed in miracles - but that moment, for the first time in his existence of Shinigami, he had uttered a prayer for a miracle. He had had a strong feeling that there would be no justice in the world unless Kira Izuru got another chance for happiness.

The bird-singing brought him back to the reality. Tōshirō took a deep breath, staying still, eyes closed. He was sitting knees pulled up and head resting against the wall and was under the impression that it was really worth living if the miracles happened.

The light steps sounded on the wooden floor. He looked that way. The Kidō Corps Commander, beautiful like a wild rose, was standing in the doorway and regarding him... the way she always did.

"The Tenth Division plays truant?" she asked with her clear voice, coming closer and squatting down.

Smiling, he shook his head.

"Then only the command?" she added in an impish tone.

He embraced her, inhaling the aromatic air that could make a person dizzy. She rested her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes again.

"Today is a day of joy," he whispered. "I'm happy."

He would later puzzle over the disquieting fact why Ichimaru and Kira were applying for the ranks in **his** division.

* * *

'What a nice view, ne, Izuru? Just breathtakin'. As usual.'

Kira Izuru nodded. They had stopped on a small hill, no more than a hundred paces from the eastern gate of the inner city. Before them, Seireitei's white walls gleamed in the sun.

'Still…' muttered Ichimaru Gin under his nose, 'that cafeteria on Senzaikyū wouldn' be such a bad idea…'

'Hmmm?'

'Oh, nothin' importan',' Gin gave him an utterly innocent look. 'Anyway… it brings back memories.'

Izuru nodded once again. Seireitei. The headquarters of the Gotei 13. He felt as if he had left just a day before. Could he have ever expected that he would return here? And — that he would remember?

And yet, thanks to a strange twist of fate, he had returned. And he was not alone…

Kira smiled. A wreath, floated on water on a midsummer night ages ago. A mere superstition. Who would have thought that…

He looked at Gin, standing by his side and gazing into the distance, the usual mysterious smile playing upon his lips. A gust of wind ruffled his silver hair.

Faith really could work miracles…

He closed his eyes, turning his face towards the sun. It was almost noon; the sky over their heads was clear and blue, and the intoxicating smell of wild thyme filled the air. The summer was about to begin, and the day was as splendid as either of them could have dreamt of.

Though, he had to admit he still wasn't fully convinced if Gin shared his enthusiasm for becoming a Shinigami once again. Actually, Kira would be the last person to be surprised by his objections…

Izuru cleared his throat. 'So… you're sure we should go?

Gin looked at him closely. 'Even if I jus' turned around and walked away, ya'd still drag me back, wouldn' ya?'

'I wouldn't...'

'Yes, ya would. Besides, we haven' come so far to give up now, have we?' This time Gin's eyes glinted with humor, and Kira finally felt relief. 'Yer frettin' too much, Izuru. I've told ya I'd go with ya. Ya didn' think I could leave ya, did ya?'

Kira just shook his head in reply. He knew he could trust these words. Gin was his, and he was Gin's. Nothing was ever to change it.

'Wit' ya, Izuru,' Ichimaru Gin continued, clearly getting into chatty mode, 'I'd even go to Hueco Mundo. Nay, not only to Hueco Mundo… I'd go wit' ya to the world's end, or even to the beginnin', ya know. Even over the hills and far away, Izuru, where no persimmons grow.'

Kira Izuru raised an eyebrow, barely able to contain laughter.

'You wouldn't do THAT!'

'Well, maybe I wouldn'' Gin agreed in a carefree tone. 'But I'd go to be vaccinated wit' ya! To Captain Unohana herself! I'd let give myself a whole series of nasty, stingin', creepy injections!'

This time Izuru laughed. 'If it is so,' he said after a moment, their hands finding each other and clasping together, 'then… come with me, Gin.'

Ichimaru Gin gave him his trademark smile. 'Let's go, Izuru.'

* * *

'Yumichika? Can you tell me again why the hell are we stuck here?'

Ayasegawa Yumichika smiled slightly. Guarding one of Seireitei's four main gates was as honorable as pointless activity. And, he had to honestly admit, unbearably boring at most times; especially on such beautiful days that could be spent in a much more attractive way. Still…

'An order is an order, Ikkaku,' he said. 'I don't think Captain Zaraki would be happy about us leaving our post.'

Madarame gave him a hostile look. 'And I don't think that Captain even cares for such bullshit.'

'Perhaps,' Yumichika agreed. 'But don't forget the orders have come from the higher-ups…'

Ikkaku only winced and fell silent. To tell the truth, most of the Eleventh Division reacted in a similar way every time the new Sōtaichō was mentioned: they still couldn't stomach the fact it was the former Fourth Division's Captain who was giving them orders now; yet, on the other hand, the terror Unohana Retsu aroused in their ranks made any form of open protest impossible.

'You're lucky,' grumbled his friend, scowling. 'They like you since they've gotten to know of your hocus-pocus…'

'Yet I'm here, keeping guard with you, am I not?' Yumichika broke in.

'You are, you are,' Madarame admitted reluctantly. 'But tell me where's the sense in all that? Have there been any, you know, invaders lately? Someone we had to fight off?'

_And you'd be the first one to fight them, wouldn't you?,_ the Fifth Officer thought with a smile. Ikkaku, however, was right about some things at least: Seireitei hadn't been under attack since the end of the Winter War. Or, to put it differently, for a few centuries.

'Besides, it's just wrong: to make the highest ranked officers of the Gotei 13 strongest battle squad waste their time standing by some stupid gate…!'

'Did it thwart any plans of yours?' asked Yumichika innocently. He shared Madarame's point of view, but now he wanted to tease him a bit, if only to fight off boredom. 'What was it? A practice session with Captain Abarai? A round of sake with Lieutenant Iba and Lieutenant Matsumoto? Or perhaps a game of shōgi with Lieutenant Kotetsu?'

Much to his surprise, Ikkaku suddenly became quite confused. Ayasegawa blinked, a little taken aback as well.

'Don't tell me… You're really playing shōgi? With Unohana-sōtaichō's Vice-Captain?'

'So what if I am?' Ikkaku shrugged, his face as pink as camellias from the Kuchiki gardens. 'You have something against Kotetsu-san?'

'Nothing at all!' Yumichika assured him quickly, trying hard not to laugh. _Kotetsu-san, of all people… who would have thought…? _'A charming woman with remarkable looks. And only a bit taller than you…'

'Yumichika!'

'And she certainly is an outstanding shōgi player…'

'And you're in suspiciously excellent mood,' replied Ikkaku sourly. 'Any particular reason?'

Yumichika hesitated. It was indeed as his friend said; still, the reasons behind this splendid mood were a mystery even to him. 'I don't know,' he shrugged. 'Perhaps something… is going to happen?'

'What could possibly happen?' Ikkaku's voice sounded both bored and curious.

The Fifth Officer raised his eyebrows. 'Something… unexpected.'

Madarame gave him a sceptical look. 'You look like you're expecting this unexpected… something.'

'Do I?' Yumichika smiled charmingly, tucking one of the thin — and very stylish — braids behind his right ear. 'Still, it's better than doing nothing, don't you think? Hmm? Ikkaku?'

Silence was the only reply, and Ayasegawa knew he'd hit the nail on the head. Madarame Ikkaku was a man of action; to make him stand in one place for more than a few minutes was something against his very nature. Well, he would have to endure a little longer…

'If it only wasn't THAT hot…' complained Ikkaku. 'It's around midday, isn't it?'

Yumichika looked at the clear blue sky. 'It's still at least an hour left,' he replied patiently. 'Bear with it.'

'You think it's so easy?' Madarame glared at him. 'Besides, aren't you worried about your alabaster complexion? You'll get roasted any moment.'

'I'm using sunscreen,' explained Yumichika with satisfaction. 'The newest invention of the Twelfth Division, and it does work wonders. And a light tan is actually pretty trendy this season…'

'I'm not going to apply yoghurt to your sunburns later,' replied Ikkaku rebelliously, crossing his arms on his chest and leaning against the wall. Yumichika gave him an amused look, unconsciously wrapping the braid around his finger.

'I can't remember a time you actually needed to…' he broke off suddenly, raising his head and looking outside the gate. Madarame was gazing in the same direction, his brows furrowed, hand resting on Hōzukimaru's hilt.

'Ikkaku?' Yumichika began cautiously. His friend only nodded. So he felt it as well…

Reiatsu. To be more precise, two different and strong Reiatsu, that definitely didn't belong to anyone from the Gotei 13 current command. Yet — and this was the most surprising thing — at least one of them was… familiar.

Yumichika concentrated. There was no mistake: during their Kidō practice sessions he had learned to recognize this spiritual pressure as easily as Reiatsu of Ikkaku and the Eleventh Division's command. It was golden like summer afternoon's light, equally soft and warm, and yet always underlined with immense longing…

Which was now no longer present. It had been replaced with a deep calm of someone who had finally found his happiness.

The Fifth Officer felt his head spinning. He could barely believe it — yet it seemed they were witnessing… a miracle.

Kira Izuru was coming back to Seireitei, happy, and, as Yumichika suddenly realized, not alone.

And that could mean only one thing.

Reiatsu, silver and sparkling as moonlight reflected in the water, and equally elusive, now became stronger, as if demanding to be noticed. Yumichika almost laughed. There was no doubt about it — it had to be…

Ichimaru Gin.

He closed his eyes. Kira Izuru and Ichimaru Gin. Gold and silver, sun and moon, day and night. Two exact opposites, perfectly set together, two sides of the same coin. The most natural relation there could ever be.

Beautiful.

He took a deep breath, once again looking up at the blue sky, and put a hand on Ikkaku's shoulder. 'The swords won't be necessary,' he said. 'They are… old friends.'

Madarame looked at him as if Yumichika suddenly informed him that he planned to join the Fourth Division and start growing herbs. 'Friends?' he asked suspiciously. 'Seems that sun was bad for you, after all, Yumi-…'

'Just wait,' the Fifth Officer broke in light-heartedly. 'You'll see for yourself…'

'Well, I don't see anything ye-…' began Ikkaku with a shrug, but fell silent all of a sudden, for in this very moment two silhouettes appeared on the road leading to Seireitei's gates.

Yumichika squinted. Of course, from this distance it was hard to discern the faces; still, there was no way he wouldn't recognize Kira's slender form, now dressed in sunny yellow and marigold orange, the way he held his head up high, yet never too proudly, or his firm and graceful moves. And by Kira's side, in a carefree manner, walked his former captain, every once in a while leaning towards the shorter man and whispering something into his ear.

So they were indeed back. Both of them. Together.

Kira Izuru's long hair shone like gold in the sun. Ayasegawa Yumichika tugged at his braid, feeling a pang of jealousy. Maybe after all this time he should finally…

He heard Ikkaku gasp and realized that his friend had finally recognized the newcomers. He looked at him, amused. Actually, he had expected an even more vehement reaction, still…

'Ikkaku?'

'Hmm?'

'You really don't look beautiful with your mouth open wide like that.'

'But… But they…'

'They have returned. Yes.'

'But… Shouldn't that be, you know… Impossible?'

Yumichika smiled slightly. Perhaps it should. Nevertheless…

'It seems for them nothing is impossible.'

* * *

'Well, well, Izuru, what a nice welcome. Yumichika-kun seemed really happy…'

In spite of himself, Kira blushed faintly. Sometimes Gin's remarks seemed to have a deeper meaning even when there was none. 'We were friends,' he explained. 'After war.'

Gin grinned at him. 'Right, right… I still tend to forget that I'm somethin' like two hundred years behind…' he said in a carefree tone. 'And ya were a captain back then… Ya sure yer not goin' to miss it, Izuru?'

Kira shook his head. 'I don't think so. What about you?'

Gin mused over it for a while. 'To be honest, I've never been sure if I was fit fer bein' a captain. I've always had a feelin' I became one only thanks to Aizen. Or Yamamoto.'

For a moment Izuru just looked at him, utterly surprised, before he managed to answer. 'I felt the same,' he said quietly.

'Oh really?' There was a mischievous glint in Gin's eyes when he looked at him. 'Was I so poor a captain?'

'No!' protested Izuru quickly. 'I… I was talking about myself. That is, I mean…'

'Ya lack self-confidence, Izuru,' Gin cut in with conviction. 'I've always known ya'd go far.'

'Always?'

'Since the time ya were in the Academy, I think. Sometimes I even regretted — fer yer sake — that ya had to be under my command…'

Izuru gave him a shocked look. 'I've never wanted another Captain!'

Gin looked him in the eye, gold glinting from between his eyelids. 'And I've never wanted another Lieutenant. Though I wouldn' say I deserved ya…'

'Gin…'

'Yer so charmin' when ya blush, ya know…?'

'Gin! The peo-… I mean, everybody is looking!'

'Let them look. They should be jealous, I tell ya.'

Izuru let out a quiet laugh. 'They look rather… stunned.'

'That's because ya look stunningly, Izuru…'

'Really, Gin…'

'Ya have to get used to it,' Gin brought a finger to Kira's lips, silencing him. 'Finally I can compliment ya as much as I like. The high-in-command can' do many things…'

Kira raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 'Did you really care about such things?'

'I cared about ya!' explained Gin, sounding somewhat offended. 'And ya cared about everythin'!'

'O-oh.'

'Well, this time the Third Division will have to cope without us,' Gin concluded philosophically. 'After all, the Tenth Division has the advantage over them…'

'Hmmm?'

'Persimmons, Izuru. Persimmons. A whole persimmon orchard.'

For a moment Kira just looked at him, stupefied, before laughing out loud. That was Ichimaru Gin. In all his glory.

'You're incorrigible, Gin… One could think persimmons are all you need to be happy…'

''Cause I already have everythin' else that makes me happy,' emphasized Gin fervently. 'But I can correct myself fer ya, Izuru. I can even correct my eyebrows, ya see? Captain Kuchiki will surely help me…'

Kira looked at him with a smile. 'You don't have to correct anything, Gin.'

Ichimaru Gin's mood sank a little. 'I don'?'

'No, you don't. It's perfect as it is.'

* * *

_Act like a professional,_ Hitsugaya Tōshirō ordered himself for the umpteenth time. After all, he was the Captain of the Tenth Division. And these — these were almost ordinary recruits.

Putting the emphasis on 'almost'. Bold and underlined. Twice.

He took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. To read applications, even the most surprising ones, was one thing; yet to see these two with his own eyes, in his personal, captain study — that was a completely different experience. Especially considering that the applications did not smile at each other radiantly, did not give each other flirty looks and did not wink at themselves.

(Neither did they place bets referring to his height. Once again he bristled, more than usual, at the memory of the presumably innocent dialogue he had heard before they had even entered: 'I'm sure he's grown taller.' 'I bet you a bag of persimmons that he hasn't… Oh, and yet he has.' 'Yeah, and quite a bit.').

He shifted his gaze to the documents, lying on his desk. It was definitely safer than looking at these two…

'Kira Izuru. And Ichimaru Gin,' he read, and his voice almost didn't quiver. A stifled gasp came from the other desk. Matsumoto Rangiku wasn't as good at hiding her emotions as he was, and Tōshirō wasn't going to criticize her either for that or for the fact that she wasn't even trying to feign work. He was aware that to his Vice-Captain it had to be a much more important moment than to himself. 'If I understand it well… you two want to join the Tenth Division?'

Two heads: golden and silver nodded simultaneously. Tōshirō scolded himself inwardly. Of course they wanted to join the Division, the answer was lying at his desk…

What the hell was going on with him?

_Well,_ the rational part of his mind stated, _you certainly don't meet your reincarnated old-time comrades every day._ To tell the truth, Hitsugaya Tōshirō didn't recall a single mention of such an event in Soul Society's whole history. Therefore, it made him even happier to know that Kira Izuru was the one honored this way. It proved that there was justice in this world and those who deserved it the most had the chance to find their happiness.

And who wouldn't be glad to see his friend happy?

Still, being glad was one thing, and being a Captain — a completely different matter. Right?

Rubbish. Whom did he try to deceive? Yet, if he had decided to act like a commander, he could as well play this comedy a little longer. He was one hundred and seventy-six centimeters tall. It obliged!

'Your applications are flawless,' he said. 'But where is the rest of documents…?'

'Ummm?' There was polite incomprehension in Ichimaru Gin's voice. 'Is there anythin' we've forgotten about?'

'Well,' Tōshirō cleared his throat, fully aware that he was about to make a fool of himself, ' I don't see your certificates from the Academy anywhere…'

'Unfortunately, we didn't have access to them,' explained Kira Izuru quickly. The Tenth Division's Captain furrowed his brows, but no, there was no trace of deceit in Kira's words. He sighed inwardly. What was he to do with it?

They kept him in check — and he didn't care at all.

'And we certainly don' lack experience,' Ichimaru added with conviction, putting an arm around Kira's shoulders. His former subordinate replied with an affectionate — and very meaningful! — smile.

'Still we are ready to pass all tests, if necessary,' he said.

Damn it! The looks they gave each other! Hitsugaya Tōshirō realized he didn't know where to turn his eyes. Did they really have to behave like that in his presence?

And — how close were these two, after all?

He looked closer at Kira and suddenly became fully aware of something he had already noticed when his old-time friend had entered the room. The former Captain of the Third Division wasn't just happy. He beamed with delight.

Tōshirō had never seen him like that. Kira's gaze was clear and confident: there was neither sorrow, nor uncertainty in his blue eyes; no melancholy in his gentle smile. Kira Izuru, standing here and now before Hitsugaya Tōshirō was finally someone fulfilled. And, from what Tōshirō could say, someone who decided not to give up on what he'd finally gotten back.

The Tenth Division's commander shifted his eyes to the one Kira shared his destiny with. Ichimaru Gin was as easy-going, carefree and happy-go-lucky as he had used to be, yet, there was affection in his every gesture which hadn't been there before. Tōshirō realized that these two had nothing to hide from each other; there were no understatements, nor mistrust. Ichimaru Gin placed his unpredictable self in his former Lieutenant's hands, and Kira Izuru agreed to that without hesitation and resistance.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō closed his eyes. He still couldn't fully comprehend it. He knew the bond between Ichimaru and Kira had been strong even ages before, stronger than it could have seemed, but only now he could see that…

This was something much stronger than any ordinary attachment; more than a relation between superior and subordinate; more than any romantic infatuation.

This was a bond of souls, perhaps one in its kind; a bond that lasted through lives and worlds, crossing the seemingly impassable boundaries, to be finally fulfilled here, in Soul Society, centuries after these two had met for the first time.

Kira Izuru and Ichimaru Gin had indeed chosen each other for eternity. And nothing — no matter how banally it sounded — nothing could come between them.

Nothing — and no-one.

Tōshirō pretended that he once again read the documents, but in fact he cast a quick glance at his Lieutenant. Matsumoto Rangiku was watching the whole scene with half-expectant, half-tense look in her eyes, her face expressing a whole variety of emotions: from joy, through hope and disappointment, to the slightest trace of jealousy; with so many shades in between that the Tenth Division's Captain, Hitsugaya Tōshirō, didn't even dare to name them. Nevertheless, he suddenly became aware of one thing: that for Matsumoto Rangiku the situation could be harder than he had thought. After all, Ichimaru Gin had been someone important to her. Someone… special.

He creased his brows. For the old Hitsugaya Tōshirō such disrespect towards Rangiku's feelings on Gin's part would be enough to dislike him. But the present Tōshirō understood a lot more and he knew that his Vice-Captain understood as well. Though, perhaps, she was going to need some time and quite an amount of sake to get over it fully…

A polite cough broke him out of his reverie. He looked up. The two-person delegation of happily fulfilled destiny was looking at him even more expectantly than Rangiku. And with a bit of amusement, especially on its silver-haired part.

Tōshirō hesitated. They were waiting for his decision, and he still didn't know what he should say. It wasn't about letting them join the Division — since the moment he had read their applications for the first time, he had been aware that he wouldn't be able to refuse them. The problem was that the frosty part of his being, which usually took the initiative when it came to his duties, demanded that he behaved with dignity and kept a proper distance, even now when his heart was filled with completely different and definitely warmer feelings. However, in this particular case Tōshirō had no desire to act as he was expected to. This was an exceptional and unprecedented situation, and he also wanted to do something without precedent. Something… rebellious and not fitting the Tenth Division's icy Captain. This might be his only chance…

He firmly pushed the documents aside. Damn it, when he was ever going to act spontaneously if not while facing a miracle?

Hah! If so then there was only one matter that still needed an explanation.

'Why me?' he asked simply, giving both recruits _in spe_ a scrutinizing look. 'I mean, why the Tenth Division?' he corrected himself quickly, seeing on their faces better (Kira) or worse (Gin, of course) concealed amusement.

'Oh, 'cause ya see Shiro-taichō…' began Ichimaru Gin, making Hyōrinmaru's icy spikes bristle dangerously — still, Tōshirō chose to ignore his Zanpakutō just this once… even if it wasn't this simple. 'Ya see… Captain Kurotsuchi fer example would definitely wan' to take care of us, and research the mechanisms of reincarnations… while I'd rather take care of Izuru personally…

The Tenth Division Captain felt the blush creeping onto his cheeks. Kira had enough decency to drop his gaze; still, he didn't look too embarrassed. Hitsugaya Tōshirō realized that the change had apparently been greater than he supposed and that he would have to get used to it.

'Captain Zaraki, on the other hand,' Ichimaru continued with growing enthusiasm, 'will surely give us a fervent welcome, and ya know the risks of it, Shiro-taichō…'

Tōshirō nodded almost absently. Ichimaru Gin's grin became even wider than usual.

'And ya know, Shiro-taichō… Izuru here, fer example, would do greatly in the Fourth Division, but I've always been medically impaired. As fer the Second Division, we've been at each other's throat fer ages, and we both would like to stay away from the Fifth Division, which, I suppose, ya understand perfectly, Shiro-taichō. And in the Third Division… well, our presence there might put them into an awkward position, and we don' want anyone to feel awkward because of us, do we, Izuru?'

'We definitely don't,' Kira affirmed with a smile. Tōshirō barely overcame a vertigo. He had an impression that he heard a soft giggle coming from the direction of Rangiku's desk. And that smiling fox dared to call him "Shiro-taichō"…

Wait. He wasn't an unfledged, obstinate brat anymore. He shouldn't be distracted by such petty details…

'Enough!' He raised his hand abruptly, seeing that Ichimaru was about to open his mouth once again. 'I understand. You're accepted.'

'We are?' Gin brightened up, holding Kira close.

'You are,' Tōshirō reaffirmed, knowing that he was making history. Rangiku sighed. With relief? 'However,' he continued after a moment, 'I want to be perfectly sure that we understand each other well. You're applying for unseated positions…'

'That will be fine, Captain,' replied Kira Izuru with a gentle smile. 'We've been in command long enough…'

Tōshirō looked at him for a while, tapping his fingers on the desk, before taking a deep breath.

'Alright, cadet Kira,' he said in a seemingly strict tone, yet he couldn't hide a smile. 'I assume that thanks to my Vice-Captain you remember the way to the barracks well. You will collect your uniforms and then take lodgings. And you will wait for further orders. Understood?'

Kira Izuru tautened like a string — as much as Ichimaru Gin's embrace let him. The other of newly recruited Shinigami showed enough courtesy to at least stand a little more properly.

'Yes, sir!' they both replied; much to Hitsugaya's surprise with equal enthusiasm.

Tōshirō nodded.

'At ease!' he said, just out of the sense of order. 'You're dismissed. Oh, and cadet Ichimaru…' he added while both newest additions to the Tenth Division's ranks were about to leave, 'I will have no complaints about you devouring the Division's persimmons. Do I make myself clear?'

'Perfectly clear,' replied Ichimaru Gin eagerly, stopping at the doorstep and grinning. 'Guide me, Izuru, so I won' give in to temptation…'

Kira shook his head with a laugh, before addressing Tōshirō once again.

'Thank you, Captain,' he said, and the door closed quietly behind the two. Suddenly, Hitsugaya Tōshirō's study became silent. And, somehow, very, very empty.

He took a deep breath.

'Idiot,' he heard Matsumoto say, yet her tone was rather wistful and almost affectionate. Tōshirō raised an eyebrow.

'Hmmm?'

'Gin, I mean!' explained Rangiku impatiently. 'It took him quite some time before he finally found what he deserved…'

'More than he deserved…' Hitsugaya broke in. His Lieutenant gave him an impenetrable look.

'Exactly what he deserved, Captain,' she replied, her voice unexpectedly calm. 'Just exactly what he deserved…'

He opened and closed his mouth. He didn't know what he should say to that and, though he didn't like such situations, he also knew that some things he would never understand. Besides, there were more important matters he should take care of right now…

'Matsumoto,' he began, a little hesitantly. 'If I can… you know… ehm… somehow…'

'You may give me another afternoon off, Captain,' she advised him kindly. 'There are… things to celebrate.'

'I think Captain Hisagi would be glad if he could keep you company,' added Tōshirō in a seemingly carefree tone. Matsumoto looked at him a little warily, before nodding slowly, and a dreamy smile danced upon her lips. For a while both of them were silent.

'It's good to see them again…' Matsumoto Rangiku said at last. 'Isn't it, Captain?'

'It is,' Hitsugaya Tōshirō admitted. Only now he felt that the great burden, the one he'd been carrying for so long he had forgotten about it, was finally lifted from his shoulders.

At last everything was as it should.

* * *

Evening was enhancing the shadows and softening the outlines. There was no wind, and the landscape seemed like enchanted in stillness. The sounds of nature, however, made this place full of life: the bees and bumblebees still bustled about the flowers, making use of the last moments of day, the birds were singing farewell to the sun, and the song of the stream was the same as centuries ago.

Izuru walked slowly; the blades of high grass tickled his legs. Gin was right beside him, radiating warmth like sun, that was setting behind his back. The scenery was covered by a violet shadow. The moon was to rise any moment now. Izuru stopped, looking around. He smiled. They should have come here at once, right at the first day.

"It's here where we became destined for each other," he said softly.

Gin came to a halt and took a look at him, tilting his head. "Ya said it so nicely. And, look, it came true," he stated rather contented.

Izuru frowned. "Although... that time... I didn't think of you this way..." He sat on the grass, minding the daisies. "The ferns have spread," he added.

"Hmm?" Gin seemed almost surprised at this sudden remark as he sat down next to him.

"I was observing them," Izuru replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "Why are you looking at me like this?" he asked cautiously.

Gin shook his head, smiling very mischievously. "If I didn' know ya are... were innocent, I'd think..."

"We can make use of them now. No-one will find us here," Izuru's voice was quite firm even despite his blush.

Gin snorted and shook his head again. "Oh, I spose they wouldn' mind even if they found us," he decided in a haughty tone he mastered like no-one. "The way Tōshirō looks at us scares me," he added with as typical exaggeration. "He seems very happy whenever he sees us together, have ya noticed? I don' know what's up, but I'm under the impression that, if we... hmm... proved our intimacy at his desk, he couldn' be happier."

Izuru considered the proposal. It was tempting, but... "Well, I'm not sure," he expressed his doubts. "Lastly his face was saying quite the opposite after he had found us in his office..." He looked at Gin from under half-lowered eye-lids.

Gin's smile grew even more mischievous. "I was as much surprised at yer remark about takin' back with interest... How did ya put it? A few hundred years of sexual frustration."

Izuru shrank a bit. "It was a joke..." he tried to protest, but it came out rather weakly.

Gin drew closer. "Ya should have asked me first," he said with satisfaction, leaning over Izuru's ear. "I would've told ya that Tōshirō's sense of humour is rather specific." He moved back. "Still, I'm amazed at his attitude."

Izuru couldn't disagree. Hitsugaya Tōshirō did treat them in a very unusual way. Izuru didn't know if it should worry him. On the other hand...

"Unlike Rangiku-san..." he said quietly. "She... tries not to look at us at all." He lowered his head, regarding the blade of the timothy grass he held. "Gin...?" he asked with hesitation.

"Mmm?"

Izuru raised his head again. Gin was looking aside, somewhere on the other side of the river. His hair seemed to glisten in the rose light of sunset.

"Don't you regret... wish... sometimes..." In spite of his newly gained boldness, Izuru couldn't speak his worried aloud. "After all, she was... important to you?" he finished the best he could.

Gin was still looking ahead. "I wouldn' dare to get in the way of the Captain of the Ninth Division," he replied rather lightly.

"Oh..." Izuru wasn't sure if the answer pleased him.

Gin turned his head and looked him straight in the eye. "Besides... Some things start, and some others come to an end," he added. "Though... I wan' to believe our time'll never end," he said softly, regarding Izuru very seriously and sliding fingers into his hair.

Izuru sighed. In moments like this he still found it hard to believe in what had happened. Such a perfect happiness... was it even possible? Since Ichimaru Gin, a man most dear to him, had accepted his feelings and returned them, Izuru was under the impression he had been living a dream. Sometimes he was afraid he would wake up... but, for the most part, he made sure Soul Society was indeed a paradise.

He lay down on the grass, resting his head on Gin's lap and letting the man brush his hair with his long fingers. He closed his eyes and gave in to the caress.

"So peaceful..."

"Mmm," Gin murmured in reply.

"I've never thought life could be so peaceful. It never was," Izuru said in some astonishment and almost reproach.

He knew Gin smiled. It could be heard in his voice, "Well, there're moments like now. But don' worry. One day another Aizen'll appear."

The evening was so tranquil that even this hateful name faded in its softness.

"But this time you won't set out on a private crusade against him?" Izuru asked a bit anxiously.

Gin's fingers were moving in his hair in an even pace. "No... Let someone else be a destined child."

"I already feel for him," Izuru said completely sincerely.

"Me too. Let's hope he won' be alone. He should've a small sun beside, only fer his own," Gin replied with affection.

"You know, it's you who was always a sun," Izuru felt obliged to straighten out.

"Wit' this hair?" Gin asked, clearly amused. "Ya must really look with an artist's eye..."

"Speaking of hair..." Izuru stuck to the subject. "Since our first meeting, I kept wondering how they would feel to touch..." he said somewhat embarrassed.

"Since that battle with Hollows?" Gin was surprised. "Did ya have a head fer this?"

"No, no," Izuru corrected hastily. "That other time, in the shove behind the academy..." He came back to that magical moment when Ichimaru Gin seemed like a being from another world to him. "I remember... it's strange, after so many years... I remember I wanted to touch it... when you were sleeping."

"It could've ended badly," Gin's voice rang with smile again.

"Oh, I know I was under-age and all..." Izuru stated with some kind of perverse pleasure. "Ah," he realized a moment later, "you were talking about waking up the sleeping vice-captain on his spy mission."

Gin bent over him, ruffling his hair. "I really don' recognize ya," he said with very theatrical indignation. "Ya've said it yerself ya didn' think of me this way," he added in a softer voice.

"Not knowingly, at least," Izuru replied, blushing again.

For a moment, Gin kept silent. "Then, once ya realized it..." he started, an unusual hesitance in his voice. "How did ya know I'd want ya _this way_? I never gave ya to understand that..."

Izuru curled on the grass. "I didn't know," he replied in a soft, but clearly content, voice. "I took a risk."

He opened one eye and looked at Gin, who shook his head with an exaggerated amazement. "Little Izuru a risk-taker..." He looked up into the darkening skies. "Shinigami' needs in this area are rather modest," he added in quite indifferent tone.

Izuru felt like chuckling. "They are indeed. Last two weeks have proved it clearly," he said in a very innocent voice.

Gin looked carefully at him. "Well, sometimes, as one grows up, he can discover there're other pleasures that poetry..." he said with a smirk, smiling triumphantly, "and then it can be hard to stop," he added to deliver the coup de grâce.

Izuru had to agree; his appetite was insatiable, and his eagerness to satisfy it surprised even him. Gin's smile grew softer.

"Apart from these few times wit' Rangiku, I never..." He paused. "I know ya never forced yerself and I appreciate it," he stated in a serious tone. "But I tell ya I'd be wit' ya even if we were only to hold hands and watch the moon. By a tea."

Izuru opened the other eye and regarded his lover as seriously. "But... it's good like this, too... right?" he asked with hesitation. Suddenly, he was struck by an irrational thought he might have imposed his passion on Gin.

Gin nodded to reassure him. "It is." He bent down, his silver hair tickling Izuru's forehead. He smiled again. "I'm glad... most of all fer yer sake... if it makes ya happy... that I've nothin' against men."

He kissed him as if to confirm his words. A sweet moment continued until Gin had to straighten up. Over his head, Izuru spotted a rising moon.

"And even if I had..." Gin's voice rang with an impish note, "there's nothin' a genius can' achieve..."

Izuru rose and knelt next to him. He cupped his lover's face and kissed him ardently, trying to convey all his feelings to the man. Gin embraced him, and this time they were more comfortable...

Sooner or later, they ended on the grass again. Izuru was under the impression there was no-one but they in the world. The bees fell silent, and the night birds hadn't yet begun their concerto. The hum of a stream faded, drowned out by the noise of blood rushing in the veins. The moon, even brighter on the cobalt sky, seemed their only companion.

"That about the men was only generally speaking, Izuru," Gin whispered in his hair later. "I don't want anyone but you."

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
